Are there faithful women out there?

[HereNorThere]

The problem isn't finding a faithful partner, it's not ignoring the red flags when someone shows you that they have a personality type that's more prone infidelity.

 

There are plenty of faithful partners out there and the statistics prove it. The problem is that most people are so blinded by love chemicals that they give the other person the benefit of the doubt when the truth is staring them right in front of their face.

 

The lack of empathy is usually the biggest indicator, but a strong sense of rationalization and justification is equally worrisome. Nearly every wayward that posts here has an uncanny ability to turn themselves into a victim even when they are the perpetrator. Read their post, study them, know what to look out for and cut your ties when someone shows you this side of them. Watch how the waywards start their post by listing all the bad things about their partner, about their needs, before they get into the part about how they destroyed their family. Watch how they seem remorseful at first, but months later they start to reveal their selfish side again.

 

Nearly every betrayed spouse here knew their spouse had a character defect but use the same sense of rationalization and justification as the WS to over look it until it was too late.

[billy baru]

I know for a certainty that no one can make a person change. I said women hope the men that are treating them bad will change...on their own...but yes, a woman will think they can love a man enough that he will eventually be better to her. This isn't the case. I did everything in my power to make my ex and the ex before him happy...I loved them with every fiber of my being but they still walked. They both came back but still. My point stands.

 

You are bitter. As was I. Only, I have never been married so I cannot relate and am in no way trying to compare to your situation. I don't know what you went through and I'm sorry your marriage did not last. In a lot of ways I'm still bitter. Quietly and to myself but mostly, I'm just completely emotionally unavailable. I don't believe in love like I used to. I don't want to get into another serious RS for a long time. I've been single 16 months now and I'm enjoying it very much. I see people around me getting married and all are in RSs except for me...am I jealous? Not one bit. Do I get lonely sometimes? Of course I do. But I will never ever allow myself to get hurt by a man ever again for as long as I live. And the only way they can hurt me is if I let them get close enough to me emotionally to hurt me.

 

So, believe me, I get why you have that attitude but you shouldn't offer up advise from a negative perspective. That isn't good for you or the person you're trying to help. Hitch didn't do that and he was extremely bitter. LOL (yes yes I'm referring to a character in a movie)

 

Lol. Call it what you will.. we won't agree.

 

From my perspective, the advice I gave Striver was pretty positive. If you're worried about someone being faithful, stay away from entanglements. Simple.

 

Its a lot easier and happier being free.

[me85]

Lol. Call it what you will.. we won't agree.

 

From my perspective, the advice I gave Striver was pretty positive. If you're worried about someone being faithful, stay away from entanglements. Simple.

 

Its a lot easier and happier being free.

 

He's just hurt and venting. Deep down, surly he is aware that not every woman cheats. And surly deep down you don't believe all "entanglements" as you put it, are bad.

 

I don't care if you and I agree or not. lol

[billy baru]

He's just hurt and venting. Deep down, surly he is aware that not every woman cheats. And surly deep down you don't believe all "entanglements" as you put it, are bad.

 

I don't care if you and I agree or not. lol

 

Nor do I.

 

And I believe that entanglements are bad if you're worried about infidelity.

 

And don't call me Shirley ( Yes, I quoted a movie line as well)..

[me85]

Nor do I.

 

And I believe that entanglements are bad if you're worried about infidelity.

 

And don't call me Shirley ( Yes, I quoted a movie line as well)..

 

haha Airplane, Leslie Nielsen. One of my exes ALWAYS said that!

 

Well, who the heck isn't really worried about infidelity?? I mean, yes there are people who feel secure in their RS that they never really think about being cheated on but I think everyone feels a slight concern at one point or another. Mostly people who have been cheated on but still.

 

Yes, I agree...if the OP has a real fear of being cheated on then he should remain single until he feels more secure about himself or until he meets a woman who expresses loyalty and faithfulness towards him.

 

The way you word it is pretty crappy though. /= And it's so bothersome that guys think all women are attracted to @$$holes. We're not all drawn to the bad boy types.

Edited November 24, 2014 by me85

[billy baru]

haha Airplane, Leslie Nielsen. One of my exes ALWAYS said that!

 

Well, who the heck isn't really worried about infidelity?? I mean, yes there are people who feel secure in their RS that they never really think about being cheated on but I think everyone feels a slight concern at one point or another. Mostly people who have been cheated on but still.

 

Yes, I agree...if the OP has a real fear of being cheated on then he should remain single until he feels more secure about himself or until he meets a woman who expresses loyalty and faithfulness towards him.

 

The way you word it is pretty crappy though. /= And it's so bothersome that guys think all women are attracted to @$$holes. We're not all drawn to the bad boy types.

 

A great movie indeed!

 

I worded my thoughts in a very direct fashion. And, nice guys do finish last. So, why be nice?

 

Striver, sorry for the TJ. Peace out!

Edited November 24, 2014 by billy baru
aadded apology to Striver

[me85]

A great movie indeed!

 

I worded my thoughts in a very direct fashion. And, nice guys do finish last. So, why be nice?

 

Striver, sorry for the TJ. Peace out!

 

Ya, you were direct alright. Something we actually do agree on. ha! But do you really think he should just be a jerk to women??? That sounds like something a total douchebag, jock would say.

 

Congratulations on making the world a better place!

[RightThere]

Nearly every betrayed spouse here knew their spouse had a character defect but use the same sense of rationalization and justification as the WS to over look it until it was too late.

 

Well said.

[nofeelings22]

The short answer to the op's question is sadly, no. There are little to no faithful women out there.

 

Some sad truths I've learned being involved with and friends with somewhere on the order of 60+ women in the past few years are these:

 

The majority of women...

 

Don't like stability.

Crave newer, bigger, mor exciting things.

Do not communicate their feelings with their partners.

Will cheat and simply not tell their partners.

Are interested in excitement and drama.

 

Most men, unfortunately, feel the exact opposite way, except on cheating. Men do it too, but stick with their parters while cheating . Women bail.

[jbrent890]

Cheating to me depends on two things 1) age 2)# of sexual experiences. It's no secret that people cheat when they are younger. We make a lot of stupid decisions when we are young. Personally though the number of experiences a person has plays a big role. If you never got sex out of your system, then you are going to always wonder what you are missing. If you have too much sex, then you will constantly crave variety. I personally do believe there are a ton of loyal women out there. I think it's completely unfair to take frustrations out on all women because of the actions of the few you encountered. Don't forget gentlemen, we still cheat more than they do. I think the thing that raddles us is the fact that we believe that women aren't supposed to cheat. Because guys are more expected to cheat, it doesn't bother us as much.

 

To the OP, when you find your new match, express how much communication means to you. If you feel that you have a passive aggressive woman on your hands, then drop her. Also, use your new freedom to improve you. Join a gym, update your wardrobe, pick up some hobbies, elevate your career more. When you do those things, women are going to be beating down your door for a chance with you.

[Striver]

The short answer to the op's question is sadly, no. There are little to no faithful women out there.

 

Some sad truths I've learned being involved with and friends with somewhere on the order of 60+ women in the past few years are these:

 

The majority of women...

 

Don't like stability.

Crave newer, bigger, mor exciting things.

Do not communicate their feelings with their partners.

Will cheat and simply not tell their partners.

Are interested in excitement and drama.

 

Most men, unfortunately, feel the exact opposite way, except on cheating. Men do it too, but stick with their parters while cheating . Women bail.

 

You describe my wife very well, so I hope you're wrong. Otherwise, I might have to learn some "player" skills.

 

Or I can spin my kids and the ex as something she has to fix. Oh brother.

 

On the other hand, most of my relatives did not wind up with women like this. They have long, stable marriages. So they're out there, I just picked a lemon. My mom was not like this either.

[Striver]

The problem isn't finding a faithful partner, it's not ignoring the red flags when someone shows you that they have a personality type that's more prone infidelity.

 

There are plenty of faithful partners out there and the statistics prove it. The problem is that most people are so blinded by love chemicals that they give the other person the benefit of the doubt when the truth is staring them right in front of their face.

 

The lack of empathy is usually the biggest indicator, but a strong sense of rationalization and justification is equally worrisome. Nearly every wayward that posts here has an uncanny ability to turn themselves into a victim even when they are the perpetrator. Read their post, study them, know what to look out for and cut your ties when someone shows you this side of them. Watch how the waywards start their post by listing all the bad things about their partner, about their needs, before they get into the part about how they destroyed their family. Watch how they seem remorseful at first, but months later they start to reveal their selfish side again.

 

Nearly every betrayed spouse here knew their spouse had a character defect but use the same sense of rationalization and justification as the WS to over look it until it was too late.

 

Lack of empathy, rationalization, justification were all there, but during the course of the marriage they did not show up all that often. She is a narcissist and very good at what she does. Now, of course, they show up much more often.

 

I don't think it was love chemicals so much as just the benefits of being in a relationship, shared responsibilities, easy access to affection/sex, and so on. Even if the chemicals are not that strong, lots of people stay through blah times for those reasons.

[purplesorrow]

You describe my wife very well, so I hope you're wrong. Otherwise, I might have to learn some "player" skills.

 

Or I can spin my kids and the ex as something she has to fix. Oh brother.

 

On the other hand, most of my relatives did not wind up with women like this. They have long, stable marriages. So they're out there, I just picked a lemon. My mom was not like this either.

 

I think this is the best way to look at it. There are loyal women out there. Just because your ww didn't value all you had to offer doesn't mean another woman won't. My daddy always says one woman's dead rabbit is another woman's earmuffs ?. There is a woman out there hoping for someone just like you. Just take your time and put to use all the lessons you learned. Peace.

[thummper]

If all you had to go by is what has been reported on this forum, you'd be justified in thinking that there might be some faithful women out there, but not very many (men, either.) I have to keep reminding myself that this is a site dedicated to those who have suffered from (or participated in) some form of adultery. I think that most relationships might indeed have their problems, but the partners don't try and solve them by bringing in another man or woman. Most, I'm sure, would remain faithful to their husband or wife.

[jbrent890]

If all you had to go by is what has been reported on this forum, you'd be justified in thinking that there might be some faithful women out there, but not very many (men, either.) I have to keep reminding myself that this is a site dedicated to those who have suffered from (or participated in) some form of adultery. I think that most relationships might indeed have their problems, but the partners don't try and solve them by bringing in another man or woman. Most, I'm sure, would remain faithful to their husband or wife.

 

This right here. I told myself that if this site ever drags me down to the point that I don't trust anyone, then I'm going to drop it. I feel that this site helps some, but is very detrimental to others in terms of properly healing.

[carhill]

By volume, the number of postings in OM/OW, Infidelity and Cheating, Flirting, Jealousy amount to about 15.7% of total LoveShack postings, though people who only visit those forums might believe them to be a reflection of the site in general. It's a big site, with a lot of different areas of discussion and, in many ways, reflects society as a whole, at least internet society. Considering a lot of LS is a place to vent or post one's problems in life, comparatively, unfaithful behaviors take up are marked minority of that space. Regardless of relationship problems, the clear majority of people are not substantially impacted by infidelity or cheating, by posting volume. IME, based solely on posting volume, there appear to be far more unfaithful men out there than women, going by posts and threads by women who were betrayed or are involved with married men. Real life statistics tend to indicate a more balanced group but it makes sense that women generally gather more often to network and discuss such issues than men, and relationship issues in general. Hence, if one reads the relevant forums, one will find relatively few men posting, and practically none with any regularity. It's predominantly women, and a lot of them are betrayed spouses; faithful women who have been betrayed. That right there is pretty heartening, I hope.

[nofeelings22]

You describe my wife very well, so I hope you're wrong. Otherwise, I might have to learn some "player" skills.

 

Or I can spin my kids and the ex as something she has to fix. Oh brother.

 

On the other hand, most of my relatives did not wind up with women like this. They have long, stable marriages. So they're out there, I just picked a lemon. My mom was not like this either.

 

 

Unfortunately, I really don't think I'm wrong. I'm a realist.

 

Most, but not all women do behave/feel/act this way. I'd have never thought it to be true if I hadn't been close to so many of them (i don't get guys at all... don't like them around... I'm around females exclusively)

 

So out of all these girls i know very personally, every single one of these 60+ women is like I described. And yes.... it may be the younger generation of women that are like this vs older.

 

My data points are all under 30 yrs old.

[Steen719]

Just become a player, man. Lot safer emotionally for you, and no strings.

 

As soon as my D is final, that's my plan. Hell with commitments, etc.

Evidently, ladies dig players and guys that act like d*cks. Be one.

BB

 

I don't think that is all incorrect, I just think that it is some women who are drawn to that. And some men like self-involved b*tches, too. It takes all kinds, doesn't it?

 

Personally, I wouldn't give you a penny for a man who acts like d*ck. But then, that's just me.

[autumnnight]

I think there are probably as many faithful women out there as there are faithful men out there. A man who has been cheated on who chose not to do the work required to move through it because bitterness was more appealing will think no woman is faithful. A woman who has been cheated on who made the same choice will feel the same way about men. The only real objective truth they can claim based on their experiences is that THEIR partner wasn't faithful. The fact that they now think no one of that gender is faithful is really their own chosen perspective.

[jm2013]

I think as the years tick by the worse it is going to get. We have a society that produces shows about affairs that portray them in a sexy, kinky kind of light. This perhaps helps viewers think about it and eventually act on it. Divorces are a cash machine that benefit the many people involved as well as the courts.

[gettingstronger]

I am a strong faithful woman, even more so now that I have experienced infidelity- I know the damage it does to all first hand, I see how weak cheaters really are, etc..

 

I have always thought that if things don't work out with my husband I would put on my dating profile that I am looking for a man whose wife cheated on him-not sure why, but I feel like another person that has experienced what I have would appreciate a true, honest relationship more-

 

Maybe a new dating site just for BS- heck, they have one for Farmers Only-

[scatterd]

I have been married 21 years and have not cheated.

[drifter777]

Every woman you ever meet will say they want the same thing as you do: love and loyalty. And that they will never cheat. But, of course, there is a reality that all men have to understand. After the wonderfully happy first few months of the relationship, real life sets in. You simply don't drool over her as much as you did at first. You have to work and you get tired and you don't always pay as much attention to her as she wants you to. Of course, all of these things are true of her behavior as well but the need to be desired and pursued by men is part of a woman's DNA. Since you cannot possibly give her the attention she craves she has two choices: understand that she is living real-life or be miffed and feel entitled to find the attention of other men. She may have no intention of cheating but when she finds men who are willing and anxious to complement her and drool over her and make her feel "desired" she will end up happily trading sex for their continued attention. It's just too damn easy for a woman to cheat. All she has to do is be friendly and then not say "No" when the sex presents itself and she gets laid. Men have to pursue and be rejected and then pursue some more and then, maybe, finally get lucky. But somewhere before or during the pursuing and rejecting lots of men decide it's just not worth all the trouble and effort it takes to cheat. If both a man and a woman have any desire to cheat it's just a lot easier -in general- for women to get sex.

[Steen719]

I have been married 21 years and have not cheated.

 

22 for me, never cheated on him once; he cheated twice before I divorced him. I have many friends who have not cheated.

[Striver]

I'll follow up with some more of my own experience.

 

I am in a separated/divorced support group. Of the 20 some people I've met through that, there are a number of women, and they were all faithful. As were the men. There have only been a couple of them that initiated the divorce (usually it's the other way around) and infidelity was not an issue in those situations. So there are some positive examples.

 

There is one woman who comes who I've gotten a little irritated with. She supposedly is getting over a relationship with a man she used to live with, who has now gone back to his old girlfriend. But she and her ex still get together for coffee every day (unknown to the current girlfriend), she is constantly angling for more with this guy, he is making vague future promises. What's irritating is not only the situation sort of off-topic to the group, but she obviously revels in being the OW, being competitive with the current girlfriend, and being content with the scraps this guy is throwing her.

 

So that is one case where the woman is displaying some stereotypical behavior for women in relationships, a woman who is all for the player type. But she's only one woman, and the rest of the women in the group have not been like that.