Wife gave birth to another man's child

[Art_Critic]

Dude.. she is being that way so you stay... she knows if she confronts you about the things you say or try to talk you into staying that you will go.. be careful...

 

I'm not saying what I would do in this case or advising one way or the other.. but will say that whatever you do make sure you understand that you are also being somewhat manipulated right now..

[cif]

aliveagain, would you have thought differently if she had not thrown you under the bus. In my case, she accepts whatever choice I do, and doesn't blame me for wanting to leave should I choose to do so. She has even let me say mean, things. About how sick i am, how disgusted, and what a slutty thing it was to do. And she is like if it makes you feel better to put me down, I understand. I know she might just be saying anything at this point, but she hasn't blame me whatsoever in this. She states that raising the baby on her own is what she deserves, and she only has herself to blame, and doesnt expect me to stay, but does hope I do. I inquired about again if she knew going down the isle, she said no... bc he had supposedly had a vasectomy, which when I inquired originally if something was going on, or if she still had feelings, in the past she said no, he got a vasectomy, (Not that having sex does justify any of her actions, or lack of using a condom). I would have expected anger and her blaming me in all this, but this has not been the case.

A slutty thing would be to wear a short skirt and flirt with a man at a bar.

 

KNOWINGLY getting married with the possibility of carrying another man's child and not informing/denying it is way beyond evil.

[lolablue17]

Cheating and lying are serious sins. But not always the cheater\liar are bad people, sometimes they have problems, sometimes they can improve...

 

 

But a woman who tries to manipulate you to marry her and raise a child that is not your son... hiding from the real father the fact that he has a son, and is hiding from the child his true identity is a MONSTER!!

 

She knows it. that's why she respect every decision you will take. also because that's the advice she got from her supporters and maybe from a pro... Sorry for not being exited from her "i will not demand alimony" statement"... Are you thrilled to hear that i will not ask you to pay for my children as well?

 

Every BH has the option to decide to stay, and then change his mind afterward. You don't!! If you decide to stay that's it - you'll have to support that child for ever even if the real father will get the right be his legitimate father... even if you divorce her later and the other guy will marry her - You will have to pay until he's 18.

 

Man - Are you nuts??!!!!!

[No Limit]

Wow.

 

So the moral of the story is that if you ever doubt that your wife/girlfriend wasn't faithful. Then you absolutely must get a paternity test.

 

Heck, I wish that was something that hospitals did automatically during prenatal care.

 

Most men don't expect their partner being unfaithful. I'd recommend doing paternity tests always. Why would your wife/girlfriend be against a DNA test? She knows she's the mother, why doesn't the father have the right to know too?

 

A men's rights organization in my country has already asked for obligatory paternity tests, but were shunned by the costs (also, they didn't receive that much support outside of their organization). With paternity tests well-available now, I'm sometimes thinking to myself "serves you right if you're that gullible", but then I find it sad to sneer about people for trusting someone.

 

 

And OP, by all means, get rid of her. Don't just seperate, get out of the marriage, get her out of your life. She's scared *****less so she'll do anything to coax you into staying with her. Run.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Most men don't expect their partner being unfaithful. I'd recommend doing paternity tests always. Why would your wife/girlfriend be against a DNA test? She knows she's the mother, why doesn't the father have the right to know too?

 

A men's rights organization in my country has already asked for obligatory paternity tests, but were shunned by the costs (also, they didn't receive that much support outside of their organization). With paternity tests well-available now, I'm sometimes thinking to myself "serves you right if you're that gullible", but then I find it sad to sneer about people for trusting someone.

 

 

And OP, by all means, get rid of her. Don't just seperate, get out of the marriage, get her out of your life. She's scared *****less so she'll do anything to coax you into staying with her. Run.

 

 

I was reading somewhere that between 5-15% of fathers are not the father. Some researchers in Britain I believe did their own research...expecting to fall somewhere in that range....their percentage was an astounding 30%.

 

DNA testing should be mandatory after birth, not just for the Fathers....but EVERYONE has the RIGHT to know their parentage. No Mothers ONS, or secret trysts trumps that RIGHT. Her choices and all the consequences that go with it are hers to bear....not the child's.

[revelations]

I think why most get riled up over these type of issues, is that the offending party is never held responsible legally.

 

The women go unscathed. If they don't get support from one guy....they go after the other one.

 

How fair is it....for even the bio dad....years later....years lost...memories forever gone....to then be told...."hey, pony up....time to start paying". Where is his compensation for what was stolen from him?

 

I can not even imagine the indignation I would feel....as the victim of fraud...to pay compensation to the person who committed the fraud against me.

 

How often does the birth certificate father get reimbursed? Do the courts order the mother to pay for IC for their child? Or does the mother get to sue/and win HER legal costs? Why the heck should the bio dad pay for that? Shouldn't he be the one to sue for HIS legal costs? Chances are...5,10, heck even 16 years later...wouldn't those costs be significantly more than they would have been at birth?

 

I certainly understand why these types of issues cause men to have mistrust in women and their rights in the legal system. And Why they often feel like a nameless ATM.

 

 

Very well said........

[Radu]

aliveagain, would you have thought differently if she had not thrown you under the bus. In my case, she accepts whatever choice I do, and doesn't blame me for wanting to leave should I choose to do so. She has even let me say mean, things. About how sick i am, how disgusted, and what a slutty thing it was to do. And she is like if it makes you feel better to put me down, I understand. I know she might just be saying anything at this point, but she hasn't blame me whatsoever in this. She states that raising the baby on her own is what she deserves, and she only has herself to blame, and doesnt expect me to stay, but does hope I do. I inquired about again if she knew going down the isle, she said no... bc he had supposedly had a vasectomy, which when I inquired originally if something was going on, or if she still had feelings, in the past she said no, he got a vasectomy, (Not that having sex does justify any of her actions, or lack of using a condom). I would have expected anger and her blaming me in all this, but this has not been the case.

 

Maybe she feels guilt, or maybe [more likely] she is victimizing herself in an attempt to get the wind out of your sail, and to move you into 'protect' mode.

Basically, playing the wounded bird.

 

Weather or not she knew going down the isle that she was pregnant with his child is irrelevant.

Because she walked down the isle after having unprotected sex with a lover in a 'supposedly' commited relationship.

[revelations]

This thread is the exact reason I tell all men not to marry, have kids or even live with women. I know there are a few good women out their that would never do this to a man. The trouble is we don't know who you are and we cannot tell you apart from the rest of the monsters out their. Until laws are changed and men are no longer treated like a disposable tool men need to just go their own way. Just say no to slavery. I will say this one more time so all men will understand, No to marriage, No to kids, No to living with women. The more men that do this the less men will end up like the OP on this thread. Thankfully it appears that the OP will come out of this unharmed for the most part, other men are not so lucky. I truly hope it works out for you OP and remember just say no to women.

[10thengineerharrison]

Thank you for all your advice. She had actually confessed this to her parents, very disappointed. I have gotten very close to her family as well. I agree far too many lies, and I dont know where the truth begins. Before the bucal swab, I had a feeling the dna test was right, and I was raising the baby like my own. Before she confessed, I did actually start getting attached. I'm planning getting my name off the birth certificate. I had read that I would not have to support that child, if my name is not on the certificate, and we divorced I verified this with a friend who is a lawyer. I guess I'm trying to hear a success story, of where a marriage holds together, and strengthens the bond. I'm just a firm believer of the "for better, and for worse..." but it does seem the wise choice would be to leave, but the heart says it can work

 

There is NO POSSIBLE WAY that this can work for you. No way! Do not entertain thoughts of staying married to this person, because all you'll do is get further enmeshed in someone else's family.

 

Here is the truth of the situation. She married you to save face. She has a responsibility to the OM that she doesn't share with you - she's started a family with him.

 

Let them have one another. In the decades to come, you'll be glad you did.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison.

[10thengineerharrison]

In my case the judge ordered the biological father to pay $800 a month as well as my legal fees for my son. Law states the biological father is responsible, despite his involvement (if any) in the child's life.

 

The man who raised him (my ex husband) offered to pay half of that amout but the judge praised him for being morally responsible, but said it was not necessary. Just because he raised him does not mean he was financially responsible to him.

 

Of course, my exhusband did not end his relationship there. Our son lived with him for about three years before his Dad died very suddenly of cancer. Son was devastated. His father had left him his entire estate - including a paid off house, truck, and life insurance.

 

So you can love another man's child.

 

I believe you are sincere. But I believe this situation is so different that comparisons don't apply very well.

 

I will continue to recommend a speedy annulment or divorce in situations like this one. If the op is already attached to this child, however, I might suggest he consider seeking sole custody. But I still think the best thing to do would be to let this family (your so-called W, this child, and it's father) do what they can to keep their family together, and free you to seek a healthier relationship with an honest woman.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[10thengineerharrison]

I'm meeting with a lawyer to discuss these issues. Her parents weren't in on it, she told them when she moved back home with them. She states she respects any choice I make at this point. And she doesn't want, or would dare try to even pursue child support. We both agree getting my name off the certificate. I'm meeting with a counselor, and laywer this week to find the legistics on all this. I'm getting my name off the certificate for sure, immediately since its within the time frame where I can remove it, And probably live separated for a while, till I take this all in, and make a decision. I agree with Oberfeldwebel, the lie is worse than the act itself. I appreciate everyone's input in this matter.

 

So, she's basically agreeing that you hold all the cards and the simplest thing to do here is to end the marriage. She's no dummy, and in fact is finally making suggestions and doing things that are in your best interest.

 

So, why aren't you taking your own best interests fully to heart? I would think annulment would be easy in this situation as it stands now.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[10thengineerharrison]

aliveagain, would you have thought differently if she had not thrown you under the bus. In my case, she accepts whatever choice I do, and doesn't blame me for wanting to leave should I choose to do so. She has even let me say mean, things. About how sick i am, how disgusted, and what a slutty thing it was to do. And she is like if it makes you feel better to put me down, I understand. I know she might just be saying anything at this point, but she hasn't blame me whatsoever in this. She states that raising the baby on her own is what she deserves, and she only has herself to blame, and doesnt expect me to stay, but does hope I do. I inquired about again if she knew going down the isle, she said no... bc he had supposedly had a vasectomy, which when I inquired originally if something was going on, or if she still had feelings, in the past she said no, he got a vasectomy, (Not that having sex does justify any of her actions, or lack of using a condom). I would have expected anger and her blaming me in all this, but this has not been the case.

 

Why believe the story about the vasectomy? If he really had one, why wouldn't she want proof of that before doing him?

 

You can help settle this by informing the OM of his child's existence.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[stillafool]

Even if the guy promised her he had a vasectomy she wanted him so bad she didn't even use a condom to protect you both from disease. Basically she walked down the aisle carry another mans semen and child. Yuk!

[Tayla]

I realize this is water over the damn, yet here are some current realistic resolutions: 1: during pregnancy most ob's will do a genetic consult along with blood test. Its completely legal and can be voluntarily declined by the adults. Most though want to know any potential complications and will agree. Some parents maybe carriers of certain conditions and want to prepare for such. 2:a blood test is common during pregnacy . This is a measure taken in case complications come about for the baby they will ask for the parental blood be used. 3: This poster seems to be doing what is best for his conscious. seeking legal advise is key. 4: At the end of the day, this new life brought about will have lost before the little one even had a chance. society will judge the mother and the kid is the one who feels the reprecussion from this matter.

[drifter777]

I was reading somewhere that between 5-15% of fathers are not the father. Some researchers in Britain I believe did their own research...expecting to fall somewhere in that range....their percentage was an astounding 30%.

 

DNA testing should be mandatory after birth, not just for the Fathers....but EVERYONE has the RIGHT to know their parentage. No Mothers ONS, or secret trysts trumps that RIGHT. Her choices and all the consequences that go with it are hers to bear....not the child's.

The 5 - 15 percent is the one most research finds to be the case. The 5% or less is in more affluent countries/cities and the 15% is found among poor people and the so-called 3rd world countries.

 

The 30% number comes from paternity tests that are done because there is a suspicion that the child does not belong to the father. So, if you think there's a reasonable chance your wife cheated and your child is not yours there is about a 30% chance that you are right.

[NJ123]

Do not raise this woman's child. Let the guy she slept with be responsible. And she's a liar & trying to manipulate you into staying which is why she's trying to be as nice as possible to you. I would never ever stick with a woman that did that to me. You still have the chance to do the best thing for yourself & move on from this evil woman. You'll find a much better woman than this.

[HereNorThere]

Just remember, signing that birth certificate is like signing a 10 million dollar mortgage without seeing the interest rate for a house you'll never own. It's fine if you want to be a father figure, but don't be legally culpable. You feel like going to jail because someone else's kid skipped school? You feel like being liable for millions in medical debt if they're diagnosed with cancer?

 

Do whatever you want symbolically, but don't be legally liable. In the end, she's going to leave you for someone else, and you'll still be on the hook for her bills.

 

 

RUN!!!!!!!!!

[aliveagain]

aliveagain, would you have thought differently if she had not thrown you under the bus. In my case, she accepts whatever choice I do, and doesn't blame me for wanting to leave should I choose to do so. She has even let me say mean, things. About how sick i am, how disgusted, and what a slutty thing it was to do. And she is like if it makes you feel better to put me down, I understand. I know she might just be saying anything at this point, but she hasn't blame me whatsoever in this. She states that raising the baby on her own is what she deserves, and she only has herself to blame, and doesnt expect me to stay, but does hope I do. I inquired about again if she knew going down the isle, she said no... bc he had supposedly had a vasectomy, which when I inquired originally if something was going on, or if she still had feelings, in the past she said no, he got a vasectomy, (Not that having sex does justify any of her actions, or lack of using a condom). I would have expected anger and her blaming me in all this, but this has not been the case.

 

She was about to marry you, what does a vasectomy have to do with protecting you from a STD? She chose to have sex with him, she chose to have unprotected sex, these are still choices and when she made these choices you were already committed to marry each other, dates were set, deposits were already paid but she still went ahead with the sex. Accepting some name calling is a far less hardship than raising a child as a single parent or having to explain why she is raising a child as a single parent.

 

I don't know how she can guarantee you that O/M will never find out about their child. There is a chance that he will be back in your life because of his rights. No one here can tell you what is best for you, you need to listen to your lawyer and than make your own decision. She already showed you what she is capable of doing if the opportunity arises and she thinks she can get away with it.

 

I had a hard time raising an affair child, being reminded of her affair every time I looked at him was a trigger I couldn't get over, that's just me, maybe your stronger than me. My heart goes out to you, it's a tough decision for you to make. The truth is, she married you knowing she had unprotected sex with O/M and kept it secret from you. She is that kind of woman no matter what you decide. Listen to your lawyer.

[No Limit]

As if cheating and getting pregnant by another man wasn't enough, she wants to implicate you in her attempt to illegally keep the OM from his right to see his child?

 

There was a similar case to yours a few years back. Slut wife got twins by her OM, her husband apparently just stuck his head in the sand and accepted it like you are trying to do. Then a few years later the OM returns, and as soon as he sees that these children are his, he sues for visitation rights. The "family" tries to stop that from happening via lawyers -- without success. The court agreed that a man has the right to see his children.

 

And this isn't your child either. Accept that.

By the way, don't you want a healthy happy family? Don't you want children of your own? And would you leave your very own children to the mercy of a woman capable of anything?

[dreamingoftigers]

I was reading somewhere that between 5-15% of fathers are not the father. Some researchers in Britain I believe did their own research...expecting to fall somewhere in that range....their percentage was an astounding 30%.

 

DNA testing should be mandatory after birth, not just for the Fathers....but EVERYONE has the RIGHT to know their parentage. No Mothers ONS, or secret trysts trumps that RIGHT. Her choices and all the consequences that go with it are hers to bear....not the child's.

 

It was 30% in one area.

 

Standard percentage is about 3%.

Not great by any means of course but better 1 in 33 than 1 in 3!

[Nyc_user]

The father has a right to know his child. He will eventually find out he has this child and yes, he WILL be in your life.

 

You can probably have this union annulled at this point. But the previous poster is correct: If you assume the role of father for this baby, even though the baby is not yours, you will have to pay child support if and when you eventually divorce.

 

When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them.

 

this is just ****ed up

[No Limit]

this is just ****ed up

 

I don't see why when the guy knows that it's not his right away; you just have to act quickly and decisively. If you know about everything and still decide to put your head on the block... well, then live with your choice.

[sidney2718]

My two cents:

 

First: consult a lawyer. You have already said that you were going to do this. Make sure you do. Find out your rights not only for the present, but for the future as well.

 

Second: Your wife should contact the OM and suggest a DNA test. I don't believe that he can be forced to give one. And if he refuses, I don't know what your options are. See point one.

 

Third: You have to decide what you want to do about your marriage. Most folks have said that you should divorce. Many come to this conclusion because they have their own demons to fight. Yet they may be right. Take your time. This decision is the most critical.

 

Some men can be comfortable raising another man's child. Happens all the time in adoption situations. That is for you to decide. Some men can forgive their wives for being deceitful. Most can't. Again, you have to decide.

 

My personal suggestion is this: you've gotten the benefit of the advice of this group. You may want to leave LoveShack so as not to be continually bombarded by folks advocating nuclear warfare against cheating wives. That's up to you.

 

I wish you all the best and hope for a solution that YOU can live with.

[Darren Steez]

Run.

 

As fast as you can.

 

The other way.

[Oberfeldwebel]

Like Aliveagain has said, this is your decision to make and you get to do as you wish. While it is possible for people to change, that does not mean that they will. The best estimation of future behavior is past behavior and her track record is not very good. I know that you love this woman and believe that you can raise the child and maybe you can, but think long and hard before making this decision. As Aliveagain said, the child is a constant reminder of her transgression. Today you have faith in this woman, if that is damaged in the future are you sure you won't have resentment? Also, once you accept the child, then whether you are technically the bio-father will be irrelevant, you will be their father. I don't tell folks to divorce, as that is a decision only you can make, but make sure that you use your head to make this decision as much as your heart.