CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 ehh maybe but it'd be weird haha Not to a guy. He'd be happy. It's only weird because they aren't willing to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Well the guy in question was a co-worker of hers. She started working with him at her new job in Feburary of last year. He asked her out on the very first day and she told me about it. When she described him he was an atheletic type who apparently flirted with most of the women there. But the way her voice sounded when she explained was more of disappointment. In fact, two days later she got upset that he didn't text her back. That's when my red flags started going off. Anyway, two months later he wrecked his car after driving drunk, and she VOLUNTEERED to drive him everywhere. Her friends from her work who I was friends with started telling me about the looks she gave him whenever he would speak to her. Not long after, she came to see me, and called for a break. I asked if she liked this guy, she said that she didn't have feelings for him and didn't want him. Shortly after, she broke up with me. It didn't take me long to find out(sadly, from him, after I called her phone and he answered) that they were going out for months. She said they were friends, but he told me she said she liked him ever since they first met, but didn't want to tell me about it because she wasn't sure how he felt about her. In this case, she had no intention of being just friends with him. Had she, she wouldn't have made the efforts to try to get close to him. I got cheated on, and when I caught her, she laughed at me and said things change. Promptly blocked me. damn, what a heartless bitch for just laughing at you like that. at least you caught her, otherwise she would have denied most likely & turn everything around on you. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I have a couple woman friends that I'm perfectly happy being platonic with. Men and woman can be friends if both parties are cool with it. Agreed. I find that people who are able to be platonic friends with members of the opposite sex are more successful in their romantic lives. When people only see members of the opposite sex as potential sex partners or significant others and nothing else, I think it results in them having problems relating to the other gender. So, you know, congrats on having female friends that you don't want to ****. I told her what I wanted and what I didn't want. Why is that such a bad thing? It's not such a bad thing, but instead of making it about yourself and your needs ("I can't do friendship, sorry") you made it about her not giving you what you wanted ("I don't want friendship, I want to date you.") What matters is that in the end, you communicated what you needed to. It could have been handled better, but what's done is done. It seems to be over now, and you can move on and be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Personally, I wouldn't have responded and just moved on. I am busy spending time with current friendships than to renew old ones. If you do respond, I'd keep it on an acquaintance level, but nothing more. I dated this girl for a little over a month. We went out on 3 dates and hung out a few times and then she started to get cold and dumped me. I almost feel as if she dumped me because I was moving too slow. I kept pursuing her for months even though she told me more than once that she just wanted to be friends. I know, bad bad move. Eventually I gave up and stopped contacting her. Two months after I went silent she sent me an email claiming that she wanted to be on good terms and that I should shoot her a text when I was in town. This message didn't sit well with me and I straight up told her that I wasn't interested in a friendship and wanted to date her. She deleted me from Facebook and I haven't heard from her since. I know I made some huge mistakes. I should of stopped talking to her right when she dumped me. Why did she get in contact with me after two months of no talking? By this point I had made it clear that I liked her several times. Girls; How would you take it if a guy did this to you? Would you have more respect for him? less respect? hurt? not care? Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 What matters is that in the end, you communicated what you needed to. It could have been handled better, but what's done is done. It seems to be over now, and you can move on and be happy. Give the OP some slack, depending on the situation, there are some people who just can't handle being friends with someone, esp. after a break up like the OP had. Feelings were likely involved and its actually more healthy for him to cut contact in his case. If some can be friends with someone after a break up, then that's okay to if they can deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Wow, for the kind of questionable company she keeps, I wouldn't want to pursue a friendship with her. Yikes! Well the guy in question was a co-worker of hers. She started working with him at her new job in Feburary of last year. He asked her out on the very first day and she told me about it. When she described him he was an atheletic type who apparently flirted with most of the women there. But the way her voice sounded when she explained was more of disappointment. In fact, two days later she got upset that he didn't text her back. That's when my red flags started going off. Anyway, two months later he wrecked his car after driving drunk, and she VOLUNTEERED to drive him everywhere. Her friends from her work who I was friends with started telling me about the looks she gave him whenever he would speak to her. Not long after, she came to see me, and called for a break. I asked if she liked this guy, she said that she didn't have feelings for him and didn't want him. Shortly after, she broke up with me. It didn't take me long to find out(sadly, from him, after I called her phone and he answered) that they were going out for months. She said they were friends, but he told me she said she liked him ever since they first met, but didn't want to tell me about it because she wasn't sure how he felt about her. In this case, she had no intention of being just friends with him. Had she, she wouldn't have made the efforts to try to get close to him. I got cheated on, and when I caught her, she laughed at me and said things change. Promptly blocked me. Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Give the OP some slack, depending on the situation, there are some people who just can't handle being friends with someone, esp. after a break up like the OP had. Feelings were likely involved and its actually more healthy for him to cut contact in his case. If some can be friends with someone after a break up, then that's okay to if they can deal with it. I agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 damn, what a heartless bitch for just laughing at you like that. at least you caught her, otherwise she would have denied most likely & turn everything around on you. Oh, she kept lying. He had to tell me. Apparently he thought we had broken up. O_O But I'm over it. After I got over it, I definitely didn't want to be friends. But I'm gonna threadjack if this keeps up, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Chemist Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 It is completely possible to maintain a friendship with a member of the opposite sex. I have several girls that are, indeed physically attractive, but for reasons we are incompatible. Maybe in what we are passionate about, how we deal with stress, how social we are, etc... It just wouldn't work out. There is nothing wrong in saying you are attractive, but things just won't work. Would I sleep with them, given the chance? No. Because I respect them and their emotions, I wouldn't want to lead them on. That is assuming I am the one who chose to be friends only. Or maybe they did and I also agreed. Now, we assume their are some I would sleep with because I don't see it. If they respect me, I will still be their friend. For example, if they don't cry to me about looking for a good guy, every time their heart gets broken, then we can be friends. However, that is me, and like it was said, you can choose to be friends or not. I wouldn't have been so harsh about it, I would have said something more like: Look, I would like to be your friend, but honestly, I don't think i can maintain only platonic feelings towards you. I am sorry, but that is how it is, I am still attracted to you and I will want more and in the end, I well end up hurt. Unless you would be willing to consider this, I don't think we can be friends. It is respectful, but puts your feelings in perspective for them, so they will not feel rejected completely but maybe understand why you do not want that relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Wow, for the kind of questionable company she keeps, I wouldn't want to pursue a friendship with her. Yikes! Definitely. What the heck was I thinking? Now back to OP. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 damn, what a heartless bitch for just laughing at you like that. at least you caught her, otherwise she would have denied most likely & turn everything around on you. Well, she tried putting me in a mental hospital(literally) to cover up her cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Not to a guy. He'd be happy. It's only weird because they aren't willing to do the same. No, it would be weird because I don't see her in that way. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Well, she tried putting me in a mental hospital(literally) to cover up her cheating. Damn, what the hell kind of girl were you with? She sounds absolutely crazy. And how did that convo go about of wanting you in a mental hospital lol. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Damn, what the hell kind of girl were you with? She sounds absolutely crazy. And how did that convo go about of wanting you in a mental hospital lol. She basically said that I've been accusing her, acting bi-polar around her(I wasn't bi-polar after all, I was reacting out of hurt because she was half-assing questions concerning her possibly cheating) she said that I was a bi-polar sicko because we constantly fought and I made her upset...I didn't trust her. She almost convinced me to do it though, I was heartbroken and very vulnerable. This all happened last year. I almost went through it, but then I did something crazy. I called her phone at a time she never expects me to, and that's what her boyfriend answered and told me everything. All the lies, the manipulation, everything, and then, when caught, she laughed and said "things change" Honestly though, I shouldn't be surprised. I liked her because she was smart and sweet, but even I knew that she had a penchant for lying her way out of a conflict. She was a pathological liar at the core, but it didn't register to me that this would be the making of a bad partner because she never did it to me, till last year. And boy, did she squander my name good. I was the crazy stalker ex boyfriend before she broke up with me. Her co-workers thought we broke up. Said I was insane and she feared for her life that I might hurt her, when I was gathering evidence to bust her and her cheating ways. In a last ditch effort, she LITERALLY turned me against her racist mom, and used that to get the police involved with a fake harrassment charge. I dated a liar. But I had such low self esteem at the time that I accepted it, till it bit me in the balls. She was my first love and my college sweetheart. A middle-class young girl who lived in an upper class world, where appearance was everything. I didn't fit in the mold, so I was disposed of. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 She basically said that I've been accusing her, acting bi-polar around her(I wasn't bi-polar after all, I was reacting out of hurt because she was half-assing questions concerning her possibly cheating) she said that I was a bi-polar sicko because we constantly fought and I made her upset...I didn't trust her. She almost convinced me to do it though, I was heartbroken and very vulnerable. This all happened last year. I almost went through it, but then I did something crazy. I called her phone at a time she never expects me to, and that's what her boyfriend answered and told me everything. All the lies, the manipulation, everything, and then, when caught, she laughed and said "things change" Honestly though, I shouldn't be surprised. I liked her because she was smart and sweet, but even I knew that she had a penchant for lying her way out of a conflict. She was a pathological liar at the core, but it didn't register to me that this would be the making of a bad partner because she never did it to me, till last year. And boy, did she squander my name good. I was the crazy stalker ex boyfriend before she broke up with me. Her co-workers thought we broke up. Said I was insane and she feared for her life that I might hurt her, when I was gathering evidence to bust her and her cheating ways. In a last ditch effort, she LITERALLY turned me against her racist mom, and used that to get the police involved with a fake harrassment charge. I dated a liar. But I had such low self esteem at the time that I accepted it, till it bit me in the balls. She was my first love and my college sweetheart. A middle-class young girl who lived in an upper class world, where appearance was everything. I didn't fit in the mold, so I was disposed of. She doesn't sound smart & sweet to me from what your saying about her lol. She sounds like a total bitch. That's some cold ass **** just laughing at you saying "things change". I mean who the **** would say such a thing? You should be lucky you got away from her. She seems like the type who will keep cheating in relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 She seems like the type who will keep cheating in relationships. Unfortunately there are many out there like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Unfortunately there are many out there like this. Yeah, especially in today's society where cheating is much easier than ever due to social media & smartphones. We all basically just have to get lucky that we meet someone who happens to be loyal. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 She doesn't sound smart & sweet to me from what your saying about her lol. She sounds like a total bitch. That's some cold ass **** just laughing at you saying "things change". I mean who the **** would say such a thing? You should be lucky you got away from her. She seems like the type who will keep cheating in relationships. She actually wanted us to be friends, and being the naive guy I was...I went with it. Didn't take me long to realize I didn't mean **** to her. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Unfortunately there are many out there like this. I won't lie, I love that song(your signature) yes, folks, I'm a male and I love pop songs. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 (edited) She doesn't sound smart & sweet to me from what your saying about her lol. She sounds like a total bitch. That's some cold ass **** just laughing at you saying "things change". I mean who the **** would say such a thing? You should be lucky you got away from her. She seems like the type who will keep cheating in relationships. She tried to apologize and say she wasn't cheating, and had to "keep up appearances" I was definitely desperate, cause I scraped the bottom of the barrel, in looks and attitude. But I'm so threadjacking here. Edited October 31, 2014 by CoolKids Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 She actually wanted us to be friends, and being the naive guy I was...I went with it. Didn't take me long to realize I didn't mean **** to her. lol wow. Why would you do such a thing? I'd never want to be friends with someone who cheated on me & was so cold towards me. I'd just go complete NC on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I won't lie, I love that song(your signature) yes, folks, I'm a male and I love pop songs. No reason to lie, we are all friends here My using that line is not because I like that song...wink wink Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Yeah, especially in today's society where cheating is much easier than ever due to social media & smartphones. We all basically just have to get lucky that we meet someone who happens to be loyal. Ironically.....This is what cheaters are hoping to accomplish, without getting found out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Ironically.....This is what cheaters are hoping to accomplish, without getting found out. Very true as well. Relationships are risks. You could spend 10 years with someone, only to find out they been cheating on you since the beginning. That's 10 years of your life wasted spending it with a piece of **** of a person. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 lol wow. Why would you do such a thing? I'd never want to be friends with someone who cheated on me & was so cold towards me. I'd just go complete NC on them. I have Asperger's. Social events in college were a NIGHTMARE. You'd think people in college would be more mature. I was so wrong. She even lied and said they weren't having sex. Be that as it may, my naturally social awkwardness caused people to dislike me. At the time, she was my only friend I hadn't met online. So I pretty much was lonely at the time. So at the time, I thought being lonely was not in the cards, which is why I put up with her constant verbal abuse. I was a desperate, foolish man. But that's in the past. She was my first girlfriend after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts