How does a woman succesfully approach a man?

[lollipopspot]

Since you are quite bold, the only advice I could offer is to scale back the boldness a bit. Don't directly ask the men out, but offer encouragement such as suggesting if the man were to ask you out, you would agree to a date. This puts the responsibility for the man to act, or he misses an opportunity.

 

Not saying it might not work, but it's kind of sad, isn't it, to have to indirectly go after what one wants.

[thefooloftheyear]

Not saying it might not work, but it's kind of sad, isn't it, to have to indirectly go after what one wants.

 

I dont think she has to...just my opinion...

 

Seems like her experiences with a couple of rude douchebags, have tainted her and she feels less confident to go back there...Its a normal defense mechanism, so I can see why.....But its kinda silly, imo, to just listen to the opinions of a few guys on here who(for some ridiculous reason) think there is something "wrong" with a woman who wants to approach a guy..

 

Maybe go about it from a different angle or avoid a guy that may have a douchey personality? ...I dunno...

 

Ill just re-iterate that I just cant see how any guy thinks there is a problem with a polite advance from a woman..Its not like she went up cold and asked how big his dick was or anything...

 

 

TFY

[Frank2thepoint]

Not saying it might not work, but it's kind of sad, isn't it, to have to indirectly go after what one wants.

 

Seems like her experiences with a couple of rude douchebags, have tainted her and she feels less confident to go back there...Its a normal defense mechanism, so I can see why.....But its kinda silly, imo, to just listen to the opinions of a few guys on here who(for some ridiculous reason) think there is something "wrong" with a woman who wants to approach a guy..

 

I support and encourage a woman to approach a man and do the asking for a date, equally like a man should. Unfortunately, many women have strong reservations against it, or many women that have tried, but were rebuffed, so now they no longer want to try. There have been plenty of posts on LS, by both men and women, claiming that a woman taking the initiative will destroy civilization and create chaos. Sounds to me that it's about control and fearmongering.

 

Regardless, the world is full of obstinate individuals that will never have an open mind, especially about a woman asking a man out. Phoe has encountered plenty of men like this, as she has recounted some of her experiences. So to help her, she needs to change her tactic a little bit to improve her chances, but not change her core personality. She is bold, which is very attractive, but few can appreciate that.

[most_distant_galaxy]

I'm interested in some tips on how women can succesfully be the initiator. All my past attempts got me rejected so I'm pretty bad

 

I'm not looking to date currently, but am curious, because once I do want to date I expect I will need to be prepared for doing this.

 

Men, what makes a good approach?

 

Women, what has worked for you?

 

Flirting with them but not lingering for too long.

 

If I feel like throwing a flirty or playful comment (not very often), I throw it and then I leave or engage in conversation with someone else (a female friend preferably). That way you dont get rejected, because 1) you dont give them enough time to say something mean, 2) you dont pressure good men who arent interested to think of an excuse, 3) its lighthearted and fun, 4) the interested men will chase you or actively seek you out for more.

[thefooloftheyear]

I support and encourage a woman to approach a man and do the asking for a date, equally like a man should. Unfortunately, many women have strong reservations against it, or many women that have tried, but were rebuffed, so now they no longer want to try. There have been plenty of posts on LS, by both men and women, claiming that a woman taking the initiative will destroy civilization and create chaos. Sounds to me that it's about control and fearmongering.

 

Regardless, the world is full of obstinate individuals that will never have an open mind, especially about a woman asking a man out. Phoe has encountered plenty of men like this, as she has recounted some of her experiences. So to help her, she needs to change her tactic a little bit to improve her chances, but not change her core personality. She is bold, which is very attractive, but few can appreciate that.

 

 

Fair enough...

 

I just cannot for the life of me fathom ANY guy thinking a woman is less desireable for approaching...Sure, i've had drunk women act inappropriately and look bad by being maybe too pushy or sexually overt on an approach...But that was when I was working in clubs and dealt with a lot of drunk and high women/girls...So thats to be expected..

 

 

And rejection shouldnt be the determining factor on one's behavior here...I dont care who you are...unless you dont pursue, you will have to deal with some that will reject...its just a part of the game...*shrug*...

 

TFY

[BluEyeL]

Another no?!

 

I'm honestly surprised. I expected the no's to be in the minority.

 

Ok Johan, what's an example of a good, clear signal?

I had a man ask me out once and he told me why he thought I was interested. He said "I figured, you kept talking to me and not going anywhere, so you were interested". I think that's all.

 

If you keep the convo going and he's not asking you out, he didn't want to ask you out. What you can do to ensure he wasn't shy, is to chat him up a few more times and if he still doesn't ask you out it means he is not into you and that's that.

[Phoe]

If you keep the convo going and he's not asking you out, he didn't want to ask you out. What you can do to ensure he wasn't shy, is to chat him up a few more times and if he still doesn't ask you out it means he is not into you and that's that.

 

This is kind of the way I've always felt. Like this is probably the case most of the time. Sure, some guys might just be shy, but not enough to warrant me going out on a limb assuming he might be. Cause that's probably not the case.

[thefooloftheyear]

I had a man ask me out once and he told me why he thought I was interested. He said "I figured, you kept talking to me and not going anywhere, so you were interested". I think that's all.

 

If you keep the convo going and he's not asking you out, he didn't want to ask you out. What you can do to ensure he wasn't shy, is to chat him up a few more times and if he still doesn't ask you out it means he is not into you and that's that.

 

You ladies are certainly entitled to this opiinion, but its just not true in every case...

 

Not every guy will respond to your attention favorably or with an intent to get to know you on a bf/gf level...There are several reasons...Maybe they just arent actively seeking that type of relationship or are just aloof...Its not really so cut and dried as you are making it out to be and if you are feeling something and dont act on it, or just assume disinterest, then you could be missing out...Not all guys act that predictably...

 

What I am learning from this thread(and feel free to correct me if I am wrong) is that many women seem to be so petrified of rejection that they just wont go there...Way more so than most guys are...

 

 

TFY

[Phoe]

 

What I am learning from this thread(and feel free to correct me if I am wrong) is that many women seem to be so petrified of rejection that they just wont go there...Way more so than most guys are...

 

I can't speak for anyone else, but I am definitely petrified. But it hasn't stopped me from trying, even though I want to get sucked into a black hole afterwards.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I am definitely petrified. But it hasn't stopped me from trying, even though I want to get sucked into a black hole afterwards.

If you are really petrified I bet that you are coming off as really weird. I know I would, for me it would NEVER work! but props to you for going for it, I admire you!

[Imported]

I can't speak for anyone else, but I am definitely petrified. But it hasn't stopped me from trying, even though I want to get sucked into a black hole afterwards.

 

 

Do you think you come off as too attracted?

 

Like it's not a simple, 'I think you look attarctive and I want to go out with you and see how it goes'.

 

Or more of a, 'OMG you look so hot! I already imagined a perfect life with you! Let's go out so I can see how you don't measure up to my imagination!'

 

Maybe not like that, but I swear everytime a girl approaches that I am actually attracted to and would have probably asked her out if she just flirted with me, they always put me on the spot. They always make me feel pressured or awkward.

[Phoe]

Do you think you come off as too attracted?

 

Like it's not a simple, 'I think you look attarctive and I want to go out with you and see how it goes'.

 

Or more of a, 'OMG you look so hot! I already imagined a perfect life with you! Let's go out so I can see how you don't measure up to my imagination!'

 

Maybe not like that, but I swear everytime a girl approaches that I am actually attracted to and would have probably asked her out if she just flirted with me, they always put me on the spot. They always make me feel pressured or awkward.

 

Lol I'm definitely not extreme like that, that's super creepy.

 

It's definitely a simple "I like you and I think you're really attractive, would you like to go to dinner with me?"

 

That, of course, is after having flirted with and known the guy for months.

 

There's a post I made earlier with examples of how I've flirted or outright approached in the past.

[Frank2thepoint]

What I am learning from this thread(and feel free to correct me if I am wrong) is that many women seem to be so petrified of rejection that they just wont go there...Way more so than most guys are...

 

Many women are petrified. I'm exhausted from it.

 

 

It's definitely a simple "I like you and I think you're really attractive, would you like to go to dinner with me?"

 

I wish I could meet a woman like this.

[Phoe]

I wish I could meet a woman like this.

 

Too bad I asked that question to a man who doesn't want a woman like me.

 

That's just luck of the draw I suppose!

[Bumpin in My Trunk]

Don't worry. I've heard life in the Mojave Desert can be real chill so I'm moving there tomorrow

[nomadic_butterfly]

I'm interested in some tips on how women can succesfully be the initiator. All my past attempts got me rejected so I'm pretty bad

 

I'm not looking to date currently, but am curious, because once I do want to date I expect I will need to be prepared for doing this.

 

Men, what makes a good approach?

 

Women, what has worked for you?

 

You should continue with what makes you comfortable; perhaps you've just been barking up the wrong tree so maybe be more discerning about the guys you approach.

 

I personally find that most men still like to be hunters (arguably innate) so with body language (i.e. hand on his shoulders, light pat on his arm if he says something cheeky, being engaging with my eyes, etc.) I tell him there is a mutual interest but I try not to jump the gun because some guys are just super friendly and those are the guys I don't date personally.

 

I think you should join like meet up.com and do the interest group activities you like best. To me, it's less contrived than online dating and at least you know you have at least one shared interest and it's more relaxed.

 

Do the things you love to do, maybe with a wingman or something and just be friendly. A lot of guys get rejected too so don't feel bad or take it personally!

[Phoe]

I think you should join like meet up.com and do the interest group activities you like best. To me, it's less contrived than online dating and at least you know you have at least one shared interest and it's more relaxed.

 

Just checked out meetup.com

 

 

2 groups locally. One for seniors and one for moms.

 

 

Nope! Haha

[Rejected Rosebud]

Just checked out meetup.com

 

 

2 groups locally. One for seniors and one for moms.

 

 

Nope! Haha

I think you can start one of your own!

[gaius]

Just go back on online dating when you're ready and you won't have to approach anyone. You're not one of these women who's just pretending they want someone so I'm sure someone you find suitable will appear eventually.

[Phoe]

I think you can start one of your own!

 

 

HMMM... I think you may be on to something.... *ponders*

 

Just go back on online dating when you're ready and you won't have to approach anyone. You're not one of these women who's just pretending they want someone so I'm sure someone you find suitable will appear eventually.

 

 

 

I really really REALLY wanted to try dating the old fashioned real life way. I told myself that I would only go to OLD if I utterly failed after trying for a while.

 

 

I don't even know why... it's just a goal that I really feel is important for me. Like it's an accomplishment of sorts if I can figure out how to date the normal way.

[Phoe]

Hmm.

 

 

The meetup group for seniors has 150 members. The mom's group has 40.

 

 

There's a town that I've heard of, but I'm pretty sure it's actually an hour away, that popped up on my search. It's for gamers and it has 1 member.

 

 

Wow.

 

 

Other than the 1 member group, is that the standard for how many people you might expect in a group? I haven't a clue what's normal.

[nomadic_butterfly]

Honestly, it really depends on the particular groups. Just go to meet up.com and type in your hobbies/interests and also like "singles of LA" (or whatever area you are in) and you will find all sorts.

 

I am in professional groups as well as dating groups and interest groups. Some groups are very small with like 25 people but others have hundreds i.e. singles of LA. I have some friends who've met their significant others from meetup events.

 

I too have been trying to go the more conventional route, but I'm afraid I'm back to online methods again :-/ it just seems a bit easier.

 

Hmm.

 

 

The meetup group for seniors has 150 members. The mom's group has 40.

 

 

There's a town that I've heard of, but I'm pretty sure it's actually an hour away, that popped up on my search. It's for gamers and it has 1 member.

 

 

Wow.

 

 

Other than the 1 member group, is that the standard for how many people you might expect in a group? I haven't a clue what's normal.

[Phoe]

Honestly, it really depends on the particular groups. Just go to meet up.com and type in your hobbies/interests and also like "singles of LA" (or whatever area you are in) and you will find all sorts.

 

I am in professional groups as well as dating groups and interest groups. Some groups are very small with like 25 people but others have hundreds i.e. singles of LA. I have some friends who've met their significant others from meetup events.

 

I too have been trying to go the more conventional route, but I'm afraid I'm back to online methods again :-/ it just seems a bit easier.

 

I did go to the website, I posted it earlier it might've gotten lost.

 

There's only 2 meetup groups local to me. Seniors group and moms group.

 

Someone mentioned starting a group, so I might try that!

[organizedchaos]

Hmm.

 

 

The meetup group for seniors has 150 members. The mom's group has 40.

 

 

There's a town that I've heard of, but I'm pretty sure it's actually an hour away, that popped up on my search. It's for gamers and it has 1 member.

 

 

Wow.

 

 

Other than the 1 member group, is that the standard for how many people you might expect in a group? I haven't a clue what's normal.

 

Probably normal for the Mojave Desert!

[Frank2thepoint]

I really really REALLY wanted to try dating the old fashioned real life way. I told myself that I would only go to OLD if I utterly failed after trying for a while.

 

I don't even know why... it's just a goal that I really feel is important for me. Like it's an accomplishment of sorts if I can figure out how to date the normal way.

 

I commend you for going this route. It's the best way to meet and get to know someone, instead exchanging messages through OLD.

 

 

Someone mentioned starting a group, so I might try that!

 

Since you are out in the Mojave Desert, start a group that will attract the sand people from Star Wars. You guys can organize and raid L.A.. Then you can fall in love with an alien. Sounds romantic. Yes, no?