loveweary11 Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 a) don't talk to him b) if he tries it on, call the police, and tell your parents. You've received good advice, you just don't seem to like the answers. Everything except B. Never call the police. Nothing good comes of that...for anyone. We have several other threads going about that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 Well to be fair, there was a few boys that used to come hang around with me and my best friend at school. That happens quite regularly, it happened throughout the height of everything with this man and still the situation did not change. Of course I was talking to these boys and stuff but I still went back to this older guy. It doesn't work like that, just like how people can't move on from a R if they're still in constant contact with their ex. You have to go NC with him, give yourself time to move on while getting on with life and getting to know other guys. THEN you will see some actual improvement. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 To be honest, he seems very much the type of person that can get very attached to one person (me, at the beginning) then drop them without a second thought and move onto someone else. When I was round my 'aunties' the other day, this woman came in who is a family friend and she mentioned this guy and another girl? She was like, ''oh how are they getting on? Actually I think he's realised she's not the one for him..'' And I was just sitting there like inside.. what could I say? I felt totally crushed. So basically what I'm saying is that this woman implied he had something going on with another woman but he's not going to get together with her or anything. The last time I spoke to him was in text last Monday when he said he'd talk to me the next day but he didn't, so the ball is in his court. I have his number but I don't know if I should call him. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted April 12, 2015 Share Posted April 12, 2015 May I ask strawberries, what your relationship with your parents is like? Several posters have suggested that you talk to them about this situation but you haven't really addressed why you won't do that. Besides the obvious of course that they would put a stop to this? Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 12, 2015 Author Share Posted April 12, 2015 May I ask strawberries, what your relationship with your parents is like? Several posters have suggested that you talk to them about this situation but you haven't really addressed why you won't do that. Besides the obvious of course that they would put a stop to this? Do you have a good relationship with your parents? It's nothing to do with my parents. It's my personal business. My dad would go ape and stop me from ever seeing my 'auntie' again or going round there. My mum wouldn't be happy. Therefore, I am not telling them and no convincing will make me do so. Link to post Share on other sites
fishstar Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 To be honest, he seems very much the type of person that can get very attached to one person (me, at the beginning) then drop them without a second thought and move onto someone else. Maybe he has and maybe he hasn't - either way it's better that you just leave him alone. Because you're a minor, he could get into trouble if found in a relationship with you. If he has depression he has enough problems. You also stated you have anxiety, therefore you do not need any further confusion or stress. You are so young, you need to learn how to be emotionally strong, not be confused, and make healthy decisions. ..so the ball is in his court. I have his number but I don't know if I should call him. The ball is not in his court. This is not a game, and if it feels like one this is a sign of power play, which is a sign of an unhealthy interaction/relationship. You need to close the chapter as early as possible or you will get more hurt. You are 15 and he is 34. You have not had a relationship with him, just a few inappropriate intimate encounters. This has led you to be infatuated with him and you should not pursue it. If he is moving on, let him. It may be hard but try not to let your emotions escalate and further and just forget about him. For help with this, read the thread on NC (no contact) in the breakup forum - it is really helpful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 I know that we weren't in a relationship, which was obviously because of my age. But it feels like it was one. Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Strawberries... If a 8 year old girl told you that she was in a relationship with her 19 year old neighbour, and that she was in love with him... what would you think/say about that? Don't forget, she is very mature for an 8 year old. my point is I don't know why you have come here looking for answers. You have received good advice, but you are ignoring it. Bottom line is, that if anything happens with this 34year old guy, and your parents find out, they could ruin his life. He could go to jail. It will be a permantant stain on his record and will effect his whole life. He won't be understanding about it eithewr. He will hate you and himself for his terrible mistake. If he is this "great guy" , why would you want that to happen to him? Stop putting your (frankly) immature needs for male validation and attention and think about the consequences if you continue to pursue this. I hope he is no longer speaking to you as he has woken the hell up and realised just how wrong it is for someone of his age to even THINK about someone of your age in that way. You'll do what you want anyway though won't you. I was 15 once, and thought I knew everything too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 I never said I was in love with him. Because I'm not in love with him, I know that. I don't know if he was in love with me though, certainly seemed like it. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I never said I was in love with him. Because I'm not in love with him, I know that. I don't know if he was in love with me though, certainly seemed like it. Is it "love" or just a desire to get into your panties? I guess the latter. He thinks you are weak and vulnerable and he thinks he could persuade you in time and so he is taking advantage of the situation. Had you said yes to sex, you would no longer be a virgin and he would be looking around for his next target. Virgin sex is very highly thought of by some. Do not believe for one minute you are "special". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillmind Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Strawberries, I'm quickly closing in on 30 myself and I and my husband and friends still have most of the same hobbies we did as teens. We play video games and go fishing and watch trash tv and gossip and giggle and tell terrible jokes. But age is more than hobbies. It affects how you handle yourself, how you make judgments and how you deal with life. No matter how mature you are for your age and no matter how immature he is, you don't have the same wealth of experience to draw on that he does. I'm not telling you this to be obnoxious and I'm not calling you immature, but it's a simple fact. Can you imagine yourself with an additional 19 years to gain experience and knowledge? You will probably be much the same as you are now -- an intelligent and thoughtful person with similar interests -- but you will have different goals and you will have gone through many hardships and triumphs. This is why a relationship between a 34 year old and a 15 year old is disturbing. No matter how mature and thoughtful you are for your age, this man has a vast advantage over you. He can manipulate you at will. Even if he doesn't harbor ill intentions there is no possibility of an equal relationship between you because there is no level playing field here. He will hold a tremendous advantage over you until you get out in the world for a few years and start taking some knocks. Would I be friends with a 15 year old? Sure! I don't see anything wrong with friends of different ages. But an older person in a friendship with a much younger person has certain responsibilities because an older person -- simply due to their experience -- can influence a younger person without the younger person realizing it. One of those responsibilities is maintaining strict boundaries, and by pushing your boundaries and having intimate contact with you this man has proven that he is NOT a good friend for you. For the good of both of you -- so that you aren't harmed and he doesn't wind up in jail -- I urge you to stop contacting him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 The phrases she is using makes her sound like she's from the UK or a former commonwealth country, and if that's so, 16 is likely to be no legal problem at all. ... same is true of most U.S. states. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I'd describe myself as Allison Reynolds from The Breakfast Club. Complete with Pixy Stix and Cap'n Crunch sandwiches??? If so, then I'm switching sides here, and I'm in!!! Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 i think older guy and young girl can be functional. woman like Hero's and older guys might have an easier time with the responsibility Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I know all of this. So why do I keep going back to him, talking to him and making an effort? I don't know why. I can't seem to let him go. I guess he's the first guy who has showed any real attention in me flirting-wise, and so I'm attached to him. ... I don't know. It hurts. Let me take another moment to emphasize that your feelings are very normal... and it is normal and OK that you are drawn to his attention. However, HE should know better... (and the rest of us here can see that he doesn't... ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 I completely know and agree with all of this. So WHY, why, why am I still craving his goddamn attention? But I know that even if there was another more age appropriate guy showing attention in me, I'd still go back to this man. This really does make sense! For most of what you ever get from life, emotionally, shall result from your own instincts relating to investing yourself in someone, and then maintaining that investment, and adding to it just as you would with any bank account. It is a normal instinct, so don't worry about that part, OR that you as an individual are doing/thinking anything wrong. HE alone is wrong... which makes this so challenging from your side. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Strawberries... If a 8 year old girl told you that she was in a relationship with her 19 year old neighbour, and that she was in love with him... what would you think/say about that? Don't forget, she is very mature for an 8 year old. This is irrelevant! The 19yo would be a pedophile, and that has nothing to do with anything in this thread. (unless, of course, by "very mature", you are talking about an eight-year-old who has gone through puberty) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 SincereOnlineGuy, I'd like to thank you for being so kind to me and also for not comparing the situation with an 8 year old and a 19 year old. Thank you for understanding and not undermining my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 This is irrelevant! The 19yo would be a pedophile, and that has nothing to do with anything in this thread. (unless, of course, by "very mature", you are talking about an eight-year-old who has gone through puberty) The OP is 15, she is under the age of consent in the UK (I believe she is in the UK), so whilst this is not paedophilia, it still constitutes a criminal offence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 (edited) SincereOnlineGuy, I'd like to thank you for being so kind to me and also for not comparing the situation with an 8 year old and a 19 year old. Thank you for understanding and not undermining my feelings. Nobody here has undermined your feelings. I was a teenage girl, and so were other women here. Million to 1's comparison was apt, because your age still isn't legal, and you are still technically a child. I think it's odd that you are dismissing us, when you know that it's wrong, and have said that you feel it's wrong. This man got into your head - it's happened to a lot of us - I've been there, not wanting to be feeling anything for someone who was bad for me. I didn't want to be involved with him, but the feelings took a little while to disappear, because the rest of my life wasn't going so well at the time. Since you don't appear to really see this as a problem (now), follow the advice of the people here who have pointed out that you would be getting him into trouble if you encourage this. Would you want him to be taken to prison, and possibly charged with some sort of sexual crime? Edited April 13, 2015 by Anela 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Is it "love" or just a desire to get into your panties? I guess the latter. He thinks you are weak and vulnerable and he thinks he could persuade you in time and so he is taking advantage of the situation. Had you said yes to sex, you would no longer be a virgin and he would be looking around for his next target. Virgin sex is very highly thought of by some. Do not believe for one minute you are "special". Yep. It would be easy to take advantage of you, to make you feel special. That doesn't mean that you won't be special to someone closer to your age, but you don't want a con artist pretending that you are. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Million to 1's comparison was apt, No, it was completely irrelevant. Except to those of you who have no idea what a pedophile is... If a 35-yo man walks through the corridor of his local shopping mall and sees a curvy and attractive 15yo girl, he is not odd for noticing said girl. He is, however, completely in the wrong for approaching her with ideas of anything sex-related. A 19-yo man who has acted upon a perverse attraction to pre-pubescent children has exactly nothing to do with that average 35yo man at the shopping mall. Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 No, it was completely irrelevant. Except to those of you who have no idea what a pedophile is... If a 35-yo man walks through the corridor of his local shopping mall and sees a curvy and attractive 15yo girl, he is not odd for noticing said girl. He is, however, completely in the wrong for approaching her with ideas of anything sex-related. A 19-yo man who has acted upon a perverse attraction to pre-pubescent children has exactly nothing to do with that average 35yo man at the shopping mall. I developed a chest when I was eleven. I was on the receiving end of all sorts of comments when I was twelve/thirteen/fourteen and up. I remember one curb crawler in particular. It was creepy. It STILL creeps me out. I'm sorry, but I don't know how any grown man can encourage her. Most men here are disgusted by the idea, and you know that it's wrong, too - you did say so, in another post. Didn't you? I need to get outside. Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 I'm not saying that I'm dismissing your replies or are ungrateful for them. I just feel that SincereOnlineGuy has put these ideas across in a way that is easy for me to understand, while some of the other posts have been a bit more harsh towards me. Yeah yeah I'm 15 I should be able to take whatever is thrown at me, but clearly I can't. Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Is it "love" or just a desire to get into your panties? i think older guy and young girl can be functional. woman like Hero's and older guys might have an easier time with the responsibility I'm not going to judge. I really feel sorry for someone who is emotionally in this situation. But I will state the obvious... There is no conceivable way that an adult man can have expectations of having a meaningful relationship with a 15 year old. Let me take you to my family reunion and show everyone how in love we are... NOTLet's go to the club tonight to have a few drinks and go dancing... NOTLet's fly off to Vegas for the weekend and play some blackjack... NOT The OP may have these kinds of fantasies in her mind, but I assure you, he doesn't. And if he does, it's even more twisted than I can conceive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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