Can anyone decipher this Tumblr post from my ex?

[tikay00]

Oh God, another update:

 

I told her the NC thing. She didn't respond. Then I texted her on a whim at night, how we can stay friends, and that this will make me stronger, and even though it's hard, something that's important to me, should be hard, blah blah. She didn't respond, because it was late.

 

I then texted her this morning about NC again, because I literally couldn't stop thinking about the situation, and it was driving me crazy. I woke up extra early, and all that. This morning I felt like it was back to square 1 with my healing, but then it got better, because it's not quite like the 1st day of the official break up.

 

Has anyone else flip flopped on NC this many times? Does this now show her that I'm a flip flopping type of person, or just go NC, and it doesn't matter after that?

[Chi townD]

Oh God, another update:

 

I told her the NC thing. She didn't respond. Then I texted her on a whim at night, how we can stay friends, and that this will make me stronger, and even though it's hard, something that's important to me, should be hard, blah blah. She didn't respond, because it was late.

 

I then texted her this morning about NC again, because I literally couldn't stop thinking about the situation, and it was driving me crazy. I woke up extra early, and all that. This morning I felt like it was back to square 1 with my healing, but then it got better, because it's not quite like the 1st day of the official break up.

 

Has anyone else flip flopped on NC this many times? Does this now show her that I'm a flip flopping type of person, or just go NC, and it doesn't matter after that?

 

 

 

Geez dude! For someone that claims to be in NC, you really suck at it! You admitted that you were in NC to make her miss you and guess what? NC isn't a tool to get our Ex's back! It's a tool to help us heal faster and move on from these relationships!

 

 

You state that you feel like you're back to square one in your healing. Here's the news flash! You never left square one in the first place! That's why I didn't have any problems telling you to contact her and finding out for sure if she was done or wanted to work things out. Because you were never in NC in the first place! And guess what? She said "no". NOW! You're at square one!

 

 

Now, you know that she doesn't want to come back. Now you should have a clear path to start your healing. Now, will you heal with using NC? Yep! Will you heal if you make positive changes in conjunction with NC? Absolutely! And we can teach you how to do this. But, I won't tell you unless you're sure about this. That you definitely WANT to heal and move on. Because, if you're not, then I would be waste yours and my time.

 

 

So, what's it going to be? Are you ready?

[tikay00]

Geez dude! For someone that claims to be in NC, you really suck at it! You admitted that you were in NC to make her miss you and guess what? NC isn't a tool to get our Ex's back! It's a tool to help us heal faster and move on from these relationships!

 

 

You state that you feel like you're back to square one in your healing. Here's the news flash! You never left square one in the first place! That's why I didn't have any problems telling you to contact her and finding out for sure if she was done or wanted to work things out. Because you were never in NC in the first place! And guess what? She said "no". NOW! You're at square one!

 

 

Now, you know that she doesn't want to come back. Now you should have a clear path to start your healing. Now, will you heal with using NC? Yep! Will you heal if you make positive changes in conjunction with NC? Absolutely! And we can teach you how to do this. But, I won't tell you unless you're sure about this. That you definitely WANT to heal and move on. Because, if you're not, then I would be waste yours and my time.

 

 

So, what's it going to be? Are you ready?

 

I've been doing NC for me, and also so I can be a real friend to her in the future. I care about her, she cares about me, but I don't want those relationship feelings to be there. Besides, how do you even know if you're really over someone, if you never talk to them again? You're only avoiding the actual problem.

 

OK, I'm doing NC for me, and not for her to miss me, but also so I can have a true friendship with her in the future.

[Million.to.1]

You are not in "NC" if you are txting her about NC.

[Million.to.1]

I've been doing NC for me, and also so I can be a real friend to her in the future. I care about her, she cares about me, but I don't want those relationship feelings to be there. Besides, how do you even know if you're really over someone, if you never talk to them again? You're only avoiding the actual problem.

 

OK, I'm doing NC for me, and not for her to miss me, but also so I can have a true friendship with her in the future.

 

Being over someone is being indifferent towards them.

 

You need to achieve this to move forward with your life. Right now you are trying to convince yourself that being "friends" will keep her in your life and you can heal from the "relationship feelings" but sorry, that is a load of cr*p.

The only way you will heal is to go NC. Forget about a friendship for at least a year or two. When you can see her really happy and in love with another guy and feel totally ok with that, then you are ready to be friends, and not before.

[tikay00]

You are not in "NC" if you are txting her about NC.

 

Yes it is. NC doesn't mean you have to be an ass hole, and just ignore all their texts after telling them you guys can be friends. Yes, you can do that, but that's not being a mature adult.

 

Telling someone, "look, I told you we can be friends, but I have to go NC for my own sanity, and it wouldn't be right to pretend to be your friend, so respect me, and let me go no contact" isn't breaking anything. It's being a mature adult.

 

There's no game playing, and no animosity. Sometimes people actually want to be in the other person's life after a breakup, and when both parties are FULLY healed.

[tikay00]

Being over someone is being indifferent towards them.

 

You need to achieve this to move forward with your life. Right now you are trying to convince yourself that being "friends" will keep her in your life and you can heal from the "relationship feelings" but sorry, that is a load of cr*p.

The only way you will heal is to go NC. Forget about a friendship for at least a year or two. When you can see her really happy and in love with another guy and feel totally ok with that, then you are ready to be friends, and not before.

 

I completely understand that, and that's what I just said. I'm not staying friends with her right now, until I'm fully over her. Last night, I kind of thought I could be, and then I quickly realized I can't. Am I not allowed to make mistakes??

[SoThatHappened]

I'm sure others have done it, but the important thing now is that you stop.

 

Just stop man. By psycho-texting her, you're accomplishing the exact opposite of what you want to accomplish. You're pushing her away and validating, even more, why she doesn't want to be with you.

 

I think you're now past the point of no return as far as hope of reconciliation. She wants no part of it.

 

You need to stop and then go NC to heal up. You've been in "low" contact, not "no" contact.

 

Low contact is to get housekeeping items done after a breakup, or it's because you have kids together. It's a necessary evil sometimes.

 

However, no contact means absolutely no texting, calling, emailing, checking social media, etc.

[tikay00]

I'm sure others have done it, but the important thing now is that you stop.

 

Just stop man. By psycho-texting her, you're accomplishing the exact opposite of what you want to accomplish. You're pushing her away and validating, even more, why she doesn't want to be with you.

 

I think you're now past the point of no return as far as hope of reconciliation. She wants no part of it.

 

You need to stop and then go NC to heal up. You've been in "low" contact, not "no" contact.

 

Low contact is to get housekeeping items done after a breakup, or it's because you have kids together. It's a necessary evil sometimes.

 

However, no contact means absolutely no texting, calling, emailing, checking social media, etc.

 

OK, today is the first day of TRUE NC. Which includes not checking out her social media stuff. Trust me, she'll call or text in a few days. This time I won't bite at all, and really get over her.

[Chi townD]

]I've been doing NC for me[/b], and also so I can be a real friend to her in the future. I care about her, she cares about me, but I don't want those relationship feelings to be there. Besides, how do you even know if you're really over someone, if you never talk to them again? You're only avoiding the actual problem.

 

OK, I'm doing NC for me, and not for her to miss me, but also so I can have a true friendship with her in the future.

 

 

 

 

Okay, now you're lying to me! This is a direct quote from you on post 46.

 

 

"No more NC for the purpose of her missing me. This time NC for me to get over her for good."

 

 

Look, you are NOT her friend. Right now, you're bargaining. Doing anything to you can to keep her in your life somehow and someway. But, you are NOT her friend. I'm pretty sure that you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the ultimate outcome is that you're nothing more than a really good "friend" to her.

 

 

SO, what do you want to do?

[tikay00]

Okay, now you're lying to me! This is a direct quote from you on post 46.

 

 

"No more NC for the purpose of her missing me. This time NC for me to get over her for good."

 

 

Look, you are NOT her friend. Right now, you're bargaining. Doing anything to you can to keep her in your life somehow and someway. But, you are NOT her friend. I'm pretty sure that you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the ultimate outcome is that you're nothing more than a really good "friend" to her.

 

 

SO, what do you want to do?

 

Dude, I really don't think you guys get what I'm saying here. I'm legit going NC in order for me to heal, and not for her to miss me. Yes, I want to be at that indifference phase. I also still want to be her friend when I hit that phase. Not because I need to be in her life, but because I want to.

 

Like you guys said, I want to be able to hear her say she's getting married soon, and not think negatively about it. I still would like to be there for her in the future.

[xUnknown]

Being over someone is being indifferent towards them.

 

You need to achieve this to move forward with your life. Right now you are trying to convince yourself that being "friends" will keep her in your life and you can heal from the "relationship feelings" but sorry, that is a load of cr*p.

The only way you will heal is to go NC. Forget about a friendship for at least a year or two. When you can see her really happy and in love with another guy and feel totally ok with that, then you are ready to be friends, and not before.

 

He's right OP. Its the only way.

[tikay00]

I replied to Million and 1, but it's telling me I have to wait for mods to approve.

[Simon Phoenix]

tikay, I'm really not sure you get the concept of No Contact. No Contact means no communication, no checking up, nothing. You are making yourself look like a basket case and driving yourself crazy. Just stop.

[tikay00]

tikay, I'm really not sure you get the concept of No Contact. No Contact means no communication, no checking up, nothing. You are making yourself look like a basket case and driving yourself crazy. Just stop.

 

I'm a basket case, because I check her Tumblr once in a while. Oh Lord, everyone that's gone NC has been absolutely perfect for every second of the day. Yeah, no one's ever not snuck a quick peak, and not told any of you guys about it. OK....

[SoThatHappened]

I'm a basket case, because I check her Tumblr once in a while.

No, you're just not in NO CONTACT.

 

Stop it. Listen to the advice. Then you can start to move on.

 

I say "start" because you haven't initiated the process yet.

 

Calling and texting is not NC.

 

Checking social media still sets you back.

 

Pretty simple, and it's been explained to you many times.

[tikay00]

No, you're just not in NO CONTACT.

 

Stop it. Listen to the advice. Then you can start to move on.

 

I say "start" because you haven't initiated the process yet.

 

Calling and texting is not NC.

 

Checking social media still sets you back.

 

Pretty simple, and it's been explained to you many times.

 

Yes, this time I've started true NC. I COMPLETELY understand what NC is, and never said I was the absolute perfect NC practition, so why the outrage? I'm just venting, and keeping you guys updated.

 

And I bet you guys any money, a lot of people on this site broke NC in their own little ways, but still counted down the days like they haven't. I don't mean calling, meeting up, or texting. I'm talking about taking a sneak peek at a picture, checking out something on their social media, etc. I just come on here, and tell you guys every time I did it, so it's magnified x20.

 

And just because i slip up, doesn't mean i don't appreciate your guys' advice, and TRYING as hard as i can to go FULL NC.

[SoThatHappened]

No one is outraged. We're not being mean, we're giving you some tough love.

 

That's good you know exactly what NC is. That means you can implement it.

 

Slipping up is human, and more than excusable when it comes to checking up on an ex.

 

There is no trying, there is only doing. (I think Yoda said that. Great guy, btw).

 

Seriously, it's as simple as not allowing yourself to contact, check social media, or ask friends/family about her.

 

It's simple, not easy. But you can do it.

[tikay00]

No one is outraged. We're not being mean, we're giving you some tough love.

 

That's good you know exactly what NC is. That means you can implement it.

 

Slipping up is human, and more than excusable when it comes to checking up on an ex.

 

There is no trying, there is only doing. (I think Yoda said that. Great guy, btw).

 

Seriously, it's as simple as not allowing yourself to contact, check social media, or ask friends/family about her.

 

It's simple, not easy. But you can do it.

 

I know, I know. Just an emotional time for me. I'm not even mad at you guys, I'm just AHHHHHHH!!!!! Lol

 

I promise you guys this. If I get a really strong urge to check her social media, I'll post here instead, or do some push ups.

[SoThatHappened]

Definitely! Do push-ups AND post here instead. Win/win.

 

To be honest, I've had to come here every time I was contacted by my ex. I came here for advice after every text, phone call, and email. Each time I wanted to respond.

 

Instead, I posted here, got a little tough love, and heeded the advice. If it wasn't for this forum, I'd probably be knee-deep in a mess of push-pull contact. Or I'd be back with her, in which case I'd be better off dead.

[tikay00]

Definitely! Do push-ups AND post here instead. Win/win.

 

To be honest, I've had to come here every time I was contacted by my ex. I came here for advice after every text, phone call, and email. Each time I wanted to respond.

 

Instead, I posted here, got a little tough love, and heeded the advice. If it wasn't for this forum, I'd probably be knee-deep in a mess of push-pull contact. Or I'd be back with her, in which case I'd be better off dead.

 

I posted here the first time I saw a bread crumb Tumblr post, but the 2nd one was such a diabolically good bread crumb, I couldn't resist.

 

This time I KNOW, and this time I WILL listen to you guys.

[Chi townD]

 

And I bet you guys any money, a lot of people on this site broke NC in their own little ways, but still counted down the days like they haven't. I don't mean calling, meeting up, or texting. I'm talking about taking a sneak peek at a picture, checking out something on their social media, etc. I just come on here, and tell you guys every time I did it, so it's magnified x20.

 

And just because i slip up, doesn't mean i don't appreciate your guys' advice, and TRYING as hard as i can to go FULL NC.

 

 

Absolutely people slip up and it happens. But, they usually come back on here and say, "Damn, I'm an idiot. I messed up...broke NC." And no one is going to bash on them because, in there post, they realize that they screwed up! You're trying to make deals with yourself. Thinking that you could work on being friends. Well, you can't be in NC if you're working on a friendship.

 

 

When we say NC. We don't mean that you can never, ever see or talk to your Ex ever again. You just can't have anything to do with them while you still have those romantic feelings for them. Once you get to a point of TRUE indifference, THEN you can think about forming a friendship, but not a moment before.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm a basket case, because I check her Tumblr once in a while. Oh Lord, everyone that's gone NC has been absolutely perfect for every second of the day. Yeah, no one's ever not snuck a quick peak, and not told any of you guys about it. OK....

 

People mess up, that's normal. But you haven't even started the process. You aren't breaking NC -- you've never actually started it because you seem to be confused about what it is. Somehow you've created the notion in your head that you can be in NC and talk and text your ex and check up on them. That is not the case. NC means completely falling off the grid and completely going in the dark about what they are up to.

 

No one is mad at you. We are just giving you a true barometer of where you are, which is at the starting line. I think your biggest issue -- and why you haven't been able to even start the healing process -- is that you are looking 14 steps down the road instead of dealing with the next one in front of you. You are worried about being friends in the future, but to even approach that, you have to deal with No Contact in the present. Start the healing process now, then deal with the friends question down the road when you in a much healthier state of mind.

[tikay00]

Absolutely people slip up and it happens. But, they usually come back on here and say, "Damn, I'm an idiot. I messed up...broke NC." And no one is going to bash on them because, in there post, they realize that they screwed up! You're trying to make deals with yourself. Thinking that you could work on being friends. Well, you can't be in NC if you're working on a friendship.

 

 

When we say NC. We don't mean that you can never, ever see or talk to your Ex ever again. You just can't have anything to do with them while you still have those romantic feelings for them. Once you get to a point of TRUE indifference, THEN you can think about forming a friendship, but not a moment before.

 

My man, I just said that.

[dragonfire13]

Honestly, indirects and mind games on social media only confirm how childish she is, and that alone should put you off getting back together with her, if you're entertaining the thought, because until she grows up, there will be no chance of you two having a healthy relationship - immaturity kills relationships.

 

My ex-boyfriend used to do this. Apparently, expressing his feelings on Twitter for the whole world to see was a lot easier than expressing his feelings directly to me

 

I swear social media has made break ups/moving on a million times harder.