Letting go of hope

[Yummm]

People say time is a healer, but is it really? Many people seem to be 'stuck' after a long period of time - is this because they won't change their mentality? Is a change of mentality necessary? At the moment it seems impossible...

[Plaster]

I'm holding on to the tiniest bit if hope that in a few months I can talk to her again and she's pleased to see me and we fall into each others arms.

 

I'm also holding on to hope that I won't want this in a few months and things will be easier.

 

Of course I want her back but I can't help but feel I could be better off. I have been convincing myself that over the last few weeks though.

 

My daily goal is to exercise well, work hard and condition myself more for my kickboxing. Not think about her.

[jen1447]

People say time is a healer, but is it really? Many people seem to be 'stuck' after a long period of time - is this because they won't change their mentality? Is a change of mentality necessary? At the moment it seems impossible...

 

Time heals the mortal wounds and allows you to more or less go back to living a 'normal' day-to-day life. It doesn't heal the deep-seated trauma tho, no. That can stay with you for a lifetime apparently, just like a physical scar.

 

darkbloom, this sounds like an inspirational story. Haven't read it all yet but I look forward to it.

[darkbloom]

Hey darkbloom, you seem like a really amazing person. I think the amount of NC you've done is commendable but, the impressive thing to me is your positive attitude through all of this. I have a question for you. I'm at a little past 60 days NC and I saw one of your posts that happened before I joined here, when you reached around 60 days NC (around feb 22):

 

 

 

This is exactly where I am...at about the same amount of NC. Minus the Ex being stuck thing, I don't really know what she's up to, but I don't think she's stuck. On the other hand, her appearance has degraded a lot so I guess I have something to relate to you on there too.

 

I related to this post on: best physical condition, new activities, old activities coming back, new friends, planned vacations...but I still miss her. How did you enjoy your life at that point? I'm really struggling with that. Maybe I'm just being a pessimist but I really feel that I've done so many things, I've been NC for so long, my life has undoubtedly improved, I've even found that I appreciate the break up for what I've learned...so why, why do I still miss her so much? What can I do for some peace?

 

What else is there to do? This is the point I've been aiming to reach right? I'd ask you "what kept you going?" but...I can understand that, that time passes regardless. I won't break NC so I'll reach 100+ days too. I just don't feel much better even though I'm doing much better. How did you deal with this?

 

I can honestly say that I haven't really felt better about him being gone until recently. The first three months of NC he was always on my mind. We have never successfully been able to stick to NC through our breakups. Either he or I eventually caved in and got into contact.

 

From an emotional point, I still miss him. I still want to tell him about things in my life. From a logical point though, I have to look at the facts and how as much as he loved me, he treated me very poorly. He has a lot of great qualities and I believe in my heart he is not a bad person. He makes extremely poor choices that have a negative impact on his life and on everyone around him. Including me. He KNOWS I hate being lied to. And yet, he still lied to me. A lot. He lies to everyone though. His parents, his friends, everyone. I believe it is seeded in his insecurities and that he does not want anyone to get too close to him. Still though, the lies built up. Every time he would lie to me, we would have a fight and he would apologize. He was never able to learn from those mistakes though. He just went around and around on the roller coaster of lying and fighting and then making up.

 

He also cheated. It's not the cheating that bothers me so much but the lies and the health concerns that surround it. His excuse was that he was in a dark place when it happened. He drug me down the rabbit hole with him and I let him. I didn't fight back and I did not allow my needs to come before his. Thinking back, all of his guilt showed through. When I would do something nice for him, he would struggle to accept it. He could not fathom that to get out of the rabbit hole and to feel better about yourself you HAVE to do honorable things. Starting with telling the truth. And not being afraid. He lives his life in fear.

 

His parting words to me were along the lines of "I know you and I know you won't change your mind." He does know me. I won't. So I miss him like hell, all the time but I cannot go back down that road. As much as he loves me and does nice things for me, don't I deserve someone to tell me the truth? To consider the consequences of their actions BEFORE they act on them? Of course I do. I am resilient, strong, and fearless. I refuse to settle for the anxiety and the lies.

 

I know that I still love him because I forgive him. I accept him for his good parts and his terrible parts. I am connected to him and probably always will be. But my strength comes from not settling. Not allowing anyone in my life who does not respect me. Love isn't enough to make something work though. I can't force his broken pieces to fit next to mine anymore. I tried and I tried.

 

Nothing has any power without your reaction. I gained my self respect and my dignity back through NC. I am a better person since and I work everyday on being kind and giving positive energy out to the world. You too are getting there. You said so yourself that you have learned lessons from that. There is your strength. Take the mistakes you made and work on a better you. The past does not define you and neither does that relationship.

[darkbloom]

I think you will always compare new people to your ex because he was your most recent boyfriend. If you are going to the same places that you used to go with him, then that's pretty normal too. I don't think you cared much for this new fella, but at least you are out there again. If this guy wasn't the one to make you "forget" him, then maybe the next one will be.

 

You're one of the strongest people here, keep up the good work!

 

Thanks Na! We have a lot in common with getting back together with the same person over and over.

 

I don't want to forget him, but I hope I will be able to allow someone to take his place one day. I just wake up everyday and put one foot in front of the other.

[darkbloom]

You still have progress though and that's a great thing to have.

 

I'm the one who is stuck unfortunately. It sucks.

 

fireflywy,

 

You may be stuck for a little while but you will get there eventually. The world doesn't stand still for anyone. Even you. Things change when you least expect them to.

[darkbloom]

People say time is a healer, but is it really? Many people seem to be 'stuck' after a long period of time - is this because they won't change their mentality? Is a change of mentality necessary? At the moment it seems impossible...

 

Time gives you distance which is what you need to move on. I don't think you are ever really healed after something traumatic. You get distance and prospective and are able to put scabs over the hurt that you felt. It is always there but never as raw or as painful as before.

 

I am not stuck per se. I love him as a person but refuse to allow him to negatively impact my life any longer. Or ever. The feelings for him will fade and scab over but if I dig deep enough I'm sure I will be able to feel him.

 

It seems as though you truly move on when you start to develop feelings for someone new. When they can cover all of the dark places in your mind that your ex created with the feelings of love and acceptance.

 

Just the view from where I stand at over 5 months NC.

[darkbloom]

Time heals the mortal wounds and allows you to more or less go back to living a 'normal' day-to-day life. It doesn't heal the deep-seated trauma tho, no. That can stay with you for a lifetime apparently, just like a physical scar.

 

darkbloom, this sounds like an inspirational story. Haven't read it all yet but I look forward to it.

 

thanks jen!

 

I am doing very well and I hope that my story at least brings some comfort to people going through a breakup. I know when my BU first happened, I spent everyday on LS reading stories to feel better. I was afraid to post because it still felt too raw and I felt like admitting it out loud would make it too real.

 

People on here probably think I am crazy. Some days I would go from being so angry at him to missing him so much and placing him on that pedestal in my head. I am starting to level out with my feelings now. I have had a lot of time and a lot of (good) friends who will let me vent and sound off about him.

 

I want to be able to be that friend and sounding board to people that do not have the luxury that I have.

[fireflywy]

fireflywy,

 

You may be stuck for a little while but you will get there eventually. The world doesn't stand still for anyone. Even you. Things change when you least expect them to.

 

Thank you. I needed to hear that today. *honestly I'm a little chocked up as I read this. It means a lot.*

[darkbloom]

Thank you. I needed to hear that today. *honestly I'm a little chocked up as I read this. It means a lot.*

 

Keep your head up. Your track record for surviving bad days is 100%. It will get better.

 

I can say that because I am now nearing the light at the end of the tunnel. And you will too.

[darkbloom]

I just need to post myself a quick reminder of why I am doing NC.

 

-If he wanted to talk to me, he would talk to me. Regardless of how much his pride was hurt and how ashamed he was.

-I do not want to be with anyone who does not see a future with me.

-I do not want to be with anyone who does not respect me enough to tell me the truth.

-I cannot allow myself to be influenced by someone who makes poor decisions. My life is too valuable and important to allow anyone to lead me down their destructive path.

-I do not want to be in a state of anxiety over him. I do not trust him or anything he says. This will not change if I get back into contact with him.

-I deserve more.

-I am able to focus on making positive changes in my life.

[ConfusedMike]

I can honestly say that I haven't really felt better about him being gone until recently. The first three months of NC he was always on my mind. We have never successfully been able to stick to NC through our breakups. Either he or I eventually caved in and got into contact.

 

From an emotional point, I still miss him. I still want to tell him about things in my life. From a logical point though, I have to look at the facts and how as much as he loved me, he treated me very poorly. He has a lot of great qualities and I believe in my heart he is not a bad person. He makes extremely poor choices that have a negative impact on his life and on everyone around him. Including me. He KNOWS I hate being lied to. And yet, he still lied to me. A lot. He lies to everyone though. His parents, his friends, everyone. I believe it is seeded in his insecurities and that he does not want anyone to get too close to him. Still though, the lies built up. Every time he would lie to me, we would have a fight and he would apologize. He was never able to learn from those mistakes though. He just went around and around on the roller coaster of lying and fighting and then making up.

 

He also cheated. It's not the cheating that bothers me so much but the lies and the health concerns that surround it. His excuse was that he was in a dark place when it happened. He drug me down the rabbit hole with him and I let him. I didn't fight back and I did not allow my needs to come before his. Thinking back, all of his guilt showed through. When I would do something nice for him, he would struggle to accept it. He could not fathom that to get out of the rabbit hole and to feel better about yourself you HAVE to do honorable things. Starting with telling the truth. And not being afraid. He lives his life in fear.

 

His parting words to me were along the lines of "I know you and I know you won't change your mind." He does know me. I won't. So I miss him like hell, all the time but I cannot go back down that road. As much as he loves me and does nice things for me, don't I deserve someone to tell me the truth? To consider the consequences of their actions BEFORE they act on them? Of course I do. I am resilient, strong, and fearless. I refuse to settle for the anxiety and the lies.

 

I know that I still love him because I forgive him. I accept him for his good parts and his terrible parts. I am connected to him and probably always will be. But my strength comes from not settling. Not allowing anyone in my life who does not respect me. Love isn't enough to make something work though. I can't force his broken pieces to fit next to mine anymore. I tried and I tried.

 

Nothing has any power without your reaction. I gained my self respect and my dignity back through NC. I am a better person since and I work everyday on being kind and giving positive energy out to the world. You too are getting there. You said so yourself that you have learned lessons from that. There is your strength. Take the mistakes you made and work on a better you. The past does not define you and neither does that relationship.

 

Darkbloom,

 

Your posts speak to me as I'm sure it does to many. The lies and cheating...you're perspective on the lying makes sense and I never saw it the way you describe but it makes sense. I've had limited contact with my ex for the last 7+ months and I'm exhausted. I don't know where the truth starts and the lies begin anymore. I realize that she projected the image she thought I wanted to see and I realize that I don't know the real ex...That person never existed. It's a hard reality to accept. I told her what I thought and how I felt and haven't spoken to her since. I miss her like crazy...can't stop thinking about her, but I don't want to go back to that toxic relationship and at this point, I just want this to end. Can't get through it until you go through it. Sucks, but that's the reality.

[darkbloom]

Darkbloom,

 

Your posts speak to me as I'm sure it does to many. The lies and cheating...you're perspective on the lying makes sense and I never saw it the way you describe but it makes sense. I've had limited contact with my ex for the last 7+ months and I'm exhausted. I don't know where the truth starts and the lies begin anymore. I realize that she projected the image she thought I wanted to see and I realize that I don't know the real ex...That person never existed. It's a hard reality to accept. I told her what I thought and how I felt and haven't spoken to her since. I miss her like crazy...can't stop thinking about her, but I don't want to go back to that toxic relationship and at this point, I just want this to end. Can't get through it until you go through it. Sucks, but that's the reality.

 

The definition of lie is: "an intentionally false statement." The key word there is intentionally. With purpose. When someone tells a lie, they are actively trying to deceive you. That's where we get all wrapped up in confusion. The lie overshadows anything else that person says or does because we don't know what's real and true and what they are trying to make us believe.

 

I think our brains want a nice clear explanation. This led to this led to this. When someone has been lying to you, it's very hard to make any truth and any logical explanations because there are none. You'll never know what was real.

 

Monday makes 6 months NC. My brain is still as confused now as it was then. I just have to learn from it and move on.

 

I'm glad someone appreciates the messed up ramblings in my head.

[ConfusedMike]

The definition of lie is: "an intentionally false statement." The key word there is intentionally. With purpose. When someone tells a lie, they are actively trying to deceive you. That's where we get all wrapped up in confusion. The lie overshadows anything else that person says or does because we don't know what's real and true and what they are trying to make us believe.

 

I think our brains want a nice clear explanation. This led to this led to this. When someone has been lying to you, it's very hard to make any truth and any logical explanations because there are none. You'll never know what was real.

 

Monday makes 6 months NC. My brain is still as confused now as it was then. I just have to learn from it and move on.

 

I'm glad someone appreciates the messed up ramblings in my head.

 

LOL, I don't think anything in your head's messed up! I think your simply processing the imperfect information you have the best you can like the rest of us. I'll never get the full story...I won't say "truth" because that's a matter of perspective. I don't understand the cheating and lies. I don't understand why she wouldn't give me the answers I needed. I wanted to believe her and trust her, but she refused to talk about it and she'd get pissed whenever I brought it up.

 

Like you, I can tell myself that I'm fine and I'm over this ****, but I always go back to missing her and feeling like a part of me is missing. I can't believe I actually try to rationalize her behavior and the choices that she made...I cringe when I think about it, but I guess that's how I cope. I'm a shadow of my former self. I'm a pretty confident and assertive guy, but the person that I've become...it's crazy.

 

I write in my journal every day and I often write her letters (no intention of ever sending them). I'm not ashamed to say that I still love her, but I'll never forget what she did.

 

You're doing great and the fact that you're still going thru this says how much you loved him and how big your heart is. The next guy will be very lucky.

[laurbee]

I am holding onto hope as well. I'm trying not to, because I know that can hinder my healing process, but it's hard when he told me I was the only girl he was ever in love with, saw a future with me, was making plans 1.5 years into the future with me... I questioned the honesty of all he had said because the breakup happened so soon after all of that, and he says he meant every word. None of our problems were insurmountable, which is why I think a second try, when we have both worked on ourselves outside of a relationship, is worth it.

 

I was so sure he was the one; I had never been more sure of anything in my life. And at the same time, I still feel this way. I'm unhappy about the breakup, but I think it was the right decision at the time. So many people say this kind of stuff isn't worth it, if they wanted to be with you they would, etc. But I feel like that's too black and white, when relationships aren't that simple to begin with. We treated each other wonderfully when we weren't having misunderstandings (they were never all out fights, literally just misunderstandings and miscommunication).

 

People who know him and our situation in its entirety tell me they think he will come around. I'm trying not to sit around and wait for that to happen. I'm working on myself and my own confidence, discovering parts of myself I had forgotten about, going to the gym, and taking photos of my friends and I going out and putting them on Facebook for him and everyone else to see. I guess it's like that Miranda Lambert song huh? "Don't matter how you feel, it only matters how you look."

 

Some days are better than others. Right now, thinking of it being hopeless completely breaks me. Logically I don't think it's hopeless, but I still won't let my mind wander there. Not yet, anyway

 

Some of my posts here are more positive than this one... I guess that's what happens when some days are better than others, eh? Feeling a little down right now...

[darkbloom]

My mantra is "Whatever, I don't care." That's what I tell myself over and over again. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I can't wrap my head around how one bad decision can fracture so many things and be so irreparable. Like with my ex cheating on me. Let's say hypothetically he came back and apologized and we tried it again. The cracks in our relationship are too big to overcome. I couldn't look his parents in the face and lie to them about what happened. It seems like yesterday that he was performing the charade in front of them while I was in the dark. Now that I am in the spotlight, I could never keep up the act of appearances. There is no way. How did he keep up the act for so long? That is a lot of fake smiles, lies and pretending. No wonder he was always depressed and exhausted. Who wants to live like that? BUT I STILL MISS HIM. How do you even deal with that? He is not the character anymore. I saw his true identity so the gig is up.

 

I have found at 6 months that I have dealt with the situation as much as I can. I put up an emotional wall. I refuse to think about how much I miss him. I just think of character he was playing and try and stop. We can never go back.

 

He gave me a diamond necklace for graduation and it is missing. I am not even upset about it. I don't wear it anymore because it doesn't mean what it used to. I'm happy that I did not have to make the decision to get rid of it but that the universe decided that I no longer needed it.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

We can never go back.

 

Remember these words. I suspect they will pull you out of a low day. I remember saying this exact phrase over and over during my healing. In the beginning they hurt, then it helped justify, and finally I believed it.

[Gwwm123]

I dont have hope. She is and always be the only one I will ever love. I try very hard to admit to myself that I will be alone and be ok with it and I feel I can reach that point, but she is present in my thoughts everyday so I might have to wait several months if not a year to truly shrink her in my head where it does not occupy so much space.

[learnbyliving]

I always have the no hope mindset, but from time to time it really sinks in … and then I feel scared, and a much more acute pain than my default dull-regular-no-hope-pain

[hotmrw]

Together 2 years, we have a 13 month old baby, I neglected my ex, she dumped me for another guy, we still used to hang out ( and still can ) she used to flirt like hell with me, she seems in love with her new man, she says she loves me, I thought we have a child, and she loves me, maybe there is a chance, I rung her this morning when I was really upset, she told me it is over and we will only ever be friends, do friends say they like looking in your eyes, like hearing you talk, flirt and be crude, rub your face, etc etc etc, if I stop contacting her she always contacts me, the last time whilst she was having a wee at work, I am going no contact tomorrow, I need to heal, I love this woman and just wanted my little family back, but she is just not interested any more.... HEARTBROKEN

[darkbloom]

Just a quick update checking in on my progress.

 

It's been just under 7 months NC and 8 months post break up. I honestly didn't think I would make it this far without giving in. I guess it's good that he cheated because it was the point of no return for me.

 

Most of my days are pretty good. I don't think about him first thing in the morning anymore and I am mostly able to think of other things during the day. Fourth of July was tough as this is the first one we haven't spent together. Facebook notified me of my memories for the last four years and every single one is a post marked with him. Strange right? When I think of him, it doesn't bring the pain that it did before. It only hurts when I dwell on it. I try to treat him as a face that I might have known somewhere but can't remember.

 

Dating prospects have been quite slim in this area. Everyone is trying to play matchmaker with me as no one can believe that I am single. It's nice that so many people care but it is slightly overwhelming.

 

I had a connection with one of the groomsmen from a wedding I was in last October. The bride tried to convince me not to bring my now ex as my date because I think she saw the writing on the wall before I did. I didn't listen of course. I wonder what would have happened had I listened? These are the things I contemplate when I am alone. I know there is no way to go back and change it but it's got me thinking about choices and how they can impact you a lot more than you thought.

 

For the first time, I can say that I do not want to reconcile. (I know you are all like duh! he cheated on you but my heart is still playing catch up with my head.) My ego still wants him to apologize. At some point, I know he will be back to say that he can't believe he let me go. Because to be honest, I have always been a positive influence in his life. And somedays, I think I can fix this. And I have to slap myself upside the head because I cannot fix anyone.

 

I feel like each new day is a step forward so that is progress. Even if lingering memories try to hold me back.

[nugget_718]

It's been just under 7 months NC and 8 months post break up. I honestly didn't think I would make it this far without giving in. I guess it's good that he cheated because it was the point of no return for me.

 

Most of my days are pretty good. I don't think about him first thing in the morning anymore and I am mostly able to think of other things during the day. Fourth of July was tough as this is the first one we haven't spent together. Facebook notified me of my memories for the last four years and every single one is a post marked with him. Strange right? When I think of him, it doesn't bring the pain that it did before. It only hurts when I dwell on it. I try to treat him as a face that I might have known somewhere but can't remember.

 

Dating prospects have been quite slim in this area. Everyone is trying to play matchmaker with me as no one can believe that I am single. It's nice that so many people care but it is slightly overwhelming.

 

I had a connection with one of the groomsmen from a wedding I was in last October. The bride tried to convince me not to bring my now ex as my date because I think she saw the writing on the wall before I did. I didn't listen of course. I wonder what would have happened had I listened? These are the things I contemplate when I am alone. I know there is no way to go back and change it but it's got me thinking about choices and how they can impact you a lot more than you thought.

 

For the first time, I can say that I do not want to reconcile. (I know you are all like duh! he cheated on you but my heart is still playing catch up with my head.) My ego still wants him to apologize. At some point, I know he will be back to say that he can't believe he let me go. Because to be honest, I have always been a positive influence in his life. And somedays, I think I can fix this. And I have to slap myself upside the head because I cannot fix anyone.

 

I feel like each new day is a step forward so that is progress. Even if lingering memories try to hold me back.

 

 

Hang in there Darkbloom. You're doing great. The apology might not happen since he cheated. Mine did too and even after he apologized, it wasn't heartfelt. I feel that the apology was not enough. It was lacking in conviction. And even if he came to me, walked on bended knees and apologized, I think I would feel that it won't be enough. And yes, keep saying that mantra that you cannot fix anyone.

[fireflywy]

Just a quick update checking in on my progress.

 

It's been just under 7 months NC and 8 months post break up. I honestly didn't think I would make it this far without giving in. I guess it's good that he cheated because it was the point of no return for me.

 

Most of my days are pretty good. I don't think about him first thing in the morning anymore and I am mostly able to think of other things during the day. Fourth of July was tough as this is the first one we haven't spent together. Facebook notified me of my memories for the last four years and every single one is a post marked with him. Strange right? When I think of him, it doesn't bring the pain that it did before. It only hurts when I dwell on it. I try to treat him as a face that I might have known somewhere but can't remember.

 

Dating prospects have been quite slim in this area. Everyone is trying to play matchmaker with me as no one can believe that I am single. It's nice that so many people care but it is slightly overwhelming.

 

I had a connection with one of the groomsmen from a wedding I was in last October. The bride tried to convince me not to bring my now ex as my date because I think she saw the writing on the wall before I did. I didn't listen of course. I wonder what would have happened had I listened? These are the things I contemplate when I am alone. I know there is no way to go back and change it but it's got me thinking about choices and how they can impact you a lot more than you thought.

 

For the first time, I can say that I do not want to reconcile. (I know you are all like duh! he cheated on you but my heart is still playing catch up with my head.) My ego still wants him to apologize. At some point, I know he will be back to say that he can't believe he let me go. Because to be honest, I have always been a positive influence in his life. And somedays, I think I can fix this. And I have to slap myself upside the head because I cannot fix anyone.

 

I feel like each new day is a step forward so that is progress. Even if lingering memories try to hold me back.

 

You keep going! Proud of you.

[darkbloom]

So my mom asked me if she could borrow my old iPhone4 since her phone is broken. I of course said yes and found it buried in the depths of my closet. I plugged it in and was promptly assaulted with my text history from my old phone. It was open to a text message stream with my ex that we had been having the day I got my new phone. The conversation was from January 2014. In the text, he was worried about how sick I had been at the time and offering to come over to cheer me up. It's probably silly how much that makes me miss him. I've been doing very well lately and I thought perhaps it wouldn't sting so much. But ouch. I know that I didn't mean to do it but it kind of felt like I was breaking no contact.

 

We haven't spoken or had any form of contact in 7 months. I feel kind of pathetic that one extremely old text message can make me miss him all over again.

[kenmore]

So my mom asked me if she could borrow my old iPhone4 since her phone is broken. I of course said yes and found it buried in the depths of my closet. I plugged it in and was promptly assaulted with my text history from my old phone. It was open to a text message stream with my ex that we had been having the day I got my new phone. The conversation was from January 2014. In the text, he was worried about how sick I had been at the time and offering to come over to cheer me up. It's probably silly how much that makes me miss him. I've been doing very well lately and I thought perhaps it wouldn't sting so much. But ouch. I know that I didn't mean to do it but it kind of felt like I was breaking no contact.

 

We haven't spoken or had any form of contact in 7 months. I feel kind of pathetic that one extremely old text message can make me miss him all over again.

 

No DB, don't feel silly. It happens to me too much. NC for months, then some dumb thing pops up that reminds me of her. Today it was hearing from our insurance agent because she is taking me off her policy lol!

 

Just driving down streets can bring up memories, oddly there are a few that we only drove on together a single time and she practically never goes to that area. It makes me think what the?!!

 

I can see what you said as being huge! Today, since our divorce became final last week, I deleted her files and account from this computer. Not just hers but her daughters too. It was painful, but seeing all her old family photos of people I not only don't much care for now, but will never see again felt good. Seeing some of us on vacation felt painful, but they all went to the recycle bin which got emptied when I was done. They are gone! Same with phone text threads...all gone!

 

Now, I need to find the strength to throw that ring in the trash. Somehow it feels like an old friend, but seeing it reminds me of course. It's not valuable, all I need to do it put it in the trash and never see it again. I'm anthropomorphizing it and I know it. It's feelings will be hurt LOL.

 

Hugs! Ken