Groovy Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 My post was more in reference to the initial question you posted, not the several pages that follow. You posted a title "Why do men call and make plans and then not show/call ", I answered. Link to post Share on other sites
Donut Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Original question, Why do men make plans and not show/call repeatedly? He's just not that into you. It's direspectful and rude. Don't put up with it, and don't make excuses for people that do this! Find someone who is into you, who won't mess you around like this. Link to post Share on other sites
tyreas Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Originally posted by snilljente Moimeme...it actually makes what you say less credible if you are not willing to share your age....if you are 25, then obviously, I will feel like you may not have the experience to be making such bold statements about my situation (i.e. don't call, he will think you are a stalker), but if you were closer to my age and had been through some years of dealing with men...I think in my mind, that would make you more credible..but you do what you want. Groovy....what are you referring to? I don't get it.... Whats age got to do with it? I know 35 year olds that haven't dated as much as an 18 year old. You are laying your dating life out on this board and because you don't get the answers you want to hear you are looking for some way to disprove them. I learned a long time ago not to judge someones opinion based on age, its in that moment that you show your inexperience with life. I am 22, my opinion means nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Originally posted by snilljente Moimeme...it actually makes what you say less credible if you are not willing to share your age....if you are 25, then obviously, I will feel like you may not have the experience to be making such bold statements about my situation (i.e. don't call, he will think you are a stalker), but if you were closer to my age and had been through some years of dealing with men...I think in my mind, that would make you more credible..but you do what you want. Groovy....what are you referring to? I don't get it.... Oh this is bullsh*t. I am 25 and I've been around the block a shameful number of times. More than I'd like to admit. More than a lot of women in their mid-30s who labored under more restrictive social constraints and had less access to recreational drugs. Link to post Share on other sites
snilljente Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Moimeme...I have no idea what snarky is...I do appreciate your input whether I agree or not..I just way trying to say that I personally would relate better if I knew that we were somewhat close in age...all of you 20 somethings...no need to get offended...in ten 10years if you do not feel like 20/25 was a lifetime ago, please let me know..it wasn't meant as an insult, but somethings do come with time/experience...Magda and Donut..I agree 100%.....I am done with him and in the future I need to work on being MUCH less available until the other person says they want an exclusive relationship...I am a demnstrative person so if I like someone, I like to let them know...but I see your points that this may scare/push people away..I am deleting his #s out of my phone and if he wants contact, it will be him initiating it....it will be hard, but I am moving on..... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 Good luck. Maybe don't be quite so demonstrative next time until you know the guy likes that sort of thing. Some do, some don't. Link to post Share on other sites
snilljente Posted March 28, 2005 Share Posted March 28, 2005 You're right....I thought he liked it and we had reached a level of closeness that I thought I could be more open about how I felt....then a couple of weeks ago he says he wants to "play it by ear" and when I invite him out THursday night, he no shows, doesn't call...and is now angry at me for "having sex" (which I didn't do and I think he could have called me and asked me about what heppened before he accused me of something so serious!) with his friend....HOW can he act like he has a right to be angry about what I do when I am out if he wants "to play it by ear" and doesn't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend...In my mind, it's none of his business what I do on my free time because he has indicated by his behavior that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me and he has no right to get mad at me.....Why would he be so jealous if he hasn't seemed to care that much in the past? Link to post Share on other sites
Author shamen Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by Groovy My post was more in reference to the initial question you posted, not the several pages that follow. You posted a title "Why do men call and make plans and then not show/call ", I answered. Hi Groovy, Actually I posted the question, not snilljente. Guys can definitely be weirdos. Thanks to everyone who has responded. Hi Snilljente, Seems to me that you absolutely need to write off this guy. Don't worry about the jealousy thing; it's totally not relevant. And probably suits his purposes just fine. He'll be there when he feels like it and have emotions when it's convenient. I tend to agree with Moi, continuing to call is kind of stalkerish... You have mentioned that you've called and left several messages for him. And he's not calling you back, is he? No need to be the bigger person when the other person doesn't even get that you're doing it. He probably doesn't care either that you are trying to be friendly. He's not treated you well for a long enough period of time, time to move on, girl. You can do it! Don't let men who treat you poorly stay in your life (or you end up in shi**y relationships for 4 plus years like I did, or countless other women do for years)! An update on my situation: Things have not repeated themselves in terms of what he did to me a while back. Which is good. Once I spoke up, things changed. It's still early though, hopefully he continues to do right by me. Link to post Share on other sites
Topaze Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Well this is helpful. In the past I have had this happen a few times. I thought it was me. I notice when you challenge guys on this type of thing, they act like YOU'RE the one with the problem. Are there no men out there looking for a serious relationship? Between the "just friends" crew, the legions of men with severe charachter flaws (depression, bi-polar disorder, panic attacks, alcohol problems, no show wonders, and players just interested in sex. Dating seems to be a HOPELESS business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shamen Posted April 2, 2005 Author Share Posted April 2, 2005 I don't think that all guys act like it's you with the one with the problem... In my old relationship with the alcoholic/drug addict, he did act like it was my problem, but he just couldn't get it together and I finally ended up moving on. In my new dating thing (I've yet to give it a name), part of it was miscommunication. The time where he actually did blow me off, well, it's not something that I will let repeat itself as it's still too early on. He's not repeated the mistake and since I've spoken up, we've worked it out so now we are sure to communicate what exactly is going on with plans. I do think that there are men out there who are looking for a serious relationship. Women can be the same as it is with men. I have no idea what I want right now either, so I really can't fault a guy for not knowing what he wants either. We are all at different stages of the game in life and therefore can be confusing when it comes to any sort of romantic relationship. Dating is not hopeless, but we all have to kiss a lot of frogs in the process of finding out who we are and what we want... In the meantime though, hopefully we can figure out who we are first, then find out what we want. That's the fun of it all. Focusing on ourselves and becoming happy with who we are first. (Can you tell that I'm not that far out of a long relationship? ) Link to post Share on other sites
snilljente Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Thanks Shamen...yes, this is all confusing to me.....Apparently, the guy that he thinks I had sex with (didn't both to ask me) told me that they got in a big brawl out and E said that friends don't try to steal their friends' women...FUNNY, I didn't know I was his "woman"...in fact, he had made it clear that he didn't want to be exclusive and wanted to play it by ear....and yet, he has the right to get mad at me for KISSING someone he knows at a bar......He wants it both ways......strange of him to be jealous, which in my opinion, if he is angry, does indicate that he cares on some level, now....he could have showed he cared many times by being reliable and not continuing the behavior that I told him was not what I wanted, but as soon as another guy was in the picture, he gets mad and that guy has stolen his woman?! Huh?! I saw him out on Thursday night and went over to say hi...he kind of brushed me off, but when I got home, I noticed a missed call from him (no message) on my phone.....What in the heck is his problem...the more I think about it, I don't think it's ADD...I think it's downright fear.....he fits the men they decribe in the book ( and I very sceptical about those relationship books) "He's Scared, She's Scared"...it talks about how our fears sabotage our relationship and the boundaries we put up to keep people at a "safe" distance.....I'm not calling him anymore...but then he calls and no message...like he just wants me to see that he has called....go figure,.... Link to post Share on other sites
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