Did he just dump me for good? Is it at all possible he loves me?

[Monicaxxx]

Define Love.

I'm sure there's love there.

but it's the definition which can be a stumbling block.

How does he define love?

How do you define it?

 

It's not an easy question to answer, particularly so remotely.

Of course he loves you.

He loves his children too, and he loved his wife.

 

All the same?

I wouldn't think so for an instant, would you?

 

Maybe he does need time to work things out?

[evanescentworld]

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

Absolutely not.

Under no circumstances.

Just completely inappropriate and self-harming to the nth degree.

No.

[Monicaxxx]

If you love him. It's not a good idea.

If his wife hates him seeing you - it's not respectful.

 

So if you don't love him and his wife knows about it and doesn't care - then yes. Keep seeing him.

 

What about falling in love with the right person but not in the right time?

Maybe he is my man but we met too late?

[stillafool]

Do you think that I can stay in touch with him after a while?

Even if we are not together, I would like to stay in touch with him, he is a great guy and I love spending time with him.

 

 

Of course not! He is a MM. Spending time with him is what got you into this mess. If he is trying to get back into his wifes bed leave him alone and don't contact him again.

[evanescentworld]

What about falling in love with the right person but not in the right time?

Maybe he is my man but we met too late?

 

Nope.

He's not your man, and you can't change a damn thing.

It's not a question of what if....

You can't change circumstances.

[Monicaxxx]

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

Absolutely not.

Under no circumstances.

Just completely inappropriate and self-harming to the nth degree.

No.

 

OK, I know it may be pretty obvious to other people reading it... but why do you think he doesn't meed that time?

 

I mean, if he were to come to me now I wouldn't know what to do. When he asked me if he could stay the night here after his wife kicked him out I almost panicked because I was scared for a while that now they are over and I felt obliged to be with him and I wasn't sure if I can't cope with that and I was scared that he came to me and I have to tell him I can't be with him.

 

Not because I don't love him but because I am afraid of what might happen.

[FusionCutter]

What about falling in love with the right person but not in the right time?

Maybe he is my man but we met too late?

 

Monica. People fall in love with the right person at the wrong time all the time. What are you supposed to do in these situations? Let them go. Letting go of someone is showing them love.

 

Your MM should have saw that he wasn't able to love you in the way you deserve, and then let you go.

 

Instead he wanted to be selfish man and do this to his family and you. You need to detach and let go of the situation.

 

If it's meant to be it's meant to be. The situation doesn't sound promising and you sticking around will only hurt yourself.

[Monicaxxx]

Nope.

He's not your man, and you can't change a damn thing.

It's not a question of what if....

You can't change circumstances.

 

But people DO get divorced... and marry again. So maybe he is not my man now but maybe could be in the future?

[Monicaxxx]

 

If it's meant to be it's meant to be. The situation doesn't sound promising and you sticking around will only hurt yourself.

 

So do you think there might be a slight chance we could be together? That this could work out for the two of us if they get a divorce?

[Sub]

Maybe he is my man but we met too late?

 

Oh boy. My tough love response: you seem like a good kid. Get out there where this guy isn't the center of the universe. No matter what he's "done" for you, you need to find someone you can love for other reasons. You should not be so sure of wanting kids with someone you've been in a A with for a year.

[FusionCutter]

So do you think there might be a slight chance we could be together? That this could work out for the two of us if they get a divorce?

 

If you can't assess the situation properly how do you expect us to? You know him better than anyone here. But from what you've told everyone, there is probably slim to none change of him leaving to be with you. He's simply got too much history.

 

How you can find out the answer to your question is to leave him for good. He he loves and wants to be with you. He would make it happen. Chances are you won't hear from him again, or if he did contact you, it's just to make sure you're in love with him.

 

He's unable to do the right thing, which is either divorce and so he can live an authentic life, or break you off for good so be can fix things with his wife.

 

However you can do the right thing for the situation and yourself by removing yourself from the situation and leaving him alone.

[Minnie09]

So he is already busted, and his W wants to get rid of him, and he STILL doesn't want to take the chance to be with you? I am not saying he doesn't "love" you, but he never actively did anything to make it "official" with you ...... aka get a D. He doesn't even do it now.

 

Looks like it was quite comfortable for him to have 2 women. Or at least he didn't want the inconvenience of making major changes.

 

He could do that NOW. The secret is out in the open. He has nothing to lose now, and his kids already know......so what is he doing at home?

[evanescentworld]

But people DO get divorced... and marry again. So maybe he is not my man now but maybe could be in the future?

 

So do you think there might be a slight chance we could be together? That this could work out for the two of us if they get a divorce?

 

What do you want?

Do you want us to all encourage you to cling to faint hope, and desperately wait in the wings for a possibility?

 

Listen to yourself.

You sound desperate and needy.

Quit.

Stop this.

It's over, and you should treat it as such.

Don't look for a revival.

That's not up to you. You cannot dictate what happens, even in your dreams.

Walk away and look to a future made entirely by you, not dependent on a man old enough to be your father, who is unwilling, and unavailable.

[Monicaxxx]

Oh boy. My tough love response: you seem like a good kid. Get out there where this guy isn't the center of the universe. No matter what he's "done" for you, you need to find someone you can love for other reasons. You should not be so sure of wanting kids with someone you've been in a A with for a year.

 

How do I give up on someone I love so much? How do I stop loving him and forget about him?

[Minnie09]

How do I give up on someone I love so much? How do I stop loving him and forget about him?

 

If you are content with an A situation, I am sure you can have that back, after he has glossed over the mess at home. I am not sure, though, if he is available as a full-time partner, or if he even wants that.

[FusionCutter]

How do I give up on someone I love so much? How do I stop loving him and forget about him?

 

The same way that people let of dead people. You accept it. Grieve it. Bury it. And move on. I know it's easier said than done, but it's the exact same process. If you want to feel better about the situation, this man needs to be dead to you. It helps if you realize he's not really being a good father or husband in the first place.

[evanescentworld]

How do I give up on someone I love so much? How do I stop loving him and forget about him?

Nobody here has ever suggested you do either.

You cannot stop loving him, but you can stop yearning something impossible.

You cannot forget him, but make your memories productive, and let them nurture your progress, and support you as you mature.

 

But you MUST give up, because that's the choice you have, and none other.

 

And the only way to do that is to turn your back, go complete NC and walk away.

[Monicaxxx]

He could do that NOW. The secret is out in the open. He has nothing to lose now, and his kids already know......so what is he doing at home?

 

He can still lose his house, his money, his kids' love.

It's still fresh, I would rather have him take his time and make a decision he wants to be with me than leave her now without thinking it through and then not wanting to be with me after all.

[Monicaxxx]

But you MUST give up, because that's the choice you have, and none other.

 

But then it's not a choice if I have not choice but that.

[evanescentworld]

He can still lose his house,

So what? All divorced couples go through that...

his money,

Rubbish. He may have to continue to support his family, but then, he's been doing that anyway, hasn't he...?

his kids' love.

Bull.

If he loves his children, and his wife supports his fatherhood, there's absolutely no reason this would happen.

 

 

It's still fresh, I would rather have him take his time and make a decision he wants to be with me than leave her now without thinking it through and then not wanting to be with me after all.

Really?

You think that after all that, there will never be a chance anyway he may not want to be with you after all?

Remember, he married his wife, ostensibly for keeps. He didn't think he'd be leaving her either, initially....

[evanescentworld]

But then it's not a choice if I have not choice but that.

Yes it is, because you could ignore it, keep contacting him, and end up being miserable, dumped and told in no uncertain terms to push off and leave him alone.

This choice at least gives you dignity.

[FusionCutter]

But then it's not a choice if I have not choice but that.

 

A month ago when he stayed over, because his wife found out. Is that only what he told you? Did you sleep with him?

 

If you can't verify the story and he slept with you, is it possible he just made it up so he could stay over at your place and sleep with you while his wife was away or something?

[Monicaxxx]

So what? All divorced couples go through that... Rubbish. He may have to continue to support his family, but then, he's been doing that anyway, hasn't he...?

Bull.

If he loves his children, and his wife supports his fatherhood, there's absolutely no reason this would happen.

 

 

 

Really?

You think that after all that, there will never be a chance anyway he may not want to be with you after all?

Remember, he married his wife, ostensibly for keeps. He didn't think he'd be leaving her either, initially....

 

It's still a difficult decision, isn't it?

 

Also, his wife called me and we talked for a while. I don't have her number but I am thinking if I should write a letter to her and apologise etc.?

[FusionCutter]

It's still a difficult decision, isn't it?

 

Also, his wife called me and we talked for a while. I don't have her number but I am thinking if I should write a letter to her and apologise etc.?

 

What did she say to you exactly?

[Monicaxxx]

A month ago when he stayed over, because his wife found out. Is that only what he told you? Did you sleep with him?

 

If you can't verify the story and he slept with you, is it possible he just made it up so he could stay over at your place and sleep with you while his wife was away or something?

 

No, it's a misunderstanding...

 

I ended it just over a month ago... a week after sex was over his wife found out about us. We stayed in touch but didn't see each other for that time, except once but no sex either.

Then his wife discovered he was still texting me and it was just a few days ago. He then called me saying that she got angry for that and kicked him out and he came over for the night as it was already late. No sex, we just talked and cuddled.

 

I know he didn't sleep all night because every time I woke up he wasn't sleeping and was breathing heavily because he was worrying and thinking a lot.

 

His wife called me the next day and we talked so i know she did kick him out that night and that it was because she found out he was texting me... she confirmed everything he told me about what happened.