Whoops! I Broke NC. ..teehee?

[Chin Up]

I know this sounds incredibly stupid..but when we started seeing each other he said "I haven't had many girlfriends. I don't have much relationship experience" and he looked so earnest and bashful. I think that comment set the tone.

 

Anything he said or did after that, well..I should go easy on him because he doesn't know any better, bless his inexperienced heart .

 

That comment in itself should have been a giant red flag to throw on the massive pile of other red flags i ignored as a result.

 

I also think I started to see him too soon after getting out of a 10 year relationship. I had been 9 months out and I felt like I was fine and over it, but maybe I wasn't? I think I so desperately wanted it to work this time, that I just focused on making it work, and put blinders on to any problems.

 

I was starting to snap out of it though because I did have many convos with friends about breaking up with him and was slowly working up the nerve. Then he "George Castanza'd" me, as Simon pointed out lol and for some reason it threw me for one hell of a loop.

 

Nope, I'm done done done. I don't even care why he broke up with me anymore. That little text fiasco slapped the rest of my sense back into me.

Just because someone has a good personality, it doesn't mean they have a good character. He's an as*hole.

[BC1980]

Smdh. . . . You should block him. I had a texting war with my ex one night after we broke up, and I still cringe when thinking of it. The next day was when I went NC for good. You can't continue to feed into this drama. I learned the hard way. A lot of people here learned the hard way. Simply cut it off and be done with it. There's nothing more to say.

[dyna85]

"I haven't had many girlfriends. I don't have much relationship experience"

 

Clearly. He lacks relationship experience and human decency. You deserve WAYYYY better than this.

 

We've all been there with ignoring the red flags.

 

It's like the universe gives the wake up call to you in small doses and then it really hits you with it if you fail to heed the signs.

 

I think it's nature's way of ensuring you don't stick to what isn't good for you. Obviously in this case, the universe is trying to get you away from this fool, so you don't have to torture yourself with his madness.

 

NC, all the way.

[Chin Up]

Too true dyna, but..I'm not entirely without fault either. I was so focused on being an awesome girlfriend to him, that I wasn't seeing he was a lousy boyfriend to me. He really did do me a favor by ending it, and I'd rather drink my own pee than go back to that .

 

Smdh. . . . You should block him. I had a texting war with my ex one night after we broke up, and I still cringe when thinking of it. The next day was when I went NC for good. You can't continue to feed into this drama. I learned the hard way. A lot of people here learned the hard way. Simply cut it off and be done with it. There's nothing more to say.

 

Oh believe me..I truly want nothing to do with him. The thought of seeing his face or hearing his voice disgusts me. I was so disappointed with myself that I didn't even want to tell you guys about it..hence me waiting a bit.

 

NC won't be an issue. Aside from the fact that I really have no desire to communicate with him, I called my cell provider a bit ago and had his # blocked in case of the highly unlikely event he tried to contact me. They charged me $20 to have it done! oh well, small price to pray.

[beach]

You did it by contacting him.

 

He doesn't want to answer your endless questions - it doesn't change the outcome.

 

Yet it's like a scab and you just keep

Picking at it when it starts to heal. Leave it alone - he avoids conflict - that's never good relationship material to date.

 

Why not date other men? There's no value in looking back to see IF he's still interested = he's not.

 

Delete his contact info and be free from that temptation to text him.

 

And then meet others and stay busy.

[Chin Up]

Yeah, I know, I just wanted a reason..I was pissed off (not that thats a good excuse) and he's super avoidant. Here's the funny thing tho..I always thought of him as yes, avoidant, but a bit shy and what seemed as emotionally vulnerable..like he was protecting his feelings. Well, one day we were ending a phone call and I was about to hang up when I heard yelling. I figured he was shouting for my attention before I hung up..pff. He was road raging. Hard.

 

I sat on the phone unbeknownst to him for about 8 minutes and he road raged the whole time. A giant string of profanities, name calling, screaming, and what generally sounded like the gates of hell had opened up and it happened to be his mouth. I was actually very shocked and scared by it. Yet another flag . I feel like he put on an act of being one person, but deep down he was another. A very selfish, childish and emotionally bankrupt person that felt nothing but anger and arousal. Some catch.

 

I know he's not interested. No problems there because I'm not interested either. I havent missed him or wanted him back for weeks. I was still bothered with not knowing WHY he broke up with me. Especially since he was such a jerk to me..really had my self esteem in shambles cuz I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me if I can't even get a loser like him to hang around.

 

I have been seeing someone!

 

I actually meet him on NYE, so that was a funny twist of fate.

 

I'm taking it real slow with this new guy and hyper vigilant of any red flags.

We're going out tomorrow night with some friends. So far he treats me like a human being. Thumbs up. LOL.

[Chin Up]

NO, I did not contact my ex haha.

 

I did read through this thread in it's entirety and I have to say it was very surprising! I sure was confused. I was all over the map emotionally and mentally. One minute I'm all "I could care less, he's a worm" the next I'm like "He's so wonderful *sniffle*".

 

wow?

 

Actually got a bit angry with myself a few times while I read it. Reading some of the things that he said/did in black and white...wtf?????

 

If a friend had been telling me their bf treated them like that, I would be so angry with them and cheering them on to dump the jerk. Funny how when things are happening to you, it's a whole other story.

 

In case it helps anyone in a similar situation, I thought of more things that were pretty crappy and a sign you're with, or was with, a massive a-hole:

• Some kind of "jokey" put down followed with "Just kidding!"
  
• Worrying they will breakup with you if you "rock the boat" = afraid to ask questions or defend yourself/boundaries.
  
• Trivializing your feelings when you have every right to be mad/hurt/etc with them.
  
• Not wanting to meet your friends or family.
  
• Never inviting you when they go out with friends.
  
• Comments designed to make you suspicious/uneasy then watching for your reaction.
  
• Not showing any care/concern for things important to you, or your own interests. All about them.
  

 

To name a few . Nope, don't miss any of that at all!

 

Anyways, the new guy ..he was blowing hot and cold so I let him drop.

One of the many things I learned from my ex, is that if you're having to wonder if someone is interested or cares, because they don't consistently show it ...it's most likely because they don't. No thanks!

[Chin Up]

Well, today is my ex's B-Day and I could care less haha.

 

I haven't had the urge to contact him, at all. I was worried today would roll around and throw me for a loop, but nope!

 

It's amazing what time can do. A few weeks back I was worried I'd look like a Queen B for not saying anything, or that he might be hurt/offended. Yeah, totally don't care what he thinks of me, if at all.

[Chin Up]

So, it's been around 5 months since my ex broke up with me. I hadn't been thinking of him, and if I did..it was a fleeting thought brought on by something that reminded me of him. Got a new job and felt like I had a fresh new start..

 

One night I'm working with a girl I hadn't had a shift with before. She's nice enough. At the end of the night we start talking about our old jobs. Turns out she had also worked at the same place I had and also new my ex as a result.

 

She went on to tell me that they used to casually hook up but she stopped going over there when she met a guy she wanted to pursue a relationship with.This guy broke up with her and even though it was years ago when she had been hooking up with my ex, something made her want to see him. She no longer had his number, so early October she left a note in his mailbox asking him to call her to go for drinks some time. (he broke up with me Oct 13th)

 

So, I now know why he broke up with me, why it was so out of the blue, and why I hadn't heard from him ONCE (on his terms, anyways) after the split. It also explains why when I asked how long he had been thinking of breaking up with me, he said "idk..like a week?" <---OUCH!

 

So the mystery is solved. As I had suspected, I was left for another girl lol. I was in a complete tailspin yesterday. I was so hurt, angry and embarrassed. This girl pops up years later, out of nowhere with a flimsy little note, and he dumps me a week later after being with me for a year? That stung to learn. Felt so disposable and like I have nothing to offer someone if they're going to drop me so easily.

 

I'm mostly over it now, though. If someone had such little investment in me, to leave me high and dry as soon as an opportunity presents itself, I'm sooo better off. I already knew I was anyways, but this new info really solidified how disloyal and selfish he is. He's her problem now...or is he..here's the funny part...

 

She was hitting on guys all over the place and was trying to get a male coworker to go home with her. Not sure how that panned out, but I had a big Cheshire cat smile witnessing this. Obviously I didn't, but I savored the idea of texting my ex..

 

"Hey, remember me? That girl that was loyal and good to you and then you dumped with little to no thought for that other chick? Well don't wait up for her cuz she's trying her damnedest to go home with another guy tonight. Oh, and don't even think about trying to come crawling back to me when you find out you're being screwed around because I see you for who you are now, and my new boyfriend treats me a million times better than you ever did. hugs and kisses! -Me"

 

hahaha! Life sure has a funny way of turning out.

[BC1980]

It's amazing how many times you find out it was someone else later on. I'm sorry. I know it's awful. I went through kinda the same thing, and it is humiliating. I never would have imagined he would do that to me, but, if I've learned anything, it's that you can only truest people to a point. After that, you're just crossing your fingers.

[minimariah]

It's amazing how many times you find out it was someone else later on.

 

it almost always is, especially with "out of the blue" breakups.

[Chin Up]

I totally had suspected it was another girl, just seemed to make sense, but never had any proof and I wasn't about to play detective to find out.

 

Yesterday was brutal because it suddenly occurred to me that she has mentioned me to him and I strangely was dreading working with her. I was wondering what they had said about me to each other, or what she has told my new coworkers about it. I somehow felt ashamed? Like I'm the inferior loser while she nabbed him away and wasn't even trying to. She did seem a bit smug when she learned that he broke up with me a few days after she left the note, after years of NC between them. She was also trying to play it all cool but I could tell she was worried him and I were still in touch. I told her I had deleted him from my phone, we hadn't spoke in months, and that I have a new bf.

 

So it was a bit of blow to learn, but it also made me feel a lot better because I had always wondered if it was me, or something I had done. It sure is hard not to take breakups personally!

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

Here is the secret, oft-unspoken but extremely valuable upside to being dumped for someone else: it's not about you! You are not some kind of horrible monster who can't keep a man. Nobody leaves a happy, healthy relationship for someone else; if it wasn't for this chick, it would have been someone else, especially if your ex is even half the jerk you've made him out to be. And none of it is your fault at all.

 

Being left for someone else stings like hell, but you know what's infinitely worse? Being left for no one else at all. As hard as "I want to be in a relationship with this person instead" is to swallow, "I would rather risk dying alone surrounded by cats and empty bags of Cheetos than be with you" is exponentially more terrible. Could you imagine making someone so miserable that they'd really prefer to be completely on their own than share your company? Eff that noise.

 

Try to avoid interacting with the new (old) girlfriend if you can, and keep reminding yourself how much better you are off without him. However bad you feel, your tool of an ex now has to deal with the knowledge that his current girlfriend and ex work together. If he ends up on her bad side he has a very special kind of hell in store.

[Chin Up]

Yeah, that's what I realized after moping and brooding for a day. He obviously wasn't that into me (as his treatment showed) and if it wasn't her, it would have been someone else at some point. My gut had always been telling me something wasn't right, but the good/happy times would become my focal point so I'd persevere. It really was draining and confusing to be with someone that one day seems really into you and then the next, like you're an after thought and a boredom reliever.

 

Funny thing about this girl, as soon as she found out who I was, she started sh*t talking him, hardcore. I just smiled and nodded but it was one more reason that I was surprised and hurt/angry about it because even with her being the reason he cut and ran, she doesn't even have a good opinion of him. The whole thing is just so odd. How he eagerly dropped me for her, she's not even all that serious about him since she's going after other guys, AND she seemingly thinks he's a dirtbag..so why even leave him the note? weird. Whatever..not my pig, not my farm. Good luck to the both of them!

 

Problem is, I don't know how to behave around her now because I know she's going to be reporting back to him (that's just how these situations go) so I'm not sure if I should just be my happy upbeat outgoing self, or be distant secretive and aloof. I know I shouldn't care..but I do. ugh, just when I'm happy and living a life with no ties to him whatsoever, this happens lol. On the plus, she only works a day or 2 a week and might not be on days that I'm working, so there's comfort in that. So awkward hahaha.

[BC1980]

Problem is, I don't know how to behave around her now because I know she's going to be reporting back to him (that's just how these situations go) so I'm not sure if I should just be my happy upbeat outgoing self, or be distant secretive and aloof. I know I shouldn't care..but I do. ugh, just when I'm happy and living a life with no ties to him whatsoever, this happens lol. On the plus, she only works a day or 2 a week and might not be on days that I'm working, so there's comfort in that. So awkward hahaha.

 

Yeah, that's a cr@p situation, but you have to make the best of it. I work with my ex, and, while it's not ideal, you do what you have to. I don't see him often, but, when I do, I mentally block him out. I pretend he's not even there and just got about my work. At one point, I was avoiding him like the plague, but I found that exhausting. Now, I don't go out of my way to avoid him, but I don't purposefully insert myself into a situation where he would be. I guess it's a fine line that I keep working on.

 

I'm sure you already know to halt any talk of your ex to this other woman. I'm sure it's tempting to trash talk him, but it will make you look worse in the end. I would tell her that you've moved on and don't really have an interest in him anymore, so you have nothing to add to the conversation. Just be yourself. Try not to analyze it too much.

[BC1980]

not my pig, not my farm.

 

This is awesome. I'm going to start saying this