Author strawberries Posted April 7, 2015 Author Share Posted April 7, 2015 If he was really trying to groom me, surely he wouldn't have broken contact with me? He would have kept on talking to me everyday and trying to get me to see him and stuff.. And I'm not sure what is happening on that front, if it will or not. I really don't know. And I'm just looking for the friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 Strawberries, There is just... no way for us to prepare you for the virtually impossible-to-discern moment when we would need you to clearly identify the point at which this guy REALLY goes over the line... His attention does, and will hit you like a drug, much like carbon monoxide poisoning kills many people. You won't, and CAN'T know that the drug is affecting you when it does... and that, more than your age, or even your own obvious discomfort in having not told the truth to a bunch of random online people from whom you sought advice is the HUGE CONCERN here. And let me say in advance, once again, that IT IS ok that youuuuuuuu feel a warmth and acceptance in his attention paid unto you. It really IS OK that it feels invigorating and validating to YOU. BUT HE himself should very clearly know where the line is between right and wrong when dealing with an underage girl. That he doesn't seem to get it, is our problem. Now what if 5 years, or two semesters in school go by, and you meet a very sincere, very well-brought-up and respectful classmate... and what if by then YOU are unable to recognize that classmate's appeal, and what if you find yourself rather bored by this classmate whose attention onto you has your entire set of female friends envious??? What IF that boredom is inspired in large part because some predatory, older man came onto you, and maybe even sexed you in some way... causing in you some **sexual energy** which makes it extremely difficult for you to later relate to your otherwise decent, male peers??? That scenario plays out all the time, albeit most prevalent with very young girls... who don't have the mental wherewithal you have, to at least reason yourself away from scenarios where such terrible things can happen, when there really isn't any true upside worth risking so much for... I just... hope you understand exactly where (society) is, when wanting so badly to reach the decision-maker within your mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 Your replies are quite hard for me to get my head around haha, lots of bold and italics! I'm not sure what's going on. He told me in text he would text me back the next day but he did not, but I'm not concerned because he has done that before. Plus I know that at the moment his phone has no credit in it to contact anyone anyway. I might possibly be seeing him tomorrow when I go to my 'aunties', but I'm not sure. He is acting on friend terms and therefore I will too. He has actually moved out of his mums place now. And I don't see him inviting me round anytime soon, so it's not like that's a problem. He's not inviting me round or anything so that shows he's not trying to do anything weird. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Seems like a lot of ageism in some of the answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) OP, what do you think your parents' reaction will be when they find out? Do you think this is worth it? Are there no boys in your high school, that you enjoy talking to? Do you have a healthy circle of friends there? Seems like a lot of ageism in some of the answers. Really. I assume it's also 'ageism' to forbid 12 year olds from drinking, driving, voting, marrying, and buying cigarettes, then. Edited April 10, 2015 by Elswyth 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Thanks for the replies. And what would you guys say if I said he did try to kiss me? And that I didn't go along with it and he apologised? I would wonder why you hadn't said that in the first place. He's taking advantage. Tell him that you will tell your parents, and the authorities, if he tries anything again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Seems like a lot of ageism in some of the answers. Why do you say that? An adult male, trying to take advantage of a teenage girl? Oh, no, of course he can't stop his genitals from doing what they will around a young girl - he's just a poor disenfranchised man, looking for love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 (edited) I'm not sure what's going on. Allow me. Some mouth-breather is thinking with his little head about living out porn fantasies where a guy comes home to "accidentally" find his daughter's best friend/babysitter. He has watched Lolita a few-hundred extra times. He knows it is wrong. He is afraid that you might morph into Chris Hansen. He isn't sure if his butthole can withstand the fate of committing 1st or 3rd degree criminal sexual conduct. Yet, even once he had the sense to back away, you re-initiated contact with him. You're playing with fire. You will probably walk away alright. But his life might get ruined. Edited April 10, 2015 by Mr Scorpio 4 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 The phrases she is using makes her sound like she's from the UK or a former commonwealth country, and if that's so, 16 is likely to be no legal problem at all. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 when i was seventeen i had a relationship with a man who said he was in his forties.....looking back he was possibly older more like early fifties......i dont care what others think as far as any guy i date goes i make my own choices......and i have been this way since i was a teen......it wasnt his age...it was his wealth which was substantial......and the money he spent on me...it wasnt a sexual relationship merely companionship we cuddled.....kissed a bit.....went to amazing places together.....but he wanted me to dress a certain way....which was older than my sneakers and ripped jeans i preferred.......when he suggested he put me up in a unit down by the bay i loved...... because i was actually homeless at the time...i knew our relationship had run its course.....i ended it.....the way i ended it told my true age.......i couldnt face him i couldnt deal with the break up that needed to happen......i ended it by proxy(someone else)....i hurt him quite badly...of this i have regrets.....regrets i didnt do it myself...... we had many things in common ...a love of art, theatre history music and fine food.....he also had a really strong faith......i respected that......i respected him........i think though with age comes expectation of maturity commitment responsibility and at sixteen however mature you are....is very young.,.......and even though you say you are older than your years i was also much older than my years....it doesnt make up for the fact you are only sixteen with a whole load of life to live and discover......a guy closer to your age will be filled with the same wonder and excitement as you, when you discover life together...whatever happens ...i wish you well.....think seriously about yourself......do that first ...before you consider anything with him..he has made it known not so subtly either that his feelings for you are more than platonic........deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Fifteen is way too young, and I think that seventeen is, too. Any grown man should know better. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Fifteen is way too young, and I think that seventeen is, too. Any grown man should know better. For what? 0123456789 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 For what? For an adult man who has a family-like relationship with her to give her a hug while only wearing boxers on his lower half and putting his body close enough to hers that she could feel his erect penis against her. For starters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 It means that most adults reading this are thoroughly skeeved out by this guy, Seems like a lot of ageism in some of the answers. I had this sort of reply in mind when I used the word "most". Dude. You're a smart guy. Are you seriously going to argue in favor of relationships between doofi in their mid 30s and 15 year old girls? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 For an adult man who has a family-like relationship with her to give her a hug while only wearing boxers on his lower half and putting his body close enough to hers that she could feel his erect penis against her. For starters. I had this sort of reply in mind when I used the word "most". Dude. You're a smart guy. Are you seriously going to argue in favor of relationships between doofi in their mid 30s and 15 year old girls? She's 16 according to the OP and yeah, if it's OK for a 19 year old stranger to the family I don't see why a 34 year old friend of the family should be discriminated against. If it's bad, then his friendship to the family and age have nothing to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 I might have lied about my age just a tiny bit though. I'm actually 15, not 16. I just said I was 16 because I wanted the situation to seem a tiny bit easier for you guys to get your head around. But hey, it's just a year, right? Can't make too much difference in your analysis. Hell, make it 14. Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 But hey, it's just a year, right? Can't make too much difference in your analysis. Hell, make it 14. If it's legal it's legal, if it's not it's not. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 "Morality is always higher than law and we cannot forget this ever." - Solzhenitsyn As someone who's been practicing law for nearly 25 years, I couldn't agree more. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 I still say if it was OK for a 19 year old stranger, it's OK for a 34 year old friend of the family, and if not, not. Tapdance all you like. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Tapdance all you like. I'm done. The stage is yours. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 She's 16 according to the OP You are wrong. In your haste to defend an old man trying to have sex with a teenager, you missed her confession: I might have lied about my age just a tiny bit though. I'm actually 15, not 16. I just said I was 16 because I wanted the situation to seem a tiny bit easier for you guys to get your head around. Not that it matters that much. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Strawberries do you have any guys around your age that are interested in you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 In reply to guys my age interested in me, if I had to give you guys an image of what I'm like then I'd describe myself as Allison Reynolds from The Breakfast Club. Go figure. I have a best friend who I stick closely with but I don't really hang out with guys at all. I'm pretty quiet but mature. I was surprised to come back and see another 2 pages on this discussion, haha! Link to post Share on other sites
Author strawberries Posted April 11, 2015 Author Share Posted April 11, 2015 Although I would like to add that he didn't try to have sex with me? It's not like he tried to rape me... But I do feel very cut up over the whole situation. It has hurt me emotionally and it will take me a long time to get over him. Honestly, not a day goes by where I don't think of him. I know that the whole thing is messed up and I'm best off staying away from him. But the reason I want to talk to him is because I value his friendship. That's why. Sometimes I wish that all of this never happened and that he stayed strictly on friend terms with me, because at least then I wouldn't feel so emotionally hurt by all of this. I don't understand why this has happened to me, but they say that life prepares you for what is to come. Not sure what that means for me. I know it was wrong what he did/was doing, but I feel I could not get him in trouble for it. I wish I could confess it to someone in my family but I can't. My parents will never know and I cannot tell my 'auntie' (his mum). My real auntie, who is best friends with his mum, is an alcoholic and so I couldn't tell her because once she is drunk she will tell people about it. A small part of me would love to, just for revenge. But I'm not that horrible of a person to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Although I would like to add that he didn't try to have sex with me? It's not like he tried to rape me... But I do feel very cut up over the whole situation. It has hurt me emotionally and it will take me a long time to get over him. Honestly, not a day goes by where I don't think of him. I know that the whole thing is messed up and I'm best off staying away from him. But the reason I want to talk to him is because I value his friendship. That's why. Sometimes I wish that all of this never happened and that he stayed strictly on friend terms with me, because at least then I wouldn't feel so emotionally hurt by all of this. I don't understand why this has happened to me, but they say that life prepares you for what is to come. Not sure what that means for me. I know it was wrong what he did/was doing, but I feel I could not get him in trouble for it. I wish I could confess it to someone in my family but I can't. My parents will never know and I cannot tell my 'auntie' (his mum). My real auntie, who is best friends with his mum, is an alcoholic and so I couldn't tell her because once she is drunk she will tell people about it. A small part of me would love to, just for revenge. But I'm not that horrible of a person to be honest. Do you have anyone that you feel close to and trust? Strawberries, this is important. Will you talk to someone about what you are feeling? Link to post Share on other sites
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