That's all folks..

[Simon Phoenix]

And na knows exactly what he should be doing. And isn't doing it.

 

Why is why we're on Page 34 and still going over rudimentary stuff.

[darkbloom]

Why is why we're on Page 34 and still going over rudimentary stuff.

 

There's a reason na has made 2164 posts. All about the same girl. Because she's an emotional terrorist.

[na49]

I deserve all of the criticism I get after 34 pages, but I do believe that I have been trying to help myself (I admit not as much as I could though).

 

It isn't my fault that she contacted me again. I told her that I didn't think we should talk, she agreed. I hadn't reached out since then. I blocked her everywhere that I could. I'm honestly afraid that she will approach me on campus at this point. Every block in the world can't stop this girl.

 

There's no way for me to block her email, only send her emails to a different folder which is what I'll have to do. I would still see them at some point though, and read them like I read her email last night. I would like to tell her that I don't think being friends is an option for me right now, but I don't want to open up the lines for communication because that only made things worse.

[Ruby65]

There's no way for me to block her email, only send her emails to a different folder which is what I'll have to do. I would still see them at some point though, and read them like I read her email last night.

 

Depends on your email. With Gmail you can set up a filter so the messages go straight to the trash folder, which is automatically emptied every 30 days or so.

[Simon Phoenix]

I deserve all of the criticism I get after 34 pages, but I do believe that I have been trying to help myself (I admit not as much as I could though).

 

It isn't my fault that she contacted me again. I told her that I didn't think we should talk, she agreed. I hadn't reached out since then. I blocked her everywhere that I could. I'm honestly afraid that she will approach me on campus at this point. Every block in the world can't stop this girl.

 

There's no way for me to block her email, only send her emails to a different folder which is what I'll have to do. I would still see them at some point though, and read them like I read her email last night. I would like to tell her that I don't think being friends is an option for me right now, but I don't want to open up the lines for communication because that only made things worse.

 

Of course you can block or filter e-mails (Ruby just told you how). And no, you don't have to open them up and read them. You see her name, you delete. I mean, c'mon man.

[na49]

Just got a follow up email from her. She wants to have me in her life, and to talk. Also wants me to respond to her previous email...

 

I can filter the emails, but can't block completely.

[darkbloom]

Just got a follow up email from her. She wants to have me in her life, and to talk. Also wants me to respond to her previous email...

 

I can filter the emails, but can't block completely.

 

She wants you in her life so she can continue to manipulate you. You are her fallback and her safe zone. You deserve better than that.

[na49]

She wants you in her life so she can continue to manipulate you. You are her fallback and her safe zone. You deserve better than that.

 

I realize that, and don't intend on responding to her. I'd like for someone who appreciates me when they have me instead of after I'm gone and their other relationship didn't work. I'd like for a long term relationship, not just a temporary thing for her between "real" romantic interests.

 

Everyone tells me she is manipulating me, and I believe it. I wonder though, does she even know that she is being manipulative? I assume not.

 

I seriously need an escape strategy if I get approached when I go back to school. She knows where my classes are.

[Ruby65]

Just got a follow up email from her. She wants to have me in her life, and to talk. Also wants me to respond to her previous email...

 

I can filter the emails, but can't block completely.

 

I'm starting to understand how this thread has gone on for so many pages....

[Simon Phoenix]

Just got a follow up email from her. She wants to have me in her life, and to talk. Also wants me to respond to her previous email...

 

I can filter the emails, but can't block completely.

 

Why the hell did you open the email? And who cares if she knows whether she's being manipulative? How does that matter as far as YOUR mental health?

[mtnbiker3000]

And... back to page 1

[darkbloom]

Na.

 

Please. No more excuses. I can't take it.

[na49]

There's no excuses right now. I wasn't asking for advice on what to do. I know what to do, and I did it. I treat this thread as a journal.

 

I didn't respond to ANY of her emails. She messaged me from a fake Facebook account... The next step is her showing up at my house.

[titipornstar]

your going to take her back, i can tell you are flip flopping

 

she will leave you again once she finds someone else

 

you will be her back up plan till she finds someone she clicks with and you will be done for good!

[Simon Phoenix]

There's no excuses right now. I wasn't asking for advice on what to do. I know what to do, and I did it. I treat this thread as a journal.

 

I didn't respond to ANY of her emails. She messaged me from a fake Facebook account... The next step is her showing up at my house.

 

What should happen if she shows up at your house

 

You'll tell her respectfully but firmly that she's not respecting your need for space. That you can't be her friend at this time and you have no interest in ever being her backup plan and that you don't trust her. That you wish her luck but you feel that the both of you need to be apart from each other to learn and grow. And then conversation over.

 

What will almost certainly happen if she shows up at your house

 

You'll try to say one of those, but she'll make you feel bad about yourself for standing up for yourself and you'll fold. You'll agree to whatever she says and delude yourself into believing that she really does love you and value you. You'll agree to whatever arrangement she wants you to agree with and be her accessory yet again.

 

What will be virtually guaranteed to happen if the above scenario happens

 

You'll continue to retard your emotional progress and continue to be codependent on her. She'll use you for as long as she feels she needs to until she feels confident in her abilities to attract other men. She'll get bored with you and keep her eye out for other men who challenge her, excite her, and who she has respect for. When she finds one she feel she can get with, she'll drop you like third-period French. And this cycle will repeat.

 

I hope you prove me wrong and never get to paragraph 2 and 3. But I have very little faith in you, unfortunately for good reason. I hate to continue to run you down, but you've backslid from even where you were when she broke up with you the first time. And when she breaks up with you a third time, you'll be even worse than you are now. And if that happens again, people in your life and on here will be annoyed with your "woe is me" attitude about the situation because they know that their help will fall on deaf ears.

Edited April 7, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[na49]

I realize that I don't deserve for anyone on this forum to have faith in me anymore. I haven't been able to help myself much since this second breakup, and have made all of the rookie mistakes.

 

I do have enough faith in myself to know that paragraphs 2 and 3 will not happen. I'd also like to give myself some credit for not replying to all of the emails she's sent me this time. I've filtered her emails to the trash, and I just won't check the trash folder. I couldn't stop her from making a fake profile to message me though.

[AIJ]

Make a new e-mail and move to Jamaica. Problem solved

 

Just kidding. Although making a new e-mail would probably be a wise idea. If she does happen to approach you in real life, be firm and tell her you don't wish to talk to her right now, then get out of there. If she tries to respond, just say 'shhhhh' and hold her lips closed. Then walk away. Maybe even run.

 

Don't fall back down the hole buddy, you're better than that, you deserve better. Stop letting her manipulate you.

[Simon Phoenix]

I realize that I don't deserve for anyone on this forum to have faith in me anymore. I haven't been able to help myself much since this second breakup, and have made all of the rookie mistakes.

 

I do have enough faith in myself to know that paragraphs 2 and 3 will not happen. I'd also like to give myself some credit for not replying to all of the emails she's sent me this time. I've filtered her emails to the trash, and I just won't check the trash folder. I couldn't stop her from making a fake profile to message me though.

 

Yes, you have shown restraint in not talking to her. I just think if she approaches you, you're going to have a hard time not capitulating. This girl knows how to push your buttons to get you second-guessing yourself (take a look at the size of this thread) and it can be difficult to stand your ground and say what you need to say when she's in your face. The unfortunate thing about how you've handled this break is that you've spent a lot of time in neutral or backsliding. You are starting to move in the right direction, but there's still a vulnerability there. She can sense it, which is why she's pushing it. She thinks you're going to fold because that's what she's used to you doing.

 

I'm happy that you are at least wanting to move in the right direction and are actually trying to embrace it now. It's just going to be difficult for you to stand your ground with her because the roles that you two have constructed in your relationship doesn't see that happen too much and, when you do, you start questioning yourself and wanting to fix it.

[seminoles84]

Pulling for you Na.. prove us doubters wrong.

[darkbloom]

I am rooting for you like hell na. I also see the wavering in your responses. I was you. I have been you. I have taken him back. I don't want it to happen to you. The third time around with this girl is going to hurt like a b-tch.

[na49]

The fact that I still have so much support from everyone here is great. You guys are all awesome.

 

AIJ: If it wasn't my school email, I would change my email address. Not an excuse, but filtering the emails to the Trash is the best I can do I think. I'd prefer if I could just put up a wall and prevent any emails from coming through. The idea that she can reach out to me that way honestly sucks. I plan on telling her that I have to go to class if she comes up to me in person, but I don't think that'll happen.

 

Simon: I agree, rejecting her in person would be difficult for me, and I haven't shown that I have the balls to reject her at all. I also never thought about the roles, but that's a good point. I've basically taught her to treat me like a backup plan because every time she is lonely/bored, she knows she can come to me for attention. I've also shown her that she can leave and I won't move on, I'll just wait for her to come back (so she does). Ignoring her emails and her messages from her fake Facebook has been hard, but I know it's what is best for me.

 

seminoles and darkbloom: Thanks guys! You took your ex back 3 times DB? I'm getting to a point where I really don't think I need her anymore. I'm prepared to be single for a while, but that doesn't have to be a problem. I really think my days of feeling really bad are over.

[darkbloom]

The fact that I still have so much support from everyone here is great. You guys are all awesome.

 

seminoles and darkbloom: Thanks guys! You took your ex back 3 times DB? I'm getting to a point where I really don't think I need her anymore. I'm prepared to be single for a while, but that doesn't have to be a problem. I really think my days of feeling really bad are over.

 

 

 

na,

 

 

I have never posted my whole story in a thread because I am ashamed. Maybe one day soon I will have the courage to do it and I anticipate being ripped apart for it because it is SHAMEFUL. Like literally, I was 100000x worse than anything you have posted on here. I took him back 3 times. Spoiler alert: I begged, cried, pleaded, etc. I have no idea why he took me back as I was a hot emotional mess.

 

 

I see people on the path that I took for basically three years. I cannot stand by idly while you have your heart ripped out. I won't stand for it. You are my internet friend and we both have broken hearts. Wherever you are in the world, we share a connection damnit!

 

 

As much as I(we) scold you, it's out of love and the deepest concern for your wellbeing. I really wish someone would have slapped me for my behavior. This is my internet slap.

 

 

love,

 

 

db

[na49]

Thank you DB, it means a lot. You don't need to share your whole story if you don't want, but definitely don't be ashamed of yourself for the past. Be proud of yourself for where you are now. You were finally able to walk away, and have been NC for like 3 months. Everyone here does stupid things in relation to their ex, and if you're me, you have two giant threads (one per breakup) tracking every stupid thought/action along the way.

 

I think I'm pretty self aware, so I know when I'm wrong, and I don't mind being scolded by you or anyone else on here when I need to be. I don't feel like anyone here "picks on me" unfairly, and when they tell me "you're being a f*cking idiot for responding to her email, looking at her Facebook" they are right lol. I just need the extra slap (or slaps) to remember it apparently.

 

Today would have been our anniversary. Two years ago today she came back for the first time, and we pretended that we were together for a year. It doesn't feel that significant to me right now though. When I remind myself of what day it is, sure some feelings come up, but otherwise it's just another day. I'd be lying if I said I'm not curious/hoping she will email/message me today, but I'll be cool if she doesn't. I don't question whether or not I'll be able to live without her anymore, I know I can live without her because I've done it before and am doing it again.

[Chi townD]

Dude, I really don't know what I'm going to do with you. If you spent even half the time making positive changes in your life than you do trying to avoid her and figure all of this crap out, you would be leaps and bounds in your healing right now.

 

 

I suggested that you join clubs on campus, and as far as I know, you haven't. I suggested you go to the gym. I think you started that but I don't know if you've been consistent. I suggested that you get away from the campus on the weekends and I don't believe you have. I suggested that you go away for spring break and you didn't. Even your Counselor suggested that you put yourself out there and start meeting new people!

 

 

LS can have your biggest supporters and cheering section or your biggest critics. 34 pages of very little to no improvements. What's it take to motivate you!

[darkbloom]

Thank you DB, it means a lot. You don't need to share your whole story if you don't want, but definitely don't be ashamed of yourself for the past. Be proud of yourself for where you are now. You were finally able to walk away, and have been NC for like 3 months. Everyone here does stupid things in relation to their ex, and if you're me, you have two giant threads (one per breakup) tracking every stupid thought/action along the way.

 

I think I might post my story in a series of posts. I'll start with how we met. And then the next week I will talk about the first breakup. I might even post about the Valentine's Day Massacre where he cheated. Maybe. Holding the story inside gives it power over me. I want to do the story justice.

 

 

I'll keep you posted.