Wife gave birth to another man's child

[glimpse]

She hooked up with the guy you hated??? That says a lot... You can't stay with her, if not for your own sake, for the child's sake. It wouldn't be healthy raising a child with contempt in your eyes, knowing in the back of your mind he's the by product of her dirty one night stand with the guy you hate.

[Friskyone4u]

If you stay with her you better be ready for at any time this other guy to insert himself into your life for at least 18 years. Her ONS will have that right.

Why you would want to face this I cannot imagine.!she has cheated and lied and her parents are no better.

Get your name off that birth certificate and tell your wife that she is about to be your ex wife as soon as you can make that happen.

I have read a lot of outrageous stuff but this one ranks right up there as sickening.

Hope you make the right choice.

[Man Mountain Makino]

Realize her plan was to bury this, deceive you, and deceive the father of the infant.

 

There's nothing here to salvage. Get out of this marriage.

[solostand]

In my case the judge ordered the biological father to pay $800 a month as well as my legal fees for my son. Law states the biological father is responsible, despite his involvement (if any) in the child's life.

 

The man who raised him (my ex husband) offered to pay half of that amout but the judge praised him for being morally responsible, but said it was not necessary. Just because he raised him does not mean he was financially responsible to him.

 

Of course, my exhusband did not end his relationship there. Our son lived with him for about three years before his Dad died very suddenly of cancer. Son was devastated. His father had left him his entire estate - including a paid off house, truck, and life insurance.

 

So you can love another man's child.

[Bryanp]

You may also wish to think about this.

1. She cheats on you with a man that you hate right before your wedding.

2. She has so little respect for you or your upcoming marriage that she does not bother to use any type of protection and gets pregnant trying to pass it off as yours.

3. She puts you at risk for STD's right before the wedding and constantly lies to you about cheating and therefore does not care whether or not she will give you an STD.

4. Don't be a fool. See a lawyer for an annulment to your marriage.

5. She is a deceiver, liar and a cheat and thinks of you as someone she can manipulate. Her actions clearly shows that she just thinks of herself and has no respect for you whatsoever.

6. IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL?

[Justanaverageguy]

She states she made the biggest mistake of her life, and will spend the rest of her life trying to make it up. It just hurts she kept it a secret all this time. Is it worth staying? Or do I go. I love her more than anything, and willing to forgive.

 

Horrible situation to be in Balthazaar hope your looking after yourself. I went through a pretty horrible break up earlier this year and have some idea about the "stages" most guys go through in situations like this.

 

Love is a very powerful emotion and it truly does make people blind. Also unfortunately it does not turn on and off like a tap. It takes time for love to grow and it takes time for it to fade. Contrary to popular belief the default initial reaction for most men when they find out their wife cheated on them is not to end the relationship, kick them out and file for divorce. Most men (not all) actually do the exact opposite. They turn into pathetic crying messes and beg, plead and bargain to try and save the relationship. I'm not judging this is just normally what happens.

 

Right now you have been devastated by what happened and still coming to terms with the full magnitude of her actions. You are trying to find a way to make this situation "ok". Trying to find a way to overcome it because you don't want to let go of your relationship or the love you feel for your wife. In your mind I would guess you are perhaps even having grandiose ideas that "love will concur all" and if YOU love your wife enough you can overcome it. As crazy as that sounds to the people on this board - its actually a normal part of the grieving and recovery process. Denial and bargaining. Give yourself some time to truly process what has happened you are not thinking logically right now. Get away and find a close friend of family member who you can confide in and use for support.

 

When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them.

 

As you start to process really listen to what GirlStillStrong said. You claim to "love" this woman more then anything .... but why would you love someone who treated you like this. Cheated on you, lied directly to your face, tried to trick you into marriage and fatherhood. She has shown you no respect and no love in return and also shown that she is a liar who is willing to deceive and manipulate you to get what she wants. You are not really in "love" with this woman - you are in love with the "ideal" of the person you thought she was. She has shown you in black and white her "real" self. The type of person and human being she really is. DO NOT IGNORE this or you will only be signing yourself up for more pain and heart ache down the line.

[endlessabyss]

In my case the judge ordered the biological father to pay $800 a month as well as my legal fees for my son. Law states the biological father is responsible, despite his involvement (if any) in the child's life.

 

The man who raised him (my ex husband) offered to pay half of that amout but the judge praised him for being morally responsible, but said it was not necessary. Just because he raised him does not mean he was financially responsible to him.

 

Of course, my exhusband did not end his relationship there. Our son lived with him for about three years before his Dad died very suddenly of cancer. Son was devastated. His father had left him his entire estate - including a paid off house, truck, and life insurance.

 

So you can love another man's child.

 

 

You're a very unique individual.

[No Limit]

In my case the judge ordered the biological father to pay $800 a month as well as my legal fees for my son. Law states the biological father is responsible, despite his involvement (if any) in the child's life.

 

The man who raised him (my ex husband) offered to pay half of that amout but the judge praised him for being morally responsible, but said it was not necessary. Just because he raised him does not mean he was financially responsible to him.

 

Of course, my exhusband did not end his relationship there. Our son lived with him for about three years before his Dad died very suddenly of cancer. Son was devastated. His father had left him his entire estate - including a paid off house, truck, and life insurance.

 

So you can love another man's child.

 

The only reason your ex husband didn't leave you right away was because he had 16 years of emotional investment. The pain, even if he didn't show it, was nonetheless immense - in a different forum a poster, whose little brother was another man's child, wrote that his father never got over it.

 

To be honest, I find it incredible that someone who inflicted the very same pain to her family could ever recommend a guy who was fortunate enough to find out early to set himself up to being cuckolded.

 

 

OP, please, don't gamble with your life - your ex lied to you. Her whole family would have smiled and lied to you while looking you in the eye. Get a lawyer, before it's too late.

[Raena]

The only reason your ex husband didn't leave you right away was because he had 16 years of emotional investment. The pain, even if he didn't show it, was nonetheless immense - in a different forum a poster, whose little brother was another man's child, wrote that his father never got over it.

 

To be honest, I find it incredible that someone who inflicted the very same pain to her family could ever recommend a guy who was fortunate enough to find out early to set himself up to being cuckolded.

 

 

OP, please, don't gamble with your life - your ex lied to you. Her whole family would have smiled and lied to you while looking you in the eye. Get a lawyer, before it's too late.

 

Yeah, I wonder what the man in the above scenario would have chosen to do had he known at BIRTH that the child wasn't his? He may have chosen to love and nurture that child anyway but the chances are slim of that happening. 16 years down the road, after you have raised a child believing it is yours is a completely DIFFERENT situation.

[Raena]

For what it's worth OP.... my ex cheated on me while I was pregnant with our son. (same child referred to in my previous posts) I went through a period of time early on in my child's life where I wanted full custody of the other child too... from birth... but the only way I would agree to it is if the mother gave up her parental rights and allowed me to adopt him. I knew that there was no way I could raise that child and have her(the woman he cheated on me with) be a part of my life as well. I wanted that child to be raised with his brother and his biological father. Of course, it didn't happen that way, because no woman in her right mind is going to give up her child like that, but it was what I was feeling at the time. This overwhelming need to want to make sure that child was taken care of. It went away with time and by the time she came around 3 years later wanting us to take him, it was fully gone and I had my head on straight.

 

My point is, don't let your emotions rule your decisions at this moment. Think clearly about what will happen down the road and whether or not you really want to take on this responsibility. If you choose to do so, do it knowing full well that it isn't going to be an easy road, but make that choice knowing that you are willing to handle ALL of the issues that will crop up.

[Radu]

Thank you for all your advice. She had actually confessed this to her parents, very disappointed. I have gotten very close to her family as well. I agree far too many lies, and I dont know where the truth begins. Before the bucal swab, I had a feeling the dna test was right, and I was raising the baby like my own. Before she confessed, I did actually start getting attached. I'm planning getting my name off the birth certificate. I had read that I would not have to support that child, if my name is not on the certificate, and we divorced I verified this with a friend who is a lawyer. I guess I'm trying to hear a success story, of where a marriage holds together, and strengthens the bond. I'm just a firm believer of the "for better, and for worse..." but it does seem the wise choice would be to leave, but the heart says it can work

 

How can you trust someone who told you that they would have perpetrated the lie forever about not cheating if the baby turned up as being yours ?

 

Get your name off the certificate ASAP.

Do not put it off, the state does not care who pays for the child, only that someone pays for it.

Not removing your name after finding this out will be seen as a tacit approval of taking the role of the father and you will be saddled with the expense.

 

She will go to court for child support, even if it's against you.

[bubbaganoosh]

Each and every day you stay in this situation, it will get worse. Chances are this thing she did will rear it's ugly head again in the future in a heated conversation with her and the kid will be in the middle of it.

 

Face the fact. She cheated. You now have a child that isn't yours and then you have the trust issue. Granted, she may be sorry but that isn't enough. If it was me, I would tell her to find the father, let him know that he has a child and let the both of them battle it out and you find a lawyer and get out of this mess while you still can.

 

This is her problem, not yours. She made her bed now she has to lay in it.

[HereNorThere]

In my case the judge ordered the biological father to pay $800 a month as well as my legal fees for my son. Law states the biological father is responsible, despite his involvement (if any) in the child's life.

 

The man who raised him (my ex husband) offered to pay half of that amout but the judge praised him for being morally responsible, but said it was not necessary. Just because he raised him does not mean he was financially responsible to him.

 

Of course, my exhusband did not end his relationship there. Our son lived with him for about three years before his Dad died very suddenly of cancer. Son was devastated. His father had left him his entire estate - including a paid off house, truck, and life insurance.

 

So you can love another man's child.

 

In all fairness, you forced this man to love another man's biological child. If you deceived him for 16 years while he was bonding with the kid, you pretty much forced him into it. By that time he had already established a 16 year relationship with "his" kid.

 

I get that you're pretty good at the whole rationalization/justification thing, but seriously, don't you at least have a little trouble sleeping at night?

[road]

That's not true. When/if they divorce the issue of custody will come up.... at that point all the OP has to say is, we had DNA testing done and the child is not mine. No matter whether or not he was there to change diapers and behave like a father or not, if the child is not his biologically, the courts will not force him to pay child support.

 

 

 

The courts have refused to remove the parental responsibilities from the BH even with a DNA test proving he is not the bio dad. The court rules it is in the best interest of the child and orders CS from the BH even if he divorces the WW.

 

 

Because it keeps the politicians happy as it keeps the OC off of welfare.

The shrink's say it it is harmful to denounce an OC because the BH was acting as the farther figure for too long. So the court will use this excuse to not let the BH off the hook

 

 

Though how is that less harmful when the BH divorces the WW and tells the OC I am not your Bio Dad?

 

 

 

 

This is why the BH must go see a lawyer on Monday and get the ball rolling to be removed from the BC and file for divorce. The BH then can have his lawyer delay the divorce though he must not delay being declared not the dad.

Edited November 16, 2014 by road

[thummper]

OP, you're the one who's going to have to decide how much you love this lady and if you can forgive her for her terrible lapse in judgment. As far as the child goes, from my own perspective I married a woman with five children from her previous unbelievably abuse-ridden marriage. I loved each and every one of them as if they were my own, and raised them as such. Thirty years later they all (except one) recognize me as their "father." In the privacy of your own heart, do you think you could accept this little one into your life, even though he is NOT biologically yours, and grow to love him as your own? If you don't think you can, end this NOW before more time passes.

[cif]

balthazaar, you have a chance not many people get in that you know the truth early enough to remove yourself from this mess.

 

Lets think about this practically..

.the bio dad is a guy you hate, can you share custody of the kid with him and see his face at least once a week?

 

.the wife is a lying cheat who probably has not been truthful and would not have told you the truth had you not taken the initiative and completed a dna test

 

.her parents and potential grandparents to your own children are liars who didnt have the decency to share the truth with you.. Can you see them and play family with them during the holidays?

 

Youre young enough and have your entire life ahead of you. Why not start over with a woman of morals who you can trust not to sleep with the neighbor when you leave for work?

 

Get your name off the BC and get your marriage annulled. You can always go back but you cant get out as easily in the future.

[troubadour]

balthazaar, you have a chance not many people get in that you know the truth early enough to remove yourself from this mess.

 

Lets think about this practically..

.the bio dad is a guy you hate, can you share custody of the kid with him and see his face at least once a week?

 

.the wife is a lying cheat who probably has not been truthful and would not have told you the truth had you not taken the initiative and completed a dna test

 

.her parents and potential grandparents to your own children are liars who didnt have the decency to share the truth with you.. Can you see them and play family with them during the holidays?

 

Youre young enough and have your entire life ahead of you. Why not start over with a woman of morals who you can trust not to sleep with the neighbor when you leave for work?

 

Get your name off the BC and get your marriage annulled. You can always go back but you cant get out as easily in the future.

 

 

I agree 100% with the above post. Run Balthazaar.... run as fast as you can!

[oldshirt]

Hire the best family law attorney that money can buy and educate yourself on your options and the ramifications of those options. Get a formal contract with a lawyer that is going to formally represent you and your interests.

 

 

Do not simply talk to some friend that happens to be a lawyer and use that as actual legal advice.

 

 

You have a very complicated and potentially devastating legal and financial situation here. You can not rely on hearsay and bathroom stall legal mumbo-jumbo from some buddy or from strangers on the internet.

 

 

One wrong move or one wrong check box on a document and you can be paying for some slut's bastard child with a douchebag for decades.

[Zigoto2]

Your marriage is brand new. There isn't much history to fall back on, she cheated before you were married, lied to you, used you, tricked you into marriage by making you believe the baby was yours. None of those actions are based in love. Your wife doesn't know what love is. She is completely self centered. There is nothing in there that is worth trying to salvage. I think you should walk away.

 

My H and I had been togother for over 17 years and married for over 13 when I found out about his 2.5 year affair with a co-worker. Our life history, our children and most of all, his change in behaviour have helped in our recovery, but there is still a long road ahead. We are in a much better place now, 26 months later, but there are still tough days.

 

You haven't been married for a year yet. Do you really want to go through the tough healing process with someone you have little history with? Wouldn't it be nicer to build a new relationship with someone who loves you and who is willing to openly work with you at your relationship? Someone who believes in for better or for worse as much as you do? Someone who will be there for you as much as she is there for herself?

 

My husband's affair partner was trying to conceive with her husband before the A started. My H already had his children with me, didn't want more, and had a vasectomy. She had told my H that since they had started thinking they wanted another baby, since she had had her IUD removed, her and her husband had stopped having sex. My husband stupidly believed, for two and a half years, that his affair partner wasn't sexually active with her husband and that she only had sex with him (his affair didn't have an impact on our sex life though... Hmmm...). When she did get pregnant, she told my husband that sometimes, vasectomies fix themselves. He had his tested just to make sure... It came out negative. He felt relief. She was upset. She ended up having a miscarriage a few weeks later.

 

When I asked my husband what would have happened if that child would have been his, he said he would have had to tell me about the affair because there would have been financial repercussions. Truth is, the repercussions would have been much bigger than that. I am willing to work on our marriage now, but a child from another woman is not something I would have been able to accept. I would not be able to look at this sweet child without having the affair coming back into my mind. It would be heart breaking to me. I would not have the strength to stay. I would have walked away.

 

Raising children is hard work. Marriage is hard work. You need to decide who you want as a partner for the rest of your life. You seem young, and there are lots of kind, loving, affectionate, and honest women out there.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

the phone that questions the paternity of the child.

 

 

 

My the smart phones they have out now...

[AlwaysGrowing]

In my case the judge ordered the biological father to pay $800 a month as well as my legal fees for my son. Law states the biological father is responsible, despite his involvement (if any) in the child's life.

 

The man who raised him (my ex husband) offered to pay half of that amout but the judge praised him for being morally responsible, but said it was not necessary. Just because he raised him does not mean he was financially responsible to him.

 

Of course, my exhusband did not end his relationship there. Our son lived with him for about three years before his Dad died very suddenly of cancer. Son was devastated. His father had left him his entire estate - including a paid off house, truck, and life insurance.

 

So you can love another man's child.

 

 

You had already stated DNA was not done for 16 years. You also stated that you broke up after a few years. So for those first 16 years....who exactly was financially paying?

 

And to say that the bio-dad inquired if he was the father but you yourself had no idea it was possible is what many would call not truthful.

 

It is cases like these that show how manipulated many men have been through the ages. To flippantly disregard how disrespectful this is to a man....that all because he came to love a baby as a son...that it is justified.

 

The end does NOT justify the means.

 

Men are at an unfair advantage when it comes to biological children. All women know that the child they give birth to is theirs. Men have to trust the woman, or order a DNA.

 

This is one of the most horrendous things a woman can do to a man. Pass another mans child off as someone else's. It speaks to their character. It speaks to how they view others and men in general.

 

The child is robbed of knowing their true story/relationships. The men are played as interchangeable pawns.

 

One would have to have little regard for their child or the men involved. If someone is capable of that.....who knows what other behaviours/actions they justify.

[BeholdtheMan]

I'm debating on divorce, but its harder to pull the trigger. She says she will change, and do anything.

 

Are you out of your mind? She lied to your face...more than once!

 

You asked her for honesty prior to any tests. She lied.

 

You did the initial DNA test. Results said you weren't the father. She lied again, insisting she had never cheated. She requested the swab. You did the swab. Again, the results said you weren't the father.

 

Only now does she tell the truth. She's a shameless liar. You basically had to force a reluctant confession out of her by conducting two DNA tests. A forced confession shows no regret or sincerity.

 

Why would you believe her now? She says she's going to change? She said she had never cheated...now she's pregnant with another man's child. She has no credibility. Run before you make the biggest mistake of your life by staying married to this shameless liar

[BeholdtheMan]

So I guess what I'm saying is it is totally possible your wife was like me and really believed you were the father. And also, that a man can raise another man's child with honor and dignity.

 

Congratulations...you managed to use your first husband to raise your child with another man

 

You also somehow irrationally convinced yourself that the other couldn't be the father...when nothing from the facts you presented could lead you to such a conclusion. Of course, he could've been the father...and he was!

 

I'm sure you actually knew there was a possibility but you decided to keep quiet and string your first husband along.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

That's not true. When/if they divorce the issue of custody will come up.... at that point all the OP has to say is, we had DNA testing done and the child is not mine. No matter whether or not he was there to change diapers and behave like a father or not, if the child is not his biologically, the courts will not force him to pay child support.

 

If the child isn't yours biologically, and you can prove that with dna, then I don't see how or why the courts would force anyone to pay child support. Maybe alimony if they were married, but not child support.

 

It can and has happened. I'm so sorry but having never heard of something doesn't make it any less true. This is a real thing that has actually happened and not just every once in a blue moon. Do a bit of research on the topic. Scary stuff.

[oldshirt]

It can and has happened. I'm so sorry but having never heard of something doesn't make it any less true. This is a real thing that has actually happened and not just every once in a blue moon. Do a bit of research on the topic. Scary stuff.

 

Yeah it happens all the time. The courts actually don't care a hoot about DNA. All they care about is who is providing care to the child. If the BS is married to the mother and in the home raising and providing care to the child, that is the father in their eyes. They couldn't care less if it is later proven to be someone else biological child.

 

That's why it's so important for the OP (or anyone in a similar situation) to seek immediate legal counsel and immediately begin action to ensure that they aren't stuck paying for some other douchebag's night of fun for 18 years.

 

That's why it's also important to kick the WW out and begin immediate divorce proceedings upon discovery of paternity.

 

If the BS remains in the marriage and keeps the cheating ho and keeps the baby in the home, in the eyes of the court he is voluntarily stepping up to be the father of the child and the court will hold him to such regardless of biological paternity.