He filed, asked for sole custody

[M30USA]

People can ask for anything. It doesn't mean they're going to get it. My ex, in retaliation, asked judge to have a "social study" of me, to have me take a batterers rehab program (even though she was the one who assaulted me and was arrested), and asked to have me avoid alcohol for 12 hours before custody periods (even though I don't drink). My lawyer said she was doing this to "paint" me in a certain light, even though anyone who knows me would laugh their butts off. Family court is one big charade. Not to mention ex called CPS on me twice (both times disproven) and yet still didnt face consequences for perjury or false accusation. Like I said, people can ask for whatever they want and do whatever they want. Reality is a different matter.

[Turtles]

I was in la-la land reading your post 21, jkrbbt, it made me so happy for you. But when I read BetrayedH ' post 22, I snapped back to reality - what a drag. The best argument is, as you stated, that your child needs socialization, but, "Right of First Refusal," is a real monkey wrench. Hopefully, your husband would be busy finding an employment opportunity, rather than scooping up baby from daycare under the guise of "Right of First Refusal." Oh, dear. Yas

 

It's a win/win. Either he turns into father of the year and cares for the child every chance he gets rather than letting him go to daycare. Win. Or he realizes how much work that is and how much that is going to prevent him from doing whatever it is he wants to do and let you organize child care however you see fit. Win.

 

You're worried about him saying he is able to better care for the child and he should sit at home with him while you work overtime, send him half your paycheck so he does not have to work, and see your kid every other week-end. That won't happen

[pteromom]

So sorry you are finding out now what a jerk your stbx is, or what a bigger jerk he can be. It's all about money, I guarantee it.

 

This!

 

He's unemployed, so what he really wants is the spousal support and child support $$$$$, not the baby.

 

Let your attorney handle it, but if it comes to it, my guess is that any custody demands can be bought off with this guy.

 

The chance that you are going to end up with no custody is zero percent. This guy won't even work now... he's not going to put in the work to be a full-time dad.

[WasOtherWoman]

You're worried about him saying he is able to better care for the child and he should sit at home with him while you work overtime, send him half your paycheck so he does not have to work, and see your kid every other week-end. That won't happen

 

How is this different when a woman tries to do it to a man?

[jakrbbt]

The difference is not a gender one: it is a married versus not-married one. No one has the "right" to be a stay-at-home parent; it is a privilege and a choice that some couples agree to make, often with some sacrifice. It isn't something that the state or the court or even the other spouse owes someone. If it were, then why can't I jump in and also demand to be the stay-at-home while he (or the state) supports me? SAHP is not a unilateral choice; it is an agreement between the couple. I never agreed to him doing it and there's a reason for that: He's an irresponsible parent. I had a stay-at-home parent. I can't even imagine her taking off every single evening from the second my father got home until our bedtimes or later. I can't imagine her leaving all night and all next day whenever she'd argued with our dad, leaving him to take the day off work to care for us. can't imagine her taking off randomly for weekends or even a week at a time to either vacation or do part-time work that she then never contributed to the bills or family with. Can't imagine her dumping us on her mother and friends for a few hours a few times per week on top of all that. Can't imagine her refusing to feed us anything like rice or homecooked meals that might make a mess because she didn't want to have to clean up after toddlers. Can't imagine her yelling at us whenever we fussed at all even as babies, or holding our legs together to keep us from squirming while going to sleep for naps. She took care of us at night and when we were sick, not our career working parent. And if she had only had one child rather than several, she'd probably have had some plan to go back to work-- my husband wouldn't come up with even a vague plan or timeline. She grocery shopped, taught us how to brush teeth, manners et c, did errands, doctor appointments, laundry, dishes-- unlike my husband. So no, in the circumstances, with me doing all the chores and overnight work and half the parenting besides, I did not consent to his being a stay-at-home, and he can't get the court to enforce his alleged "right" to be one after divorce.

Edited October 12, 2014 by jakrbbt

[jakrbbt]

Have you filed your papers yet?

 

When you begin taking action for the goal that you want - that's when you will feel you are taking your power back.

 

He is attempting to hurt you by staying one step ahead of you and getting you to "react" instead of being the one to take the "action".

 

It's his way of thinking he is in control.

 

Get those papers filed and ask the court for everything you want/need! They may make an assessment on his potential to earn money (whether he has a job or not). They will use that as his guideline for what he should be earning.

 

 

File soon - and ask for a temporary agreement so you can plan around what the judge orders.

 

I don't think at this point you need to tell him anything about the daycare - including where it's located.

 

My lawyer was going out of town the day after my husband filed. He did talk to me, but I will be meeting with him next week to come up with a temporary agreement. Likely we'll have to file something for that and have a hearing.

 

My husband is dinking around with custody plans, he won't agree to more than a few days at a time at like midnight the night before, so I can't plan day care or work. He shows up late or is vague about when he's coming, then demands more time the next day. He insists on forbidding me to use any day care at all, even a few hours. That won't fly: I have to work and the judge won't deprive me of days with our child on days that I work. Besides, I work from home half the days, and day care is two minutes from home and is really good. Husband has been dumping our child on a woman who refuses to talk to me, who removed my son fro the house all day and brought him to her girlfriend's house against my express instructions and without telling me and without taking the list of instructions and doctor note, and who grows and sells marijuana illegally. He will not even entertain my objection to her watching our son.

 

So yes, we will have to really litigate the temporary plan. Likely he wants to forbid day care because he thinks that that way he won't have to work, he can claim he needs to be with baby instead. Really nice plan for our son-- will he object to school too for the same reason?

[jakrbbt]

Anyone can demand anything they want in a divorce petition (and they often do; particularly if taking a lawyer's advice). Assuming one doesn't mind going the adversarial route, there is no benefit whatsoever to making a reasonable proposal at the outset. Most lawyers will advise making an outrageous demand just to put fear of God into the other party and perhaps weaken their resolve. Unfortunately that has been somewhat successful with you, so hopefully my words will renew your confidence in the reality, which is that there is no way barring grotesque miscarriage of justice that your H would be awarded sole custody. But you do need a good lawyer, for sure.

 

Divorce is always hard. Even a very necessary and well-advised divorce like this one. Just keep reminding yourself that there will be unpleasant surprises for many months to come....that way it will be less of a shock when they happen, and you address them with your lawyer's help and move on. Eyes on the big picture and the long term. You're fighting for your freedom, your peace of mind, your quality of life, and your child's as well. Yes, it will be a struggle, and hard, and expensive in time, energy, and money. Still, it's worth it.

 

I needed to hear every bit of this, so badly. Thank you. I need to hear that it is worth it and that the fight is not likely to be fruitless. And i need to enjoy the good things (like not living with him) as well as steel intelligently against the bad surprises. I hope that this will be over in four to six months. I began the worst stage of marriage nightmare 6 months ago.

 

In my state, the court cannot grant joint custody unless the parties stipulate to it. s if it is contested, one or the other parties must get sole custody. If I hvae sole custody, I will not abuse it to mess with husband or retaliate or block his abilityh to be a daddy to his son. I surely won't use it to get money without having to work.

 

A part of me is glad that I am paying for two months' rent and expenses for him. I believe he will use that time to totally fail to look for a job, thinking he doesn't have to yet. He still sleeps until 11 or noon. If he takes 2 months to get a job, the court will be able to see that he is irresponsible-- and he is.

[jakrbbt]

I think him rushing to file (he must have had his papers ready) and what he requested tells so much about him.

 

He doesn't intend to work. He intends to sit at home with the baby. He also isn't thinking of how much any young child needs their Mom.

 

 

He's a bigger jerk than you thought.

 

Don't take it personally - he has an agenda - and he doesn't stop to consider others feelings.

 

 

I'm not sure he ever has.

 

 

Go at it with a vengeance. He deserves to get nothing from you.

 

Have you moved money? Have you closed all ways he can access money - including his credit cards?

 

Don't pay for one more things for him.

 

Find daycare ASAP too.

 

 

Should I not even give him any grocery money? He has no money and will run out of food, and baby will be there-- I feel bad for him. No grocery money? I think you're right but it's hard for me. . .

[jakrbbt]

This is all good but a couple thoughts to consider:

 

I didn't hear anything in there about you retaining your attorney.

 

Ask your attorney about "Right of first refusal." A friend in my state has to give her baby daddy first shot when she's not supervising her child herself (no daycare, no grandparents, etc.). Your H may ask the court for it (or you might consider asking for it). Just don't get caught off-guard.

 

I've considered right of first refusal before, when I was thinking of filing. It's something that the court would not likely grant either party wihthout a stipulation or agreement from both- my parenting or custody day being mine after all. Even if we had that in an agreement and he exercised it, I can't imagine that he could turn around and ask for etra money because o fit. But I don't want him to have right of first refusal for anything less than 5 hours.

[Mr. Lucky]

I hope that this will be over in four to six months. I began the worst stage of marriage nightmare 6 months ago.

Don't underestimate the post divorce challenges with an obstinate spouse.

 

You're going to have to combine resolve with acceptance to survive the next two decades....

 

Mr. Lucky

[Turtles]

Should I not even give him any grocery money? He has no money and will run out of food, and baby will be there-- I feel bad for him. No grocery money? I think you're right but it's hard for me. . .

 

I am not sure you can do that (not give him grocery money, I mean). Even less so if the baby will be there. It might be considered abandonment.

[Yasuandio]

I am not sure you can do that (not give him grocery money, I mean). Even less so if the baby will be there. It might be considered abandonment.

 

Buy the groceries for his home at the appriate grocery store, as usual, keep receipt that details that food and grooming aids are being supplied to his home. Perhaps have the grocer deliver to his home if that service is avaible in your area - or shop a store that hss delivery.

 

You can also provide gift cards so he is forced to purchase at a certain place. But those can be abused, and cash can be returned for money not spent, so get them in small amounts. Write their numbers down, and I belive there is a way to find out what the card was used for (was a $10 Grocery card used for a .99 candy bar, with $9.00 in cash back)? How would that go over in Court?

 

(On a separate purchase get the same things you need at the same time for the second household: your food, grooming, diapers, baby food, etc.).

 

Some ideas. You could let him cut his throat with a credit card. IDK. The main thing is that you are providing even though he is refusing to work. No cable TV! Those days are over! Yas

 

Let's see what receipts he produces for groceries and the like.

[nittygritty]

Should I not even give him any grocery money? He has no money and will run out of food, and baby will be there-- I feel bad for him. No grocery money? I think you're right but it's hard for me. . .

 

Just send food, milk, diapers, etc. for the baby. You are not responsible for feeding him.

[2sunny]

Just send food, milk, diapers, etc. for the baby. You are not responsible for feeding him.

 

He can be responsible for feeding himself.

 

It's about time he grow up and act like an adult.

 

Send the baby's things only.

[2sunny]

Should I not even give him any grocery money? He has no money and will run out of food, and baby will be there-- I feel bad for him. No grocery money? I think you're right but it's hard for me. . .

 

You need help.

 

He will use YOU as long as YOU allow him to.

 

Have you read Codependent NO More by Melodie Beattie (sp?)?

[jakrbbt]

You need help.

 

He will use YOU as long as YOU allow him to.

 

Have you read Codependent NO More by Melodie Beattie (sp?)?

 

I have, but I had to hide it in the closet after speed-reading one weekend I was alone with baby.

 

It was a lot to take in at first glance, because it was a bit of a paradigm shift. When I read it I was still hoping for something that would tell me how to change him into a reasonable, healthy person. Now that I live alone and am planning to ask for custody so I can care for my son, I have made the basic paradigm shift or am able to anyway. But habits are different.

 

I believe that tomorrow my time will be well-spent finding and scheduling a therapist. The book can supplement but is probably not enough for me.

 

When someone opposes me but won't say why, I start making all their most reasonable and unreasonable arguments for them. Then I test my position against those possible arguments scrupulously. That makes me a better attorney, but it's not working out in situations where I'm actually a party or am in a relationship.

 

I need both a thereapist and a lawyer, and tomorrow I will also sign my toddler up for a child psychiatrist so I can make sure I'm transisitoning him through this under the guidance of a professional.

 

I guess the money I spend on lawyer, therapist, new furniture and baby stuff and toys for new house, day care, is all well-worth it even though I am on a budget already. Right?

 

I figure that staying married to this guy longer would have been more expensive in the long run, by far, and obviously much less healthy. If I'd stayed in this marriage for 20 years, I'd be looking at a future where my son turns out to be as much trouble as my husband is now.

[jakrbbt]

Don't underestimate the post divorce challenges with an obstinate spouse.

 

You're going to have to combine resolve with acceptance to survive the next two decades....

 

Mr. Lucky

 

oh god. I can do that, but only if I know how in the heck. I've never dealt with someone like this, and I need some tools and knowledge so that I can still be responsible with my life, my son, my job, and my health-- even while this person is in my life as the other parent.

 

Your advice Mr Lucky has always been gingerly dealt and spot-on. That two decades looks impossible, but I bet you're right.

 

I don't know anyone-- anyone who has their act together anyway-- who is dealing with an obstinate ex as co-parent. I have dealt closely with an impossible person pretty much once, and that was a bully boss I had, and my only recourse was to find a better job and leave-- which I did. I cannot even imagine still dealing with that guy on any level.

 

How is it done? Like, what things do I have to accept? Stupid phone calls from his family members where they try to tell me what to do with my son, and all I have to do is get assertive and set boundaries with them? Blowing off visits? Dumping my son on "caregivers" who are drug dealers and who see me as the enemy--- but where I can't prove it? Going back to court when ex violates orders in little ways, or having to tighten the orders up to a fine point with no flexibility? I guess I can handle those things.

 

What else? Ideas are welcome, this is foreign territory to me and I don't know what to pack in my trunk.

[nittygritty]

I have, but I had to hide it in the closet after speed-reading one weekend I was alone with baby.

 

It was a lot to take in at first glance, because it was a bit of a paradigm shift. When I read it I was still hoping for something that would tell me how to change him into a reasonable, healthy person. Now that I live alone and am planning to ask for custody so I can care for my son, I have made the basic paradigm shift or am able to anyway. But habits are different.

 

I believe that tomorrow my time will be well-spent finding and scheduling a therapist. The book can supplement but is probably not enough for me.

 

When someone opposes me but won't say why, I start making all their most reasonable and unreasonable arguments for them. Then I test my position against those possible arguments scrupulously. That makes me a better attorney, but it's not working out in situations where I'm actually a party or am in a relationship.

 

I need both a thereapist and a lawyer, and tomorrow I will also sign my toddler up for a child psychiatrist so I can make sure I'm transisitoning him through this under the guidance of a professional.

 

I guess the money I spend on lawyer, therapist, new furniture and baby stuff and toys for new house, day care, is all well-worth it even though I am on a budget already. Right?

 

I figure that staying married to this guy longer would have been more expensive in the long run, by far, and obviously much less healthy. If I'd stayed in this marriage for 20 years, I'd be looking at a future where my son turns out to be as much trouble as my husband is now.

 

How old is the baby? Also, when you stated that you "co-sleep" with the baby do you mean in the same bed or same room? Either way, I'd recommend the baby sleep in his own bed, in his own room when he is at either parents home.

[Turtles]

He can be responsible for feeding himself.

 

It's about time he grow up and act like an adult.

 

Send the baby's things only.

 

True but his lawyer may then request temporary spousal support which could cost more in the end. Really have to ask your lawyer what is the best choice on that one. If giving him $100 and printing a food stamp application for him is going to help prove your good will, it could be worth it. Now if he decides to buy $100 of junk food instead of buying enough staple food to last a month, that's not your problem.

[nittygritty]

True but his lawyer may then request temporary spousal support which could cost more in the end. Really have to ask your lawyer what is the best choice on that one. If giving him $100 and printing a food stamp application for him is going to help prove your good will, it could be worth it. Now if he decides to buy $100 of junk food instead of buying enough staple food to last a month, that's not your problem.

 

They have only been married a year. Most states don't award alimony unless the couple have been married at least 10 years. She should not set any kind of precedent by giving him a penny.

Edited October 12, 2014 by nittygritty

[Yasuandio]

oh god. I can do that, but only if I know how in the heck. I've never dealt with someone like this, and I need some tools and knowledge so that I can still be responsible with my life, my son, my job, and my health-- even while this person is in my life as the other parent.

 

Your advice Mr Lucky has always been gingerly dealt and spot-on. That two decades looks impossible, but I bet you're right.

 

I don't know anyone-- anyone who has their act together anyway-- who is dealing with an obstinate ex as co-parent. I have dealt closely with an impossible person pretty much once, and that was a bully boss I had, and my only recourse was to find a better job and leave-- which I did. I cannot even imagine still dealing with that guy on any level.

 

How is it done? Like, what things do I have to accept? Stupid phone calls from his family members where they try to tell me what to do with my son, and all I have to do is get assertive and set boundaries with them? Blowing off visits? Dumping my son on "caregivers" who are drug dealers and who see me as the enemy--- but where I can't prove it? Going back to court when ex violates orders in little ways, or having to tighten the orders up to a fine point with no flexibility? I guess I can handle those things.

 

What else? Ideas are welcome, this is foreign territory to me and I don't know what to pack in my trunk.

 

Here, again, EVEDENCE, is what you need to pack in your trunk, apriori, before he disappears the evidence.

 

In what way can you gather Intel that these people (you husband is leaving the child with), are drug dealers? Here are some suggestions:

 

1. Get address and, search property owners thru tax records.

 

2. If they are renters, get their names.

 

3. If you don't know their names, run a background check on the adress, and phone numbers and cell numbers registered to the address (I use free services like USA People Search first, to get basic information, that often leads me to what I want. I prefer Intellus, if I need to pay for more information, because they will fill in gaps over the phone).

 

4. When you have a name, run the names through mugshot.com.

 

5. There is no problem bringing your concern to the police. Tell police you have knowledge of drug - dealing at this home, and you are concerned about your child being there.

 

6. Too chicken to do number 5 above, phone in an anonymous tip to narcotics division. Who knows what dope is going on there. Maybe there is a weapon laying on the table for Christ's sake. BTW, why your husband in contact with such people?

 

7. Establish and record, document husband dropping child at this drug house enough times to convince a judge he is not to be the sole parent, period. (Not to mention his involvement in such wouldn't exactly forward your career, DUH).

 

You said you want ideas to prevent this sort of thing from happening in the future? The time to nip it in the bud is now, WITHOUT, tipping him off first and self-sabotaging an opportunity to gather direct evidence that can PROVE your assertions. I just gave you the method to get this one taken care of. Now get the evidence on these people, and prove he drops baby there for whatever period of time, on whatever day. You have resources that the general public does not have access to. I bet you can run license plates, and get free surveillance (or reduced cost, I know attorneys recommend certain PA ' for some reason). Hopefully, he'll do it, and some other dumb things to rattle your cage again, if you keep your lip zipped.

 

How can prove things? Documentation and evidence, Ms. Esq., and get while the getting is good. There is still time. Start moving.

 

If you want control of the bizarre and/or antagonistic next two decades Mr. Lucky speaks of, you better get your fanny in mud, and get that dirt piling up. Leave no stone unturned. In fact, that thing you mentioned about restaining the legs sounds like abuse, if you have proff of that, I would show it to the psychologist. If you dont have proof, it may be difficult to obtain now that you are in the divorce and in separate households.

 

I would make it my goal to have his visitation SUPERVISED.Then he has no say so about squat. Now, that sounds like it would be more comfortable the next 2 decades.

 

Another alternative is to buy him out of the child. It happens all the time with unmarried people, that don't want the real father involved. And likely, he has only a 50% interest in child, and the other 50% (or, in reality, probably much more) is slated to advance HIS personal needs - be it in the form of alimony or CS. Ok. Yas

[jakrbbt]

Here, again, EVEDENCE, is what you need to pack in your trunk, apriori, before he disappears the evidence.

 

In what way can you gather Intel that these people (you husband is leaving the child with), are drug dealers? Here are some suggestions:

 

1. Get address and, search property owners thru tax records.

 

2. If they are renters, get their names.

 

3. If you don't know their names, run a background check on the adress, and phone numbers and cell numbers registered to the address (I use free services like USA People Search first, to get basic information, that often leads me to what I want. I prefer Intellus, if I need to pay for more information, because they will fill in gaps over the phone).

 

4. When you have a name, run the names through mugshot.com.

 

5. There is no problem bringing your concern to the police. Tell police you have knowledge of drug - dealing at this home, and you are concerned about your child being there.

 

6. Too chicken to do number 5 above, phone in an anonymous tip to narcotics division. Who knows what dope is going on there. Maybe there is a weapon laying on the table for Christ's sake. BTW, why your husband in contact with such people?

 

7. Establish and record, document husband dropping child at this drug house enough times to convince a judge he is not to be the sole parent, period. (Not to mention his involvement in such wouldn't exactly forward your career, DUH).

 

You said you want ideas to prevent this sort of thing from happening in the future? The time to nip it in the bud is now, WITHOUT, tipping him off first and self-sabotaging an opportunity to gather direct evidence that can PROVE your assertions. I just gave you the method to get this one taken care of. Now get the evidence on these people, and prove he drops baby there for whatever period of time, on whatever day. You have resources that the general public does not have access to. I bet you can run license plates, and get free surveillance (or reduced cost, I know attorneys recommend certain PA ' for some reason). Hopefully, he'll do it, and some other dumb things to rattle your cage again, if you keep your lip zipped.

 

How can prove things? Documentation and evidence, Ms. Esq., and get while the getting is good. There is still time. Start moving.

 

If you want control of the bizarre and/or antagonistic next two decades Mr. Lucky speaks of, you better get your fanny in mud, and get that dirt piling up. Leave no stone unturned. In fact, that thing you mentioned about restaining the legs sounds like abuse, if you have proff of that, I would show it to the psychologist. If you dont have proof, it may be difficult to obtain now that you are in the divorce and in separate households.

 

I would make it my goal to have his visitation SUPERVISED.Then he has no say so about squat. Now, that sounds like it would be more comfortable the next 2 decades.

 

Another alternative is to buy him out of the child. It happens all the time with unmarried people, that don't want the real father involved. And likely, he has only a 50% interest in child, and the other 50% (or, in reality, probably much more) is slated to advance HIS personal needs - be it in the form of alimony or CS. Ok. Yas

 

My attorney has an investigator and you can be sure I'll tell him everything I can about this person watching my child. But even if I can't prove she grows marijuana, I can show two things that still are concerning. First, that she refuses to communicate with me and removes child from my house all day against my instructions and consent et c.-- there is a weird collusion between her and my husband, against me. Not as meaningful now that we're separated, but still, shows poor judgment and what is in it for this weird woman? Second: my husband refused to even entertain my concerns about him dropping baby off with someone he himself told me is a drug dealer. He was angry with me for even voicing the concern. If she's not growing and selling or not doing it any longer, seems he could have at least understood my concerns and addressed them. That bodes ill for him, and galls me at the same time. Do these people not caer at all about my son? They just care about getting money from me or getting me back or something?

[jakrbbt]

Still not coping as well as I could be. Still unable to work. I could be doing so well already: New place, no more controlling husband, new friendly neighbors and I already had a delightful friend over. Started eating well again (I am very thin by nature, and all but stopped eating the last few weeks).

 

But not having one hundred percent certainty that I'll get either sole, or some kind of workable joint, custody drives me crazy.

 

Having to still fight an even more uphill battle after leaving the situation because I was already spent, drives me crazy.

 

But I had this thought: As a matter of fact, I never was certain that I'd have sole (or workable, healthily-executed joint) custody of my child, from the day he was born. From the day I married this abuser, I never actually had any certainty that my ability to raise my son healthily would be secure. I just did not realize how uncertain it was. Now, it's still not certain-- but better chance than if I'd stayed with my husband longer.

 

And that uncertainty is the main bad thing. Most other things are actually better now-- no living with controlling husband, no more looking forward to a life with him. So overall, the situation is improved. It's just that my awareness has also improved, so it actually feels worse.

Edited October 13, 2014 by jakrbbt

[BetrayedH]

I understand your angst. There's typically a brief period where temporary custody and financial arrangements haven't yet been made and the uncertainty can be really hard to traverse. For what it's worth, know that this will come to an end. At some point, either the two of you or the court will have an arrangement in place that brings a level of consistency to the situation. Once you have a baseline, you will start to settle into that routine. You'll know when you have your child, when you don't, when you need to write a check, and so forth. This temporary period where nothing is yet established is probably one of the hardest parts. But it will end.

 

In the meantime, focus on working with your attorney to bring it to an end. I'm hoping he's back from vacation soon so you can get some counsel on temporary custody and financial arrangements. You need to know what money is yours, what money is his, and when you'll have your child.

 

In the interim, I suggest trying to find a balance. You should not cut him off financially; I think that's both unethical and wouldn't be viewed well by the court. But you also shouldn't be financing a well-off lifestyle for him. You also have to find some balance when it comes to temporary custody. He can't call all of the shots and neither can you. I'd recommend that at all times your actions can be viewed as "reasonable." But that also doesn't mean you need to be a doormat that gives him greater than 50% just because he "won't accept" your decisions.

 

It sucks but again, it will eventually work itself out and you will be on the other side of this thing.

 

Then you get to fight out the more permanent plan.

[Yasuandio]

Dear Jkrbbit,

 

You are confident and exceptionally capable of rearing that child. That is an obvious conclusion. You've even proved (besides birthing, nursing, bonding, and caring for your infant), you can be both the breadwinner and man of the house, and in addition raise a hostile over-aged teen-ager and support his very expensive hobbies. The worst anyone can say about jkrbbit is she is too kind hearted, and perhaps enabled her over-aged teen-age son (whom has beem accustomed to others waiting on him hand and foot), and it may be recommended that he be sent out of the nest, into the world, to fly on his own.

 

If he had enjoyed and appreciated the luxuries of remaining at home With Mommy, at least he might have shown some appreciation for the nice lifestyle she was providing. But sadly, opportunities to contribute some rent for his room and board through even his part-time job were seliifishly directed to his personal hobbies. He had the optione to go to school and further in education - or even change directions in his studies and better his position in the job market, but he choose not to take advantage of again, an outstanding opportunity. His Mom pas paid for every want, need, and desire for this man-child, and it is all she can do to get him to do a little babysitting while she is on the job. That is a disgrace.

 

YOU ARE COPING WONDERFULLY.

 

Let it be known, in a few short months, look how far you have come a million miles jkrbbit. You are coping better than most peoople I've ever seen. I didn't think, personally, you would get out of the cycle, that's the point I start gettin real sacastic, my last ditch effort, before I just write off the poster. And Im pretty good at at calling it, seriously, I gave up on you.

 

A couple weeks passed, and I checked on your thread, and saw, suddenly, you took control big time, your eyes openedoup, and you got real proactive, and you were not kidding around. Normally that process takes months of agonizing. Sure, there was some agonizing back and forth,, but you were concurrently setting up your second life. That is a model transition that should be archived on LS, as more and more woman may find themselves with this "new abnormal," situation. As you responded to another poster: There is more to Stay at Home parentship than watching a baby for a 6-8 hour period.

 

YOUR WORK

 

The Attorney job front I cannot help you with other than to say IT IS THE SECOND MOST CRITICAL SITUATION IN YOUR LIFE AND WILL EFFECT THE MOST IMPORTANT LITTLE BABY IN YOUR LIFE. Does that help? Get to it! You can do Girl. Stop worrying about crap you have no control over. GET TO WORK FOR, KICK AZZ, DO THE HIGHEST QUALITY WORK, KOF TWO PEOPLE, AND BLOW YOUR BOSS AWAY. DO IT FOR YOUR LITTLE MAN!

 

Final Issue: Lack of Evidence on Drug Dealers:

 

I sussest a talkie-talk eith husband about your concerns. Hopefully, he will say something like "they don'grow pot anymore." Wammo. That is all you need on tape. But why not extend the convo, and discuss it. Act like a dumb shytt, start a leading convo: "is it possible the marauana caused them to start taking meth pills? Cause it leads to other more additive substances, right? I am just kind of worried what baby might pick up on floor if you are not there." "Are you sure they are not hiding any pot in the attic?" "Where did you meet these people?" "Why won't you at least let me know their names and phine number for an emergency?" Etc. All on tape, a little at a time. Use digital recorder that date stamps on-line.

 

That is how to get evidence on that matter. In Georgia, tape-recorded convrtions between husband and wife are admissable. Saved my skin.

 

Thinking of you, do non worry at all. Yas