Whoops! I Broke NC. ..teehee?

[Chin Up]

I'm 37 lol!

 

I've had my fair share of relationship experience. Even in my youth, I never went for the bad boys or guys that posed a challenge. Can't be arsed. If you like me and want to be with me, act like it..otherwise, don't let the door hit ya.

 

I think with him it was more confusion. 90% of the time he seemed to really be into me. Then he would do something that left me scratching my head cuz it was so weird or disrespectful and left me off balance. Never experienced this before so I had no idea how to proceed.

 

"How can someone that seems to like you so much, do/say something so odd??" -- *does not compute*

 

Like I had said earlier, I had already been questioning the relationship because of it. I have no interest in "taming" someone = fixer-uppers. I'm not his mommy, he can fix his own life/issues.

 

I get that some girls like the challenge of screwed up guys, but not I. Nay Jose. A part of me wonders if he picked up on that..that I was silently contemplating the end, so he beat me to it. Doesn't matter either way. I don't have to put up with his BS anymore or sit here wondering if/how/when I should dump him.

 

I won't deny it though, its chaps my ass that he dumped ME LOL.

[Simon Phoenix]

Seems like he kept you hooked because he was always a step ahead of you. Even now you are still trying to catch up. He skillfully used your ego (don't feel bad, we all have egos) against you and your ego is still keeping you hooked on this whole thing. Eventually you'll get sick of the process and move forward.

[Chin Up]

oh dude, I DO have an ego. My ego could eat a T-Rex in one bite. chomp!

(yeah I'm vain, so what lol)

 

your ego is still keeping you hooked on this whole thing. Eventually you'll get sick of the process and move forward.

 

hahaha it's funny cuz it's true!

 

Well played, ex. Well played. ...*slow clap*

 

I suspect at some point down the line he will get curious to see if he still has me hanging around with a hook through my lip.

 

I think the only thing bigger than my ego, was his.

[Simon Phoenix]

Probably. He's been able to skillfully manipulate you for about a year, I'm sure he'll tug at the leash to see if you're still hanging around. Hopefully this time you'll be able to resist and won't try a power-trip move of your own. It hasn't worked for you to date. Sometimes you have to cut your losses on a bad investment and write it off. That time passed for you long ago.

[Chin Up]

I never got the impression he was power tripping on me, tho..I guess ignoring could be counted as that. If/when I hear from him, I like to think I wouldn't power trip back, but... heh? Guess it would depend on the situation.

 

For now I'm happy there's NC. All that second guessing, over-analyzing..wishful thinking. Ugh, who needs it!

[Chin Up]

Christmas day would have been 4 weeks/1 month no contact. So close!

 

Ran into his friend at the mall today. Just a quick hello and comments about xmas shopping. When I got home I pulled out the paper with my exes number on it and sent him a text without much thought before hand.

 

Just said I ran into his friend, hoped he was having fun for the holidays and to have a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

 

He replied (which surprised me, to be honest lol but he probably didnt want to seem rude) saying he had been out with mentioned friend the night before and returned the sentiments.

 

I let him know some friends got me a ticket for xmas to a concert theyre attending (he will be working there) and if i happen to see him i'll give a wave hello and to have a good night.

 

And that was that! No regret. No icky feelings or reading into anything. Just a quick and civil text exchange of awkward xmas cheer LOL. I know you're all booing me right now, but what the hell..I did it, so !

[Jet Lag]

Christmas day would have been 4 weeks/1 month no contact. So close!

 

Ran into his friend at the mall today. Just a quick hello and comments about xmas shopping. When I got home I pulled out the paper with my exes number on it and sent him a text without much thought before hand.

 

Just said I ran into his friend, hoped he was having fun for the holidays and to have a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

 

He replied (which surprised me, to be honest lol but he probably didnt want to seem rude) saying he had been out with mentioned friend the night before and returned the sentiments.

 

I let him know some friends got me a ticket for xmas to a concert theyre attending (he will be working there) and if i happen to see him i'll give a wave hello and to have a good night.

 

And that was that! No regret. No icky feelings or reading into anything. Just a quick and civil text exchange of awkward xmas cheer LOL. I know you're all booing me right now, but what the hell..I did it, so !

 

It is so hard not to do it! I thought I was doing really well, had pretty much two months without deliberate contact.

 

Yet came home the other day and his car was in my driveway. He was very quick to explain he was here to pick up his son (I guess so I didn't have any expectations he was going to come and go down on one knee, haha). Anyway, we had about a one minute conversation.

 

When he went home I became all needy, messaged him (which he dutifully ignored)....then I messaged again the next morning (I know, I know - FAIL). He did respond to that. It was cold as all hell but a response. I fell into a bit of a heap again.

 

Today my theory is, I will rewind time and pretend I never met him...I went back to that first day we met...and he wasn't there, hahaha.

 

Not really sure it is going to work...but I'm clutching at anything at the moment.

 

Yesterday I tried your flicking rubber band thing...and ended up with massive welts on my wrist!

[Jet Lag]

Christmas day would have been 4 weeks/1 month no contact. So close!

 

Ran into his friend at the mall today. Just a quick hello and comments about xmas shopping. When I got home I pulled out the paper with my exes number on it and sent him a text without much thought before hand.

 

Just said I ran into his friend, hoped he was having fun for the holidays and to have a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

 

He replied (which surprised me, to be honest lol but he probably didnt want to seem rude) saying he had been out with mentioned friend the night before and returned the sentiments.

 

I let him know some friends got me a ticket for xmas to a concert theyre attending (he will be working there) and if i happen to see him i'll give a wave hello and to have a good night.

 

And that was that! No regret. No icky feelings or reading into anything. Just a quick and civil text exchange of awkward xmas cheer LOL. I know you're all booing me right now, but what the hell..I did it, so !

 

Oops...sorry...just made that all about me! I hope you are going well..and you enjoy your Christmas concert whether or not your run into him. xoxo

[Chin Up]

Go ahead and make it about you, we're all going through the same crap (mostly) and it's nice to be able to relate to others. Breakups suck!

 

It's weird. It wasn't an overwhelming urge like the last time I texted him. I just sent it off on a whim. I didn't really need to send the second one, it was more of a courteous heads-up letting him know I'll be at that concert (its a month from now). I'm sure he would feel just as awkward and unsure what to do, as I, if we bump into each other lol cuz you never know how en ex will react (be it dumper or dumpee).

 

I think the comment about waving hello if I happen to see him let's him know there are no hard feelings but no reason to talk to each other, either. I don't expect a reply to the last one since it wasn't really anything worthy of responding to. Just being polite and giving him some warning so he doesn't take a sh*t if he sees me LOL.

[BC1980]

Christmas day would have been 4 weeks/1 month no contact. So close!

 

Ran into his friend at the mall today. Just a quick hello and comments about xmas shopping. When I got home I pulled out the paper with my exes number on it and sent him a text without much thought before hand.

 

Just said I ran into his friend, hoped he was having fun for the holidays and to have a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

 

He replied (which surprised me, to be honest lol but he probably didnt want to seem rude) saying he had been out with mentioned friend the night before and returned the sentiments.

 

I let him know some friends got me a ticket for xmas to a concert theyre attending (he will be working there) and if i happen to see him i'll give a wave hello and to have a good night.

 

And that was that! No regret. No icky feelings or reading into anything. Just a quick and civil text exchange of awkward xmas cheer LOL. I know you're all booing me right now, but what the hell..I did it, so !

 

You really need to let him go and stop contacting him. Be honest. You're fishing for a response to boost your ego. Been there, done that, got the picture. What you did was short sighted and stalls your overall recovery. You're hurting yourself by trying to get a temporary ego hit. A few weeks ago you were saying he was a fool and agreeing that he had played you. Now, you're telling him Merry Christmas.

[Simon Phoenix]

Christmas day would have been 4 weeks/1 month no contact. So close!

 

Ran into his friend at the mall today. Just a quick hello and comments about xmas shopping. When I got home I pulled out the paper with my exes number on it and sent him a text without much thought before hand.

 

Just said I ran into his friend, hoped he was having fun for the holidays and to have a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

 

He replied (which surprised me, to be honest lol but he probably didnt want to seem rude) saying he had been out with mentioned friend the night before and returned the sentiments.

 

I let him know some friends got me a ticket for xmas to a concert theyre attending (he will be working there) and if i happen to see him i'll give a wave hello and to have a good night.

 

And that was that! No regret. No icky feelings or reading into anything. Just a quick and civil text exchange of awkward xmas cheer LOL. I know you're all booing me right now, but what the hell..I did it, so !

 

I mean, I'm really not sure what the point of that was. All you are doing is holding yourself back. You seem smart enough and mature enough to realize this, which is why I'm puzzled by your lack of self-control.

[Chin Up]

I think bumping into his friend is what did it. Seeing him brought up a lot of good memories of the summer. Still feeling nothing for sending it, and no regrets, but sending that also killed any lingering urges I had to contact him again. I won't lie, I was even thinking of sending him an upcoming Birthday text. Now it's like "meh...could care less if he has a happy one or not" lol.

 

Not sure if it was for an ego boost, but I was definitely looking for a reaction LOL maybe the same thing. When I think about it, I was fine with the thought of him not replying or being standoffish, but I was also curious about the flip-side.

Wondered if he'd be happy to hear from me after almost a month of NC. wth?

 

His reply wasn't cold or rude, more like..answering an acquaintance that mentioned they saw your mutual friend. I even laughed when I read it and thought "...yeah..this guy could care less. My chapstick has more interest hahaha!"

 

A few weeks ago you were saying he was a fool and agreeing that he had played you. Now, you're telling him Merry Christmas.

 

LOL I know! and I still think that. In fact, I now see him as an untrustworthy, slippery, sleazy, self centered pig, on top of it. Yeah this is def still about ego. I'm still bothered that not only did he suck me in, he spit me out. Guess it still bothers me that I was unceremoniously dumped out of the blue by someone I now see as a loser.

[BC1980]

I think bumping into his friend is what did it. Seeing him brought up a lot of good memories of the summer. Still feeling nothing for sending it, and no regrets, but sending that also killed any lingering urges I had to contact him again. I won't lie, I was even thinking of sending him an upcoming Birthday text. Now it's like "meh...could care less if he has a happy one or not" lol.

 

Not sure if it was for an ego boost, but I was definitely looking for a reaction LOL maybe the same thing. When I think about it, I was fine with the thought of him not replying or being standoffish, but I was also curious about the flip-side.

Wondered if he'd be happy to hear from me after almost a month of NC. wth?

 

His reply wasn't cold or rude, more like..answering an acquaintance that mentioned they saw your mutual friend. I even laughed when I read it and thought "...yeah..this guy could care less. My chapstick has more interest hahaha!"

 

 

 

LOL I know! and I still think that. In fact, I now see him as an untrustworthy, slippery, sleazy, self centered pig, on top of it. Yeah this is def still about ego. I'm still bothered that not only did he suck me in, he spit me out. Guess it still bothers me that I was unceremoniously dumped out of the blue by someone I now see as a loser.

 

There will be more triggers to contact him. Seeing the friend was a trigger, but you can't give into it next time. You're not at the point where you can make the decision to text your ex lightly. You really need to think about the reason for contact at this point. Look, we've all done this type of thing. I think if your ex is an arse, there is actually more of an incentive to get a reaction out of him. It's a huge ego hit to be dumped by someone that isn't even that great of a catch. I went through the same thing. I thought my ex should have been happy to have me because he wasn't that attractive and was an ahole to put it nicely. So when he dumped me, it was a huge blow to my ego.

 

I'm in the group that takes a hard line with NC. You don't contact the person under any circumstance. That's it. You seem them in public, and you don't make eye contact if you can help it. Anything else is a slippery slope in my experience.

[Simon Phoenix]

I think bumping into his friend is what did it. Seeing him brought up a lot of good memories of the summer. Still feeling nothing for sending it, and no regrets, but sending that also killed any lingering urges I had to contact him again. I won't lie, I was even thinking of sending him an upcoming Birthday text. Now it's like "meh...could care less if he has a happy one or not" lol.

 

Not sure if it was for an ego boost, but I was definitely looking for a reaction LOL maybe the same thing. When I think about it, I was fine with the thought of him not replying or being standoffish, but I was also curious about the flip-side.

Wondered if he'd be happy to hear from me after almost a month of NC. wth?

 

His reply wasn't cold or rude, more like..answering an acquaintance that mentioned they saw your mutual friend. I even laughed when I read it and thought "...yeah..this guy could care less. My chapstick has more interest hahaha!"

 

 

 

LOL I know! and I still think that. In fact, I now see him as an untrustworthy, slippery, sleazy, self centered pig, on top of it. Yeah this is def still about ego. I'm still bothered that not only did he suck me in, he spit me out. Guess it still bothers me that I was unceremoniously dumped out of the blue by someone I now see as a loser.

 

Its time for you to give the ego a rest. The further you chase due to your ego, the more you are bringing yourself down to the "loser" level.

 

There was an episode of Seinfeld where George was dating a woman that was contemplating breaking up with him. George decided to go and break up with her first to get the upper "hand". This turn of events so confused this woman that she was begging him back and bending over backwards to try to keep a guy that she was planning on breaking up with anyway, because her ego couldn't take it.

 

George used this to his advantage until the end of the episode, when something completely unrelated caused her to snap out of it. Right now you are that woman. Your pride is so shaken that you have been, and still want to, jump through hoops to stay on this guy's radar when your logical mind knows that he wasn't very good. I don't know if he is intentionally doing this or not (probably not) but he probably finds it mildly amusing how you are manipulating yourself.

[Chin Up]

I think if your ex is an arse, there is actually more of an incentive to get a reaction out of him. It's a huge ego hit to be dumped by someone that isn't even that great of a catch. I went through the same thing. I thought my ex should have been happy to have me because he wasn't that attractive and was an ahole to put it nicely. So when he dumped me, it was a huge blow to my ego.

 

Yes!!!

 

And I've just realized the real root of what prompted me to send that text.

 

I want validation that it wasn't all for nothing and that I meant something .

 

It makes me sad that while I was invested in him and wanted the relationship to progress, he never saw me as anything more than a glorified piece of ass and for him it was just a relationship of convenience. I was a shiny new toy that he got bored of and tossed aside without a second thought. OUCH.

 

I don't even want him back, so what gives!? In fact, I'm happy we're no longer together because I can see what pri*k he is and how he didn't treat me very well. He certainly didn't respect or appreciate me and I had even been seriously contemplating a breakup for those reasons.

 

Most of the time I'm glad he did it first because it was like he had a 6th sense about it. I'd secretly start feeling like it was time to end things, then he'd be on his best behavior and I'd feel guilty for having doubts. I wonder how long that song and dance would have gone on for before I had the sense to end it.

 

Thinking back to something Simon had said before, about him being a challenge, I'm starting to think he's right. In all of my 37 years, I have never had a man treat me in such a confusing way. Bad enough to make me insecure and doubtful, but mostly really good so it was easy to sweep under the rug. When it was bad, I'd be scratching my head over it and assumed it must have been me because he'd word things in a way where I was being blamed, without actually being blamed. Mind fu*ked, really.

 

So despite me not wanting him back, seeing him for who he really is, being glad it's over, looking forward to meeting someone new at some point.. It still bothers me tremendously that I was just something to do. That if a loser like that doesn't want me..what does that say about ME? Leaves me feeling unlovable and forgettable even though i know that's not true. You're right. I was totally fishing for an ego stroke.

 

I won't contact him ever again. Promise! Now that I've experienced a trigger, I can identify it in the future and talk myself out of any lofty ideas I have of contact. And I just threw out the paper with his number on it (that I kept so I wouldnt have his number in my phone, but I could still have it "just in case" ) and deleted the new text convo. I won't even give a wave hello if I see him at the concert. I'll act like I never even saw him, even if I do.

 

"Love" that I'm seeking validation from the very person that invalidated me. How the eff does that work????

[Chin Up]

HAHAHA It's true! It totally, totally is. George Costanza dumped me and I can't wrap my damn mind around it LOL.

 

I don't think he's intentionally doing anything. In fact, I don't think he thinks of me at all lol. So yeah, he probably gets a big fat smug grin when he sees my name pop up and feels like a big man.

[BC1980]

HAHAHA It's true! It totally, totally is. George Costanza dumped me and I can't wrap my damn mind around it LOL.

 

I don't think he's intentionally doing anything. In fact, I don't think he thinks of me at all lol. So yeah, he probably gets a big fat smug grin when he sees my name pop up and feels like a big man.

 

It takes awhile. You start to think, jeez, if this guy dumped me, I have no hope. I thought that for a long time, and it's soul crushing. Looking back at my history, I was always interested in guys who presented a challenge, guys that I wanted to "work" for. I was never into the nice guys who treated me well. It took this breakup for me to realize that I could actually find a nice guy if I gave him half a chance. I had two incredibly sweet guys in college who wanted to date me, and I never even gave them a chance. I went for the arsehole stoner who wanted me for sex. I thought I could reform him, and he played me so well. He would come and go, leaving for months only to show back up. He would call on the phone, and I would jump. Yeah, that's the guy I spent 2 yrs. with.

Edited December 22, 2014 by BC1980

[Chin Up]

It's amazing how emotions can hijack your brain!

 

"I KNOW he's no good for me and I shouldn't talk to him, but I WANT to so i will. problem solved!"

ahh yes, what a compelling argument. LOL.

 

Jeez, even your own brain hijacks itself.

Logic says this..Ego says that. Well, it must be that, clearly, cuz this doesn't jive with my agenda!

 

Feeling a wee bit foolish for texting him now but in an amused sort of way.

"oh, me! What were you thinking, ya big silly!" *smack on my wrist*

 

So, I just watched a clip of the Seinfeld episode where George initiates the "preemptive breakup" and I was laughing so hard my eyes were watering! <--me!!!

 

Her reaction to it. How she was so bamboozled and suddenly wanted nothing more than to be with him and willing to do whatever it takes. HAAAA!

It was like watching me and my ex but now seeing how ridiculous and hilarious it is. I sooo got George'd with a preemptive breakup LOL .

 

It's funny, I was worried if I did bump into him I'd act all sheepish and like I was lesser than him. Now, I'm pretty sure that scene would come to mind and he'd probably think I was completely nuts because I'd start laughing in his face.

[Gatema]

There will be more triggers to contact him. Seeing the friend was a trigger, but you can't give into it next time. You're not at the point where you can make the decision to text your ex lightly. You really need to think about the reason for contact at this point. Look, we've all done this type of thing. I think if your ex is an arse, there is actually more of an incentive to get a reaction out of him. It's a huge ego hit to be dumped by someone that isn't even that great of a catch. I went through the same thing. I thought my ex should have been happy to have me because he wasn't that attractive and was an ahole to put it nicely. So when he dumped me, it was a huge blow to my ego.

 

I'm in the group that takes a hard line with NC. You don't contact the person under any circumstance. That's it. You seem them in public, and you don't make eye contact if you can help it. Anything else is a slippery slope in my experience.

 

This is some of the best advice that you will ever get. I think you should step back for a moment and reflect on what people have been trying to tell you.

 

The people responding to your posts have at least one thing in common, and that is, that most of us here have been where you are in the healing process. We've all experienced the uncontrollable urges that take over, and it's the random times (especially when your emotions are sitting on the fence for what your next move should be, just to feel a sense of some control in this situation) that can hijack your thoughts and consume you until you do something. However, it does take a huge amount of discipline not to cave, and not to give in to the temptation to connect with your ex.

 

But we're human, and as humans, there are times that we've are going to go against our better judgment; a momentarily break down. It's just what happens in living day to day, but it seems to blow up more in our faces during the times when we're trying to recover from a break up. Period. You have to accept and expect it's a learning process.

 

However, I hardly think that the people leaving comments for you have been exempt from the same type of heartache that you have been experiencing. Furthermore, nor are they just commenting out of the blue without reflecting back on their their own story when they once, or are still, in your shoes. So I would pay close attention to what is being said on your behalf.

 

We post our thoughts because we have lived through the same horrible mistakes, even if we were warned not to do so, we didn't listen. We too were guilty of fabricating the same types of frivolous excuses to contact an ex. And we had to live through the same humbling experiences for the calamity that usually followed afterwards; kicking ourselves in the ass for not listening to those that have been there. Even if they shared that they can still recall the memories of those sickening and haunting days when their feelings were raw; even years later the emotions are very real.

 

To feel like a complete idiot, to want to crawl in to a hole and hide, but can't. Simply left in a puddle of tears, sitting on the couch, alone. Paralyzed with the agony that rejection brings, confused that we allowed ourselves to let this happen to us once again.

 

So you see, nobody here wants to hear that you are that puddle. People are posting advice to help you, and do so, because they are truly in your corner.

 

This may help you, or at least guide you away from doing something that you may later regret. Think about a different reaction that you might try for when there are things that trigger you, and you want to break no contact.

 

Compare your break up to raising a child that you are trying to teach a valuable lesson to for the future. Here's an example, I suggest that you try and put this image in to your head and picture yourself as that small child, and the posters sending you their thoughts, as the parents.

 

This small child wanders over to stove where breakfast was just made. Curious and tempted they touch one of the hot burners that has not completely cooled itself. They place their three little fingers down on the coil for less than two seconds. The child quickly retracts their hand in excruciating pain, their flesh is sizzling from the heat of the burner. The shock and the discomfort for what has just happened overcomes the baby, resulting in their primal high pitched screams and breathless crying. Which in turn, alerts someone close by that something has just gone terribly wrong. The baby is in danger and is hurt. Panic!

 

So someone rushes to the hysterical baby, scoops them up in to their arms, frantically trying to examine what or where the problem lies. Discovers the exploding burnt skin on the child's hand, instantly administers some first aide, while trying to calm down the best that they can. They offer kisses, and give comfort, tell them how much they are loved. Once the child has regained a little bit of composure someone reassures the child that after awhile, everything will be okay, that it just take some time. It may even get worse for a while, but it will heal; just to be careful.

 

And without fail, and at some point in time during this process while someone is providing comfort there is going to be reminder that is made to the child that they are never, ever, to go near , or touch, a hot burner again. Then more than likely there will be a statement that is included that if they don't listen about what has been said, the same thing is going to happen all over again, and it's quite possible that the next time they touch a hot burner it could hurt even worse than it did the time before.

 

A caution for the future, pretend you are that small child the next time you feel like contacting an ex. Remember, if they wanted to contact you they would, if they wanted to share tidbits about an event that happened, they would, if they wanted you to be a part of their life, you wouldn't be here looking for solutions.

If they don't reach out to you first .......well, you probably all ready know the answer to that question.

Edited December 22, 2014 by Gatema

[Chin Up]

Your hot burner analogy had me laughing lol. Not because it was bad! in fact, it reminded me of some incidents from childhood that I think attest to my nature/character.

 

I think I was about 4 or 5. My mom was making "kraft dinner" (yes, I'm Canadian, don't hold that against me haha) and told me not to touch the burner while it cooled off because it was VERY hot. Anyone want to take a guess what I did next?

 

Smacked my hand flat down on the burner! I must be a masochist LOL I remember her telling me to be careful to not get salt in my eye, so I put some in my eye. Or to not eat the chocolates in the bathroom because they were medicine for grown ups and could make me sick. I ate them. Turns out they were chocolate laxatives. etc etc..

 

It's like I just haaaave to find out the hard way. I'm hearing why I shouldn't and it makes sense, but I have to experience it for myself to really understand the why aspect of it. "oh crap, that really DID hurt. Well, now I know how it hurts and just how much!"

[Gatema]

Your hot burner analogy had me laughing lol. Not because it was bad! in fact, it reminded me of some incidents from childhood that I think attest to my nature/character.

 

I think I was about 4 or 5. My mom was making "kraft dinner" (yes, I'm Canadian, don't hold that against me haha) and told me not to touch the burner while it cooled off because it was VERY hot. Anyone want to take a guess what I did next?

 

Smacked my hand flat down on the burner! I must be a masochist LOL I remember her telling me to be careful to not get salt in my eye, so I put some in my eye. Or to not eat the chocolates in the bathroom because they were medicine for grown ups and could make me sick. I ate them. Turns out they were chocolate laxatives. etc etc..

It's like I just haaaave to find out the hard way. I'm hearing why I shouldn't and it makes sense, but I have to experience it for myself to really understand the why aspect of it. "oh crap, that really DID hurt. Well, now I know how it hurts and just how much!"

 

Hey, I just saw this and had to laugh... Not because you had to learn the hard way; I'm a follower in that same practice, unfortunately. It was when you talked about your "cheese dinner" and that you were Canadian. I have to say, I love Canadians, love the entire country, love the people, love the nightlife, but what I really loved the most was watching your Canadian boys, and our US boys, play some kickass hockey. Great times, epic memories, and some dope hockey action, every single time.

[Chin Up]

Haha, we have our charms.

 

Sigh, I might as well fess up to some recent-ish activity.

I made a ROYAL fool of myself. Queen fool, right here. Behold my foolishness!

(Good came of it in the end, but boy did I get punk'd)

 

Few days before NYE I sent him a text asking him why he broke up with me, to be honest even if it's brutal, because it had really been bothering me not knowing wtf happened or why.

 

*tumbleweed*....no answer.

 

Next day I was so [insert EVERY negative feeling that comes to mind] that I sent another text "thanking him" for having the decency to answer.

 

He answered back that he didn't know what I was talking about and I said I sent him a text. He said he didn't get it so I resent it. A while later he starts out saying I did nothing wrong, he's just bad when it comes to girlfriends and (and then he hit send) then another text saying he had hit send too early to which I joked about him being a tease then waited for the rest of the explanation..

 

Start throwing stones at me now because it just gets worse..

 

An hour went by so I sent "and?" ..no answer. After another hour of silence, 2 glasses of wine, and a lot of stewing, I basically roasted him for pissing me off to no end, making a fool of me for the last time, to have a happy new year, birthday, best of luck and whatever else, then went to bed.

 

Woke up and saw that at some point in the night he had replied with the biggest excuse. It was a BIG text. Saying he had sent the rest but that his battery dies at random so it must not have reached me, and that he just got my texts now cuz his phone was charging and now its all charged up and he could call me in a day or two to talk about it if I'd like, but he was now going to bed and didn't feel like typing it all out again. blahblahblah.

 

Ok, get out your catapults and lob flaming boulders at me ..

 

So after getting up and reading that..at first I was going to ask him why he didn't just resend the text that I didn't get, then realized it was probably because there never was one. Got all pissed off again and sent him a reply that his phone is clearly possessed with poltergeists (LOL) He replies that his phone alerted him to a text and my name flashed by but he got no text. I said how convenient. He said he got that one and maybe my phone is busted cuz this only seems to be happening with me and he's not sure if it's the battery thats the problem.

 

I may be wrong, don't really care, but at that point I felt like he was just fu*king with me and playing some weird childish mind game. I told him I thought the real problem was that I text him and he'd rather make a bunch of crap up instead of telling me to eff off and not contact him. He replied that he doesn't make crap like that up and wished me a happy NY. I didn't reply. Finally.

 

Holy sh*t lol.

 

I felt like I was 16 years old again. Aside from the obvious that I shouldn't have sent the text at all, it blows my mind that a man in his late 30's would behave like that, and worse..I took the stinky bait and went along with it. It was a thoroughly disgusting and embarrassing experience but the plus side is I truly, honestly, 100%, cross my heart, do not ever want to talk him again. I've had enough of that, thank you very much.

 

I think it took a few pass overs, but that was me officially slamming my hand on the burner.

[dyna85]

That makes me sick that someone could treat someone they were with for 10 freaking months that way. Literally, sick to my stomach. Like, who is this person? How dare he play with your emotions like that. That is literally so twisted. He is so full of excuses and it's such BS.

 

I think sometimes we do need to give it a few passes before the burn really sets in and we refuse to touch the damn burner ever again.

 

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Screw this loser. Seriously. The fact that he's too much of a coward to communicate with you like a mature adult just proves his unworthiness of you.

[Simon Phoenix]

Haha, we have our charms.

 

Sigh, I might as well fess up to some recent-ish activity.

I made a ROYAL fool of myself. Queen fool, right here. Behold my foolishness!

(Good came of it in the end, but boy did I get punk'd)

 

Few days before NYE I sent him a text asking him why he broke up with me, to be honest even if it's brutal, because it had really been bothering me not knowing wtf happened or why.

 

*tumbleweed*....no answer.

 

Next day I was so [insert EVERY negative feeling that comes to mind] that I sent another text "thanking him" for having the decency to answer.

 

He answered back that he didn't know what I was talking about and I said I sent him a text. He said he didn't get it so I resent it. A while later he starts out saying I did nothing wrong, he's just bad when it comes to girlfriends and (and then he hit send) then another text saying he had hit send too early to which I joked about him being a tease then waited for the rest of the explanation..

 

Start throwing stones at me now because it just gets worse..

 

An hour went by so I sent "and?" ..no answer. After another hour of silence, 2 glasses of wine, and a lot of stewing, I basically roasted him for pissing me off to no end, making a fool of me for the last time, to have a happy new year, birthday, best of luck and whatever else, then went to bed.

 

Woke up and saw that at some point in the night he had replied with the biggest excuse. It was a BIG text. Saying he had sent the rest but that his battery dies at random so it must not have reached me, and that he just got my texts now cuz his phone was charging and now its all charged up and he could call me in a day or two to talk about it if I'd like, but he was now going to bed and didn't feel like typing it all out again. blahblahblah.

 

Ok, get out your catapults and lob flaming boulders at me ..

 

So after getting up and reading that..at first I was going to ask him why he didn't just resend the text that I didn't get, then realized it was probably because there never was one. Got all pissed off again and sent him a reply that his phone is clearly possessed with poltergeists (LOL) He replies that his phone alerted him to a text and my name flashed by but he got no text. I said how convenient. He said he got that one and maybe my phone is busted cuz this only seems to be happening with me and he's not sure if it's the battery thats the problem.

 

I may be wrong, don't really care, but at that point I felt like he was just fu*king with me and playing some weird childish mind game. I told him I thought the real problem was that I text him and he'd rather make a bunch of crap up instead of telling me to eff off and not contact him. He replied that he doesn't make crap like that up and wished me a happy NY. I didn't reply. Finally.

 

Holy sh*t lol.

 

I felt like I was 16 years old again. Aside from the obvious that I shouldn't have sent the text at all, it blows my mind that a man in his late 30's would behave like that, and worse..I took the stinky bait and went along with it. It was a thoroughly disgusting and embarrassing experience but the plus side is I truly, honestly, 100%, cross my heart, do not ever want to talk him again. I've had enough of that, thank you very much.

 

I think it took a few pass overs, but that was me officially slamming my hand on the burner.

 

He only behaved like that because you were badgering him. Instead of blaming him (you can't control his behavior), why the hell are you acting like a lovelorn, bitter teenage girl? Sure, he contributed to this particular drama, but you started it because you don't have the common sense to leave well enough alone. At this point, he's not your problem. You're your problem. This particular exchange was completely your fault. He doesn't act like a tool if you don't pester and badger him. I mean, I was cringing while reading that. I can't believe you kept after him like that, completely ridiculous.

 

I want to believe that you are being truthful when you say you are completely done with this, but I don't believe you. I realize I'm coming down as harsh, but you are the chasing girl that doesn't seem particularly able to take a hint. Odds are you are going to feel another bout of self-righteousness and ego and shoot yourself in the foot again. I truly hope you don't, but it doesn't look good.

[Jono85]

i skimmed this thread. listen, you don't need a whole lot of negativity thrown your way, as I've been where you are, as we all have, and it sucks. but in saying that, i think it helps to further assess where you are and were at emotionally during/after this relationship.

 

the things you mentioned about him hiding you in the basement, about introducing you as a friend to his friends after you guys were official, about never talking about love, about dropping you on the corner to work so no one would see, about never spending money on you, never planning anything or 'trying'.....

 

i sincerely hope one day you can rationally look at these things for what they represent. not only on his end, but more importantly what they represent about you. at the end of the day, you can only control who you are. the fact that one of these things happened, nevermind the lot of them, suggests you may have some self-worth/respect issues you should deal with while in this healing process. try to focus less on how in the world a guy can do those things to his "girlfriend" (i quote b/c he obviously never saw you as such or a long-term investment) but why in the world you accepted those things. were you just so infatuated by his looks or too attracted to him or too happy to have a boyfriend/anyone to talk to/have sex with that him treating you like complete trash (understatement of the year) was tolerable?? you really need to look at the issue(s) here and work on never letting this happen again.

 

as far as you contacting him relentlessly and demanding answers, you can continue with this, but it's clear as day he never really valued you as a partner, much less a being with feelings. it's kind of sad even after you realized those things above in that post, you continue to chase/want him back. therein lies the real issues here. good luck.