I was the other woman, but I'm not anymore

[Maxie Max]

And you didn't read my first paragraph at all, did you.

 

I read it. I just know that it is something that I could never do. As I've read the feedback through this page, I've realized that I will never see things in a way that paints me as completely wrong.

 

Another thing is that I am currently in a relationship and sitting down and discussing some other man will be questionable.

[stillafool]

I think that Herself hit the nail on the head with the slight mental illness theory. When she confronted me, one of her accusations was that someone told her that I keep posting things about her on Facebook. At our age, I really can't think of anything more juvenile to be involved in and upon research, I feel like she is actually in a fake page or in one of her kid's pages just to see what I am doing and posting.

 

I called her boyfriend and asked him about it. I asked how is this behavior not a form of stalking. He explained that it was stalking and that it is like she wants to be me. He said that all she does each day is think of ways to get a reaction out of me.

 

I really hope this isn't something I have to put up with for a lifetime. I think they are moving in together soon. Will that help this die out?

 

Why are you still calling him? If you want the friendship to end let it go and leave them alone.

[pteromom]

My point is that the gifts were for her kids. For example, I don't see the right in taking a top of the line porcelain doll from a child that has no other toys and pawning or selling it for half it's worth. If even that much. Maybe if the kid actually asked for it to be pawned, I would try to understand what you're saying.

 

If you are in a place where you can't afford milk or diapers and are scrambling for a place to live, a top-of-the-line porcelain doll seems over-the-top.

 

Yes, I would sell a $100 doll for $20 if it meant my kids could eat that day.

 

You have a very interesting way of thinking...

 

Even buying an expensive doll for a child who is barely getting by seems like a strange choice.

 

But then not understanding why someone who is broke would sell something worth money... I can't comprehend that.

 

And wanting to get revenge on her by having an affair with her boyfriend for something as minor as selling gifts you gave her???

 

So you were too chicken to just ask her why she sold them, but having an affair with her boyfriend, and hurting yourself, him, her, and her child in the process was OK? Somehow selling a kid's doll is worse than being romantic with her father (or potential father if that's not the child's bio dad.)

 

I would suggest you go to a counselor and talk about this whole thing. You need to analyze your thinking and consider all the choices you made along the way and why you made them.

[stillafool]

My point is that the gifts were for her kids. For example, I don't see the right in taking a top of the line porcelain doll from a child that has no other toys and pawning or selling it for half it's worth. If even that much. Maybe if the kid actually asked for it to be pawned, I would try to understand what you're saying.

 

A child really doesn't need a top of the line porcelain doll to play with. They are far too fragile for child's play. I imagine your friend sold the porcelain doll and got her daughter a more practical doll for her age and used the rest of the money for other things she may have needed.

 

If the bf was begging you to not break it off with him why is he now back with her? What kind of desperate loser, user is he anyway? There are 100's of ways to get back at someone other than sleeping with their bf. I think you wanted him anyway and still have feelings for him.

Edited November 3, 2014 by stillafool

[spookysonata]

I read it. I just know that it is something that I could never do. As I've read the feedback through this page, I've realized that I will never see things in a way that paints me as completely wrong.

 

Another thing is that I am currently in a relationship and sitting down and discussing some other man will be questionable.

 

Don't you think you ARE wrong? Do you still feel that what you did was justified, even after several responses giving you logical reasons why she might have done what she did?

[Maxie Max]

Why are you still calling him? If you want the friendship to end let it go and leave them alone.

?

I called him out of frustration after she contacted me about he said she said. I had very well "left them alone"

[Maxie Max]

If you are in a place where you can't afford milk or diapers and are scrambling for a place to live, a top-of-the-line porcelain doll seems over-the-top.

 

Yes, I would sell a $100 doll for $20 if it meant my kids could eat that day.

 

You have a very interesting way of thinking...

 

Even buying an expensive doll for a child who is barely getting by seems like a strange choice.

 

But then not understanding why someone who is broke would sell something worth money... I can't comprehend that.

 

And wanting to get revenge on her by having an affair with her boyfriend for something as minor as selling gifts you gave her???

 

So you were too chicken to just ask her why she sold them, but having an affair with her boyfriend, and hurting yourself, him, her, and her child in the process was OK? Somehow selling a kid's doll is worse than being romantic with her father (or potential father if that's not the child's bio dad.)

 

I would suggest you go to a counselor and talk about this whole thing. You need to analyze your thinking and consider all the choices you made along the way and why you made them.

A nice doll because they didn't have anything at all to play with.

[stillmind]

I think pteromom is right, you need some perspective on this situation because your thinking is just warped. I have received many expensive, delicate "heirlooom" type gifts for my children (dolls, handsewn quilts, etc) and they are stored in boxes in the closet. Expensive, delicate gifts for small children are impractical. Small children break things, stain things, rip things apart, smear food all over toys and try to flush them down the toilet. My children will receive these items when they are older and able to appreciate them. Until then, they will stay in the closet and my children will play with age-appropriate, durable toys. No one in their right mind would allow their small child to play with a porcelain doll.or

 

I would sell any of those things in a heartbeat if we needed food or diapers. I would sell a $100 doll for $5 if my child needed to eat. I would swap that doll for a 12 cent banana.

 

You gave her an expensive, impractical gift and she sold it to pay for something she actually needed. It was tactful of her not to tell you. It was a gift and I'm sure she appreciated the thought, but there was no need to tell you that she was selling your gift because it was a gift. If people give me something I can't use I thank them, keep my mouth shut and do whatever with it.

 

If you can't handle people doing whatever they want with gifts (which are now their property), then you shouldn't give people gifts at all. If you can't handle the fact that people may not want or need an item you have chosen for them, get them a gift card instead and they can buy whatever they want.

 

I seriously can't believe you are defending your choice to seduce a troubled young woman's boyfriend to get revenge over the sale of a frankly absurd gift for her small child. Grow up and get help.

[Maxie Max]

A child really doesn't need a top of the line porcelain doll to play with. They are far too fragile for child's play. I imagine your friend sold the porcelain doll and got her daughter a more practical doll for her age and used the rest of the money for other things she may have needed.

 

If the bf was begging you to not break it off with him why is he now back with her? What kind of desperate loser, user is he anyway? There are 100's of ways to get back at someone other than sleeping with their bf. I think you wanted him anyway and still have feelings for him.

Now back with her? When we did our thing, we were sneaking around. He was with her. And yes, when I told him I didn't want to anymore he did beg for it to continue.

[Maxie Max]

Don't you think you ARE wrong? Do you still feel that what you did was justified, even after several responses giving you logical reasons why she might have done what she did?

 

I don't agree with the reasons.

[Maxie Max]

I think pteromom is right, you need some perspective on this situation because your thinking is just warped. I have received many expensive, delicate "heirlooom" type gifts for my children (dolls, handsewn quilts, etc) and they are stored in boxes in the closet. Expensive, delicate gifts for small children are impractical. Small children break things, stain things, rip things apart, smear food all over toys and try to flush them down the toilet. My children will receive these items when they are older and able to appreciate them. Until then, they will stay in the closet and my children will play with age-appropriate, durable toys. No one in their right mind would allow their small child to play with a porcelain doll.or

 

I would sell any of those things in a heartbeat if we needed food or diapers. I would sell a $100 doll for $5 if my child needed to eat. I would swap that doll for a 12 cent banana.

 

You gave her an expensive, impractical gift and she sold it to pay for something she actually needed. It was tactful of her not to tell you. It was a gift and I'm sure she appreciated the thought, but there was no need to tell you that she was selling your gift because it was a gift. If people give me something I can't use I thank them, keep my mouth shut and do whatever with it.

 

If you can't handle people doing whatever they want with gifts (which are now their property), then you shouldn't give people gifts at all. If you can't handle the fact that people may not want or need an item you have chosen for them, get them a gift card instead and they can buy whatever they want.

 

I seriously can't believe you are defending your choice to seduce a troubled young woman's boyfriend to get revenge over the sale of a frankly absurd gift for her small child. Grow up and get help.

She couldn't tell me, but she was able to tell the person that informed me of what she were doing and trust I would not give her a pot to piss in now a days.

[stillmind]

I don't agree with the reasons.

 

It doesn't matter whether you agree with her reasons for selling it or not. When you gave it to her it became her property. You are not the eternal steward of every gift you have ever given.

[Maxie Max]

It doesn't matter whether you agree with her reasons for selling it or not. When you gave it to her it became her property. You are not the eternal steward of every gift you have ever given.

The point I made is that when the kid's birthdays came around, the items I would decide to buy for them would be for them - not her. The kid didn't ask their parent to sell their gift

[pteromom]

The point I made is that when the kid's birthdays came around, the items I would decide to buy for them would be for them - not her. The kid didn't ask their parent to sell their gift

 

Again, your thinking is skewed.

 

A child doesn't need to be involved in adult situations. A child doesn't need to know that their parent is desperate and scrambling to be able to keep them fed.

 

When you are a parent, you make the best decisions you can. I completely support her selling a gift that is impractical in order to take care of her kids.

 

What I don't support is you having an affair with her boyfriend. There is simply no justification for that.

 

Even if she had done something truly horrible... like had an affair with YOUR boyfriend... that doesn't mean that you sell out your own integrity in the name of revenge.

 

When someone wrongs you, the correct course of action is to discuss it with them and/or to distance yourself from them. Not to become a dishonorable person yourself.

[spookysonata]

I don't agree with the reasons.

 

Yeah....the problem with that is that you actually have no idea what the real reasons are because you never asked her. In fact, how do you know she did it at all? You made a bunch of assumptions, and then did something incredibly vicious to your "friend" on the strength of those assumptions. I'm sensing from your comments that you want us to tell you you're totally justified in your behavior, and sad to say, I just don't think it's going to happen.

[Maxie Max]

Again, your thinking is skewed.

 

A child doesn't need to be involved in adult situations. A child doesn't need to know that their parent is desperate and scrambling to be able to keep them fed.

 

When you are a parent, you make the best decisions you can. I completely support her selling a gift that is impractical in order to take care of her kids.

 

What I don't support is you having an affair with her boyfriend. There is simply no justification for that.

 

Even if she had done something truly horrible... like had an affair with YOUR boyfriend... that doesn't mean that you sell out your own integrity in the name of revenge.

 

When someone wrongs you, the correct course of action is to discuss it with them and/or to distance yourself from them. Not to become a dishonorable person yourself.

There are tears that go along with kids not knowing what happened to something. I don't agree with it.

[Maxie Max]

Yeah....the problem with that is that you actually have no idea what the real reasons are because you never asked her. In fact, how do you know she did it at all? You made a bunch of assumptions, and then did something incredibly vicious to your "friend" on the strength of those assumptions. I'm sensing from your comments that you want us to tell you you're totally justified in your behavior, and sad to say, I just don't think it's going to happen.

One of her relatives told me and I believed them.

[pteromom]

There are tears that go along with kids not knowing what happened to something. I don't agree with it.

 

But you don't even know that the kid didn't know. Maybe the mom said "This doll can break. How about we sell it and we can go to the toy store and pick out one that is soft and huggable?" or maybe the girl didn't like the doll. You don't know. You made up a story in your mind about what happened, and instead of going to your FRIEND to find out what happened and why, you had an affair with her boyfriend.

 

I don't know how you can disagree with what she did while seeing nothing wrong in what you did. That makes no sense to me.

[pteromom]

One of her relatives told me and I believed them.

 

So at that point, you should have gone to her and said "So-and-so told me that you sold the doll I gave your daughter. Why?"

 

Maybe you would have gotten a reasonable answer.

 

Maybe her answer would have made you angrier and you would have decided to just cut her off.

 

We'll never know, apparently.

[Maxie Max]

But you don't even know that the kid didn't know. Maybe the mom said "This doll can break. How about we sell it and we can go to the toy store and pick out one that is soft and huggable?" or maybe the girl didn't like the doll. You don't know. You made up a story in your mind about what happened, and instead of going to your FRIEND to find out what happened and why, you had an affair with her boyfriend.

 

I don't know how you can disagree with what she did while seeing nothing wrong in what you did. That makes no sense to me.

That was just one gift of a few other gifts that were sold/pawned. I stopped buying them after I found out and the kids would look to me on birthdays and christmas and get disappointed when they never received anything anymore.

 

If things were to have happened in your case, it seems as though a friend to me would have told me what their kid liked instead of allowing me to waste my money.

 

Yes, affairs are wrong per say. But, in the case of hitting someone after they've hit you..

[Maxie Max]

So at that point, you should have gone to her and said "So-and-so told me that you sold the doll I gave your daughter. Why?"

 

Maybe you would have gotten a reasonable answer.

 

Maybe her answer would have made you angrier and you would have decided to just cut her off.

 

We'll never know, apparently.

There wasn't and isn't anything reasonable that would have possibly been said. Nothing that I would have accepted. I cried over it and reacted my way(back then)

[Sassy Girl]

Jeezus....overreaction much? For Christs sake it was a doll... She was a teenage mother probably struggling. Its just a doll, get over it already...

 

 

And for that you sleep with her boyfriend? Really? Slightly disproportionate reaction, don't you think?

 

 

Rationalise it all you like - its just nasty. That's a really awful horrible thing to do to another human being - friend or not.

 

 

You don't have the moral high ground over this... at all. Get counselling to try and understand why you are such a vindictive person.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Your reaction, or rather your overreaction was absurd and disturbing. You engaged in an affair with another woman's boyfriend because she sold a doll and a few other piddling gifts you bought her. Gifts! Do you have any idea how completely irrational you sound?

 

Not just for the affair but for the gifts to begin with. You bought a child - who, by your own admission, had 'nothing else to play with' - an extremely fragile and expensive toy. Why? That's like giving a homeless man satin bedsheets. Impractical and frankly, mildly offensive and very out of touch. It's like you have no concept of poverty or practicality. Children have no concept of monetary value and a poor child certainly couldn't really grasp that concept so this feels a lot more like you throwing your comparative wealth in their faces rather than some charitable act.

 

If she needed staples like bread and milk, what on earth were she and her child supposed to do with an expensive "toy" - one toy which in fact, is hardly considered an actual item for playtime and serves more as decoration or a collectors item.

 

I have to ask, mentally...have you ever been diagnosed with anything? A personality disorder perhaps? I mean I'm trying to figure out the root of your warped thinking. Is she prettier than you?

[spookysonata]

One of her relatives told me and I believed them.

 

Is that supposed to make it any better? Somebody told you something about your friend and you just believed it? Without giving her the benefit of the doubt or even talking to her about it? You were not a good friend to her at all, so I'm not sure why you're still in her life at this point.

[jellybean89]

My point is that the gifts were for her kids. For example, I don't see the right in taking a top of the line porcelain doll from a child that has no other toys and pawning or selling it for half it's worth. If even that much. Maybe if the kid actually asked for it to be pawned, I would try to understand what you're saying.

 

No child, with "no toys" doesn't need a "top of the line porceline doll" to play with -- you can't PLAY with one of those - it will get broken and I can only imagine your ire if the child broke it and you would have blamed her mom for not supervising her properly. It is evident you don't have kids.

 

She couldn't tell me, but she was able to tell the person that informed me of what she were doing and trust I would not give her a pot to piss in now a days.

 

Of course she couldn't trust you --- you proved that easily when you chose to have sex with her boyfriend! She knew you weren't trustworthy. You probably had the same 'superior air' around her that you have here discussing what SHE CHOSE to do with the gift(s) you got her kids. Again, have you ever been so poor that you can't FEED YOUR KIDS? No, I guarantee you haven't and I hope you never do. Kids don't NEED expensive gifts - most are thrilled with dollar store items. I don't understand how you can't see that what she did was FOR her family - not something against you.

 

You say you are with someone new - yet you picked up the phone and called the former lover because the former friend wants the truth out of you.

 

Please - take time to go volunteer at a shelter -- I think the experience will greatly open your eyes to how your behavior and actions are completely wrong. Maybe one day you will look back on this situation and realize how little compassion you have for others and you regret your behavior.