Being stalked by BS

[elaine567]

No obviously he's unhappy. I don't just take words. He's a shadow.

 

I think she may want me to confront her or vice versa

 

I think the best thing you could do if she does appear to be coming for you is retreat and don't try and force confrontations.

I think you may have to accept that you are the woman in the wrong here and if you do end up in a slanging match or even a brawl in public, then bystanders may not take your side.

A dignified retreat is in order, get yourself out of the situation as soon as possible and if things look like they may turn violent, get yourself to a place of safety.

[AmyBamy]

I had to deal with the same thing, a crazy woman who couldn't let go when it was best to stop kicking the dead horse. My husband had already left her though, so it's a little bit different, but not much. Any grown woman who is stalking and attempting to intimidate is acting like a petulant teenager. No matter what one is feeling they should be able to control their own behaviors. You will hear a lot on here about how a BS is allowed to do anything that they want because they are hurting, don't buy it.

 

I got a restraining order on the BS as did my husband and his children. She still has been unable to control herself to the extent that an adult should be able to do so which causes her children to continue to pull away from her. Sympathy for someone who is hurting is one thing. Enabling someone who is having some sort of psychotic break because the world is too hard for them is completely another.

 

People every day experience losses much worse than having a marriage partner who starts another relationship. All of those people don't become psychotic emotional messes and begin to encroach on the rights of others. She is obviously unstable and mentally and emotionally weak and therefore could be dangerous. But honestly, usually these types of women who have the loudest bark are unable to defend themselves physically if it comes down to that, all talk and emotional immaturity in most cases.

 

File the restraining order. Even if the police won't file it, you will begin the paper trail of harassment. Take pictures with your phone camera that can date and time when she is following you, videos if you can. Catch any childish behavior on her part on film or with pictures, it will help later show her character, if you end up in court. Document everything. Write down when she follows you, what she does and says, time and date it. Let her dig her own legal grave, the work on your part is minimal. If you are truly in fear for your physical safety, carry a weapon of some sort with you. If she assaults you, you are allowed legally to use whatever force necessary to protect yourself and it's not your fault if she bites off more than she can chew with her little tantrum of trying to get her way and exert posession over another human being.

 

I cannot even tell you how ridiculous some women make themselves look in some weird attempt to keep someone that doesn't want them. Claims of temporary insanity rarely hold up in court. Here in the real world adults are expected to act like adults and when they don't, there are consequences. Part of being in an adult relationship is the chance that it won't last and if she can't handle that she shouldn't have ventured into a marriage. Marriage is not a golden ticket to do whatever you want. She could divorce him as easily as he could divorce her. She has other choices she just wants the drama. Don't feed her need for drama, simply legally and physically protect yourself. She is making her bed, let her lie in it.

[MuddyRock]

I cannot even tell you how ridiculous some women make themselves look in some weird attempt to keep someone that doesn't want them.

 

however for whatever reasons that don't matter the husband chose his wife. OP is the one that isn't wanted.

[goodyblue]

I only had one confrontation with the BS. I did not engage. Change your routine. Take different routes. Stay away from where she may be. I avoid BS like the plague even now and they have been divorced for years.

[ComingInHot]

I had to deal with the same thing, a crazy woman who couldn't let go when it was best to stop kicking the dead horse. My husband had already left her though, so it's a little bit different, but not much. Any grown woman who is stalking and attempting to intimidate is acting like a petulant teenager. No matter what one is feeling they should be able to control their own behaviors. You will hear a lot on here about how a BS is allowed to do anything that they want because they are hurting, don't buy it.

 

I got a restraining order on the BS as did my husband and his children. She still has been unable to control herself to the extent that an adult should be able to do so which causes her children to continue to pull away from her. Sympathy for someone who is hurting is one thing. Enabling someone who is having some sort of psychotic break because the world is too hard for them is completely another.

 

People every day experience losses much worse than having a marriage partner who starts another relationship. All of those people don't become psychotic emotional messes and begin to encroach on the rights of others. She is obviously unstable and mentally and emotionally weak and therefore could be dangerous. But honestly, usually these types of women who have the loudest bark are unable to defend themselves physically if it comes down to that, all talk and emotional immaturity in most cases.

 

File the restraining order. Even if the police won't file it, you will begin the paper trail of harassment. Take pictures with your phone camera that can date and time when she is following you, videos if you can. Catch any childish behavior on her part on film or with pictures, it will help later show her character, if you end up in court. Document everything. Write down when she follows you, what she does and says, time and date it. Let her dig her own legal grave, the work on your part is minimal. If you are truly in fear for your physical safety, carry a weapon of some sort with you. If she assaults you, you are allowed legally to use whatever force necessary to protect yourself and it's not your fault if she bites off more than she can chew with her little tantrum of trying to get her way and exert posession over another human being.

 

I cannot even tell you how ridiculous some women make themselves look in some weird attempt to keep someone that doesn't want them. Claims of temporary insanity rarely hold up in court. Here in the real world adults are expected to act like adults and when they don't, there are consequences. Part of being in an adult relationship is the chance that it won't last and if she can't handle that she shouldn't have ventured into a marriage. Marriage is not a golden ticket to do whatever you want. She could divorce him as easily as he could divorce her. She has other choices she just wants the drama. Don't feed her need for drama, simply legally and physically protect yourself. She is making her bed, let her lie in it.

 

That's so funny!! My H (x) took out retaining order on ExOW. Funny how that works out, right?!!?

Here'sa kicker, I left him him anyways. Even offered to call the unstable exOw restraining ordered lady to let her know. Come to find out, she'd shed the her crazy, I'm the 'better woman' persona and actually found happiness. (At least I believe she did)* guess who got left out? in the great white cold.... X.

 

i think all cheaters should go down this way... Awwwesome *

I feel happy believing exOW is no longer in the, 'A crazy, I'm better than BW' phase.

poor fella still hangs on to me, and over his stupid choices. At the end of the day, it is the MM stupid choices to cheat, right*

CiH*

Edited February 1, 2015 by ComingInHot

[BurnedAndLost]

I had to deal with the same thing, a crazy woman who couldn't let go when it was best to stop kicking the dead horse. My husband had already left her though, so it's a little bit different, but not much. Any grown woman who is stalking and attempting to intimidate is acting like a petulant teenager. No matter what one is feeling they should be able to control their own behaviors. You will hear a lot on here about how a BS is allowed to do anything that they want because they are hurting, don't buy it.

 

I got a restraining order on the BS as did my husband and his children. She still has been unable to control herself to the extent that an adult should be able to do so which causes her children to continue to pull away from her. Sympathy for someone who is hurting is one thing. Enabling someone who is having some sort of psychotic break because the world is too hard for them is completely another.

 

People every day experience losses much worse than having a marriage partner who starts another relationship. All of those people don't become psychotic emotional messes and begin to encroach on the rights of others. She is obviously unstable and mentally and emotionally weak and therefore could be dangerous. But honestly, usually these types of women who have the loudest bark are unable to defend themselves physically if it comes down to that, all talk and emotional immaturity in most cases.

 

File the restraining order. Even if the police won't file it, you will begin the paper trail of harassment. Take pictures with your phone camera that can date and time when she is following you, videos if you can. Catch any childish behavior on her part on film or with pictures, it will help later show her character, if you end up in court. Document everything. Write down when she follows you, what she does and says, time and date it. Let her dig her own legal grave, the work on your part is minimal. If you are truly in fear for your physical safety, carry a weapon of some sort with you. If she assaults you, you are allowed legally to use whatever force necessary to protect yourself and it's not your fault if she bites off more than she can chew with her little tantrum of trying to get her way and exert posession over another human being.

 

I cannot even tell you how ridiculous some women make themselves look in some weird attempt to keep someone that doesn't want them. Claims of temporary insanity rarely hold up in court. Here in the real world adults are expected to act like adults and when they don't, there are consequences. Part of being in an adult relationship is the chance that it won't last and if she can't handle that she shouldn't have ventured into a marriage. Marriage is not a golden ticket to do whatever you want. She could divorce him as easily as he could divorce her. She has other choices she just wants the drama. Don't feed her need for drama, simply legally and physically protect yourself. She is making her bed, let her lie in it.

 

The lack of empathy you have is astounding and disgusting. You turn someones world upside down and then stick your nose down at them and make condescending remarks about her for not reacting in a way you see fit. I think that speaks volumes about you. You sound quite insecure. Clearly your distaste for BSes run a lot deeper than the woman in your situtation. Maybe you should work on yourself before trying drag others through the mud. Poor dat.

 

I hope that woman can heal and realize she is better off with that loser of a husband she had.

 

Anyways, I don't see how your little anecdote is supposed to help the OP. The ops mm hasn't left his marriage.

Edited February 1, 2015 by BurnedAndLost

[sunburned]

I cannot even tell you how ridiculous some women make themselves look in some weird attempt to keep someone that doesn't want them.

 

Ikr? Describes jesuischarlie to a T.

[AlwaysGrowing]

I would strongly suggest you get legal advice before you carte blanche believe the poster that says you can legally use any force when you are being assaulted.

 

I can guarantee you, if you get slapped in the face and your response is to shoot someone dead....it will be you that will be charged.

[Sassy Girl]

I do think she's being gaslighted. Like I said. I would t be surprised if he said I'm following him.. But she cant be stupid. So no. I think she's deliberately intimidating me. And I've been seeing mm for 7 years almost daily. Never happened before. I think she's given up her job to save her marriage... Poor vache Remember BS this is an OW forum!!

Yeah....I'm actually a MOW...Doesn't mean I still wont call it like I see it...

[whichwayisup]

I cannot even tell you how ridiculous some women make themselves look in some weird attempt to keep someone that doesn't want them.

 

Does this apply to OW who won't let go after a MM chooses to stay married and end the affair or are you only speaking about BS's?

[sunburned]

Any grown woman with an ounce of pride would never lower herself to stalk an OW.

 

And how many ounces of pride does a woman who cheats with another woman's husband have? And how many are left after 7 years of being a side piece with no end in sight?

[BurnedAndLost]

Also, what is it with some people on here claiming that people here find BSes lashing out inappropriately OK? I have been here for two years and have NEVER seen ANYONE here encourage or say that that behavior is acceptable. Never.

 

The general consensus is that those involved need to remove themselves from the situation, and for Bses to channel their emotions in a healthier way. Which is perfectly reasonable advice.

 

So can we please stop it with this lie?

[BurnedAndLost]

Does this apply to OW who won't let go after a MM chooses to stay married and end the affair or are you only speaking about BS's?

 

Come on. You already know the answer to that question.

[stillafool]

Lol no....... I do know that for sure by the mere fact she's bothering me. Obvious.

 

He could still be doing every thing in his power to show her he is through with you and she still may want revenge for what you did to her. You aren't in their home behind closed doors so you don't really know what is truth and what is not. All you know is what he tells you. The point is he is still with her and actions always speak louder than words.

[stillafool]

If she stops me... What do I do?

 

Stand up and be a woman. Tell her the truth about everything and then apologize for having sex with her husband. Don't be a coward in this because you found the strength to have this affair have the strength to stand up to the consequences.

[GoldieLox]

Here in the real world adults are expected to act like adults and when they don't, there are consequences. Part of being in an adult relationship is the chance that it won't last and if she can't handle that she shouldn't have ventured into a marriage. Marriage is not a golden ticket to do whatever you want. She could divorce him as easily as he could divorce her. She has other choices she just wants the drama. Don't feed her need for drama, simply legally and physically protect yourself. She is making her bed, let her lie in it.

 

Yes, but here in the real world on planet Earth, when you enter into a marriage and say your vows, you have a realistic expectation that your SPOUSE will not do whatever they want with someone else.

 

By continuing to see the MM, the OP is doing nothing but encouraging the situation. Maybe the OP, as an OW, should try owning HER S#&T. The BS didn't steal OP's husband... it's the other way around.

[jellybean89]

I am very serious. BS is a grown woman following another woman around. She should probably invest that time into following her husband who is cheating. Let's say OP decided to move on with her life there will probably another OW and I guess it's healthy and normal to follow her too. If she feels she is being stalked police will NOT laugh her out of the station. How many of these so called love triangles have ended badly? Countless. They will listen to her take a statement and if the stalking escalates she should be able to go back with the previous statement on record and the restraining order is usually granted.

 

To the person who asked if my cousin stayed with married man she dumped him, he divorced his wife and his wife is now trying to rebuild her life which is hard after losing her license.

 

The OP is paranoid. The wife could be going about HER life and she may think the OP is stalking her!

 

Yes, the police will laugh in her face. Geez, if everyone who ever "felt" like someone was bothering them ran to the police, the police wouldn't be able to actually pursue actual crimes. There needs to be evidence before anything can be filed. Not the words of an OW who got caught having an affair. Please educate yourself on the law before throwing out "advice".

 

OP, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. You claim he is a shell of a man, yet I would bet that isn't how things are at home. If he loves you, why does he stay in such a miserable situation?

 

There are OW on here, now former OW, who have open relationships with their former AP. That isn't your case. In those cases, the MM chose to end a marriage because he wanted the OW more than the wife. May have blindsided the BS, or it may have not been a shock, but the fact is men DO leave marriages every damn day and it seems the MM you are having an affair with is choosing his wife, not you.

 

Accept it and move on. Why would you want to be 2nd choice?

[anika99]

I dont get it are you saying you want to put hair spray in HER car? I think you should stop seeing her husband and obsessing on were the women parks her car..

 

LOL..that's funny. I think she meant she would spray the BW with hairspray if the BW confronts her, which is also pretty funny "Don't come any closer or I will be forced to give your hairdo hold and manageability!!"

[Lurkeraspect]

I had to deal with the same thing, a crazy woman who couldn't let go when it was best to stop kicking the dead horse. My husband had already left her though, so it's a little bit different, but not much. Any grown woman who is stalking and attempting to intimidate is acting like a petulant teenager. No matter what one is feeling they should be able to control their own behaviors. You will hear a lot on here about how a BS is allowed to do anything that they want because they are hurting, don't buy it.

 

I got a restraining order on the BS as did my husband and his children. She still has been unable to control herself to the extent that an adult should be able to do so which causes her children to continue to pull away from her. Sympathy for someone who is hurting is one thing. Enabling someone who is having some sort of psychotic break because the world is too hard for them is completely another.

 

People every day experience losses much worse than having a marriage partner who starts another relationship. All of those people don't become psychotic emotional messes and begin to encroach on the rights of others. She is obviously unstable and mentally and emotionally weak and therefore could be dangerous. But honestly, usually these types of women who have the loudest bark are unable to defend themselves physically if it comes down to that, all talk and emotional immaturity in most cases.

 

File the restraining order. Even if the police won't file it, you will begin the paper trail of harassment. Take pictures with your phone camera that can date and time when she is following you, videos if you can. Catch any childish behavior on her part on film or with pictures, it will help later show her character, if you end up in court. Document everything. Write down when she follows you, what she does and says, time and date it. Let her dig her own legal grave, the work on your part is minimal. If you are truly in fear for your physical safety, carry a weapon of some sort with you. If she assaults you, you are allowed legally to use whatever force necessary to protect yourself and it's not your fault if she bites off more than she can chew with her little tantrum of trying to get her way and exert posession over another human being.

 

I cannot even tell you how ridiculous some women make themselves look in some weird attempt to keep someone that doesn't want them. Claims of temporary insanity rarely hold up in court. Here in the real world adults are expected to act like adults and when they don't, there are consequences. Part of being in an adult relationship is the chance that it won't last and if she can't handle that she shouldn't have ventured into a marriage. Marriage is not a golden ticket to do whatever you want. She could divorce him as easily as he could divorce her. She has other choices she just wants the drama. Don't feed her need for drama, simply legally and physically protect yourself. She is making her bed, let her lie in it.

 

Yes, your situation is extremely different than the OPs.

 

The OP has been wasting years (7) for a man who has chosen time and time again to not leave his blah marriage and have an above board relationship with her. He has chosen (after multiple ddays) to stay right where he is; married to his dreadful wife.

 

Your affair on the other hand appears to have been short lived and you're now married to this prize of a man. Good on you, btw.

 

The BS in this situation hasn't done anything to the OP rather than turn up in a few places or happen to be in her car where the OP is. Scandalous. OP has admitted they live in a small town, so the likelihood that paths will cross is inevitable. There have been no in your face confrontations, no threats, nothing. So running off to the police will make no one look crazy, except for the OP.

 

If anyone needs to move on, it's this poster.

 

I for one hope she can finally do just that, and not be here posting to report the year 8 wanderings of this BS.

[Jesuischarlie]

The lack of empathy you have is astounding and disgusting. You turn someones world upside down and then stick your nose down at them and make condescending remarks about her for not reacting in a way you see fit. I think that speaks volumes about you. You sound quite insecure. Clearly your distaste for BSes run a lot deeper than the woman in your situtation. Maybe you should work on yourself before trying drag others through the mud. Poor dat.

 

I hope that woman can heal and realize she is better off with that loser of a husband she had.

 

Anyways, I don't see how your little anecdote is supposed to help the OP. The ops mm hasn't left his marriage.

He left it when he fell in love with me. I would rather he was with me in his heart than just an empty shell. Wow lots of bitterness here. Do you think you can beat your demons by beating me? You won't.

Edited February 1, 2015 by Jesuischarlie

[Jesuischarlie]

Of course he is its now more complicated to have his family and his piece of azz on the side sorry but its true men like this are self severing thats all..you should leave the women alone dont cause anymore needless dramas..

Like I keep saying.... i'm not having an affair anymore... Can You read? I have not 'Not left her alone' " she's pursuing me. Not me pursuing her. Got it???

[Jesuischarlie]

I dont get it are you saying you want to put hair spray in HER car? I think you should stop seeing her husband and obsessing on were the women parks her car..

 

You talk absolute rubbish as you have no concept of reality. Nor can you take anything in. Please disappear

[whichwayisup]

I think some are reacting so strongly is because you seem to really despise your exMM's wife. Instead of having some compassion for her, feel some remorse for your part in hurting her, for helping him cheat on her and betray her for many years, just seems you're totally shocked that she has some nerve to react.

 

What you know about her has been filtered through your exMM, so of course HE is going to make it look like he's a King, did nothing wrong and everything was his wife's fault in the demise of their marriage. The thing is, he still chose to stay, empty shell or not, he's a grown man and could very easily walk away if he really wanted. His wife isn't holding a gun to his head. You only know one side of this and you don't know what he has told her about you at all. You can speculate, assume all you want, but you don't know.

 

I've this thousands of times, people who are unhappy in a marriage and want a divorce, DO SO.

 

How often are you two in contact? you say your A is over, but are you trying a friendship? If so, even that IS a threat to their marriage. Friendship equals EA.

[tippydog90]

Frankly, after reading all the OP's replies, I can understand why MM chose to stay with his wife. Her complete lack of empathy for the woman whose life she helped tear apart is frightening.

[elaine567]

Like I keep saying.... i'm not having an affair anymore... Can You read? I have not 'Not left her alone' " she's pursuing me. Not me pursuing her. Got it???

 

But you are still conducting an EA are you not?

His BS is not free of you, is she?