Are there faithful women out there?

[truncated]

I'm the same. Never cheated, never will.

 

 

When I'm with someone, I only have eyes for them.

 

 

Good to know I'm not alone.

 

It sometimes seems as if people who are faithful by nature are seen as somehow going against nature or are lying, or just haven't met the person they'd want to cheat with yet.

[autumnnight]

Good to know I'm not alone.

 

It sometimes seems as if people who are faithful by nature are seen as somehow going against nature or are lying, or just haven't met the person they'd want to cheat with yet.

 

It's called being cynical and jaded and it's a protective mechanism and a good reason not to do work to heal.

[Mr. Me]

21 years, I never cheated on my husband. But he sure as hell did on me. It goes both ways.

 

Sure there are women like you who don't cheat but that doesn't do him any good if they are unavailable because they are already in a relationship.

 

The actual question he is trying to ask is

 

"Are there available women, who are reasonably physically attractive, without huge amounts of emotional baggage, not otherwise bat**** crazy, who would be willing to get involved with me?"

 

How many women like that are there, really?

 

By definition not too many, in fact, they kind of have to be rather rare.

 

Women his age or older are probably menopausal. You think that's what he wants to date?

 

No he wants to date a younger hotter sexier chick.

 

Why the hell should a 35-40 year old women who fits the above criteria want to date him? That's what he's really asking.

 

So, no, maybe he won't get a cheater. Maybe instead he will get a 50 year old women who pops Prozac like tic tacs and who has been divorced twice and through a string of other broken relationships with a 22 year old son living in the basement with no job, and she likes her nightly bottle of wine? And at her age with the weight she's put on and the wrinkles she's showing that tramp stamp don't look so hot anymore.

[Mr. Me]

I am in a separated/divorced support group. Of the 20 some people I've met through that, there are a number of women, and they were all faithful. As were the men.

 

Stryver:

 

Don't be quite this naive.

 

You think that people are going to tell you the truth about this stuff?

 

That if there are cheaters in your divorce group whose marriages failed because of it, they'd broadcast that?

 

"The check is in the mail and I promise not to cum in your mouth."

[Striver]

Stryver:

 

Don't be quite this naive.

 

You think that people are going to tell you the truth about this stuff?

 

That if there are cheaters in your divorce group whose marriages failed because of it, they'd broadcast that?

 

What would be the point of lying? The people come in and out, I don't know them.

 

The people who cheat, or initiate divorce, don't talk to other people about it. My STBXW doesn't tell anybody anything.

[Mr. Me]

What would be the point of lying? The people come in and out, I don't know them.

 

That's what liars/cheaters DO. Present false fronts to others. There may be no immediate "reason" for it. Maybe they don't want to feel inferior. Maybe they want to try to troll the group for another relationship. Especially if it's people who come and go. If you admit you don't know them, then why would you assume these strangers are being truthful?

 

This is what I mean by don't be naive. "Why would a liar/cheater lie?" Do you really need someone to answer that for you?

 

The people who cheat, or initiate divorce, don't talk to other people about it. My STBXW doesn't tell anybody anything.

 

Isn't that exactly what I just told YOU?

 

Cheaters don't tell people about it. Just like your STBXW.

 

If there are women in your divorce group who cheated like your wife and got divorced because of it, they WOULD NOT tell you about their cheating--the same as your STBXW WOULD NOT tell some other guy she met if she was in a similar group.

 

Is any of this getting through to you?

[Striver]

That's what liars/cheaters DO. Present false fronts to others. There may be no immediate "reason" for it. Maybe they don't want to feel inferior. Maybe they want to try to troll the group for another relationship. Especially if it's people who come and go. If you admit you don't know them, then why would you assume these strangers are being truthful?

 

This is what I mean by don't be naive. "Why would a liar/cheater lie?" Do you really need someone to answer that for you?

 

 

 

Isn't that exactly what I just told YOU?

 

Cheaters don't tell people about it. Just like your STBXW.

 

If there are women in your divorce group who cheated like your wife and got divorced because of it, they WOULD NOT tell you about their cheating--the same as your STBXW WOULD NOT tell some other guy she met if she was in a similar group.

 

Is any of this getting through to you?

 

My STBXW is not in a support group at all. A friend of hers, who was in our wedding party, called the house today (STBXW wasn't here) and didn't even know anything was going on. My experience has been that side doesn't talk.

 

I am not going to respond to any more of your posts, as I do not find them constructive.

Edited November 27, 2014 by Striver

[revelations]

Stirver I have heard lots of claims about there being faithful women. However much like bigfoot I have only heard the rumors and never any proof. Most on here just write me off as some misogynist however that is because they don't own a dictionary. The real reason for this misdirection is because I live my life my way. Simply put, I do not rely on another woman or anyone for my own happiness. If I want to date I do, if I don't, then I do something else.

 

Best thing is not to worry if other women are faithful. Some may be while others are not. Truth is that it is none of my business or yours. Take interest in hobbies you may have or pick up new ones. Learn a new language or expand your education. Make some golds for yourself and set out to accomplish them. Enrich your own life and start enjoying it. Don't waste your time trying to please women or winning their favor. You may eventually have a woman come into your life. The thing is that you don't have to marry her, besides what does it say about a woman that needs a piece of paper to prove love. The important thing is to never give up who you are for another woman. If being a player is not your thing that is okay. If banging escorts is not your thing that is okay also. One of my hobbies I enjoy is fishing, and I do spend a bit of money on it. However I also like video games and reading so I indulge in them. However their are many things that people enjoy doing, some it is rock climbing or skiing, others it is watching a ball game or fine dining. Figure out what is right for you and go do it. In the mean time don't worry about what other women want or even think about you. After all they are not walking in your shoes, you are.

[badkarma2013]

Stirver I have heard lots of claims about there being faithful women. However much like bigfoot I have only heard the rumors and never any proof. Most on here just write me off as some misogynist however that is because they don't own a dictionary. The real reason for this misdirection is because I live my life my way. Simply put, I do not rely on another woman or anyone for my own happiness. If I want to date I do, if I don't, then I do something else.

 

Best thing is not to worry if other women are faithful. Some may be while others are not. Truth is that it is none of my business or yours. Take interest in hobbies you may have or pick up new ones. Learn a new language or expand your education. Make some golds for yourself and set out to accomplish them. Enrich your own life and start enjoying it. Don't waste your time trying to please women or winning their favor. You may eventually have a woman come into your life. The thing is that you don't have to marry her, besides what does it say about a woman that needs a piece of paper to prove love. The important thing is to never give up who you are for another woman. If being a player is not your thing that is okay. If banging escorts is not your thing that is okay also. One of my hobbies I enjoy is fishing, and I do spend a bit of money on it. However I also like video games and reading so I indulge in them. However their are many things that people enjoy doing, some it is rock climbing or skiing, others it is watching a ball game or fine dining. Figure out what is right for you and go do it. In the mean time don't worry about what other women want or even think about you. After all they are not walking in your shoes, you are.

 

*****************************************************************

 

Revelations...God i love this guy...straight shooter...

 

Even after what happened to me..We all know that Not ALL women are unfaithful...

 

However i think we can all agree that Womens Infidelity has risen at a STAGGERING RATE in the last 20-25 years..almost even with MEN....

THis not a post to knock women ...but Most of us BHs NEVER saw it coming..Never..

 

WE all put our wives on a pedastal and did everythinG we thought was right and got FUC$%NG NAPALMED IN THE PROCESS...

 

 

NOW...I will never marry a women from this country ..ever..

 

If i am not dating and want companionship or intimacy...i BUY IT...MUCH cheaper than my D ...and much cheaper than trying to find someone only to be dissapointed again...

 

Thanks Revelation....And COSTA RICA IS BEAUTIFUL THIS TIME OF YEAR....

[WomenWubber]

Every person has the potential to cheat on their partner. Some are more prone to cheat than others, but the possibility is always there.

[badkarma2013]

Every person has the potential to cheat on their partner. Some are more prone to cheat than others, but the possibility is always there.

 

Thank You for your honesty......as i have said many times ...All dogs will bite you...every damn one of them.

[Davey L]

A female friend told me recently, when talking about affairs in general and hers in particular, that "everyone does it".

 

I think it likely that most, if not all, would in certain circumstances (condition of marriage, behaviour of husband, ease or difficulty of leaving marriage and degree of temptation). However it seems that the bar is set at different heights for different people. I never thought I would but I did.

 

I think all you can do is try to find someone who values marriage, behaves with integrity in other ways and put your best effort into the marriage and your wife. Sometimes you have to take a chance in life. There is risk in every decision yet that doesn't stop us doing things. Don't let it stop you getting into a relationship.

[2.50 a gallon]

At age 35, I caught my wife, cheating, she was my everything, my best friend, and she hurt me. I swore that I would never fall in love again. From there on women were only good for sex and companionship. Over the next 14 years I dated dozens of women, and whenever the L word started to come between us, I was gone, as all women were cheaters.

At age 49, her a 41 year old hottie, second date, first kiss, cupid shot me in the tookus, and it was already too late, I was falling in love. Now I am between a rock and a hard place, if I run I get hurt, if I stay she will probably eventually cheat and hurt me. But, there is a chance, maybe she won't. It took some time for me to learn to trust again. It has been 19 plus years, 18 since we began to share ILY's and she has never come close to cheating.

I am now retired, and looking back, it was only my ExW who cheated on me. And taking a closer look, I have to admit it was all me, as there were several women that I dated, that had I had the balls, to not run, that I now realize would not have cheated on me also.

Yes there are lots of faithful women out there.

[No Limit]

Here I am!

[Selfish]

Cheating has nothing to do with gender.

[NJ123]

Cheating has nothing to do with gender.

 

Very true. It seems to be that men used to be regarded as cheaters mostly & women weren't doing it as much, now women these days are doing it just as much as men. I wonder why that is.

[autumnnight]

Yes of course there are faithful women out there. But some people choose not to believe it because the victimhood isn't as dramatic if all women aren't evil.

[star gaze]

There must be. Well, Striver, you are faithful, right? I’m faithful. Similar to us men, there are many women out there who are faithful. The trick is to find them which I think will be damn hard, I think, because of the trust issues we have.

Another trick is to be self-sufficient and independent and to be happy with own self. I don’t want to rely on others to be happy. I’m also learning this slowly.

[2.50 a gallon]

When I caught my Ex cheating, I was so devastated and angry that the rule that married woman were taboo was tossed out the window. And the months that followed I ended up bedding around half a dozen married women.

In each and every case had the husband been more of a husband, none of my partners would have stepped over the line.

[purplesorrow]

When I caught my Ex cheating, I was so devastated and angry that the rule that married woman were taboo was tossed out the window. And the months that followed I ended up bedding around half a dozen married women.

In each and every case had the husband been more of a husband, none of my partners would have stepped over the line.

 

So if you had been more of a partner, your ex wouldn't have cheated?

[revelations]

*****************************************************************

 

Revelations...God i love this guy...straight shooter...

 

Even after what happened to me..We all know that Not ALL women are unfaithful...

 

However i think we can all agree that Womens Infidelity has risen at a STAGGERING RATE in the last 20-25 years..almost even with MEN....

THis not a post to knock women ...but Most of us BHs NEVER saw it coming..Never..

 

WE all put our wives on a pedastal and did everythinG we thought was right and got FUC$%NG NAPALMED IN THE PROCESS...

 

 

NOW...I will never marry a women from this country ..ever..

 

If i am not dating and want companionship or intimacy...i BUY IT...MUCH cheaper than my D ...and much cheaper than trying to find someone only to be dissapointed again...

 

Thanks Revelation....And COSTA RICA IS BEAUTIFUL THIS TIME OF YEAR....

 

Thank you badkarma2013, I really do call it like I see it. Some people on here have been stating that women tend to cheat more than men. Truthfully depending on which poll you go by it is about even or women will slightly lead men on cheating. So you might say that stating one gender is cheating more than another would actually be too close to call right now. I will say this however, in the case of divorce it is generally the man that gets screwed over. Now what I mean by "Screwed over" is that he loses out on time with his kids, usually has to pay a large percentage of his earnings to alimony and child support and sometimes looses the house and maybe even a car or two. Depending on how bad the settlement is that ex-husband may also have to provide insurance for the ex-wife and kids, pay the mortgage on the house and/or the car loans on top of the alimony and child support. Now this does not always happen, however in about 70% to 80% of divorces this is what the ex-husband can expect to pay out, in some states this alimony will last a lifetime. So it is not really a matter of which gender is cheating more, it is a matter of which gender pays for the cheating more, clearly it is men that pay for the cheating no matter who is cheating.

 

Myself I will not live with, have kids with nor marry any woman anymore because of the current laws being so bias against men. The woman I am seeing now spent three weeks or so (I don't remember exactly how long) to convince me to even meet up on a date with her. Of course most people here can see that I am not afraid to speak my mind and as you can guess I did the same thing with this lady. She understands why I am cautious and feel the way I do. When I informed her of some of the current laws and offered to show that these laws do exist she was actually very surprised since she was unaware of them. Later on she told me that if these laws were reversed that she would never date again herself and that she is surprised that men date at all, especially the men that have gone through a divorce. Let's face facts being cheated on does hurt. However the real rub on it is having to write a check out to that woman for 50% of your income. One can't help but to see it as the reward she gets for cheating on you.

 

Most women and some men on here call me a misogynist simply because I will shine a light on issues like this that are very unfair to men. Another reason is because I will state facts that it is cheaper to use a high priced escort than it is to get married. Their is still yet another reason that people here call me a misogynist and that is because I will dare to tell a woman that she is wrong. The truth is that none of these reasons are what a true misogynist is. Hate is an emotion that requires effort from the person hating. I don't hate women I am just indifferent to them. Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. I often use the poisonous snakes in comparing to a woman. I do not do this as in comparing the looks of the two, but rather the risks. To me I have always loved snakes, I think they are beautiful reptiles. However as much as I love them I would never pet a black mamba just because the risk of getting bit is very high. In other threads here I have posted on, women will see this comparison and try and use it as proof that I am a misogynist. Really the woman should just be honest and say that they are displeased that I don't justify all of their actions or kiss their butts.

 

I had gone my own way not because of lack of choice or a simple broken heart or even because of any hatred towards women. I went my own way because of age and the desire to be able to retire someday. Being involved with a woman beyond dating involves running a serious risk of loosing out on the chance to retire. A lot of women have a problem with that, however these same women need to learn that men are not obligated or required to be their retirement plan. More and more men are going their own way leaving women with only one option, which is "God forbid" having to work and save for their own retirement. I do know that there are some women that do not look at men like a walking wallet. However these women are hard to find and even harder to spot. Maybe one day most women will look at men as their equals instead of a pet that they can take money from. Women have been able to get a lot of perks from the laws that exist now and most use it to their advantage. The one thing that women or feminist forgot is that men are not required by law to date, mate or marry them. The one way a man can insure that he will be able to retire, maybe even retire early is to stay away from women. Again not out of any hate for women or anything like that. Simply put, just for making retirement a priority over women. Now like most men here and I include myself in this, I do like to get laid. This is where the escort comes in at. These escorts can be from anyplace a man likes to visit. Men can go to Nevada and visit a bordello over their, Germany, France or Holland, Costa Rica, Mexico, Thailand, any number of places has legal escorts. However if you listen to women on here you are automatically a misogynist if you choose to use the services of an escort over dating and marrying a woman. You might say that it is normal "man up" shaming crap that goes on here and so many other forums. My question is how does risking my income and my future make me a man? It would seem to me that in order to be able to love and respect someone else I should be able to love and respect myself first. Risking my finances or even freedom is not showing much love or respect for myself. However I do expect that most women will ignore my questions and statements and go straight into trying to shame me once again. It is kind of sad that they have so little to fall back on and have to resort to such childish tactics.

 

Striver I do suggest that you do not write me off as a misogynist and take my warnings to heart. Look up MGTOW, Avoiceformen, Going your own way and read up a bit. You will find that you are not alone in being cheated on or being enslaved by the family courts. There are some men and even some women that are working hard to try and change these laws. Myself I just chose the simple and easy path that works best for me which is not playing into their traps anymore. I know some women are faithful, while others are not. However this is something I no longer have to worry about since I will never again be married and force to pay for a wife's indiscretions. I have found that by not having a woman in my life (in the form of living with or married to) has reduced my stress greatly and gives me the freedom to enjoy life. I know that what I say is blasphemous to most women and some men, however it is a truth that works for me. I am not MGTOW because I hate women or anything like that. I am MGTOW because I love and respect myself and value freedom. You might say that the best way to prevent a woman from cheating on you is to not have anything invested in a woman to begin with. After all I do feel that women should get the men they deserve today and that is none.

[jnel921]

I believe there are women out there who believe in monogamy like myself. It's unfortunate that the 2 respective men I married didn't feel the same way.

 

I believe it depends on the individual and what it is they want. Some I believe need to feel wanted, desired and crave attention by anyone and everyone.

 

Perhaps this is a conversation you need to have with anyone in the future you may think you may want to marry. If this person slips up too then there is no surprise that they will be left.

 

It's sad to go through this level of disrespect and I know how it is not to trust. It took me 7 years to remarry after my D then 10 years later my current H cheated too. He knew how I'd feel and what would happen. When it was all put out there I never saw someone cry and beg for forgiveness so much. It took everything I had to agree to stay. I didn't with my first M. So far over 2 years since D-day and we are in a better place. But we are still working on it.

 

I am sure he is monogamous now. But my heart still aches. I feels like our M is scarred. I don't look at him the same. I have my moments where I just need to be alone.

 

I can always recognize when a man is being inappropriate with me. All I have to do is think of my H. Know that I do love him and why the heck would this person think I am interested knowing I am M.

 

Love always brings me home to my family. This is how it should be. But unfortunately not everyone feels this way. So you will have to weed out the good from the bad.

 

I hope you can attract the good ones. Good Luck.

[nofeelings22]

Airtight logic. Damn.

 

 

*****************************************************************

 

Revelations...God i love this guy...straight shooter...

 

Even after what happened to me..We all know that Not ALL women are unfaithful...

 

However i think we can all agree that Womens Infidelity has risen at a STAGGERING RATE in the last 20-25 years..almost even with MEN....

THis not a post to knock women ...but Most of us BHs NEVER saw it coming..Never..

 

WE all put our wives on a pedastal and did everythinG we thought was right and got FUC$%NG NAPALMED IN THE PROCESS...

 

 

NOW...I will never marry a women from this country ..ever..

 

If i am not dating and want companionship or intimacy...i BUY IT...MUCH cheaper than my D ...and much cheaper than trying to find someone only to be dissapointed again...

 

Thanks Revelation....And COSTA RICA IS BEAUTIFUL THIS TIME OF YEAR....

 

Thank you badkarma2013, I really do call it like I see it. Some people on here have been stating that women tend to cheat more than men. Truthfully depending on which poll you go by it is about even or women will slightly lead men on cheating. So you might say that stating one gender is cheating more than another would actually be too close to call right now. I will say this however, in the case of divorce it is generally the man that gets screwed over. Now what I mean by "Screwed over" is that he loses out on time with his kids, usually has to pay a large percentage of his earnings to alimony and child support and sometimes looses the house and maybe even a car or two. Depending on how bad the settlement is that ex-husband may also have to provide insurance for the ex-wife and kids, pay the mortgage on the house and/or the car loans on top of the alimony and child support. Now this does not always happen, however in about 70% to 80% of divorces this is what the ex-husband can expect to pay out, in some states this alimony will last a lifetime. So it is not really a matter of which gender is cheating more, it is a matter of which gender pays for the cheating more, clearly it is men that pay for the cheating no matter who is cheating.

 

Myself I will not live with, have kids with nor marry any woman anymore because of the current laws being so bias against men. The woman I am seeing now spent three weeks or so (I don't remember exactly how long) to convince me to even meet up on a date with her. Of course most people here can see that I am not afraid to speak my mind and as you can guess I did the same thing with this lady. She understands why I am cautious and feel the way I do. When I informed her of some of the current laws and offered to show that these laws do exist she was actually very surprised since she was unaware of them. Later on she told me that if these laws were reversed that she would never date again herself and that she is surprised that men date at all, especially the men that have gone through a divorce. Let's face facts being cheated on does hurt. However the real rub on it is having to write a check out to that woman for 50% of your income. One can't help but to see it as the reward she gets for cheating on you.

 

Most women and some men on here call me a misogynist simply because I will shine a light on issues like this that are very unfair to men. Another reason is because I will state facts that it is cheaper to use a high priced escort than it is to get married. Their is still yet another reason that people here call me a misogynist and that is because I will dare to tell a woman that she is wrong. The truth is that none of these reasons are what a true misogynist is. Hate is an emotion that requires effort from the person hating. I don't hate women I am just indifferent to them. Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. I often use the poisonous snakes in comparing to a woman. I do not do this as in comparing the looks of the two, but rather the risks. To me I have always loved snakes, I think they are beautiful reptiles. However as much as I love them I would never pet a black mamba just because the risk of getting bit is very high. In other threads here I have posted on, women will see this comparison and try and use it as proof that I am a misogynist. Really the woman should just be honest and say that they are displeased that I don't justify all of their actions or kiss their butts.

 

I had gone my own way not because of lack of choice or a simple broken heart or even because of any hatred towards women. I went my own way because of age and the desire to be able to retire someday. Being involved with a woman beyond dating involves running a serious risk of loosing out on the chance to retire. A lot of women have a problem with that, however these same women need to learn that men are not obligated or required to be their retirement plan. More and more men are going their own way leaving women with only one option, which is "God forbid" having to work and save for their own retirement. I do know that there are some women that do not look at men like a walking wallet. However these women are hard to find and even harder to spot. Maybe one day most women will look at men as their equals instead of a pet that they can take money from. Women have been able to get a lot of perks from the laws that exist now and most use it to their advantage. The one thing that women or feminist forgot is that men are not required by law to date, mate or marry them. The one way a man can insure that he will be able to retire, maybe even retire early is to stay away from women. Again not out of any hate for women or anything like that. Simply put, just for making retirement a priority over women. Now like most men here and I include myself in this, I do like to get laid. This is where the escort comes in at. These escorts can be from anyplace a man likes to visit. Men can go to Nevada and visit a bordello over their, Germany, France or Holland, Costa Rica, Mexico, Thailand, any number of places has legal escorts. However if you listen to women on here you are automatically a misogynist if you choose to use the services of an escort over dating and marrying a woman. You might say that it is normal "man up" shaming crap that goes on here and so many other forums. My question is how does risking my income and my future make me a man? It would seem to me that in order to be able to love and respect someone else I should be able to love and respect myself first. Risking my finances or even freedom is not showing much love or respect for myself. However I do expect that most women will ignore my questions and statements and go straight into trying to shame me once again. It is kind of sad that they have so little to fall back on and have to resort to such childish tactics.

 

Striver I do suggest that you do not write me off as a misogynist and take my warnings to heart. Look up MGTOW, Avoiceformen, Going your own way and read up a bit. You will find that you are not alone in being cheated on or being enslaved by the family courts. There are some men and even some women that are working hard to try and change these laws. Myself I just chose the simple and easy path that works best for me which is not playing into their traps anymore. I know some women are faithful, while others are not. However this is something I no longer have to worry about since I will never again be married and force to pay for a wife's indiscretions. I have found that by not having a woman in my life (in the form of living with or married to) has reduced my stress greatly and gives me the freedom to enjoy life. I know that what I say is blasphemous to most women and some men, however it is a truth that works for me. I am not MGTOW because I hate women or anything like that. I am MGTOW because I love and respect myself and value freedom. You might say that the best way to prevent a woman from cheating on you is to not have anything invested in a woman to begin with. After all I do feel that women should get the men they deserve today and that is none.

[Striver]

There must be. Well, Striver, you are faithful, right? I’m faithful. Similar to us men, there are many women out there who are faithful. The trick is to find them which I think will be damn hard, I think, because of the trust issues we have.

Another trick is to be self-sufficient and independent and to be happy with own self. I don’t want to rely on others to be happy. I’m also learning this slowly.

 

Yes, I was faithful. It's not like I couldn't be attracted to other women. But I didn't even flirt because there was no reason. I wanted to be a good husband, good father, grow old and maybe be a grandpa. Some of that will be gone now. The fatherhood may be more challenging.

 

I do think men face some challenges in this area that women do not. It's often been said that women hope they can change men and men hope their women won't change. So for a guy it may be a bigger risk, because the woman can cloak her desires more easily during courtship, but that changes years down the road. Maybe the women have it easier because men tend to be more straightforward, and if the man's a bum, it often is well evident before the marriage. Not always.

 

Given the current law, I would agree that women have lost most or all of their fear from divorce. They will not be destitute, by law. The guy will be forced to pay, and moreso if it's a "nice guy" who will feel obligated to make the payments. All the more reason for them to chase the difficult ones, the bad boys. Have the kids with the responsible one, then go chasing later.

 

So, I will never be 100% sure anymore that any wife of mine will not leave. That probably makes any marriage harder and not easier. We have some conflict, and the eye rolling on my side begins, because I know there's a non-zero chance that she will walk away someday with little or no provocation.

 

It would probably help if I knew of examples where both were divorced and a second marriage worked. Maybe I live in the wrong circles. I have a number of male cousins, 15 or so, and I'm the first one to go through a divorce. Three of my female cousins went through a divorce. One remarried, to someone who hadn't been married before, and the other two have not remarried. One of my female cousins has been with a divorced guy for decades who is insistent the relationship remain on "special friend" status. He will not marry her.

 

Even on my wife's side (she is instigating the divorce) there is only one, and everyone in the family hates wife #2. She has a cousin who goaded her into doing this, but that cousin has a divorce and a failed lesbian relationship, and doesn't want a LTR now. Another cousin has been dating a fellow divorcee for years, but they still maintain separate residences and haven't moved in together.

 

If I marry again, I will do a pre-nup. If that kills the romance, so be it. I'm too close to retirement to have two exes. Either see me into the ground, or walk away with what you came with. I don't care about your stuff, don't think you have a right to mine.

[Selfish]

Yes, I was faithful. It's not like I couldn't be attracted to other women. But I didn't even flirt because there was no reason. I wanted to be a good husband, good father, grow old and maybe be a grandpa. Some of that will be gone now. The fatherhood may be more challenging.

 

I do think men face some challenges in this area that women do not. It's often been said that women hope they can change men and men hope their women won't change. So for a guy it may be a bigger risk, because the woman can cloak her desires more easily during courtship, but that changes years down the road. Maybe the women have it easier because men tend to be more straightforward, and if the man's a bum, it often is well evident before the marriage. Not always.

 

Given the current law, I would agree that women have lost most or all of their fear from divorce. They will not be destitute, by law. The guy will be forced to pay, and moreso if it's a "nice guy" who will feel obligated to make the payments. All the more reason for them to chase the difficult ones, the bad boys. Have the kids with the responsible one, then go chasing later.

 

So, I will never be 100% sure anymore that any wife of mine will not leave. That probably makes any marriage harder and not easier. We have some conflict, and the eye rolling on my side begins, because I know there's a non-zero chance that she will walk away someday with little or no provocation.

 

It would probably help if I knew of examples where both were divorced and a second marriage worked. Maybe I live in the wrong circles. I have a number of male cousins, 15 or so, and I'm the first one to go through a divorce. Three of my female cousins went through a divorce. One remarried, to someone who hadn't been married before, and the other two have not remarried. One of my female cousins has been with a divorced guy for decades who is insistent the relationship remain on "special friend" status. He will not marry her.

 

Even on my wife's side (she is instigating the divorce) there is only one, and everyone in the family hates wife #2. She has a cousin who goaded her into doing this, but that cousin has a divorce and a failed lesbian relationship, and doesn't want a LTR now. Another cousin has been dating a fellow divorcee for years, but they still maintain separate residences and haven't moved in together.

 

If I marry again, I will do a pre-nup. If that kills the romance, so be it. I'm too close to retirement to have two exes. Either see me into the ground, or walk away with what you came with. I don't care about your stuff, don't think you have a right to mine.

 

I think it is hard to find romance or love with this because few people want to be second to money. And few want to deal with the baggage such a suggestion carries. Most people are turned off by greed. As they are by the suggestion that a woman makes less and contributes less to the marriage.

 

But then there are priorties. If money and lifestyle are more important than love and companionship this mindset will work. But if not...