Author Jame22 Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 if i were you i would suggest you try and contact her......tell her you made a mistake and would love a friendship with her...thats what i would do...I wish you luck in life and in friendship...deb If I said that it would be nothing but a lie and what about all the times I reached out to her and she blew me off? I don't owe her anything. Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 If I said that it would be nothing but a lie and what about all the times I reached out to her and she blew me off? I don't owe her anything. Sounds about right. You don't have to bend back over to nourish someone's neurotic needs. I do get todreaminblue's intent. She's a very nice lady and maybe women in general are more about mending RS and fixing them. But in your shoes, OP, I'd pretty much react the same way. Friends are ok. But I have a lot. I don't need more lukewarm (girl) friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 If I liked a man, he wouldn't be spending months and months pursuing me. If I told a man I didn't want more than a friendship and he continued to pursue me for even a day, I'd have blocked him Period. This, more or less. If a woman is interested romantically and sees a romantic future with said man, she's not going to turn down his advances for future dates. In the past, the most I would do if I wasn't necessarily "feeling it" would be two dates max. If my level of attraction towards the gentleman isn't growing by the end of date 2, I don't proceed. Nonetheless, there still has to be some form of an attraction to get from date 1 to date 2. I don't know if that helps you are not in your case, since every woman is different. Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Women say stuff & mean different things at different times. Her saying that she wants to be friend's just means she wants to get close to you again. If there was a chance of starting a relationship, it might happen. Redhead14 explained it well. But "friends" in this case means she's open to you. If you arnt needy and want to force the issue. Anyway, you told her no, and there is no backtracking from that. Just move on Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 This, more or less. If a woman is interested romantically and sees a romantic future with said man, she's not going to turn down his advances for future dates. In the past, the most I would do if I wasn't necessarily "feeling it" would be two dates max. If my level of attraction towards the gentleman isn't growing by the end of date 2, I don't proceed. Nonetheless, there still has to be some form of an attraction to get from date 1 to date 2. I don't know if that helps you are not in your case, since every woman is different. So are you saying she probably liked me? Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 So are you saying she probably liked me? What I said was based on my personal experience. I also said that each woman differs... Which means, I do not know what is going through the woman in question's head. IF I had to take a guess, she possibly liked you romantically at one point. But based on this: Two months after I went silent she sent me an email claiming that she wanted to be on good terms and that I should shoot her a text when I was in town. This message didn't sit well with me and I straight up told her that I wasn't interested in a friendship and wanted to date her. She deleted me from Facebook and I haven't heard from her since. That door was closed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I told her what I wanted and what I didn't want. Why is that such a bad thing? Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Notice the massive amount of differences in opinion between male and female posters here. That tells you something about how these people handle romance. On that note, here's something I've learned: You don't have to be anyone's friend if you don't want to. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 This thread proves men & women can't just be friends. It seems it always gets too complicated & things end badly. Basically even if they became "friends", it still would have been a one sided friendship since the OP clearly has feelings for her. It would be a waste of time on his part, so just move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 This thread proves men & women can't just be friends. It seems it always gets too complicated & things end badly. Basically even if they became "friends", it still would have been a one sided friendship since the OP clearly has feelings for her. It would be a waste of time on his part, so just move on. I have a couple woman friends that I'm perfectly happy being platonic with. Men and woman can be friends if both parties are cool with it. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I have a couple woman friends that I'm perfectly happy being platonic with. Men and woman can be friends if both parties are cool with it. But answer this, would you date/sleep with any of them if given the chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 But answer this, would you date/sleep with any of them if given the chance? ehh maybe but it'd be weird haha Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 ehh maybe but it'd be weird haha lol well there you go. Basically you find them attractive, and would be willing to date/sleep with them. Just think it would be hard to be actual friends with a woman that you find attractive enough to want to sleep with or even date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 lol well there you go. Basically you find them attractive, and would be willing to date/sleep with them. Just think it would be hard to be actual friends with a woman that you find attractive enough to want to sleep with or even date. I'm not saying I can be friends with this girl. But it is possible for men and woman to be friends if the attraction level on both sides isn't high enough. Yeah I'd sleep with them but I wouldn't be overly excited about it or anything. I'd rather just stay friends. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I'm not saying I can be friends with this girl. But it is possible for men and woman to be friends if the attraction level on both sides isn't high enough. Yeah I'd sleep with them but I wouldn't be overly excited about it or anything. I'd rather just stay friends. True, but it seems more often than not that's not the case at all. A lot of guys just stay friends with them just in case they eventually get the chance to date/sleep with them. And that's also if the guy friend & woman friend are both single as well. Things are even worse if for example you have a girlfriend & your hanging out with one of your friends that's a girl. Your girlfriend wouldn't appreciate that. Or if your girlfriend has a guy friend, and hangs out with them while your not around. Doubt you'd like that. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I'm not saying I can be friends with this girl. But it is possible for men and woman to be friends if the attraction level on both sides isn't high enough. Yeah I'd sleep with them but I wouldn't be overly excited about it or anything. I'd rather just stay friends. I have two types of female friends: 1. The ones who I enjoy their company and their friendship very much, but would still sleep with if I had the chance. 2. The ones who for all intents and purposes, I'm only around them to sleep with them. Number 1 are my friends who I wouldn't mind sleeping with. Number 2 are my potential lays. I try to keep them separate. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I have two types of female friends: 1. The ones who I enjoy their company and their friendship very much, but would still sleep with if I had the chance. 2. The ones who for all intents and purposes, I'm only around them to sleep with them. Number 1 are my friends who I wouldn't mind sleeping with. Number 2 are my potential lays. I try to keep them separate. lol see OP, I told you. It's still technically a one-sided friendship if your willing to sleep with them. Since there's obviously some feelings for them in a different way besides just being friends. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 True, but it seems more often than not that's not the case at all. A lot of guys just stay friends with them just in case they eventually get the chance to date/sleep with them. And that's also if the guy friend & woman friend are both single as well. Things are even worse if for example you have a girlfriend & your hanging out with one of your friends that's a girl. Your girlfriend wouldn't appreciate that. Or if your girlfriend has a guy friend, and hangs out with them while your not around. Doubt you'd like that. True, but in more cases than not, the guy poses a bigger threat than the girl. Mostly because most guys will sleep with a woman given the chance. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 lol see OP, I told you. It's still technically a one-sided friendship if your willing to sleep with them. Since there's obviously some feelings for them in a different way besides just being friends. Bingo. She's getting what she wants out of it, but you aren't. That's the definition of a one-sided friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Bingo. She's getting what she wants out of it, but you aren't. That's the definition of a one-sided friendship. I think your first example is a semi-one sided friendship too though. I mean you enjoy their friendship, but you still wouldn't mind having that extra something else if given the chance. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 True, but in more cases than not, the guy poses a bigger threat than the girl. Mostly because most guys will sleep with a woman given the chance. Perhaps, but guys are insecure as **** in those situations. If they know their girlfriend is hanging out with some guy they say is a just a friend they tend to go ape ****. Especially if it's a guy you don't know all that well. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I have two types of female friends: 1. The ones who I enjoy their company and their friendship very much, but would still sleep with if I had the chance. 2. The ones who for all intents and purposes, I'm only around them to sleep with them. Number 1 are my friends who I wouldn't mind sleeping with. Number 2 are my potential lays. I try to keep them separate. I wouldn't mind if my friends didn't want to sleep with me, but the ones on number 2 who reject me, I usually don't stick around. It's rare that you can change a woman's mind. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Perhaps, but guys are insecure as **** in those situations. If they know their girlfriend is hanging out with some guy they say is a just a friend they tend to go ape ****. Especially if it's a guy you don't know all that well. In my case, my ex did cheat on me with that guy friend of hers, but it wasn't really a surprise. I could tell she was fawning all over him the minute I met him. But she sure lied out of her teeth that she didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 In my case, my ex did cheat on me with that guy friend of hers, but it wasn't really a surprise. I could tell she was fawning all over him the minute I met him. But she sure lied out of her teeth that she didn't. Could you give details? Just curious, would understand if you don't want to though. Link to post Share on other sites
CoolKids Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Could you give details? Just curious, would understand if you don't want to though. Well the guy in question was a co-worker of hers. She started working with him at her new job in Feburary of last year. He asked her out on the very first day and she told me about it. When she described him he was an atheletic type who apparently flirted with most of the women there. But the way her voice sounded when she explained was more of disappointment. In fact, two days later she got upset that he didn't text her back. That's when my red flags started going off. Anyway, two months later he wrecked his car after driving drunk, and she VOLUNTEERED to drive him everywhere. Her friends from her work who I was friends with started telling me about the looks she gave him whenever he would speak to her. Not long after, she came to see me, and called for a break. I asked if she liked this guy, she said that she didn't have feelings for him and didn't want him. Shortly after, she broke up with me. It didn't take me long to find out(sadly, from him, after I called her phone and he answered) that they were going out for months. She said they were friends, but he told me she said she liked him ever since they first met, but didn't want to tell me about it because she wasn't sure how he felt about her. In this case, she had no intention of being just friends with him. Had she, she wouldn't have made the efforts to try to get close to him. I got cheated on, and when I caught her, she laughed at me and said things change. Promptly blocked me. Link to post Share on other sites
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