Toodaloo Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Emotionally stunted. Like a child throwing a tantrum. It's a good thing that you are beginning to see him for what he is. This just made me laugh as my ex used to literally throw a tantrum if he didn't get his way... I have seen 3 yr olds better behaved. I had stampy feet screaming "I don't wanna" arms thrown to sides the works... He also had a go at me for not working enough... I worked longer hours, traveled more to work and also paid the bills... Can't get my head round that one at all these days... Felt really inadequate about it at the time... Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I really have to wonder what on earth you were thinking moving in with a guy you barely knew. I haven't read any of the other posts here but I will. In case you hadn't figured it out, you're with a verbally abusive man and it will someday turn into physical abuse. And the fact that you're begging him to talk to you is just another sign that you're setting yourself up for abuse. All abusers do one thing almost with complete consistency -- they move the relationship forward very fast in the beginning. The other common trait of theirs is that they pick fights about unreasonable things. You need to do exactly what he said to do -- move out and do it without another word. He will never, ever change (except to get worse) and you can bet that the mother of his child is no longer with him for the same reason. And DO NOT be fooled by all this niceness you see in him. It does not matter. These men are vicious and angry and he will completely destroy your life if you don't wake up and walk away now. Not leaving, and persisting in trying to make these relationships work is exactly how most people get caught up in abusive relationships. You're headed down that path if you don't walk soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 You two are arguing in excess..That being said..He feels disrespected with your whatever post thing..Thus the reason I despise social media.. You've said the "sorry,ect"...dude still feels disrespect. I can see his point...no offense. But, That much arguing,that soon in a relationship, is not good. He doesn't feel anything about the video. This is his way of controlling her behavior, creating the "walking in eggshellls" feeling that abusers love to create. And it's working perfectly. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 But Jesus my heart hurts Take long deep breaths. You are one tough cookie ddlovexx! You are organized, resourceful, resilient, I am very impressed! Soon you will be back home and you will start feeling better. My thoughts are with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 He's being so immature. I'm seeing more and more that he's probably not a man at all... A true man will handle my heart with care. I know you're hurting a lot but I feel very relieved that you're moving out. It's painful situations like this that help us learn, and I hope you have learned that getting involved with someone too quickly is not in your best interest. But these types of guys can be very convincing. Just please don't ever let yourself get fooled by one again. And please be prepared for him to come back, telling you how sorry he is, how much he's changed and all that. You need to be prepared for that because these guys always do that, and you need to know how you'll respond to it. He will never change and I know you think he's the dearest thing in the world but he's not and he never will be. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Inlovewithabrit Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I am only speaking out of experience, I was with a man four years ago that was controlling and abusive, not so much physical but emotionally and very verbally. I should of seen the first sign right away when after seeing him in only one week, he wanted me to move in. Which there for stupidly and regretfully I did. It just went down hill from there. Like with your dancing video on instagram, I posted up pics of me all dolled up going to a club with my friends and he freaked out on me. I was not allowed to post anything else like that again, and if I did he would hack my stuff and deleted the photos that I no longer have. It is going to get worse from here on out, you can also look up signs of an abuser to see if your man fits in any of those categories. But by what you have stated he seems like a controlling, manipulates, verbally abusive person. Just be very careful in your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ddlovexx Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 He broke down, cried (I've only ever seen that one other time) said he was sorry for everything under the moon. That he wants to be together and doesn't want me to leave. I said it's too late. I already signed the lease. I'm getting my cat back. Maybe things will be different in time... 10 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 He broke down, cried (I've only ever seen that one other time) said he was sorry for everything under the moon. That he wants to be together and doesn't want me to leave. I said it's too late. I already signed the lease. I'm getting my cat back. Maybe things will be different in time... Stick to your plan. You can find a man who treats you as his equal - it's far better than the overly nice and then abusive then overly nice then abusive then overly nice....(you get it)..man. So pleased you are getting your cat back! He/she will be all moody when you're together again - it's how you know they love you and are offended...cats get over it though..very soon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 He broke down, cried (I've only ever seen that one other time) said he was sorry for everything under the moon. That he wants to be together and doesn't want me to leave. I said it's too late. I already signed the lease. I'm getting my cat back. Maybe things will be different in time... For what it's worth, I don't think you should go back, ever, but I think you know that too. I think you realise that things can never be the same, that someone who loves you would never treat you like he has, that you couldn't forget the cruelty even if you tried. But for now, just focus on being your own person, he will quickly get bored and stop sobbing and apologising once he realises that your lease means it will take him six months to a year to get you back to living with his abuse, if at all. No contact is what you need to enforce here, for your own mental sanity but also your own safety, I hope he doesn't know your address? I would hate for him to escalate his actions towards you because he feels you slipping away. You've made some big steps. Good for you. I am inspired by how you have turned things around from starting this thread. At the beginning you were desperate to be with him at all costs, and had posters practically shouting at you to get away from him as soon as you possibly could. Look at you now, you've got your own place sorted, your baby back, and you're calling the shots. I hope if something similar happens to me I will be as strong as you've ended up being. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) OP, in reading through this thread I have to say that I admire your strength and resolve. You have enough self-love and esteem to recognize the way that you're being treated is abusive and you will not tolerate it. Good for you. Stay strong. Understand that he will cry and beg for you to come back once you move out. Do not take the bait. It takes years, a lot of hard work and therapy for an abusive person to change. He will first have to recognize that he has a problem and want to change. He will lay it on thick...be prepared to feel guilty, depressed, sad, and alone. Remember, you are not alone. You have friends, family and a whole bunch of LSers who will help support you. I know you love his child but she is not yours and it has only been 4 months. She will get over you leaving...quicker than you think. Do not let him reel you back in by using his daughter. DO NOT GO BACK TO THIS MAN. He has shown his colors to you and it's only been 4 months...you really do not know him. Be proud of yourself. You are stronger than most and deserve a man who will love and respect you and will not throw you out, insult you, and treat you like trash. (BIG HUGS) Edited February 3, 2015 by seekingpeaceinlove 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) He broke down, cried (I've only ever seen that one other time) said he was sorry for everything under the moon. That he wants to be together and doesn't want me to leave. I said it's too late. I already signed the lease. I'm getting my cat back. Maybe things will be different in time... Textbook. Hyde turned into Jeckly just as I said -- repent, beg and cry. Trust they will pull rabbits out of their arse if it will rope you back in again. This was just a desperate attempt to regain control -- it's not about realizing the loss of someone dear to them. There better not be a "in time", if you know what's good for you. Don't look back. He's not going to change. Edited February 3, 2015 by Zahara 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Eighty_nine Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 He broke down, cried (I've only ever seen that one other time) said he was sorry for everything under the moon. That he wants to be together and doesn't want me to leave. I said it's too late. I already signed the lease. I'm getting my cat back. Maybe things will be different in time... Please please please leave & stay gone. You're in for so much pain if you don't. I can tell you from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Things to remember when you're tempted and feeling weak: 1.) Kicked you out without a second thought 2.) Told you more than once that you embarrass him 3.) Called you a whore 4.) Called you a moron 5.) Said he would rather be alone than deal with you 6.) Told you to shut the f*ck up or get out Tell me, OP, does this look like real love to you? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 yeah you love him. is it hot or something to get verbally abused? Read the thread, things have moved on... Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 He broke down, cried (I've only ever seen that one other time) said he was sorry for everything under the moon. That he wants to be together and doesn't want me to leave. I said it's too late. I already signed the lease. I'm getting my cat back. Maybe things will be different in time... These guys are so amazingly predictable it's unreal. dd, please do not fall for this. I know he's very convincing but I really hope you pay close attention to what so many of us are telling you, based on experience. And don't forget what he has shown you himself. What you see is what you get with this guy. He will never ever change except to only get meaner and nastier with you. I would bet my life savings on it, if that tells you anything. He will, without question, ruin you and your life if you persist with him. And be prepared for an onslaught of attention. Then he'll start playing other games. Just sit back and watch the show. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 He broke down, cried (I've only ever seen that one other time) said he was sorry for everything under the moon. That he wants to be together and doesn't want me to leave. It was predictable, typical of abusers to resort to this crying and begging seance. If you take him back in a few days he will call you names again but with a little more cruelty, because if you do go back you are telling him it's ok to treat you like this. You've put up with it this time so you will put up with it next time. I said it's too late. I already signed the lease. I'm getting my cat back. Maybe things will be different in time... No things won't be different. These men don't change and each time you go back they get even more abusive. You are a young smart woman with her whole life in front of her, 4 months is a drop in the ocean, he's a little a no-body, a loser, taking pleasure at intimidating and abusing women. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I've never been attached or in love with someone like this. I've been in longer relationships and not felt this. I wish there was a pill I could take to make this go away... There is. It's called the "No Contact" pill. It works. I can't believe you stayed. He's showed you his true colors. That wasn't some "off" day. This is him. This is who you're with. An abuser. You can't be sad for something that never existed. The "love" you thought you had? Wasn't real. You never had anything remotely close to love. You didn't have anything unique, or pure, or wonderful. All you had was some douchebag loser who said everything you needed to hear, and did everything he needed to do to get you to fall for him so he could then exploit you and abuse you. I really hope you do what you need to do from this point forward. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I'm getting my cat back. I signed the papers for the apartment. My chest hurts. Hurts so much. Awww yay!! You're going to be so happy. The second your cat sees you and realizes he/she is going back with you, it's going to be the sweetest reunion! The only feeling you will have in your chest is that of your heart exploding with joy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Awww yay!! You're going to be so happy. The second your cat sees you and realizes he/she is going back with you, it's going to be the sweetest reunion! The only feeling you will have in your chest is that of your heart exploding with joy. All is now right in the world, the abuser is consigned to the bin and you have your cat and apartment back. Onward and Upwards... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 He broke down, cried (I've only ever seen that one other time) said he was sorry for everything under the moon. That he wants to be together and doesn't want me to leave. I said it's too late. I already signed the lease. I'm getting my cat back. Maybe things will be different in time... Crocodile tears. DO. NOT. FALL. FOR. IT. He lost control of you and he knows it. Typical abuser style, he's going to apologize, cry, swear up and down he'll never do it again, he'll change, he'll try, this and that. No. He's saying these things to regain the control you took from him. The second he has you wrapped around his finger, he will turn into what he really is. Get back in your apartment, get your cat, and that's IT. Block his number, delete it. I hope you don't have some fantasy in your head that you're going to now "go slow" and continue dating him and that things will be better and change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) When you move out please cut contact with him. Don't allow him to manipulate you further. You've seen the cycle enough times now to know his tears are fake. Don't give up your cat again for a guy, ever that cats put more love and dedication into you than any guy it deserves to stay. Edited February 3, 2015 by Omei Link to post Share on other sites
Eighty_nine Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 No posts concern me. did OP stay with this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 She signed a new lease so she has to occupy that new space. But I do have a feeling she may still stay in contact with him hoping he will change. I hope not. Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 Any Update OP? ... we are concerned you have gone back to this guy.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ddlovexx Posted February 25, 2015 Author Share Posted February 25, 2015 As most of you may know my story from previously, my bf had been somewhat verbally and emotionally abusive in the past. I moved out, things were great again. They were amazing actually. I know I shouldn't have, but I went through his phone this morning. A friend of his told me some concerning stuff the other night, it was enough for me to wonder. Turns out he cheated on me back in January and has been talking/flirting with two other girls recently. I told him 'I don't know who Lynette and Brittney are, and I can see you've cheated on me with Kelly." He just said "What? What?" and I said "I saw the texts". He then called me crazy (I guess I deserve that one) but I said that there shouldn't have been anything for me to find. He just kept saying that I was crazy for going through his phone and that he did some inappropriate things but never cheated. Says he had her over but they didn't sleep together. Does he takes me for a ****ing moron? He just keeps saying that I'm wrong and crazy (meanwhile, I'm talking to him in a normal tone of voice... not yelling or crying or anything really). I said "If you wanted someone else, I'd never be able to stop you, but I wish you would've respected me and our relationship enough to at least leave me first." I guess I'm never going to see him again. I don't know how to stop hurting. I want him to talk to me and at least explain. How do I not blame myself? How the hell do I make this stop hurting? Never in my life would I have thought this guy would do this. I'm with him almost every day, sleep in his bed more nights often than not, and I'm so close to his daughter. I know I have to move on, focus on the future, this is bad for me etc. But the pain is so debilitating right now. Link to post Share on other sites
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