thefooloftheyear Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 Funny story regarding this topic..... My mother operates a business in the same town where I went to HS...So, she meets up with a client, a woman about my age, who at the end of the meeting, proceeds to ask my mom if she had a son named "****" that went to the local HS...My mom replied that yes, she did(me).. Well, this woman is happily married with kids, but proceeds to tell my mother how she had this enormous crush on me for years, and that she did everything in a subtle way to get my attention, but I didnt show any interest, so she assumed that I didnt find her worthy or whatever, so she just gave up... Now here is the thing...That was eons ago, but not only did I not remember her flirting with me, I didnt recall her name and didnt even remotely remember who she was!...So I dusted off the yearbook and took a look at her picture...Still didnt remember her, but she was pretty nice looking and I likely would have gone for it, if I didnt have my head somewhere else... 100% true....So, maybe its worth a shot...You cant aleays assume guys all all pick up on this stuff, and that if they dont that they are immediately disinterested.... TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted November 30, 2014 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 TFY interesting that you mention that. There was a guy that I had a crush on for 2 years in high school, but never pursued. Assumed he was too far out of my league. I admitted it to him several years later, and he told me he'd had a crush on me back then too, and that it was a shame I never said anything. I was amazed when he said that, because I knew for a fact that he had been crazy about a different girl at the time. I remember him pining after her so much... It's hard to imagine him giving me even a minutes thought the way he seemed mad about her. Makes me wonder if he said he had a crush on me too, just to be nice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted November 30, 2014 Share Posted November 30, 2014 TFY interesting that you mention that. There was a guy that I had a crush on for 2 years in high school, but never pursued. Assumed he was too far out of my league. I admitted it to him several years later, and he told me he'd had a crush on me back then too, and that it was a shame I never said anything. I was amazed when he said that, because I knew for a fact that he had been crazy about a different girl at the time. I remember him pining after her so much... It's hard to imagine him giving me even a minutes thought the way he seemed mad about her. Makes me wonder if he said he had a crush on me too, just to be nice. You may never really know, but there is always the "what-if's" While I dont want to say how many years, its been a loooooong time since I grauated HS, and that she is married and all, the mere fact that she still even thinks about it, makes me believe that the reality that she didnt "make a move", and the "what if" occupies a tiny spot in her memory bank -even after all of these years....decades...... I dont know what the lesson is here, other than to say, if you feel it, then go for it...I know for sure that I very likely would have went for her, she had a look that I would easily been attracted to...And who knows, your hs crush could have been the same deal.... You wont get arrested or die, so what the hell?? TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted November 30, 2014 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 You wont get arrested or die, so what the hell?? TFY True. Very true. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 6, 2014 Share Posted December 6, 2014 BTW, I would like to say that there are a number of men who have never been asked out by a woman in this thread (and I am one too). So, how do you think we would react if asked out by a nice, cute woman? Reject her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted December 6, 2014 Author Share Posted December 6, 2014 BTW, I would like to say that there are a number of men who have never been asked out by a woman in this thread (and I am one too). So, how do you think we would react if asked out by a nice, cute woman? Reject her? It'll clearly vary from man to man. For you, I imagine you'd accept. Others might not. That's the point. Link to post Share on other sites
GSP21 Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 Reading through this thread, I'm surprised by the number of people who say that it is better to wait for the guy to ask you out. Personally, I would be thrilled if a girl asked me out; I hate reading confusing signals all the time. My first girlfriend asked me out because I was too shy and nerdy in high school to do it myself. I don't know where you're from but up here (Canada) most guys I know would love it - assuming you aren't significantly below average in terms of attractiveness. Anything close to average or higher, most guys here would say yes easily. I suggest you pursue shy guys as I believe you would have a higher success rate that way. Link to post Share on other sites
jeffmeyers Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 Most of the women I've been with were initiators. I guess women are more forward where I grew up. They don't necessarily broadcast a romantic interest, but they are very friendly, outgoing, interested in talking to you and are confident enough to act as if you'd want to talk to them. Link to post Share on other sites
SnapCracklePop Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Phoe, I must admit - it surprises me to hear you asking this. I believe that I would speak for most here - you are an enjoyable poster on the forums. You are very attractive. You are sexy. From this side of the screen, you seem to have "it". So my first bit of advise is to not doubt yourself. I appreciate it when a woman takes initiative - it's a refreshing change. (I also like to initiate also, but it is nice when it is done to me as well) For sure there are better approaches than others, and different people respond better to different approaches. And be prepared for rejections too... it sucks, and this is what we (men) have become good at accepting as it has been the norm that men are the initiators. Just don't let it discourage you.. Its not you that is being rejected, its the pairing - and keep that in mind always. I have been approached a couple times in my life. One woman looked at me in an elevator like she was going to eat me alive. That made me feel uncomfortable. One woman smiled like she was really happy to see me, and that made me feel pretty good about myself! But that is me. From what I have read here, it sounds like your approaches are good, but maybe your approaches are not compatible with the guy. If you want to approach a shy guy, be prepared to do more of the initiating (just say hi). If the guy is not shy, you'll have to make him feel like he is doing the initiating (eye contact, and create the opportunity for him to say hi). Once you've made contact, then its only a matter of making some fun converstion. Think about how you would like to be approached (and what would not work with you)... I really don't think men and women are vastly different in this area... It doesn't need to be complicated. Cheesy won't work. If someone wants to meet someone, they will be responsive. I admit though, being able to make conversation happen is a bit of a skill and it takes some practice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 I definitely wouldn't want a woman to approach me. How come? An explanation would help me a lot. Think about how you would like to be approached (and what would not work with you)... I admit though, being able to make conversation happen is a bit of a skill and it takes some practice. I don't have a particular preference for how I want to be approached. Just as long as a guy isn't rude I'm okay with anything. I'm good at having conversations IRL. When I was younger I took training for it. I learned how to hold a conversation with any person, for any length of time. I could keep a conversation with someone that I may as well be pulling teeth from, for an hour. I know what questions to ask, and how to follow up from those and just snowball from there. Talking is easy. Getting someone INTERESTED, after talking, is impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
SnapCracklePop Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Getting someone INTERESTED, after talking, is impossible. Well to some extent - yes that is true. You cannot make someone feel something or like something. I cannot make my kids love broccoli, and I cannot make someone love me, or like me. They either do, or they don't. The only thing you can do is be genuine, and create opportunities for people to discover who you are, and hopefully they see that and appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I'm good at having conversations IRL. When I was younger I took training for it. I learned how to hold a conversation with any person, for any length of time. I could keep a conversation with someone that I may as well be pulling teeth from, for an hour. I know what questions to ask, and how to follow up from those and just snowball from there. Talking is easy. Getting someone INTERESTED, after talking, is impossible. It's interesting you mention this, because I've experienced something like such, And that's one of the problems I've come to be unable to touch. To a man, we're told to be interesting, bold, and confident too, Be everything a woman wants, don't be boring, old, and a hermit or shrew. And yet, here's a smart, sexy, eligible bachelorette in many ways, Facing many of the problems I thought were mainly problems of men of today. The initial attraction, and flirtatious conversation is easy enough, But to keep someone interested, now that's the good stuff. I have no problems getting or finding a date, Being able to converse, flirt, and laugh is enough to cross home plate. But to truly get into someone's mind & heart, Is something I've come to learn is incredibly hard. But to get to the point I was trying to make, I would love if a woman came to me with a proposition to date. It wouldn't deter any attraction, if any, I had for the lady, Except, of course, if she was coming up on 80. As for the lack of meetup groups, and the voluntary prohibition of OLD, Friends have friends too, and its not something to scold, only 2 groups to choose from? That's 2 more than you had, And I bet people in those groups know someone who knows someone who you consider to be rad. You are outgoing and a conversationalist, it should be easy enough, Don't tell yourself nope, that's already cutting a short list....that's tough. Get to know the seniors, I've found them full of knowledge and wealth, And I bet you might meet a single man coming to visit is mother concerned of her health. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 (edited) I started wearing a fitbit, I never really thought I walked so much and that outside of the gym I was still fairly physcially active, but I guess I am. Anyway, I went to get some food to-go and was messing with my phone while waiting when I get a friend request on my fitbit app. Look around and see a girl sitting across from me wearing a fitbit as well and smiling. So I added her. (I think if you're wearing a fitbit, you show up on other peoples fitbit app as well) If they haven't already, they should make a proximity dating app where you can choose to make yourself visable on the app as looking for relations. When you get within 50 feet of others on that app, you both become visable to each other and can checkout profiles and such and if either feel there is a chance, send a...wink. Text a bit more if need be and then meet face to face right then and there. I went with a friend before to a meet-up bar hop thing where people wore green or red clothing. Red means they are not interested in meeting guys/girls for possible relations, green for them being interested. The app would kinda be like that. It'd just be a way for people to know who is looking. Edited December 20, 2014 by Imported Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 I started wearing a fitbit, I never really thought I walked so much and that outside of the gym I was still fairly physcially active, but I guess I am. Anyway, I went to get some food to-go and was messing with my phone while waiting when I get a friend request on my fitbit app. Look around and see a girl sitting across from me wearing a fitbit as well and smiling. So I added her. (I think if you're wearing a fitbit, you show up on other peoples fitbit app as well) If they haven't already, they should make a proximity dating app where you can choose to make yourself visable on the app as looking for relations. When you get within 50 feet of others on that app, you both become visable to each other and can checkout profiles and such and if either feel there is a chance, send a...wink. Text a bit more if need be and then meet face to face right then and there. I went with a friend before to a meet-up bar hop thing where people wore green or red clothing. Red means they are not interested in meeting guys/girls for possible relations, green for them being interested. The app would kinda be like that. It'd just be a way for people to know who is looking. Huh, not a bad idea. I'd like an app like that. I'd also happily go to an event where people wore colors to indicate their status. I dressed up and went to a bar last night! I made eye contact and smiled at a guy twice, but he didn't smile back. An app or a shirt that indicated it would be OK to show interest to him definitely would've helped. Link to post Share on other sites
spanishchick00 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 I've been told all my life that women aren't suppose to pursue men/make that first move. I use to this all the time, even to the point where I would get assertive, but all of my friends would tell me that if the guy really liked you/interested, he would come to you and ask you out. Yeah, it would be easy have to have a "conversation" but most likely he wouldn't want me in that way. Guys have a mindset of what girl they want, and if they want her, they will chase her. Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 I think you should keep asking guys out ,it has never happened to me but i would be flattered if it happened . Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Huh, not a bad idea. I'd like an app like that. I'd also happily go to an event where people wore colors to indicate their status. I dressed up and went to a bar last night! I made eye contact and smiled at a guy twice, but he didn't smile back. An app or a shirt that indicated it would be OK to show interest to him definitely would've helped. Did you go by yourself or with a friend(s)? If you went by yourself, then many guys are likely going to categorize you as either a lush or an "oddball".... I dont know you from Adam, but you arent the type to be a lush, so maybe the fact that you were there alone kinda weirded these guys out, but I dunno.... Just a thought... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 Did you go by yourself or with a friend(s)? If you went by yourself, then many guys are likely going to categorize you as either a lush or an "oddball".... I dont know you from Adam, but you arent the type to be a lush, so maybe the fact that you were there alone kinda weirded these guys out, but I dunno.... Just a thought... TFY No! I'm not a lush lol. I was with a group of friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Reading through this thread, I'm surprised by the number of people who say that it is better to wait for the guy to ask you out. Personally, I would be thrilled if a girl asked me out; I hate reading confusing signals all the time. My first girlfriend asked me out because I was too shy and nerdy in high school to do it myself. I think women need to come forward when they like a nice enough guy, but he might have trouble initiating a date. Some guys aren't as socially experienced as others and will need the help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 Other than the guy I made eye contact and smiled at twice, When I arrived at the bar the other night, within seconds of walking in I smiled and said hello to a guy. He said hello back and walked away, but at least he said hello! His group of friends was standing near where mine was, and he seemed kind of separate from the group and quiet, so it seemed natural just to be friendly and say hi. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris715 Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Other than the guy I made eye contact and smiled at twice, When I arrived at the bar the other night, within seconds of walking in I smiled and said hello to a guy. He said hello back and walked away, but at least he said hello! His group of friends was standing near where mine was, and he seemed kind of separate from the group and quiet, so it seemed natural just to be friendly and say hi. More props to you for trying Phoe. It seems like you've hit a place where you have no hesitations about approaching guys in real life, which is awesome. Can't say I know any girls who do this on a regular basis. Some guys will be taken aback by it since it NEVER happens and some guys will be flattered. Just gotta be patient I think. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 More props to you for trying Phoe. It seems like you've hit a place where you have no hesitations about approaching guys in real life, which is awesome. Can't say I know any girls who do this on a regular basis. Some guys will be taken aback by it since it NEVER happens and some guys will be flattered. Just gotta be patient I think. I felt really great about it, actually. Nothing came of it, but I did the sort of things people advised me to do, and nothing bad happened. I'm pleased with that! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MGX Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I don't understand why this is so difficult though.....this isn't directed at you OP either. EVERYONE on this darn forum "I don't know what to do next" FREAKING ASK. I have approached many men and been rejected. I have approached many and been successful. The point is I FREAKING ASKED THEM IF THEY WANTED TO HANG OUT, go out, do something, for a phone number....etc. Ugh. The issue is that you have been successful so often, that the failures don't bother you. With others, they've failed so often they doubt that they could be successful. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I felt really great about it, actually. Nothing came of it, but I did the sort of things people advised me to do, and nothing bad happened. I'm pleased with that! If he had any interest in you in the first place he probably lost it after you did that. =/ Don't be the next in a long line of women around here who have taken that bad advice and suffered for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I'm good at having conversations IRL. When I was younger I took training for it. I learned how to hold a conversation with any person, for any length of time. I could keep a conversation with someone that I may as well be pulling teeth from, for an hour. I know what questions to ask, and how to follow up from those and just snowball from there. Talking is easy. Getting someone INTERESTED, after talking, is impossible. I agree that starting a conversation is the easy part. Even maintaining one is sort of easy, depending on the person of course. Some are just so closed off that you might as well say something shocking just to illicit a response. But getting someone interested is not impossible, just challenging. Some flirting has to occur, with the risk of vulnerability, to express your interest and eventually your feelings. Even saying something simple such as "I like you" can be enough to jump start mutual interest. Link to post Share on other sites
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