How can WS BS heal from their cheating?

[drifter777]

Drifter, no offense but you talk a good talk. You don't walk the walk. It is easy to say and hard to do. I don't think you should be the poster boy for leaving a cheater. You should have more sympathy and support for those, like you, that chose to stay regardless of the down side to that choice. The reasons to stay are plentiful and no one should make a statement like, it is NEVER a good idea to stay. Especially someone that is currently staying.

 

Yes, your point is we taken. Not sure why you couched it in "no offence" since offense is precisely what you meant. But no problem because what you say about my experience is accurate. You and others should keep reading because I try to always add that the choice most BH's eventually face is divorce or settle. There are lots of reasons to settle but, like for me, those reasons were fear-based due to my total lack of information. I want BH's to know the odds of successful R are long and choosing divorce, while scary and painful, is usually the best path.

[jbrent890]

I know each situation is different. I think a lot of BS's come here to authentically try and help each other dissolve their pain in ways they either wished they had or had done which allowed them to heal. For me, I'll still be here even when I find my new woman. I think LS will be a larger part of my life now. If it wasn't for this community I would have figured it all out on my own eventually but kind of got a head start of what to expect, look for and the processes to take into a reconciliation or divorce. Also, no matter what, I love talking to everybody here no matter if you're a BS or WS. I enjoy seeing the opinions of others and following each individual story on here. It makes you realize what this world is full of. All of our shells have been broken wide open and we can now see what is around us all of the time. It is very real.

 

Sometimes I view the people who are mindlessly married living in the Matrix. They are living in their happy bubbly world thinking these events would never happen to them. Most have probably experienced infidelity one way or another in their marriages and haven't been privy to the info. Most is hidden and locked away by the WS as an event they just want to forget about and move on happily ever after. When I divorce I will not be here to tell people to divorce and live in happiness unless of course they are plastering red flags all over the place. There are situations that are more reconcilable than others and I think we can all agree on that. The WS posting here seems to have exhibited enough guilt shortly after to tell her husband personally than having him stumble on it years down the road. I think her affair is in line with what true remorse is. The WS's who get caught after a year long bang session I don't think exhibit this and for some reason only get that guilt when they are caught. Well, kind of like my wife. I do get tingly inside seeing successful reconciliations too. They are hard to come by but when they happen it's great to see.

 

Could not agree more. I would definitely tell a BS who's WS willfully confessed to their affair to try to work things out. That to me displays true remorse. However, during, my time here, Mrs. Adams is the only one who has done this. I have seen one who confessed because she knew she was about to get caught, but all the other stories I have heard, the BS either caught the WS in the affair or found out later on after it ended. I'm sure there are a lot of Waywards that regret their affairs, but to me when they don't confess, they are only doing what they set out to do in the first place which was cheat and hope they don't get caught. I'm sure for a lot of BSs, when they catch their Waywards, they more than likely think that the only regret the wayward had was getting caught. And could you blame them for thinking this? It's really hard to tell someone to try and work it out with someone who really doesn't regret what they did.

[TrustedthenBusted]

 

 

It's 30 years later and you're still dealing with this mess?

 

 

Yeah, this is kinda what I thought too. At what point do you just leave the past in the past?

 

I understand trying to help people, but I'm already about ready to retire from this site and certainly don't want to be thinking about this stuff 25 more years from now.

[Selfish]

Yeah, this is kinda what I thought too. At what point do you just leave the past in the past?

 

I understand trying to help people, but I'm already about ready to retire from this site and certainly don't want to be thinking about this stuff 25 more years from now.

 

Different people have different personalities. You may want to leave the site but others find satisfaction in helping others with someone they themselves went through. And then there are people who are still unhappy and keeping the affair alive. And then there are just bored people. The reasons are vast. It is good in life to realize not everyone thinks and feels like you. And what you think is true for yourself is most certainly not true for everyone else.

[Selfish]

Could not agree more. I would definitely tell a BS who's WS willfully confessed to their affair to try to work things out. That to me displays true remorse. However, during, my time here, Mrs. Adams is the only one who has done this. I have seen one who confessed because she knew she was about to get caught, but all the other stories I have heard, the BS either caught the WS in the affair or found out later on after it ended. I'm sure there are a lot of Waywards that regret their affairs, but to me when they don't confess, they are only doing what they set out to do in the first place which was cheat and hope they don't get caught. I'm sure for a lot of BSs, when they catch their Waywards, they more than likely think that the only regret the wayward had was getting caught. And could you blame them for thinking this? It's really hard to tell someone to try and work it out with someone who really doesn't regret what they did.

 

I have read far more stories of confession than you. On this site and others. it is all the matter of preception and what you are looking for.

 

I confessed unprompted, and so have others. In my real life my BF's husband confessed that he had started an EA but had been in denial it was (so many people don't believe EAs are really cheating. And whether you believe the pain is the same as full on sex, the damage to the marriage is real). When that friend's husband kissed the woman and couldn't lie to himself anymore he came home and confessed. He was gutted by his actions. My aunt confessed as well. She was away taking a six week course for work and got involved with a man. It was all fantasy and what not. But the guilt caught up with her and she confessed. In all three of our cases the chance of discovery was very low. Then my husband's best friend was cheated on 11 years ago. She confessed as well. Discovery could have happened easily (but not in the way where you know for a fact discovery is going to happen it was just a high risk situation).

 

And, at this time we are all still with our spouses. My friend's husband's cheating I'm the only one that knows.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Yeah, this is kinda what I thought too. At what point do you just leave the past in the past?

 

I understand trying to help people, but I'm already about ready to retire from this site and certainly don't want to be thinking about this stuff 25 more years from now.

 

We finally jumped the last hurdle october 2013.... So even though we are 31 years out...even though we had a good marriage and we were happy....there was a puzzle piece missing. If we can help others find that piece quicker than we did....then posting is a small sacrifice we pay....

 

We are playing it forward so to speak.

 

If our being here causes us any stress, discomfort, anxiety....we will walk away.

Having some experience behind us now ...from the other site....we hope we can be encouraging to those who want it and need it.

 

We are not here to judge...we are not here to cause trouble...we are here to offer hope and encouragement. There is no agenda but that.

[TrustedthenBusted]

Different people have different personalities. You may want to leave the site but others find satisfaction in helping others with someone they themselves went through. And then there are people who are still unhappy and keeping the affair alive. And then there are just bored people. The reasons are vast. It is good in life to realize not everyone thinks and feels like you. And what you think is true for yourself is most certainly not true for everyone else.

 

Absolutely agree with you. I hope I didn't come off as someone who thinks his opinion is the only one, or the "right" one.

 

I was just sharing my own thoughts on it. Somewhere on here Mrs John Adams said it took her 30 years to "heal."

 

And I have to say... to me that is frightening.

[TrustedthenBusted]

We finally jumped the last hurdle october 2013.... So even though we are 31 years out...even though we had a good marriage and we were happy....there was a puzzle piece missing. If we can help others find that piece quicker than we did....then posting is a small sacrifice we pay....

 

We are playing it forward so to speak.

 

If our being here causes us any stress, discomfort, anxiety....we will walk away.

Having some experience behind us now ...from the other site....we hope we can be encouraging to those who want it and need it.

 

We are not here to judge...we are not here to cause trouble...we are here to offer hope and encouragement. There is no agenda but that.

 

 

we were posting at the same time.

 

Again, I hope my initial reaction didn't come off the wrong way. I appreciate what you are doing, and have posted a ton of stuff here myself that I hope is useful to people. I'm 5 years in, and doing well, and wanted to let people know that.

 

I guess it was the prospect of still having hurdles to clear 25 years from now that made me a little nervous. But I truly don't think that will be me.

[Confused48]

Yes, your point is we taken. Not sure why you couched it in "no offence" since offense is precisely what you meant. But no problem because what you say about my experience is accurate. You and others should keep reading because I try to always add that the choice most BH's eventually face is divorce or settle. There are lots of reasons to settle but, like for me, those reasons were fear-based due to my total lack of information. I want BH's to know the odds of successful R are long and choosing divorce, while scary and painful, is usually the best path.

 

Drifter, I like you and understand your point of view for the most part. I agree with you more often than not.

 

No, I would never intentionally offend you. I was challenging your thinking, your position. If you consider that offensive then I'm sorry.

[BetrayedH]

Could not agree more. I would definitely tell a BS who's WS willfully confessed to their affair to try to work things out. That to me displays true remorse. However, during, my time here, Mrs. Adams is the only one who has done this. I have seen one who confessed because she knew she was about to get caught, but all the other stories I have heard, the BS either caught the WS in the affair or found out later on after it ended. I'm sure there are a lot of Waywards that regret their affairs, but to me when they don't confess, they are only doing what they set out to do in the first place which was cheat and hope they don't get caught. I'm sure for a lot of BSs, when they catch their Waywards, they more than likely think that the only regret the wayward had was getting caught. And could you blame them for thinking this? It's really hard to tell someone to try and work it out with someone who really doesn't regret what they did.

 

There's statistical data that backs up this theory of yours (in regards to voluntary confessions making a big difference) . Stats that I saw regarding married coupkes (two years post Dday) showed 70% remained together after a voluntary confession and only 35% following a discovery (and only half of those reported being "happy"). A voluntary disclosure doubles your chances of reconciling.

 

From different stats I've seen, roughly 25% of affairs are discovered and another 25% were confessed (no data on how many "confessions" were actually coerced). That data came from waywards so perhaps they overstated their rates of confession vs discovery. What's troubling is the remaining 50% that just go unknown to the BS.

[Mal78]

I don't think you will ever hear John or me say that reconciliation is the best answer....you will hear us say it was the best answer for us.

 

I don't believe any of us...no matter how smart, or how experienced etc....has the right to make the call for someone else.

 

No two infidelities are alike...because each one involves different people We all react and respond differently to different situations.

 

I am fairly new to the "infidelity forum" game....i joined another site in nov 2013. it was first experience with revealing myself and opening myself up to others to tear apart piece by piece.

 

It is difficult at best...to share the most intimate secret parts of your relationship....especially those that you wish you could remove.

 

While i agree that divorce is absolutely the best option for many who have suffered infidelity...i would also like to say reconciliation can and does work for some. I am not here to preach it is the only answer...it isn't.

 

It would probably surprise us all...how many couples we know...that have experienced infidelity and stayed together...and no one else knows about it.

 

None of our friends know...they see a couple that married at 17 and 19 and that have been married 42 years. They have no idea I was unfaithful to my husband....

 

^^^

I wish to change that statement, "No two Reconciliation is alike.... because each one involves different people".

 

Sometimes reconciliation can be followed through, it could end in D or not even be an offer on the table (ie. WS left for the OW/OM) and still ends in D.

 

Infidelities don't differ all that much. Perhaps the scenario, the intensity and the longevity but the pain and betrayal doesn't differ. Leave it to a wayward to believe/state your above statement. My WS would almost, most definitely think the very same.

 

We married at the same ages as you and your spouse did.

[Mrs. John Adams]

we were posting at the same time.

 

Again, I hope my initial reaction didn't come off the wrong way. I appreciate what you are doing, and have posted a ton of stuff here myself that I hope is useful to people. I'm 5 years in, and doing well, and wanted to let people know that.

 

I guess it was the prospect of still having hurdles to clear 25 years from now that made me a little nervous. But I truly don't think that will be me.

 

The big difference is...timing....I had my affair pre Internet...we did not have access to the information that you have had. I suspect...if we had the resources available to us 31 years ago...our healing....would come come much much sooner.

I am hoping and praying that for every person coming to this website for answers.

[HereNorThere]

The big difference is...timing....I had my affair pre Internet...we did not have access to the information that you have had. I suspect...if we had the resources available to us 31 years ago...our healing....would come come much much sooner.

I am hoping and praying that for every person coming to this website for answers.

 

The opposite could have happened as well. A lot of people use the internet and text messaging to create fantasy relationships with other people. It very well could have been the lack of technology and constant communication with OM that saved your marriage.

[ladydesigner]

I have been reading this thread and I think the WS's that are truly remorseful, end their A right away, go to therapy, and NEVER cheat again have a chance at healing their BS, somewhat. The others...No Way! I for one know I will not heal from my WH's A. It was too detrimental. I can heal for myself, but his A will always haunt me whether I am M to him or D. It was a turning point in our M one that cannot be changed.

 

My father who is also a victim of infidelity from my mother, has still not forgotten about it. It has been 30 years since my mother's A. He says he has forgiven her, but he will not lie the A still will keep him up some nights.

[Mrs. John Adams]

^^^

I wish to change that statement, "No two Reconciliation is alike.... because each one involves different people".

 

Sometimes reconciliation can be followed through, it could end in D or not even be an offer on the table (ie. WS left for the OW/OM) and still ends in D.

 

Infidelities don't differ all that much. Perhaps the scenario, the intensity and the longevity but the pain and betrayal doesn't differ. Leave it to a wayward to believe/state your above statement. My WS would almost, most definitely think the very same.

 

We married at the same ages as you and your spouse did.

 

You are correct...but the reconciliation is a part of the infidelity...no infidelity requires no reconciliation. I was lumping it all together.

 

You are also correct that not all reconciliations are successful. 50% of marriages fail. Now add in infidelity to that 50% and what percentage of reconciliations work? I don't know.

 

Of course infidelities differ.....because no two people hurt the same, no two people love the same, no two people heal the same. And there is more that you don't know so when you make a statement...leave it to a wayward to believe/state your above statement...... you are assuming that I am tainted in my thinking...because I am a wayward....but perhaps I know how both sides feel in this equation.....

[Mal78]

You are correct...but the reconciliation is a part of the infidelity...no infidelity requires no reconciliation. I was lumping it all together.

 

You are also correct that not all reconciliations are successful. 50% of marriages fail. Now add in infidelity to that 50% and what percentage of reconciliations work? I don't know.

 

Of course infidelities differ.....because no two people hurt the same, no two people love the same, no two people heal the same. And there is more that you don't know so when you make a statement...leave it to a wayward to believe/state your above statement...... you are assuming that I am tainted in my thinking...because I am a wayward....but perhaps I know how both sides feel in this equation.....

 

I'm sorry, you are right I was assuming. I missed the part where it was mentioned your H had an A on you.

[Selfish]

^^^

I wish to change that statement, "No two Reconciliation is alike.... because each one involves different people".

 

Sometimes reconciliation can be followed through, it could end in D or not even be an offer on the table (ie. WS left for the OW/OM) and still ends in D.

 

Infidelities don't differ all that much. Perhaps the scenario, the intensity and the longevity but the pain and betrayal doesn't differ. Leave it to a wayward to believe/state your above statement. My WS would almost, most definitely think the very same.

 

We married at the same ages as you and your spouse did.

 

Being a little insulting are we? She was replying to a BS who told the couple that that her cheating and story was a lot different than his wife's. That is right read without your judgement against fWS and open your mind a bit and you will see she was saying what many many BS say themselves.

 

No two situations are exactly alike. Affairs or reconciliation or divorce. They may have similaritiesbut the differences can and do make the difference.

 

Someone cheating with a family member is different than someone cheating with a person living a thousand miles away. Or a best friend vs an enemy. When the cheating occured, where it took place, are often big differences as well.

 

Not to mention length. A person who finds out their spouse was cheating for ten years vs someone whose affair was a one time thing.

 

All these things usually matter and are a part of the impact. It can be the difference between a seriel cheater (more than one AP) and someone who had poor boundaries. The state of the marriage can be vastly different. As can motives. And then there are PAs and EAs. Can you honestly say all these things are exactly alike? So why did you attack?

 

I believe affairs are terrible. And nothing makes them "better". And then from terrible you add on levels of ick.

-marriage bed

-friend or family as AP

-doing it in the same house as your spouse

-bringing your kids around the AP

The list goes on. Pain is pain and a person's pain is their own. It can't be compared. But situations do vary.

[Selfish]

I have been reading this thread and I think the WS's that are truly remorseful, end their A right away, go to therapy, and NEVER cheat again have a chance at healing their BS, somewhat. The others...No Way! I for one know I will not heal from my WH's A. It was too detrimental. I can heal for myself, but his A will always haunt me whether I am M to him or D. It was a turning point in our M one that cannot be changed.

 

My father who is also a victim of infidelity from my mother, has still not forgotten about it. It has been 30 years since my mother's A. He says he has forgiven her, but he will not lie the A still will keep him up some nights.

 

Right now you are making a chose for your future and doing so based on someone else. Well my dad x,y,z so I will x,y,z. You are setting yourself up for misery and failure before your life is even over. And that is sad. Maybe your just down and depressed right now or maybe you truly believe that but I hope you do heal and recover from this.

 

When someone remembers a terrible and painful experience physical or mental, they don't do so fondly or without sadness. But that doesn't mean they aren't healed. That is just our memory. Being healed means that what happened in the past no longer controls you today. That wether you are with a new love or reconciled with the WS you are no longer affected daily by the betrayal. I believe everyone, with the right choices, support and hard work can get there. But I also know that not everyone does.

[ladydesigner]

Right now you are making a chose for your future and doing so based on someone else. Well my dad x,y,z so I will x,y,z. You are setting yourself up for misery and failure before your life is even over. And that is sad. Maybe your just down and depressed right now or maybe you truly believe that but I hope you do heal and recover from this.

 

When someone remembers a terrible and painful experience physical or mental, they don't do so fondly or without sadness. But that doesn't mean they aren't healed. That is just our memory. Being healed means that what happened in the past no longer controls you today. That wether you are with a new love or reconciled with the WS you are no longer affected daily by the betrayal. I believe everyone, with the right choices, support and hard work can get there. But I also know that not everyone does.

 

I hope I recover from this too. I was recovering until I found out 6 months ago that I was in False R for 2 years. Divorce seems to be the only answer for me somedays, but I cannot fathom my kids (at their age right now) being brought up in a blended family. I do not want that for myself or for them. I know we don't always get that choice, but for now it is what I choose.

[aliveagain]

I guess it is time for me to chime in here. I think the best thing for me to do is to tell you the whole story so you have all of the information. Then we can answer any questions you might have.

 

One of the things I want to stress to you is this.....we are fine. We are not here asking for your help...we do not need to be fixed. Please don't speculate about our story...please don't change my words ...please don't ask us to speculate on scenarios that did not occur.

 

This story is written from MY perspective not my husbands. I have been as honest as i possibly can.

-------------------------

 

The affair

In August 1983, I took a college class that changed our lives forever. I had a divorced professor that was a “player”. He flirted during class, I flirted back. One day after class, he put his phone number…to his office…in my hand and said to give him a call. I did not call right away, but I kept his number.

 

We had a good marriage but we were in one of those low places couples encounter. I thought about that phone number in my purse and I began to build a case against my husband. I was looking for reasons to be mad at him. I asked him if we could have an open marriage, I asked him if we could separate, I even told him about the professor. One day, I was talking about school and my husband said, “I do not want to hear about your damn school anymore”. It was all I needed.

 

I called the professor. We agreed to meet for lunch on October 29. I told my husband I was going Christmas shopping. I was to meet the professor in a parking lot. He was late. He finally arrived, but said he needed to go to his house for a minute would I just follow him there…I knew better, but I followed him. We stopped at a red light and he looked at me in the rear view mirror…I must have had a look of terror on my face. He opened his door and called back to me…everything will be ok. We went to his apartment and he kissed me…one thing led to another. Afterwards, he told me I needed to leave because he had to get ready for a date. I was confused and scared. I took a shower. I left his apartment. I had forgotten my watch in the bathroom so I turned around and went back to his apartment. I knocked on the door. He answered but he was on the phone. I explained I had left my watch. He waved me up to the bathroom. I got the watch and quietly left. I went shopping because I had to come home with packages.

 

I went home and my husband helped me carry the packages in the house.

 

The next day we went bowling with my parents. I acted like nothing was wrong.

 

At school the next week I did not speak to the professor. After class one day, he stopped me and asked me what was wrong. I said nothing was wrong. He said can we get together and talk about it. I said yes, and gave him directions to my house. We picked a day for him to come but he called me and cancelled. After he called, I was panicked and frightened. I think the impact of what I had done hit me. I called my husband at work just to hear his voice. I knew I had to tell him what I had done, but I also knew that I might lose him forever. I called my mother and told her what I had done. She was very upset of course, but she was supportive.

 

It was Thanksgiving weekend. My parents kept the kids so we could have some alone time. I told him there was another man but I did not tell him that I had sex with him. He was very understanding and very forgiving…but the next week he started asking me questions. He was very matter of fact, very unemotional as I answered all of his questions and to be very honest, I gave him way too many details and I said way too many things that would cut him very deeply and the wounds would last forever. I gave descriptions and comparisons, I told him the other man was better looking, and that I would have moved in with him if he had asked me. He just laid there while I ripped his heart out in the dark of our bedroom. I went to sleep but he was devastated. He got up and sat in the rocking chair all night long. The next day, he went to my mother’s house and they talked and cried all day long. Had it not been for my mother, I don’t know what he would have done.

 

We of course continued to talk and he continued to try to understand why I had betrayed him. I told him that I understood that he needed to do what was best for him and I would ask for nothing if he wanted a divorce. I told him I still loved him and was very sorry for what I had done. He told me that he loved me and did not want a divorce. We did not separate. We did go to counseling but the Psychologist seemed to be more interested in money than in helping us. My husband also went to the doctor for some anti-depressants. We got through the next few weeks. The semester was over mid-December. I continued to go to class but I did not speak to the professor until I turned in my final paper. At that time, I told him that I had confessed to my husband about the affair. His response was...why would you do that? I think he was scared to death. I walked out and have never spoken to him again.

 

I went back to school in January but I had no contact with the professor. I became very defensive about my affair. I don't know if it was guilt, or the fog or what it was...but I said some very ugly things to my husband. I blamed him for what I had done. I told him I was sorry I had told him about it but not that I had done it. I told him that I had done it for me.

 

We moved to a new home in April 1984. I graduated from college. We would continue to discuss the affair but we mostly just went on with life. We were happy except for the times he would trigger.

 

We moved again in June 1991. Our children became adults, married and had children of their own. It was a good life, except for the triggers.

 

In May 2013, my husband joined another site in search of the answer to WHAT IS REMORSE. He felt he had never truly seen remorse from me for what I had done. He found the book... How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A compact manual for the unfaithful. October 2013 was the 30th anniversary of my betrayal and I was determined that I was going to do whatever it took to keep him from going into deep depression. I could see he was triggering and I wanted so badly to help him through this. I held him and we talked and cried together. He asked me to read the book. I did. After all these years, I finally understood what it was that he needed to hear from me, even though I felt I had said it time and time again. It is not enough to be sorry...I had to accept full responsibility for his pain.

 

We have finally crossed the last hurdle to complete forgiveness. We are in the best place in our relationship that we have ever been.

 

I am glad that things have finally worked out for both of you. Too bad it took 31 years to get to where you are now, my heart goes out to you John Adams. You can survive infidelity and that survival can look different from one couple to another, what worked for you may not work for someone like me. Mrs. John Adams eventually confessed, my ex after all these years and an affair child from the other man still hasn't. My only hope now is I can stop being hidden from her. She has attempted to contact me, through family, my past employer, friends, she won't leave me alone thinking that she can still be part of my life. She still believes that I am the reason that we are not a couple because I refuse to accept her affair child as mine and her two year fu*k fest was no big deal. To this day I remain unlisted.

 

I am not a stupid man, even as I post this I sit on pins and needles because one of the worlds most respected companies, Deloitte, is helping to sell my company so I can spend the rest of my life on my art. My tolerance to infidelity now is Zero. Anyone that I have a relationship with knows this and if they feel entitled enough to test me on it deserve what they get, I always keep my word. It took me years to get to get to this point after all I endured several infidelities and an affair child.

 

Wayward people give themselves permission and an entitlement to all experiences that amplify their perception of happiness. They are often searching for some other self and not who it is that they have actually become. They never negotiate that with you but force it upon you, yet somehow if you want to preserve the family you are the one that inevitably has to eat the sh*t sandwich. The trauma lasts your lifetime and the best you can hope for is to get to a point of indifference, a place that allows you to live with the infidelity but not forget it.

 

I am glad you are at a place that is harmonious for both of you. There is no right or wrong when you are deciding on reconciliation or divorce, both decisions are correct. It's just a matter of what is best for you and only you, after all, your spouse has already made their decision.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I'm sorry, you are right I was assuming. I missed the part where it was mentioned your H had an A on you.

 

That's because I did not post. And I know you did not know.

 

It is ok....really it is. I assume sometimes too. We all make mistakes....some of us bigger ones than others.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Aliveagain....

My heart breaks for you...as it does for all bs....choices were made without asking your input....decisions were made that affect YOUR life ...the rest of your life...and you had no say. It isn't fair. It absolutely is not fair.

 

Your situation is similar to mine only because there was infidelity. I did not have a long drawn out affair...I did not bear the other mans child. I confessed right away....and I have been a loyal and faithfully, devoted wife for the last 31 years...just like I was the first 11 years we were married.

 

Isn't it terrible....we have been together over 43 years....and that one day....that one hour....has changed who we are forever. I so wish I could remove that little piece of our lives...I wish I could take it away....and I could say once again...I have never cheated....I have only been with one man in my whole life.

 

I live with the choice I made everyday of my life....I was evil....I was selfish...I thought about one person...me.

I know how lucky I am to have my husband...I know I have been blessed. I am grateful for the second chance he gave me. I will not throw it away. I was dumb once...I won't be dumb again.

 

Please know that we are aware how hard it is...how difficult it is to move on...to heal. I know how hard it is to say...if only

 

I am truly sorry you have had to experience this situation that has altered your life and who you are forever.

[BetrayedH]

Some waywards get how hard it is. Most of them don't.

[aliveagain]

Aliveagain....

My heart breaks for you...as it does for all bs....choices were made without asking your input....decisions were made that affect YOUR life ...the rest of your life...and you had no say. It isn't fair. It absolutely is not fair.

 

Your situation is similar to mine only because there was infidelity. I did not have a long drawn out affair...I did not bear the other mans child. I confessed right away....and I have been a loyal and faithfully, devoted wife for the last 31 years...just like I was the first 11 years we were married.

 

Isn't it terrible....we have been together over 43 years....and that one day....that one hour....has changed who we are forever. I so wish I could remove that little piece of our lives...I wish I could take it away....and I could say once again...I have never cheated....I have only been with one man in my whole life.

 

I live with the choice I made everyday of my life....I was evil....I was selfish...I thought about one person...me.

I know how lucky I am to have my husband...I know I have been blessed. I am grateful for the second chance he gave me. I will not throw it away. I was dumb once...I won't be dumb again.

 

Please know that we are aware how hard it is...how difficult it is to move on...to heal. I know how hard it is to say...if only

 

I am truly sorry you have had to experience this situation that has altered your life and who you are forever.

 

Reading this shows your remorse even though it was difficult to read that at one point you were ready to leave this man who has stuck by your side for the POS that told you to get out because he had a date, must of made you feel really special at the time. I have never been on the other side of infidelity so reading that you went home and acted normal as your husband helped you with your parcels hours after you freely gave away everything he holds sacred was tough to read.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Not only is it a tough read...it is a tough live....

 

Living with yourself...knowing what you did...pretending that you didnt....it is all a lie....

 

fearing that the decisions you made will destroy everything you ever wanted...and for what!

 

My husband is a very special man. He has loved me from the day he said he did....he is straightforward and honest. He is not controlled by emotion.

 

If he said it...he meant it....if he commits...he gives it everything he has.

 

our success in this reconciliation is because of him...not me. He NEVER gave up on me. I did...I gave up on me, i gave up on our marriage,

I gave up on my God.

 

Men like him are few and far between...i was lucky....I hit the jackpot.