Wife of 31 years had an affair, my story

[VeryBrokenMan]

OP, I have a few questions that might help you look at what has happened and make a good decision in your best interest.

1) Has she ever thanked you for all that you have done to build and sustain your family and lifestyle?

2) What is she doing on a daily basis that shows you she regrets her affair and is remorseful? Do these things make you believe that she’s doing it for you because you are Plan A or because she doesn’t want to lose what she has since the AP is not in the picture? 3) What ultimatum did you offer her and what w

as her response that shocked you? Do you feel like her response is a genuine desire to be with you, or not give up her lifestyle?

 

1. Never thanked me.

 

2. Undecided on her motivation. She can be very convincing.

 

3. I confronted her the first time and did not let her know I knew about the affair. I wanted her to end it and I was in shock for several weeks(about 6 weeks not 3 as I originally posted). And I hired a PI and started making plans for the divorce. About a month and a half later I had all the evidence I needed and had divorce papers ready.

 

I asked her by text that morning if she would ever have an affair. She said no. I saw from our cell account she had been talking to him all morning. So I drove home and walked in and she was still talking to him I think. She looked shocked that I was there.

 

I fully expected her to be leaving the house that morning for the last time so I grabbed her by the waist and we had a long and passionate kiss. She said "Wow whats that about". I did not say anything.

 

I led her over to the sofa and sat her down. She said "Your scaring me, whats going on?". Her hands were shaking and her voice was trembling. I handed her 40 pages of texts between her and her and the OM. She just looked at them and she was totally blindsided. I asked if she wanted to stay married and she said yes. I was totally shocked at that response based on all the things in the texts. I was planning on her packing her bag that morning and never stepping in the house again.

 

But we talked for about 3 hours and she made a lot of promises. And then I left and did not come back for a couple of days. When I came back I told her she could call him one last time and you can read earlier posts to see how that went. I don't know what her true motivation is.

[VeryBrokenMan]

You're going to have to think about your priorities.

 

How screwed are you when she's sleeping with someone else ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Not too worried about her sleeping with someone else at this point. It can't happen in a vacuum and she is not even farting without letting me know about it. I can't fault her there and she fully gets she has to be completely transparent for the rest of our marriage.

[Nawlins]

Thank you for your responses. I never gave my WW an ultimatum, nor did I track her whereabouts and activity; I had enough of that with my kids. I came to the conclusion that I would put in effort if she did. Well, she started off like gangbusters but within five months that all disappeared and then it was the occasional remorse or regret statement/action with no meaning behind it. I’m not going to jack your thread so here’s two more questions if you don’t mind:

 

1) What was the ultimatum choice? I ask because after you returned home and gave her the opportunity to go be with the AP, it appears that was what she wanted to do based on the call she mad. Since the AP did not bite, she may now be putting up the front that she wants the marriage because there’s nothing else for her.

 

2) How long do you want to watch over her? I ask this because in 3, 5 or more years she may feel she’s done enough but you may not. I’m guessing you are probably in your 50s. You have plenty of life to live, and perhaps there is better out there for you, but if you spend the next few years figuring out that your marriage is over you are losing those years.

 

Maybe a trial separation and as Bartlett67 said in your other thread try the dating scene. See what life might look like for you without your wife and get some clarity. Let her see what it would like for her without you. Maybe encourage her to join the workforce in some capacity and appreciate all that you have done.

[MJJean]

No worries man. We met young, both virgins. She blossomed after we were married and is definitely out of my league since. We started with nothing but I've done alright financially but the stress and hard work has taken it's toll on me. We are both in great shape but she has lived a very easy life and she looks 15 or more years younger than I do even though we are the same age. I don't think she gets how hard you have to work in this world to have what we have or the amount of daily BS and stress there is. All she see's is the money roll in.

 

Have you heard that sometimes people who are thirsty mistake their body's signal and think they are hungry, so over eat? Your wife said she felt a void. Perhaps the void was that she has no sense of her value in the world. Maybe the emptiness she was feeling is because she hasn't worked. She tried filling that void with an affair when what she really needed was a useful occupation outside the home.

 

That's something I think you should rectify. Ask her to get a job. Seriously. Cashiering, waitressing, stock...whatever will hire her. If she did that for a time she might A) feel better about herself without having to go to another man for attention and ego stroking and B) learn to appreciate hard work and it's toll on a person. She'd probably be better able to relate to you.

 

I think it's sweet that you still love and lust after your wife. I think it's sweet that you treat her like a queen and she gets to tell other people you're "obsessed" with her. Many wives would give their pinky toe to have that.

[VeryBrokenMan]

Have you heard that sometimes people who are thirsty mistake their body's signal and think they are hungry, so over eat? Your wife said she felt a void. Perhaps the void was that she has no sense of her value in the world. Maybe the emptiness she was feeling is because she hasn't worked. She tried filling that void with an affair when what she really needed was a useful occupation outside the home.

 

That's something I think you should rectify. Ask her to get a job. Seriously. Cashiering, waitressing, stock...whatever will hire her. If she did that for a time she might A) feel better about herself without having to go to another man for attention and ego stroking and B) learn to appreciate hard work and it's toll on a person. She'd probably be better able to relate to you.

 

We've talked about her getting a job and she is willing and really would welcome that. I'm undecided for a lot of reasons. I hope no one takes this the wrong way but most of the things she would be qualified for would be far beneath her at this point in her life. We both came from very poor roots and have come a long way. I'm not sure she could handle working at McDonald's or something like that. And to be honest I would not want her working some job like that.

 

I think it's sweet that you still love and lust after your wife. I think it's sweet that you treat her like a queen and she gets to tell other people you're "obsessed" with her. Many wives would give their pinky toe to have that.

 

I told her something similar to that this morning in anger. I told her she did not deserve to have someone like me and so many women would love to have a husband that is so smitten.

 

Thanks for your comments, some men here would call me a doormat or chump but they don't know my wife or all the good qualities that while I can't see at the moment I know she has.

[VeryBrokenMan]

Thank you for your responses. I never gave my WW an ultimatum, nor did I track her whereabouts and activity; I had enough of that with my kids. I came to the conclusion that I would put in effort if she did. Well, she started off like gangbusters but within five months that all disappeared and then it was the occasional remorse or regret statement/action with no meaning behind it. I’m not going to jack your thread so here’s two more questions if you don’t mind:

 

1) What was the ultimatum choice? I ask because after you returned home and gave her the opportunity to go be with the AP, it appears that was what she wanted to do based on the call she mad. Since the AP did not bite, she may now be putting up the front that she wants the marriage because there’s nothing else for her.

 

2) How long do you want to watch over her? I ask this because in 3, 5 or more years she may feel she’s done enough but you may not. I’m guessing you are probably in your 50s. You have plenty of life to live, and perhaps there is better out there for you, but if you spend the next few years figuring out that your marriage is over you are losing those years.

 

Maybe a trial separation and as Bartlett67 said in your other thread try the dating scene. See what life might look like for you without your wife and get some clarity. Let her see what it would like for her without you. Maybe encourage her to join the workforce in some capacity and appreciate all that you have done.

 

I allowed her to make that call to get closure. The only choice she made was for it to be 2 hours long instead of the 5 minutes I asked for. We made a second call together two weeks later and made sure it was ended. She has been N/C since according to my PI.

 

If we stay together I plan to watch over her as long as I feel it's needed. That maybe 6 months or it may be 6 years or longer.

 

I really don't have time in my life to date or really have any interest in it. I don't see any scenario where if I left my wife over this that I would have the slightest interest in chasing other women. I do have a strong sex drive but the investment in time vs reward at this point in my life does not make sense. I think I'd just get a good dog for companionship.

[oldshirt]

 

I really don't have time in my life to date or really have any interest in it. I don't see any scenario where if I left my wife over this that I would have the slightest interest in chasing other women. I do have a strong sex drive but the investment in time vs reward at this point in my life does not make sense. I think I'd just get a good dog for companionship.

 

If you didn't have her, you wouldn't have to work as much, wouldn't have to have as a big of a house, wouldn't have to have as many cars, wouldn't have to anything that she wants to do.

 

You could come and go as you please, sleep as late or get up as early as you please. You would be able to do whatever you want without regards to her.

 

You'll be amazed at how much life you'll have for yourself when you aren't "obsessed" with someone else.

[VeryBrokenMan]

If you didn't have her, you wouldn't have to work as much, wouldn't have to have as a big of a house, wouldn't have to have as many cars, wouldn't have to anything that she wants to do.

 

You could come and go as you please, sleep as late or get up as early as you please. You would be able to do whatever you want without regards to her.

 

You'll be amazed at how much life you'll have for yourself when you aren't "obsessed" with someone else.

 

I'd still work as much, I'm certain of that. I've never been satisfied with what I have or what I've done. Never feels good enough to me. Although the past 4 months I've been doing the bare minimum.

 

True about the house and cars but I've always done what I wanted to do and had the hobbies I wanted. Maybe that's the problem, I don't know.

[CarrieT]

And to be honest I would not want her working some job like that.

I think it might be really, really good for her to see what Real Life could be like without you supporting her.

[oldshirt]

I think it might be really, really good for her to see what Real Life could be like without you supporting her.

 

I'll take that sentiment further -

 

It is an imperative that she sees what life will be like on her own without you. She needs to experience finding an apartment, putting down deposits, finding furniture, getting a job at Wal Mart or Mcds, coming home to an empty apt etc etc etc etc etc etc.

 

She has had no repercussions from her affair and is taking you and your support for granted and taking full advantage of your obsession with her.

[oldshirt]

No worries man. We met young, both virgins. She blossomed after we were married and is definitely out of my league since. We started with nothing but I've done alright financially but the stress and hard work has taken it's toll on me. We are both in great shape but she has lived a very easy life and she looks 15 or more years younger than I do even though we are the same age. I don't think she gets how hard you have to work in this world to have what we have or the amount of daily BS and stress there is. All she see's is the money roll in.

 

Let's talk about this a little further.

 

I'll give a free pass that when you were first together and you were an awkward, virginal, zit-faced, scrawny, barely employed 20 year old, she probably outranked you on the sexual/dating market and you were probably justified in thinking you lucked out and hit one out of the ballpark. I'll give you that one.

 

However, life is different now that you are a successful, professional, established adult man that is still reasonably fit and and healthy. As long as your teeth aren't brown and broken and as long as your white hairy gut isn't hanging over your dck, you have a high market value on the dating market. Throw in some hair left on your head (or shaved bald) and you will easily be dating women in their mid 30s and possibly much younger if you are outright good looking.

 

She on the other hand is a 50something, unskilled, inexperienced in the workforce, mother who is a documented adulteress. Yes, if she's not obese, married guys will be glad to drain their tanks in her to relieve the pressure but do you think any single, professional, non obese men will give her a second look on the dating market??????

 

Your concepts of leagues is outdated and unrealistic now. She's a has been. She was a trophy wife 25 years ago. Her ship has sailed. She's a stretch marked, crows footed, belly rolled, cheat'n, entitled harpy now.

 

She may still be healthy and attractive for a 50something and I'm sure any 70 year old lonely guy would be glad to take her off your hands for you. But as many of the posters have been telling you all along, she is no prize. You have been looking at her through the wife goggles of your obsession for many years.

 

Those goggles are starting to come off and the fog is starting to clear.

 

Once you shake the fog of your obsession out of your head and open your eyes, you will start to notice the 30 year old women noticing you.

[Mr. Lucky]

I think it's sweet that you still love and lust after your wife. I think it's sweet that you treat her like a queen and she gets to tell other people you're "obsessed" with her.

 

ob·sess

əbˈses/

verb

preoccupy or fill the mind of (someone) continually, intrusively, and to a troubling extent.

 

Doesn't sound like the dynamic that supports a healthy relationship.

 

VeryBrokenMan, I hope you stick around and provide updates. I'll certainly be interested in hearing where you're at 6 months from now...

 

Mr. Lucky

[MJJean]

We've talked about her getting a job and she is willing and really would welcome that. I'm undecided for a lot of reasons. I hope no one takes this the wrong way but most of the things she would be qualified for would be far beneath her at this point in her life. We both came from very poor roots and have come a long way. I'm not sure she could handle working at McDonald's or something like that. And to be honest I would not want her working some job like that.

 

 

 

I told her something similar to that this morning in anger. I told her she did not deserve to have someone like me and so many women would love to have a husband that is so smitten.

 

Thanks for your comments, some men here would call me a doormat or chump but they don't know my wife or all the good qualities that while I can't see at the moment I know she has.

 

She needn't work at Mickey D's. My ex-MIL is about your wife's age. My ex-FIL was the primary breadwinner. He was diagnosed with heart and lung problems several years ago. He now has lung cancer and is in chemo. Obviously, someone needs to pay the bills as they have never been financially secure. She got a job at a local department store. Hanging clothing, assisting shoppers with purchase decisions, and cashiering are among her duties. Nothing strenuous.

 

I don't see why your wife couldn't do something like that. It's not demeaning work, it's a useful occupation outside of the home, it would give her appreciation for you and others who work and it would give her a sense of purpose she may be lacking which may have lead to her affair. The Devil makes work for idle hands and all that.

 

If she has no formal degree and work experience then she hasn't accomplished anything other than marrying a man who has taken care of her all these years. Which means nothing is "beneath" her. She, like everyone else, has to start from the ground and work her way up. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but there it is. And she may be all the better for it. She could really bloom.

 

Please don't think I am being harsh on her. I, too, have been a stay at home wife for the entirety of my marriage. My kids are nearly grown. I'm in the process of figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life because if I don't find something productive I could end up in a bad place mentally and maybe even be ripe for an affair.

 

I think it might be really, really good for her to see what Real Life could be like without you supporting her.

 

This is also true. Some perspective in this area would do her a world of good. Often housewives are living in a bubble where things have been the same for so long they look at their lives and make decisions thinking that things will continue to be the same. This is completely unrealistic, but there it is.

 

For example, a friend of mine we'll call M was married for a time and was a SAHM while her husband provided. She went out with me and a group of my friends and became insanely into a male friend of mine. They ended up engaging in an affair. She told her husband or he found out, I'm not sure of the exact details as I advised her against the affair and tried to stay as far away from the drama as I could. She ended her marriage believing she could somehow continue on as she always had. It was like she thought Fairies would take care of the bills. When that didn't happen she was more or less somewhat shocked. Sadly, I have other examples of people I personally know who thought along those same lines until reality punched them in the gut.

[Mal78]

We've talked about her getting a job and she is willing and really would welcome that. I'm undecided for a lot of reasons. I hope no one takes this the wrong way but most of the things she would be qualified for would be far beneath her at this point in her life. We both came from very poor roots and have come a long way. I'm not sure she could handle working at McDonald's or something like that. And to be honest I would not want her working some job like that.

 

 

 

I told her something similar to that this morning in anger. I told her she did not deserve to have someone like me and so many women would love to have a husband that is so smitten.

 

Thanks for your comments, some men here would call me a doormat or chump but they don't know my wife or all the good qualities that while I can't see at the moment I know she has.

 

How about her taking on a F/T volunteer position. There is bound to be a Volunteer referral service in your area and there is *always* volunteer opportunities out there. This way, if she eventually wants to be gainfully employed she will have a background. Often you find great employment opportunities through volunteer work especially if she proves to have specific skills.

 

My question to you is: Do you want to R? R is a effort by both parties for the betterment of "the" marriage. You said she is being a model wife however how often do you go over with her how awesome of a H you are and she doesn't deserve to have someone like you?

 

Yesterday, you quoted beautiful, private sentiments in a card you wrote your WS for your anniversary. You then wanted the "ladies" opinions on these words. This relationship on both parts SCREAMS insecurities and you both need help.

 

Please seek IC and MC. You might think you are one up on your wife but if you truly want R you must come down that moral high horse and work together. Yes, she betrayed you in the most horrific way (I KNOW I too am a BS) so if it's something you do not see working on then D... ASAP.

[mikethemechanic]

How about her taking on a F/T volunteer position. There is bound to be a Volunteer referral service in your area and there is *always* volunteer opportunities out there. This way, if she eventually wants to be gainfully employed she will have a background. Often you find great employment opportunities through volunteer work especially if she proves to have specific skills.

 

My question to you is: Do you want to R? R is a effort by both parties for the betterment of "the" marriage. You said she is being a model wife however how often do you go over with her how awesome of a H you are and she doesn't deserve to have someone like you?

 

Yesterday, you quoted beautiful, private sentiments in a card you wrote your WS for your anniversary. You then wanted the "ladies" opinions on these words. This relationship on both parts SCREAMS insecurities and you both need help.

 

Please seek IC and MC. You might think you are one up on your wife but if you truly want R you must come down that moral high horse and work together. Yes, she betrayed you in the most horrific way (I KNOW I too am a BS) so if it's something you do not see working on then D... ASAP.

 

I agree with you I think his wife sees him as a financial plan knowing that he is Goo goo gaga over her as a matter of fact I think in the beginning of his relationship he brought her gifts every day.then once he married her the gifts stopped and now his wife feels used and conned into this marriage. Furthermore she has little incentive to be with him and now she is with Fonzi the bad boy biker.

[SawtoothMars]

I'd still work as much, I'm certain of that. I've never been satisfied with what I have or what I've done. Never feels good enough to me. Although the past 4 months I've been doing the bare minimum.

True about the house and cars but I've always done what I wanted to do and had the hobbies I wanted. Maybe that's the problem, I don't know.

 

Um... So you are Ok with being married to a woman that doesn't love you simply because it would be too expensive and time consuming to date?

 

I really don't know what to say in a situation like this. Regardless of whatever feelings you may have for her... your wife doesn't love you at all. She loves the lifestyle you provide probably and may even choose that lifestyle over another guy, but she doesn't love you at all.

[Lion Heart]

I get the 180 ethos - I do - BUT if my husband had done that when I left our marital home six months ago, I would have divorced by now. We have not at this time, and although slight, there is s still a chance we may try to rekindle our marriage. I don't like drastic action one way or the other - I think it self protects yes, but sometimes making such stark boundaries when something like this is moving constantly emotionally, is I feel detrimental on some level.

 

^^^^ To whom would a 180 be detrimental?

 

To the faithful spouse? No

 

To the unfaithful spouse? Absolutely

 

A 180 protects the wounded person ATTEMPT to recover. Yes it "self ptotects" alright. When the person you're married to is your worst psychological enemy. The only thing you can do and must do is protect yourself.

 

Lion Heart.

[mikethemechanic]

For her first task of the week get her to write out a resume!

[the_artist_1970]

VeryBrokenMan, the very worse thing you can do to a WS is to make them think that you love them more than you love yourself and that you will put up with anything to stay M to them. That will never work with a wayward. I can't even imagine cheating on my spouse, even though after he did it 6.5 years ago, I thought about doing it but almost vomited at the idea of being with another man. Your W thinks she can snow you and that is not good. She knows that you put her welfare above your own (which we all did prior to D-Day). It's time for you to get her head out of her arse and show her that it is a gift to her to be in your life and that you can survive and thrive with or without her.

 

It's telling that when you gave her the opportunity to call her AP she still professed her undying love and was more concerned about him than you. On D-Day, my DH and I were locked in our bedroom for four days crying together and holding each other and talking about EVERYTHING. We avoided people, work and everything and he didn't even go to the bathroom unless he knew I was OK. Thank goodness our teenagers (at that time) were away at camp. After he called the XOW with me on the line that was it. Your W hasn't put you first and that is not a good sign. In order to rebuild you have to feel safe again and she is doing a poor job at making you feel secure while all you are thinking about is how she will survive.

 

It doesn't look good from where I am sitting.

[toolforgrowth]

It doesn't look good from where I am sitting.

 

Agreed.

 

My xWW tried to keep me engaged in her when she sensed me pulling away, but it took her AP to end things when his wife came calling. That told me everything I needed to know. I rebuffed all of her advances, flat out told her we were done, that I was done, and that we all needed to accept it.

 

I was always someone she settled for (she even told me that when she started her A). I believedher and resolved to find something better. And I'm really glad I did.

 

Dump this woman. She has no respect for you and you deserve better.

[mikethemechanic]

Alas our words fall upon deaf ears because I believe this man worked hard for his cheating wife and the thought of leaving her is too much pain. They may have met in a bar where she was the queen bee and he was the nerd and as fortune would have it he bought her. I'm quite convinced that ww is a social butterfly very popular, a magnet in a crowd of people while he is antisocial and aloof.

[VeryBrokenMan]

Alas our words fall upon deaf ears because I believe this man worked hard for his cheating wife and the thought of leaving her is too much pain. They may have met in a bar where she was the queen bee and he was the nerd and as fortune would have it he bought her. I'm quite convinced that ww is a social butterfly very popular, a magnet in a crowd of people while he is antisocial and aloof.

 

Could not be more wrong in your generalization. I was the bad boy in every way and I had no fortune when we met. In fact I was young and poor. The bad boy is what she was attracted to then and now. Her affair partner was definitely the bad boy type. I've been successful in business because I take no prisoners and have little fear. I'm also successful because I am social and engaging. But fatherhood changes people and changes your relationship with your wife. It's no longer about you or her it's about the family and what's right for the family. And you lose that bad boy edge from being a father. The kids are grown but the changes that makes to someone are still there. I treat her as a queen because up until 4 months ago she deserved it.

 

None of you that say I should divorce her have been there to hear her sincerity when she tells me she is sorry she hurt me like she has. Or heard her cry for hours. Or watched her tremble uncontrollably at times. Or have seen how transparent she is about where she is and who she is with. Or how she has not done anything for herself in months making me the focus. She has not had her hair done, nails done, anything like that since the affair. She never goes shopping unless I come along. You don't see how this once "social buttery" with hundreds of friends never gets on Facebook anymore. How she deleted all the male friends on Facebook as soon as I asked her too and agreed 100% that she should. How she never goes out with friends anymore. How she tells me how good I've always been to her and that I didn't deserve this. You don't see how we never go out to dinner and how she cooks all my favorite meals. How she tells me that she is afraid to talk to other men in public now because she see's them in a new light. She is a broken, devastated woman right now, it's not an act, and she is trying her best to make this right.

 

She made a great point this weekend. If she really loved her AP how could she have dropped him so easily. Yes it took a long phone call but then it was over and done with. She has been N/C since and really did not seem to grieve him that much.

 

A lot has happened in the past few days. We hit rock bottom (I hope) Saturday. I asked her to leave again. But then we cried and we talked more. All day Saturday and Sunday. Neither of us wants the marriage to end. We are both fighting for it. A lot more truth came out and I know there is more to come but it will take some time. I'm willing to wait.

 

I know I was more in love and in tune with my business than I was with her. And that's my conclusion not hers. I realize my role in creating an environment for cheating but she takes full responsibility for the affair. She realizes cheating was her choice. And how bad that choice was and how devastating it was to us. She does not blame me for anything. I think she really gets the pain that I'm in and how close I've been to divorce. She gets she does not deserve anything but divorce. And any entitlement thoughts or actions she felt before have been no where to be seen.

 

Nothing is certain at this point but we are trying to reconcile. I've never been in more pain in my life and this is the hardest thing I've ever been through.

 

We are seeing the MC today for the first time in three months. We've have both seen IC's at least weekly since DDay.

 

I know there are people here that think divorce is the answer. My IC says that marriage is hard and not for the weak and I believe that. And I took marriage vows that I'm not willing to break yet even though I'm justified and she has already broken them.

 

I'm a man of character above all else. I've told her I would fully support her for a time if we divorce to allow her to get on her feet. I've told her she will get half of all the assets without question. I have no fear of losing that, money is trivial compared to what we are losing. I'm young enough that I can easily recover. She has no way of earning the type of income she has become accustom to. And I have no desire to punish her and I know she is still the mother to my children. An excellent mother at that. At her core she is a good woman that made a horrible choice. And after some truths this weekend I know a lot more about that choice and it makes it easier to keep trying.

 

So that is what we are doing as of today. It may not work in the end but we are still trying.

[insert_name]

I dont thinknyou will convince us OP, that phone call was very telling. She made a mug of you because she thought the cameras weren't rolling and as such anything she says has to be taken with a heavy pinch of salt for a loooooooooong time.

 

I notice that even though she has been a reformed character for a while it seems that you are still hearing fresh evidence and suspect yourself that you will continue to. She also sounds like shes trying too hard to show you how good she is by putting suggestions in your head like "look!!1 look how easily I ditched him without a seconds thought!!1". You should be coming to these conclusions yourself, her pointing out how she hasnt crapped on the carpet for a few days seems very much like sleight of hand on her part.

 

In many ways this is a catch 22 for you, on the one hand her eagerness to tell you what you want to hear is either her trying to put you in a false sense of security or if she is telling the truth then given the nature of the things she disucussed with this guy on the 2 hour phone call (why that long if she didnt care for him that much after all? She couldbhqve done it in seconds rather than all the drama- what was the point in that if she didnt care?) then this shoshows you how devious she is and what a great actress you hold close to your heart if she can string the OM along like that when the transcript suggests she was in deep with this guy.

 

I think you are mad to stick around OP, but you obviously have your reasons. I can quite well imagine she is finished with that guy, but if I were a gambling man my money would be firmly placed on her having another affair, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you will eventually drop your guard and become complacent, by that I mean that you will trust her implicitly and be back to treating her like a princess with no rrepercussion for her behaviour and she will do this again. Good luck, I am sorry to say that I think you will need it.

Edited January 27, 2015 by insert_name

[Spectre]

Yeah after reading all this..OP, I really would walk away. Even if everything is telling you to stay..just..the way this went down, the phone call, etc. It seems like you are being manipulated..by a master manipulator.

 

I would just say cut this cancer out of your life, and start over.

[toolforgrowth]

There was a poster on here who said something that really resonated with me: "You don't have to talk yourself out of reconciliation; your spouse has already cheated. It's their job to make you WANT to reconcile."

 

If this was somebody else's thread, and you were an outsider looking in, would you think your wife has done enough to make you recommend reconciliation to that person at this time? Especially given the phone logs?

 

Dude, I can't shout RUN loudly enough to get the point across.

 

In the end, it's your choice. But if you do reconcile with her at this time, I guarantee it'll end badly.