Whoops! I Broke NC. ..teehee?

[Chin Up]

In this case I think it's unlikely that you'll ever hear from him again. He stood you up, he didn't take you out, he didn't appreciate you---why did you spend so much time with a guy who obviously had so little respect for you?

 

Right?

 

I think it was hard for me to see while I was in it. It's like I was standing with my nose against a painting. I can make out part of a tree, someones hand, maybe a dog..or is that a cat? It wasn't until I was removed and far enough back that i could see the big picture. I'm no art critic, but it wasn't much of a picture .

 

Well my humors coming back at least. I accepted weeks ago he wasn't coming back. I don't want him back. I think what's really messing up head is that he was a total jerk that ended up breaking up with ME. ..The irony.

 

Bruised ego, for sure. Unrelated, but it just popped into my head and has me laughing at how stupid all of this is. He wrote me a note once and instead of signing his name he put "some guy?" ----LOL!? Some guy, indeed.

 

Thanks guys, feeling much better again. Off to work I go.

[Chin Up]

Going to keep posting things in this thread so I can look back on it and see my progression. Still feeling pretty good and didn't think about him all that much at work. I was in a pretty good mood and a coworker even commented on it.

(I've been a withdrawn gloomy-gus for weeks at work)

 

Feeling 100 feet tall tonight. I really was way too good for him lol. Thinking about him right now and he seems so small and beneath me. I think when he treated me like crap, it confused me so I figured it must have been me? Nope!

He's just a jerk.

 

Thought of some other doozies he pulled:

We shortly worked with each other which is how we met..

 

-When he'd drop me off at work, he'd drop me on the corner so nobody saw. lol?

-An old mutual coworker was stopping by his place to drop something off. He asked me to go hide in his basement while he was there. (seriously?) AND I DID...HAHAHA oh man.

-He got really pissed at me because I wouldn't give him a BJ at the moment, so he started yelling "oh aren't I a lucky, LUCKY guy!?" waving his hands in the air and then took me home in a huff. (...ROFL! )

 

Wtf did I see in him!?? Seriously guys, please tell me..cuz I don't even know anymore lol. It was all so ridiculous!!!

[Jet Lag]

 

Feeling 100 feet tall tonight. I really was way too good for him lol. Thinking about him right now and he seems so small and beneath me. I think when he treated me like crap, it confused me so I figured it must have been me? Nope!

He's just a jerk.

 

Thought of some other doozies he pulled:

We shortly worked with each other which is how we met..

 

-When he'd drop me off at work, he'd drop me on the corner so nobody saw. lol?

-An old mutual coworker was stopping by his place to drop something off. He asked me to go hide in his basement while he was there. (seriously?) AND I DID...HAHAHA oh man.

-He got really pissed at me because I wouldn't give him a BJ at the moment, so he started yelling "oh aren't I a lucky, LUCKY guy!?" waving his hands in the air and then took me home in a huff. (...ROFL! )

 

Wtf did I see in him!?? Seriously guys, please tell me..cuz I don't even know anymore lol. It was all so ridiculous!!!

 

Tell me how you got there? How can you suddenly see it as it is?

 

I too remember hiding in the bathroom (just from a tradie) FFS!

 

And I never didn't give him a blow job because I just loved doing that to/for him...and I've always hated it before.

[lemonsugar]

Today was my lowest point in weeks. It seems everyone gets contact apart from me ive been struct no contactr for 5 weeksish and not heard a thing. It hurts that i meant so little but it does make me realise his an arse and it was a good thing we brokeup every cloud has a silver lining

[RedButton]

Today was my lowest point in weeks. It seems everyone gets contact apart from me ive been struct no contactr for 5 weeksish and not heard a thing. It hurts that i meant so little but it does make me realise his an arse and it was a good thing we brokeup every cloud has a silver lining

 

Hey, I'm sitting at a touch over a month and I haven't had a peep either. It doesn't mean that we are worthless or we aren't worth thinking about. Did you ever consider that maybe they respect us enough to not contact us because we could get hurt? Or that they are afraid of getting hurt by reaching out too?

 

Maybe they know it's for the best and both parties will move on, so they don't want to 'muddy the waters' so to speak and let us get on with our lives?

 

I still find myself hoping for that text message from time to time, but I'm getting better and coping with it all. By next month or a bit later I'll hopefully be confident to arrange to have her things returned and later down the track I won't be bothered at all. You're doing well, hang in there! Hardest parts over I think

[lemonsugar]

Hey, I'm sitting at a touch over a month and I haven't had a peep either. It doesn't mean that we are worthless or we aren't worth thinking about. Did you ever consider that maybe they respect us enough to not contact us because we could get hurt? Or that they are afraid of getting hurt by reaching out too?

 

Maybe they know it's for the best and both parties will move on, so they don't want to 'muddy the waters' so to speak and let us get on with our lives?

 

I still find myself hoping for that text message from time to time, but I'm getting better and coping with it all. By next month or a bit later I'll hopefully be confident to arrange to have her things returned and later down the track I won't be bothered at all. You're doing well, hang in there! Hardest parts over I think

 

Or its like one of those staring competitions/ Lucky im stubborn. Im going for he really doesnt care makes it easier for me to move on. I dont have the urge to text any more or waiting for a text. Slowly we will get there and move on

[Chin Up]

I don't want to hear from mine unless it's him crawling back, just so I can tell him to eff off. I'm in full-on resentment mode now. I'm flip flopping thinking about what a turd he is, to loling about it. I won't deny it, it bothers me that I haven't heard from him, but I'm trying to not see it as a sign of my value, or lack thereof. I'm an intelligent, fun/funny, beautiful and interesting woman. If he can't/couldn't see or appreciate my value, he never will.

 

Jet,

 

I had already been questioning the relationship. I knew my needs weren't being met emotionally, and something about him always felt a bit dodgy. I didn't entirely trust him. I had actually been talking with a close friend (he didnt know them) for months about what I should do. I had been weighing the pros and cons and was actually starting to contemplate if I should call it quits. I don't dump lightly, so I was really weighing things in the back of my mind. I knew things weren't right, but I still hadn't come to terms with how bad they really were.

 

When he broke up with me it was like.."wait, what???" and it threw me for a loop. Especially when he said he had been thinking about doing it "for like..a week". BURN! lol.

 

I'm now at a point where it doesn't matter who broke up with who because I'm fed up with his sh*t. It just happened to be propelled along faster by him b/u with me because I don't have to feel the guilt of doing it myself or wondering If I was making a mistake. So in a lot of ways he did me a favor, but it still hurts being tossed aside like old news. Esp when you were the "good one" in the relationship.

 

Sure, i still care deeply for him and miss at times, but mostly I wonder why I allowed myself to settle for less than I deserved and those coals will be burning brightly for quite a while. *smoldering*

[ThreeYearsDumb]

I have to say Chin Up, I admire your attitude. Your sense of humor and perspective In the face of heartache is inspiring. I've been having a downer of a day dealing with my stuff but it's nice to see someone attacking their situation with such strength and vigor!

[Chin Up]

Thanks, I appreciate that . Breakups are friggin' hard!

 

Believe me, I have my less than finer moments. Actually, this morning before work I cranked "cry to me - solomon burke" while I sat alone at the kitchen table and ate some toast. And cry I did. Munching on toast while tears and snot flew all over the place.

 

But then I imagined someone walking in the room seeing me like that, to the music that was playing, and I bust a gut at how silly and pitiful I must have looked. ..HA! Sometimes it's the little things. Note to self: buy waterproof mascara.

 

----

 

I'm thinking of buying one of those super crazy detailed dollhouse kits that you put together yourself. It would be a really good distraction. I have an eye for detail and I think it would be fun, and satisfying, to finish. I could maybe even sell it if I don't botch it too bad. I figure if I'm going to find things to distract myself, it might as well be with things I have something to show for.

Edited December 3, 2014 by Chin Up
Thought of something.

[ThreeYearsDumb]

That sounds like a great distraction! I've been running through a lot of hobbies trying to find one that sticks.

 

And I can relate to the morning crying fits. Just this morning I lost it in the car on the way to work, in a traffic jam no less. I've had to download podcasts to listen to because if the radio plays the wrong song it can get a little dicey. Who knows what the other happy motorists thought!

[NopeNah]

It's true,in that, it matters not who left whom. I am known as the 'tough friend' in any situation..bar fight? I got you! Your girl left you? come to me for advice. Until we're faced with our own weak moments do we know our true strengths and weakness's. Face and accept them for what they are,work on them and be a better person for it.

[Chin Up]

Didn't think about my ex as much as usual today.

 

Still bothered by the vague explanations for the b/u, and still bothered he chose to ignore my last text, but it's really starting to sink in that he didn't love me.

 

Bummer.

 

Felt indifferent, for the most part, today. Anything else was twinges of resentment and irritation.

 

It hurt like hell at first, but I'm really starting to appreciate that he never reached out to me after the split. Hurt even more when I realized it was because he doesn't care, rather than him doing whats best for me to move on. Either way, the outcome is still the same. I deleted all of him from my phone today.

 

I know I should have done it earlier, but i just couldn't bring myself to do it.

It felt crappy and wrong as i was doing it, but i ended up feeling a lot of relief afterwards. Done.

 

Not sure what tomorrow will bring, but today was pretty good even though work was exhausting. Starting to feel more like myself again. How i felt before I met him. it's nice .

 

Long day *yawn* hopefully tomorrow is another good one!

[Chin Up]

So, I had a dream about him last night. I don't recall much of it, just that he was in it. I woke up feeling irritated and rejected.

 

Had me stewing over things for a while this morning and I caught myself doing something. Comparing my feelings to his, or what I assume his feelings are.

 

-I miss him. How can he not be missing me?

-I wonder how he's doing. Why doesn't he wonder how i am?

-I wish things had turned out differently. Why doesn't he regret this?

-I miss hanging out with him. Why would he rather spend his time alone?

-I'm lonely but not ready for a new relationship. Is he happily with someone new?

 

On and on. Has anyone else been doing this? Why am I doing this and how do I make it stop?

[me85]

So, I had a dream about him last night. I don't recall much of it, just that he was in it. I woke up feeling irritated and rejected.

 

Had me stewing over things for a while this morning and I caught myself doing something. Comparing my feelings to his, or what I assume his feelings are.

 

-I miss him. How can he not be missing me?

-I wonder how he's doing. Why doesn't he wonder how i am?

-I wish things had turned out differently. Why doesn't he regret this?

-I miss hanging out with him. Why would he rather spend his time alone?

-I'm lonely but not ready for a new relationship. Is he happily with someone new?

 

On and on. Has anyone else been doing this? Why am I doing this and how do I make it stop?

 

 

I find myself wondering about things like that too. You can't stop thoughts from popping into your brain, all you can do is learn to redirect your thoughts. I'll think, is he just flat out gone from my life forever? Then a few moments later I'll wonder when my next light bill is due.

 

Last week, I had a very intimate dream about my ex. It f'd me up for 2 whole days.

[Jet Lag]

So, I had a dream about him last night. I don't recall much of it, just that he was in it. I woke up feeling irritated and rejected.

 

Had me stewing over things for a while this morning and I caught myself doing something. Comparing my feelings to his, or what I assume his feelings are.

 

-I miss him. How can he not be missing me?

-I wonder how he's doing. Why doesn't he wonder how i am?

-I wish things had turned out differently. Why doesn't he regret this?

-I miss hanging out with him. Why would he rather spend his time alone?

-I'm lonely but not ready for a new relationship. Is he happily with someone new?

 

On and on. Has anyone else been doing this? Why am I doing this and how do I make it stop?

 

Guess it doesn't surprise you that I do this! Tell me when you discover the answer. Figure you are going to get there waaaay before me!

 

I'm pretty good today considering. Unfortunately, it may be due to that little bit of contact yesterday, even though it was negative. It seems any contact comforts my soul.

[Jet Lag]

 

Last week, I had a very intimate dream about my ex. It f'd me up for 2 whole days.

 

The dreams are killers!

 

Either him with someone new...or him with me (and that can be positive or negative).

[me85]

The dreams are killers!

 

Either him with someone new...or him with me (and that can be positive or negative).

 

Well, I've known about my ex being with someone else since January of this year. He burned me twice (shame on me) so it came to no surprise he was already off screwing some other girl after being with me - yet again.

 

I mean, this is just life. Things are going to break your heart but don't stay down too long, right? Gota do everything to bounce back as quickly as we can. Personally, I'm done with RSs for quite a while. My problem was that I settled in all of my RSs so guess what? I'll never settle again. My 30's are going to rock! (I'm 29)

[Chin Up]

It must be some kind of coping mechanism, but jeez is it annoying. I feel like if I can figure out why I'm doing it, I can stop.

 

It's like I have these thoughts and feelings and from what I can tell, he's not even fazed by any of this. Drives me bonkers to think he's totally fine while I sit here sifting through the pieces..trying to make sense of it all. It's not fair! *pout*

 

Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about him wanting to get back together, even though I wouldn't take him back! Explain that one lol.

 

I know it will never happen, but I even catch myself snickering at the thought of him sending a text in the future. Even something benign like "So, how've you been?" so I can think "HAAAA you thought of me after all, I WIN!! Am I really so childish and petty? dayum lol.

 

I know I've come a long way since the initial b/u. I don't wait for his calls/texts anymore. I don't jump across the room to my phone to see if it's him. I don't even carry it around the house with me, at all times, anymore.

 

I don't plot ways to get back together or reasons to contact him. I don't come up with plans to accidentally run into him, on purpose (which I never acted on).

 

I'm doing pretty good. Mornings suck for the first 10 minutes- "oh yeah, I'm going through the ass-end of a b/u. sigh" but then I get on with my day. Night time is when I tend to do most of my ruminating but I've been getting better with that and distracting myself as much as possible.

 

I feel like I'm mostly over this. There's some residual feelings that rear up with random intensity, but the hard part is not thinking about him. I've accepted it's over, done, he's not coming back. No tears shed over that anymore...so why do I keep thinking about him so much and how he "might" be feeling!?

 

Days like this have me entertaining the idea of a rebound, but I know it's a bad idea. I just want something so distracting that he doesn't even cross my mind.

[me85]

It must be some kind of coping mechanism, but jeez is it annoying. I feel like if I can figure out why I'm doing it, I can stop.

 

It's like I have these thoughts and feelings and from what I can tell, he's not even fazed by any of this. Drives me bonkers to think he's totally fine while I sit here sifting through the pieces..trying to make sense of it all. It's not fair! *pout*

 

Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about him wanting to get back together, even though I wouldn't take him back! Explain that one lol.

 

I know it will never happen, but I even catch myself snickering at the thought of him sending a text in the future. Even something benign like "So, how've you been?" so I can think "HAAAA you thought of me after all, I WIN!! Am I really so childish and petty? dayum lol.

 

I know I've come a long way since the initial b/u. I don't wait for his calls/texts anymore. I don't jump across the room to my phone to see if it's him. I don't even carry it around the house with me, at all times, anymore.

 

I don't plot ways to get back together or reasons to contact him. I don't come up with plans to accidentally run into him, on purpose (which I never acted on).

 

I'm doing pretty good. Mornings suck for the first 10 minutes- "oh yeah, I'm going through the ass-end of a b/u. sigh" but then I get on with my day. Night time is when I tend to do most of my ruminating but I've been getting better with that and distracting myself as much as possible.

 

I feel like I'm mostly over this. There's some residual feelings that rear up with random intensity, but the hard part is not thinking about him. I've accepted it's over, done, he's not coming back. No tears shed over that anymore...so why do I keep thinking about him so much and how he "might" be feeling!?

 

Days like this have me entertaining the idea of a rebound, but I know it's a bad idea. I just want something so distracting that he doesn't even cross my mind.

 

You and I both, chick! I don't know why I do it either. Ego? Holidays? Boredom? OCD???

[Chin Up]

Felt like sending him a scathing text this morning. Still rocking the anger and resentment, pretty hard. I wanted to just let it all rip..fire and brimstone. LAVA! He'd read it and his face would melt like that scene in Indiana Jones when they open the arc.

 

I'm so tired of thinking about him and having gross negative feelings.

 

I wish I could put them in a box, give them to him and say "Here, you gave these to me but you can have them back!" And *I* can be the one happily sitting around, not giving a crap, while *he* can deal with all the bad feelings.

 

It's draining. This is making me want to be single for quite some time. I don't want to potentially go through this sh*t again, any time soon. Hells no.

 

LOL. idky, but the friend convo we had popped into my head and for some reason I find it highly amusing. I had gone NC for 10 days and then sent him a text saying that I was ok with the b/u, but I missed his personality and hanging out with him. That it's too soon, but hoped we could be friends one day. He replied the next day and said he hopes to be friends too. I think it was 3..maybe 4? days later. I sent him another text asking him if he wanted to hang out later that week....

 

HAHA Fk'n omg HAAAA ! Totally laughing at myself here.

 

Crackin up over that. "while it's still too soon" (3-4 days later) "So wanna be friends?" ..oh, me!

 

I got a lot of excuses. Basically shot down, so went NC again for 15 days, just to have that last text ignored. So much for being friends. That didn't last long! .

[Chin Up]

Well, this morning started out rocky but I had a great big self affirming convo with myself today.

 

I said to myself:

"Self, you're incredible! Don't let this fool get you down because he can't see that. Snap the hell out of it, get out of the house and go do things that make you feel good about your sexy ass self! :love:"

 

And that's what I did. Full on girly day. Hair cut, mani/pedi, had a tan, bought some things to make me feel pretty. Dropped way too much on a Coach purse (what?? I deserve it) and got myself a swanky pair of stiletto leather boots.

 

Screw him. I was so out of his league! *hair toss* haha .

 

Feeling good tonight...like I'm getting back to who I was before he came into the picture. I have to say, if I was still in contact with him, I don't think I'd be feeling like I do now. I suspect I'd still be hoping for reconciliation and losing my damn mind by over-analyzing every text he sent.

 

jeez a lot can happen in a day lol.

[me85]

Nice! Good for you! You're really funny and sound pretty amazing and strong so I'm not all that worried about ya, girl.

 

Keep it up!

[ThreeYearsDumb]

Glad it was a good day! It's amazing what can happen when we summon the energy and take care of ourselves.

[Chin Up]

Thanks, guys!

 

I just keep looking back on things with fresh eyes. I'm starting to feel more and more like I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. I question how much I knew him at all, really. He was always so cryptic and vague. Aloof. It was so easy to fill in the blanks and connect the dots in ways that were positive.

 

I'm glad I sent that last text. I felt like crud for a bit after, but it sure did pull the wool off of my eyes. Nothing says "I don't care, get lost" like ignoring lol. Still bothers me that he cut me off at the ankles, out of nowhere, and never looked back. Doesn't make sense to me. Still don't know what happened or why, but I'm getting ok with it.

 

Looking forward to hitting indifference! I don't long for his calls, or to see him anymore. In fact, if he was to contact me, I think I'd be thrown into a tail spin of confusion and anger. If I saw him walking down the street, I'd probably do a cartwheel into the nearest bush and hide haha.

 

I still see him as someone who hurt me, and it still has some sting, so if I ran into him I'd feel kinda weird and insecure. It would be awkward, for sure.

 

I'm 100% pro NC now. Only regret is not doing it sooner! It used to make me so sad, but I now find comfort in knowing he won't contact me.

[Simon Phoenix]

Going to keep posting things in this thread so I can look back on it and see my progression. Still feeling pretty good and didn't think about him all that much at work. I was in a pretty good mood and a coworker even commented on it.

(I've been a withdrawn gloomy-gus for weeks at work)

 

Feeling 100 feet tall tonight. I really was way too good for him lol. Thinking about him right now and he seems so small and beneath me. I think when he treated me like crap, it confused me so I figured it must have been me? Nope!

He's just a jerk.

 

Thought of some other doozies he pulled:

We shortly worked with each other which is how we met..

 

-When he'd drop me off at work, he'd drop me on the corner so nobody saw. lol?

-An old mutual coworker was stopping by his place to drop something off. He asked me to go hide in his basement while he was there. (seriously?) AND I DID...HAHAHA oh man.

-He got really pissed at me because I wouldn't give him a BJ at the moment, so he started yelling "oh aren't I a lucky, LUCKY guy!?" waving his hands in the air and then took me home in a huff. (...ROFL! )

 

Wtf did I see in him!?? Seriously guys, please tell me..cuz I don't even know anymore lol. It was all so ridiculous!!!

 

It's simple -- he was a challenge and you wanted to be the one to tame him. A lot of women spend time chasing guys like this because they feel it's a competition and they want to win. Nice guys that treat women properly and with respect are seen as boring to them. You wanted to be the one to rope him in, therefore you put up with everything. Had he been accommodating and treated you right, you likely would have lost interest pretty early.

 

This is something that happens a lot with younger women (teens and 20s). But yeah, you can blame him and hate him all you want, but until you figure out why you are drawn to guys like him, this will probably be a cycle that repeats itself. You can't control how men are, you can only control how you react to it. If you don't learn from this experience, you are doomed to repeat it.