Rejected Rosebud Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Like I said. I would t be surprised if he said I'm following him.. Sounds like a parade! Poor vache Remember BS this is an OW forum!! I know!! But even OW's might not think that it's nice you call her a "vache" and especially that you seem worried because she's following you!! When you are only still seeing him "platonically" so why not just stop and make sure you're safe and move on?? Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I've said this before and I will say again anger runs rampant on this board. There are many bitter angry souls on both sides of the fence here. You will get very little useful advice from some people here. Just insult dressed as tough love. As some people are unable to take the emotion of their own situation out of your request for help. Just take everything in stride. Keep the info that will be helpful and ignore the rest. I dont usually go onto the OW part of these boards but for what ever reason I clicked on this thread im not a BS or a OW..im just a random person who found the OPs total and utter lack of empathy for the wife to be disgusting so I commented. Ive seen OW comment before and while the usual entitled attitude is kinda disturbing its not usually as bad as this. I dont think im the only one who finds it down right revolting. Dont get the wrong idea I dont hate OW I can honestly see were one could fall in love with a MM and belive the lies and get hooked in but to then totally turn on the wife like a venimous snake is not called for its a losing situation for all envloved imo and I feel sorry for all but the MM.. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Yes. Take a lot of photos of her. Document her public behavior. Then show it all to the police, tell them you think she's stalking you, and see how that goes. Not sure how this is helpful. Thing is, maybe she is overreacting, maybe the BS is just making her presence known. But if she isn't stretching it? If the BS is really following her trying to intimidate her? She SHOULD document. You make fun of her, acting as though because she was OW she should not be afforded safety? She just has to suck it up? Personally I don't care if the WS had sex with the OW on BS kitchen table and she walked in on them. There is no reason for stalking, intimidating or violence. It certainly seems that is the consensus of some. OP, if you feel threatened, act. But your first act should be to stay away from MM. He is the cause of the drama. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Yes. Take a lot of photos of her. Document her public behavior. Then show it all to the police, tell them you think she's stalking you, and see how that goes. If the OP does start taking videos and photos or other recordings of the bs without her permission and goes to the police, she may find herslef in trouble, as in some jurisdictions, it's agaisnt the law to film someone without their consent, even in a public place. On a more important note. There really does seem to be a huge amount of drama being created by the OP here, and it's getting bigger every day. The bs goes into a store that the op friend owns, and her friend reports this back to her? If this friend hasn't seen the bs before, how would she know who she is? How would the bs know the store is onwed by the op's friend? Either this is some sort of psychodrama that the op is spinning, or she's hyperparanoid, which could be an outlet for the pain she's trying to hide after being told, yet again, thet the mm isn't leaving. It sounds like she could bennifit from a nice, long vacation somewhere where she can relax without having to see mm or his bs and desompress a bit before comming back to her life to make a fresh start at a new and better future without any of this silliness in it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I am not disputing that. What I am saying is it would be wise to take it up with her husband and make him stop rather than try and control a third party. At this point OP should be out of the picture, but she and MM are still in contact. ONLY MM and BS can clean up their mess of a marriage. I certainly would not want a husband who was with me simply because his lover dumped him. I would be more inclined to try to fix things if my husband went voluntary NC. As it is, BS will still feel second, which sucks. That is on MM and MM alone. I think we are talking over one another. I agree that MM is responsible for his continued contact. No doubt that is putting a tremendous strain on the marriage. OP however is responsible for her portion of this as well. Yes, we cannot control a third party which is why I am telling OP to stop contact with him. She is in control of her actions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I dont usually go onto the OW part of these boards but for what ever reason I clicked on this thread im not a BS or a OW..im just a random person who found the OPs total and utter lack of empathy for the wife to be disgusting so I commented. Ive seen OW comment before and while the usual entitled attitude is kinda disturbing its not usually as bad as this. I dont think im the only one who finds it down right revolting. Dont get the wrong idea I dont hate OW I can honestly see were one could fall in love with a MM and belive the lies and get hooked in but to then totally turn on the wife like a venimous snake is not called for its a losing situation for all envloved imo and I feel sorry for all but the MM.. I am neither a BW or OW either. I think I objectively look at this situation as a cautionary tale. 7 years wasted over a guy who does not deserve any woman to love him because he loves nobody but himself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I am neither a BW or OW either. I think I objectively look at this situation as a cautionary tale. 7 years wasted over a guy who does not deserve any woman to love him because he loves nobody but himself.[/QUOTE] Really quite sad for both of these women. Wonder where the OM is in all of this? Probably sitting at home, lapping up all the attention and drama that he has caused. There is NO winner here. I can't imagine (even if he left this BS) ever wanting such a cowardly little man child. This isn't love OP. This is dysfunctional and sick. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Not sure how this is helpful. Thing is, maybe she is overreacting, maybe the BS is just making her presence known. But if she isn't stretching it? If the BS is really following her trying to intimidate her? She SHOULD document. You make fun of her, acting as though because she was OW she should not be afforded safety? She just has to suck it up? Not what I'm saying at all. Just based on how she's presented the "evidence" here, it's a very thin case she has. And to truncated's point, it could backfire on her. There aren't any phone calls, notes, confrontations, etc. And I'm still wondering how the friend who owns the shop could know who the BS is if she's never seen her before. Something just doesn't pass the smell test here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jesuischarlie Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 If your friend had never seen her before, how did he/she know it was the BS? Small town big gossips. Also mm knows it's my friend. She definitely knows it's my friend. In fact half the town know about us I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jesuischarlie Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Not sure how this is helpful. Thing is, maybe she is overreacting, maybe the BS is just making her presence known. But if she isn't stretching it? If the BS is really following her trying to intimidate her? She SHOULD document. You make fun of her, acting as though because she was OW she should not be afforded safety? She just has to suck it up? Personally I don't care if the WS had sex with the OW on BS kitchen table and she walked in on them. There is no reason for stalking, intimidating or violence. It certainly seems that is the consensus of some. OP, if you feel threatened, act. But your first act should be to stay away from MM. He is the cause of the drama. You see, if he is telling her porkies, I've told her the truth and so has someone anonymous (I actually think it was his adult kid His adult child contacted me and asked me the truth . So maybe that's why she knows we meet regularly like that. In the same places. But what I'm afraid of is what does she hope to gain by stalking me. It's weird. She should be stalking her H not me. I can't cope to be honest. I'm not going to meet him when she's around so is that her plot? Where there's a will though theres a way and you cannot live like that. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 You see, if he is telling her porkies, I've told her the truth and so has someone anonymous (I actually think it was his adult kid His adult child contacted me and asked me the truth . So maybe that's why she knows we meet regularly like that. In the same places. But what I'm afraid of is what does she hope to gain by stalking me. It's weird. She should be stalking her H not me. I can't cope to be honest. I'm not going to meet him when she's around so is that her plot? Where there's a will though theres a way and you cannot live like that. Op why do want to continue with a man like this wouldent you rather find one who you dident have to go threw all of this over? if your honestly not sleeping with this man anymore why are you even still "getting together"? why are you putting yourself and the wife thu seeing him at all anymore? if you completely stop seeing him diliberatly then things would be diffent and you prob have more of a leg to stand on with this.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jesuischarlie Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Yes. Take a lot of photos of her. Document her public behavior. Then show it all to the police, tell them you think she's stalking you, and see how that goes. She went to the police about me several months ago. Contacting her husband... Well let's say I stupidly called him at home when she was out but came back suddenly. Sigh. I think that's delusional. Because she ignored the nose on her face she no longer was on my radar. She deserves all she gets. It's not me who the problem is. It's her marriage. (BS this is an OW forum). Her marriage is not fixable by me. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 You see, if he is telling her porkies, I've told her the truth and so has someone anonymous (I actually think it was his adult kid His adult child contacted me and asked me the truth . So maybe that's why she knows we meet regularly like that. In the same places. But what I'm afraid of is what does she hope to gain by stalking me. It's weird. She should be stalking her H not me. I can't cope to be honest. I'm not going to meet him when she's around so is that her plot? Where there's a will though theres a way and you cannot live like that. Why ARE you still meeting him? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 She went to the police about me several months ago. Contacting her husband... Well let's say I stupidly called him at home when she was out but came back suddenly. Sigh. I think that's delusional. Because she ignored the nose on her face she no longer was on my radar. She deserves all she gets. It's not me who the problem is. It's her marriage. (BS this is an OW forum). Her marriage is not fixable by me. I thought your story sounded familiar. The "calling their house" detail kind of seals it. Good luck. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I can't cope to be honest. I'm not going to meet him when she's around so is that her plot? Where there's a will though theres a way and you cannot live like that. She's obviously not coping either. Yes, I believe she is trying to catch her husband meeting you, or prevent him from meeting you. At the very least, invading your (your and his) space as you've invaded hers. As for the bolded, as you say, where there's a will there's a way. This has been a battle of wills of an epic proportion. One could wonder how either of you have lived this way all this time, or why. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Why ARE you still meeting him? I have wondered the same. I have to tell you JeSuis, I was OW. I actually ended up in an open R with my guy. If he had EVER behaved in the manner in which your WS is, I would not have put up with it. You deservr better. I think what he is doing to his wife is just twisting the knife and i truly believe that to alleviate the problem for you is to let this guy go. I agree with you, you can't fix their marriage but maybe if you stepped aside they could work on it or end it without blaming you. Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 She went to the police about me several months ago. Contacting her husband... Well let's say I stupidly called him at home when she was out but came back suddenly. Sigh. I think that's delusional. Because she ignored the nose on her face she no longer was on my radar. She deserves all she gets. It's not me who the problem is. It's her marriage. (BS this is an OW forum). Her marriage is not fixable by me. And she may feel you deserve all you get. Obviously the hatred between you and his wife is mutual. The drama you all are addicted to, the dynamic of it all is unhealthy. You've been posting about this on and off for a while now and outcome never changes. They aren't divorcing and now 7 years later after everything that's happened, they still aren't divorcing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Maybe I missed it, but how is she in your face all the time. Can you be more specific? Does she stop or slow down when she see you, give you a dirty look ? What's going on besides driving and shopping? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 There is the thought here, that it may be quite unintentional on her part and she has no real idea, she is just shopping. OR she is oblivious and the MM could have a part in this drama. Can you pick up some stuff for me dear? You can park around the corner... Maybe I just watch too many thrillers... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jesuischarlie Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Yes. Take a lot of photos of her. Document her public behavior. Then show it all to the police, tell them you think she's stalking you, and see how that goes. She went to the police about me several months ago. Contacting her husband... Well let's say I stupidly called him at home when she was out but came back suddenly. Sigh. I think that's delusional. Because she ignored the nose on her face she no longer was on my radar. She deserves all she gets. It's not me who the problem is. It's her marriage. (BS this is an OW forum). Her marriage is not fixable by me disappearing. And when I say small town... It means everyone knows your business, not literally 'small' . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jesuischarlie Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Op why do want to continue with a man like this wouldent you rather find one who you dident have to go threw all of this over? if your honestly not sleeping with this man anymore why are you even still "getting together"? why are you putting yourself and the wife thu seeing him at all anymore? if you completely stop seeing him diliberatly then things would be diffent and you prob have more of a leg to stand on with this.. I love him) - : and he's been my life for 7 years Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I love him) - : and he's been my life for 7 years WAKE UP!!!!! Its really a bad dream your living in. If he really loved you he would have left her. Nothing would ever stand in his way of being with you and only you. Tell him to leave her or move on. Put it on him. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I love him) - : and he's been my life for 7 years Do you believe this is a healthy love for you? A healthy relationship? I could draw a comparison to a woman in an abusive relationship, who has strong feelings of love that keep her coming back, in addition to years invested. You need to summon the inner strength to walk away from an unhealthy roller coaster ride. The highs feel great, but the lows will be your undoing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Seven years is a long time to love someone part time, love. Are you wanting him to leave or are you just wanting to be a mistress? Because honestly, it has been 7 years. He would have left long ago. Don't waste any more precious time. If your end game IS to be mistress, then i am afraid you know the rules... wife comes first and you must stay out of her line of sight at all costs. I am sorry, that is the nature of the beast. Seems like you need to figure things out. It is a rough road. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I love him) - : and he's been my life for 7 years But you've only been a fraction of his life for the same time. He still hasn't left. How long has his wife been a part of his life? Link to post Share on other sites
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