Are there faithful women out there?

[jbrent890]

My friend is a divorce lawyer and he says that he always tries to turn women away from divorce unless the circumstances really need it. What feminist and pro-divorce individuals don'to tell women with children is how hard it is to be a single mother. He says he has encountered a lot of women that in the end, regretted their decisions to divorce. Striver, I have a feeling that your wife is going to find single life not as satisfying as she thought it would be. Not to sound harsh towards women, but the vast majority of men do not go out of their way to date single moms, especially if they are older. Men usually choose to date young unattached females. Your wife's affair gave her an ego boost, but it's going to be her down fall in the end.

[Striver]

I think it is hard to find romance or love with this because few people want to be second to money. And few want to deal with the baggage such a suggestion carries. Most people are turned off by greed. As they are by the suggestion that a woman makes less and contributes less to the marriage.

 

But then there are priorties. If money and lifestyle are more important than love and companionship this mindset will work. But if not...

 

To be honest, I think money was an issue in our relationship. On her side.

 

Since the children were born, I worked and wife did not. I make an above average salary, but less than six figures. She had a great job at one time, lost that job, then got a decent but lesser paying job before we had the kids.

 

I really would have thought she would be preparing to go into the workforce. She is not. She does antiquing on the side which is a fun business for her but does not bring in all that much money.

 

She has been pushing hard to sell our house so she can have the equity. To buy a new house? No. She is going to buy and rehab a building to sell antiques in. A million dollar deal, I'm told. Where will she live? Her parents are going to pay for a house for her.

 

Her parents have a lot more money in their family than mine. Dad was a doctor and they were frugal. Now they can spend it on their daughters. My family is solvent and hardworking, but not a lot of money. We had to help out my mom a bit because she's really old and her investments don't make enough in this economic environment. My wife brought up the fact that she resented that. Wife is going through a mid life crisis and her worst side is displayed fairly often. But I am not the one who brought money into the marriage. I thought we were a team. Wife used to talk of us that way.

[Selfish]

To be honest, I think money was an issue in our relationship. On her side.

 

Since the children were born, I worked and wife did not. I make an above average salary, but less than six figures. She had a great job at one time, lost that job, then got a decent but lesser paying job before we had the kids.

 

I really would have thought she would be preparing to go into the workforce. She is not. She does antiquing on the side which is a fun business for her but does not bring in all that much money.

 

She has been pushing hard to sell our house so she can have the equity. To buy a new house? No. She is going to buy and rehab a building to sell antiques in. A million dollar deal, I'm told. Where will she live? Her parents are going to pay for a house for her.

 

Her parents have a lot more money in their family than mine. Dad was a doctor and they were frugal. Now they can spend it on their daughters. My family is solvent and hardworking, but not a lot of money. We had to help out my mom a bit because she's really old and her investments don't make enough in this economic environment. My wife brought up the fact that she resented that. Wife is going through a mid life crisis and her worst side is displayed fairly often. But I am not the one who brought money into the marriage. I thought we were a team. Wife used to talk of us that way.

 

I am not saying it is wrong or anything to feel you need to protect your assets. I am saying though for a Future relationship being so protective of your money could be a turn off. Not because she wants your money but because it may insult her that you think because she is female she must want it. I do know people who have lost a lot of money they brought in to the relationship. 6 months here and you are considered common law and money is divided as such. It would be scary if you are burnt once. But if you are questioning an entire sex on their faithfulness with sex, love or money you may not be quite ready for a new relationship yet anyways. But with more time passing you may find yourself in a different place. And if you actually fall in love again you might find your thinking completely changed! I know a woman who had half her inheritance taken by her husband. They had been together ten years and married three. She inherited a lot and only a few years later he left and she had to sell of her family land in order to pay him his share. She was quite sworn of men as you can imagine. But then she met a new man. The kindest and most wonderful man she could imagine. They are married and happily and she feels much differently now then she did in the aftermath of her divorce. I know this is just an internet story and it is easier to have hope if you see happy second marriages. But they do exist.

[revelations]

Well I have to say that greed or money should not be a factor in a marriage. Hell I am always willing to sign a prenup no matter if I am the one earning the most money or not. The only trouble is that it seems like the women I have ran into never want a prenup if they earn less than their husband does. Funny how men are greedy if they have the money, yet a woman wanting a prenup is wise to protect her assets. Either way I feel alimony should be banned, and I mean totally done away with. That would end people marrying for money on both sides. Alimony is slavery with a cute name on it.

[seducelove]

I will probably try a relationship again in the future, but I just want to know if there are women out there who want the same thing as me.

 

I am not going to be a manipulating, noncommittal player. Just not who I am, and I would stink at it. But some women just seem to eat that up, are willing to be the OW to those men, don't respect men that treat them as equals.

 

I'm also struggling with the issue that some women are great talkers but lousy communicators. Whatever they are telling you is only pertinent to that place and time, and don't bother remembering all of their words, all of the I love yous, because they are only meant for that particular moment and won't be remembered by her the second after she says them.

 

I can be loyal. I can be steady. I can be loving. I can be intimate. I can work to improve myself, though like anyone else I have my limits and I can't be all things to all people. I am not going to make some charismatic instant connection with someone else, I have to work at that. For women that are looking for "sparks" and "instant chemistry", I have my doubts that I can be that sort of guy for anyone. Or even if I am, that she doesn't have someone in her past that she is secretly pining for more than me, despite however many years we spend together.

 

Is another commitment ever going to be worth it for me? I already had a marriage and kids, and my W threw it away like it was nothing. I'm too old to have any more kids and I have baggage now, and I'm older. I'm not sure I can sort out the potentially honest women from those who are hiding something. Women just seem so good at hiding their true feelings, at not coming forward.

 

Sorry for the rant. I really think I can be a good partner, I really want that again someday, I just don't know how I can get that trust back again or what I can build to replace it. Commitment is supposed to lead to some level of comfort, but how can I do that if any relationship can end at any moment?

 

 

 

Hi well these days one word that is in the mouth of many is "TEMPTATION" when someone loves her partner so much as never to get "TEMPTED" in being unfaithful you're ok, but when the love is not as strong unfortunately comes TEMPTATION.

[2.50 a gallon]

ps

 

 

My post was rejected.

Do not misunderstand me. There are many husbands, who do not deserve to be cheated on.

Long story short, I was a bad boy, partier, when we met. She set out to change me. On our wedding day, when I saw her walking down the aisle, I fell in love with her. My party days were over. I became the loving caring husband she had long begged me to be. But that was not the man she fell in love with.

About the time we married she took a career job and we moved a thousand miles away. From day one I faced an army of OM's in her male co-workers. Six months after we married, I caught her kissing a guard where she worked and told her not to come home. She moved in with OM. Then a month later, when stopping by to visit with our cats, she realized that I had had sex the night before in our marriage bed. She then did a 180 and begged for a second chance. For the next 3 - 4 years she kept trying to reconcile. Instead of trying to nice her back, I should have cheated on her.

So yes, I had a hand in the break up of my marriage

Edited November 30, 2014 by 2.50 a gallon

[purplesorrow]

ps

 

 

My post was rejected.

Do not misunderstand me. There are many husbands, who do not deserve to be cheated on.

Long story short, I was a bad boy, partier, when we met. She set out to change me. On our wedding day, when I saw her walking down the aisle, I fell in love with her. My party days were over. I became the loving caring husband she had long begged me to be. But that was not the man she fell in love with.

About the time we married she took a career job and we moved a thousand miles away. From day one I faced an army of OM's in her male co-workers. Six months after we married, I caught her kissing a guard where she worked and told her not to come home. She moved in with OM. Then a month later, when stopping by to visit with our cats, she realized that I had had sex the night before in our marriage bed. She then did a 180 and begged for a second chance. For the next 3 - 4 years she kept trying to reconcile. Instead of trying to nice her back, I should have cheated on her.

So yes, I had a hand in the break up of my marriage

 

Thanks for the reply. I always find it odd (?) when a formerly bs can help do that to another person. During my wh's affair he was an awful husband but it never occurred to me that cheating on him would remedy that. My not cheating had very little to do with not wanting to hurt him, more about staying true to my values. Going down that road would have harmed me as a person because I'm just not wired to do that to someone. I don't think anyone deserves cheating. Do you think you would cheat again?

[2.50 a gallon]

ps

 

 

I am a short skinny guy who grew up in a very bad neighborhood. One did not dare turn the other cheek, as it would be seen as a weakness and put a target on your back. In order to survive, I had to learn to not get mad, get even.

As I mentioned in my previous post, almost from the end of the honeymoon I was fighting an army of OM's. Most of them were her co-workers. But another was our apartment manager, who very much wanted to get in her pants.

The weekend after our breakup the neighbor held a victory party for her, the OM and many of her co-workers, while his wife was out of town taking care of her sick mother. When the party showed up I took off, but it was still going on when the bar closed and I came home. I could hear them as we shared a bedroom wall. And the last thing that I heard as I passed out, was the tune of the stripper being played and the guys yelling as she did a strip for them.

A couple of weeks later, while talking to the neighbors wife, she mentioned that she had found a pair of panties under the couch that were not hers.

She was the one who spent the night with me. It was her idea to be as loud as possible to keep her husband awake. Their marriage was over.

That was the start of my fooling around with married women.

In the months that followed I went after and seduced a couple of more of the co-worker OM's wives.

[2.50 a gallon]

ps

 

 

This is a repost as the first post disappeared

In my mind I never cheated on my Ex. The marriage vows we took were between, her, the creator and myself. The second she stepped over the line and broke those vows our marriage was over. As for the state, divorce judges, attorneys, etc, they are only record keepers and money makers. I saw no need to pay an attorney and the state thousands of dollars to be free.

As for my present state I am retired and have spent the last 19 years sharing my life with a very beautiful, loving and very giving woman. One that I can trust. There is no way I am going to screw that up.

[purplesorrow]

ps

 

 

This is a repost as the first post disappeared

In my mind I never cheated on my Ex. The marriage vows we took were between, her, the creator and myself. The second she stepped over the line and broke those vows our marriage was over. As for the state, divorce judges, attorneys, etc, they are only record keepers and money makers. I saw no need to pay an attorney and the state thousands of dollars to be free.

As for my present state I am retired and have spent the last 19 years sharing my life with a very beautiful, loving and very giving woman. One that I can trust. There is no way I am going to screw that up.

 

Wow! What an awful story. I'm glad you ended up with someone who was worth it. Love with the right person can be grand. ?

[No Limit]

In the months that followed I went after and seduced a couple of more of the co-worker OM's wives.

 

I just have to ask you how they reacted (if they found out at all)?

Quite a battle you fought - and won! Hope your exW at least still gets comforted by her OMs to make that mess worth her while.

[Striver]

My friend is a divorce lawyer and he says that he always tries to turn women away from divorce unless the circumstances really need it. What feminist and pro-divorce individuals don'to tell women with children is how hard it is to be a single mother. He says he has encountered a lot of women that in the end, regretted their decisions to divorce. Striver, I have a feeling that your wife is going to find single life not as satisfying as she thought it would be. Not to sound harsh towards women, but the vast majority of men do not go out of their way to date single moms, especially if they are older. Men usually choose to date young unattached females. Your wife's affair gave her an ego boost, but it's going to be her down fall in the end.

 

The OM is single in his 40s, never married, no kids. They knew each other before I ever met her. Don't know what the deal was between them.

 

I have to deal with worst case scenarios. I am assuming she's going to try to make it with OM. I don't think she has a plan B in that regard. I agree it would be a long fall from there. I know when I was dating, unless a woman was an absolute knockout, if she was a single mom she was a couple of steps down the dating pole and they all knew it. Vastly different behavior between the single women without kids and the single moms.

 

I cannot really worry about her and her family and whatever "happy family" scenario they might try to concoct. Just make sure I have access and influence over my kids as much as possible, and take care of myself.

[2.50 a gallon]

N L

 

All of the OM's marriages crashed and burned. The co-worker OM's, had to pay half of the mortgage to the house the Ex and kids were living in plus CS.

 

About a month after the victory party, when the neighbors wife once again took off for the weekend to nurse her mother, he once again invited the Ex, her OM and others over for a BBQ. That was the day the Ex came by to visit the cats discovered that the bed had been shared. She immediately did a 180 and begged for a second chance with crocodile tears. To show she meant what she said she went outside and at the top of her lungs, let the public know what a loser the OM was in bed. It seems the body building drugs he had taken had shrunk and made his manhood almost useless.

 

She then moved in with a female co-worker. The Ex spent the next 3 - 4 years, trying to get me to give her a second chance. She would show up at places I shopped all decked out, lots of leg and cleavage. And even though when I moved I left no forwarding address somehow she found out where I lived. Sent me Christmas presents, cards, B-day cards, Valentine cards, wish you were here cards and letters.

 

I did not try to keep track of her. Rumor had it she turned to alcohol and lost her Fortune 500 career job, and moved in with one of her co-worker OM's for a short time.

 

One night I got a strange phone call from her. She talked like we were old friends, I asked about how her younger brother were doing, etc. At the end of the phone call, she once again pushed for a second chance. And when that failed wished me a good life. Years later I found out that this might have been the night before she married a second time.

 

Over 20 years later, after I moved back to my home town, I accidently ran into her mother at the Post Office. I always liked my MIL so introduced myself and once again asked about the younger brothers, found out they are educated, married and have families. I did not ask about the Ex.

 

Also introduced the MIL to my current GF, who was with me and looking great, so sure that got back to the Ex.

 

That got me curious, so Googled the Ex, found out she was divorced a second time, and also a photo. The years have not been kind to her. She is easily pushing the 200 pound mark on the scales.

Divorce, the best thing that ever happened to me.