Shadowburn Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Your thread is painful to read. Please stay strong and don't let this awful woman to come back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 Your thread is painful to read. Please stay strong and don't let this awful woman to come back. God it was painful to go through it. Wish I had the testicular fortitude to part ways last year, would have saved me a ton of headaches. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 God it was painful to go through it. Wish I had the testicular fortitude to part ways last year, would have saved me a ton of headaches. So what's the plan for 2016? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 So what's the plan for 2016? Work on myself, stay consistent in work outs, focus more on writing music. In regards to her, I am done. The temptation to message is gone, and I have blocked her number. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Work on myself, stay consistent in work outs, focus more on writing music. In regards to her, I am done. The temptation to message is gone, and I have blocked her number. Did you block her to prevent yourself from reaching out and to focus on your healing or did you block her to prevent her from reaching out? Sorry, I'm just trying to understand the logic behind blocking - I've never blocked anyone and have ignored my exMM's calls because he didn't leave me a voicemail or text so I didn't know why he was trying to reach me, but I don't have the heart to block him especially if he's trying to reach me for some emergency or something really important like work related stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 Did you block her to prevent yourself from reaching out and to focus on your healing or did you block her to prevent her from reaching out? Sorry, I'm just trying to understand the logic behind blocking - I've never blocked anyone and have ignored my exMM's calls because he didn't leave me a voicemail or text so I didn't know why he was trying to reach me, but I don't have the heart to block him especially if he's trying to reach me for some emergency or something really important like work related stuff. I blocked her to prevent her from reaching out. I know I am done with this finally after 16 mths of flip flopping on her part. I had enough of the roller coaster. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 I blocked her to prevent her from reaching out. I know I am done with this finally after 16 mths of flip flopping on her part. I had enough of the roller coaster. Hope you manage to find the strength finally. Because one year ago you said the exact thing. Find the strength. It's worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted December 26, 2015 Author Share Posted December 26, 2015 Hope you manage to find the strength finally. Because one year ago you said the exact thing. Find the strength. It's worth it. No it's final this time. I'm not bringing all the unnecessary stress into 2016. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 Happy new year all, everything is well here, I wish the same for everyone going through some s#!t. Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Sorry but I don't believe that you're done. You said before your blocked her. What's changed? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted January 2, 2016 Author Share Posted January 2, 2016 Sorry but I don't believe that you're done. You said before your blocked her. What's changed? I haven't reached out unlike past times, and have realized I can't do the secrecy thing anymore. Yes I still think of her but I just can't do this to myself, I'd like something real. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted January 2, 2016 Share Posted January 2, 2016 Happy new year all, everything is well here, I wish the same for everyone going through some s#!t. Do you feel better? More at peace? Or anxious without her and sad? Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted January 2, 2016 Author Share Posted January 2, 2016 Do you feel better? More at peace? Or anxious without her and sad? I do feel at peace, don't get me wrong I'm not 100 percent just yet as I still review the whole thing in my mind from time to time but then I think about how s#itty I felt while in the A. Anxiety level is very very low, thanks for askin PG that being said I'm going to the gym in a few minutes to work out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted January 16, 2016 Author Share Posted January 16, 2016 Update: all is good. The thoughts of what was are diminishing exponentially every 3-4 days. I hope people here are making some strides? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 Sunday's (today) are usually bad for me mentally. These past few have been not bad, but today sucks. Idk if my current mood has to do with being snowed in here, but I have been bummed out, like lonely, missing intimacy kinda bummed. Don't worry, I'm not reaching out, I deleted her number, and honestly I don't know it by heart. Was doing great, just hit a little bump in the road I'm thinking/hoping. Tomorrow is a new day I suppose. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Babs22 Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Sunday's (today) are usually bad for me mentally. These past few have been not bad, but today sucks. Idk if my current mood has to do with being snowed in here, but I have been bummed out, like lonely, missing intimacy kinda bummed. Don't worry, I'm not reaching out, I deleted her number, and honestly I don't know it by heart. Was doing great, just hit a little bump in the road I'm thinking/hoping. Tomorrow is a new day I suppose. GoldenAxe, I just read you entire thread. Funny, when I first started reading, I saw that the first post was in October. What I didn't realize was that was October 2014. As your thread progressed, I realized it was October 2014 and you spent over a year of back and forth trying to get of the Merry-go-round. It looks like you have finally done it and are taking your life back. Although today may be one of those tough days, it sounds like you are staying strong. I know how it feels to feel like you are second best. I keep doing that to myself. It's a sucky feeling. Stay strong, you have finally made yourself #1! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 GoldenAxe, I just read you entire thread. Funny, when I first started reading, I saw that the first post was in October. What I didn't realize was that was October 2014. As your thread progressed, I realized it was October 2014 and you spent over a year of back and forth trying to get of the Merry-go-round. It looks like you have finally done it and are taking your life back. Although today may be one of those tough days, it sounds like you are staying strong. I know how it feels to feel like you are second best. I keep doing that to myself. It's a sucky feeling. Stay strong, you have finally made yourself #1! Yes I have zero intentions of ever contacting again. All in all I'm doing good I think. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 2.5 mths no contact. I have small mental set backs here and there, down 30 lbs, new job with great pay, not dating yet, but I got this. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
yodelwithyu Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 Hey Man, I am not going to lie. When I first read through your thread two and a half months ago, I was a little incredulous the pattern went on for so many years. I am so proud of you! Hang in there and don't let your guard down. I let my guard down at just a little past two and a half months. And, well, I am back to NC for the second time, day three...it doesn't seem to get that much easier. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Hey Man, I am not going to lie. When I first read through your thread two and a half months ago, I was a little incredulous the pattern went on for so many years. I am so proud of you! Hang in there and don't let your guard down. I let my guard down at just a little past two and a half months. And, well, I am back to NC for the second time, day three...it doesn't seem to get that much easier. Oh I let my guard down numerous times, back and forth, like a see saw. I reached a point around the holidays (after 18 mths of empty promises) where I was questioning myself if I was a crazy person. I had enough. Not gonna lie I still have my moments where all I can think of is her, but it subsides after a day. I'm not being anyone's secret anymore. I want someone who is proud to be with me, and vice versa. I guess my point is, everyone has a realization where they want to get off the roller coaster. I always see those little sayings like "you have to let go of something in order for something greater to come along" or something like that. I hold onto hope that just maybe it is true. We shall see. It's difficult to take others' advice sometimes. I believe that only you can say enough is enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 Also I can attest to the fact that it DOES get easier, little by little, but ONLY AFTER you make that jump. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted April 17, 2016 Author Share Posted April 17, 2016 Dropping by. Everything is cool. Still think of her here and there, but has no lasting effect. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lilacwine Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Dropping by. Everything is cool. Still think of her here and there, but has no lasting effect. Good to hear. Keep up the good work. And dont forget to come back in a few months time to tell us that nc is still in tact and that you have moved on to a wonderful new love with a single lady. Thanks for updating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GoldenAxe Posted May 9, 2016 Author Share Posted May 9, 2016 Guys your dude needs some reinforcement, having bad couple days, my brain will not stop going over the situation. Def not reaching out, just wanted to share the idea of dreadful feelings can come back. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 9, 2016 Share Posted May 9, 2016 Guys your dude needs some reinforcement, having bad couple days, my brain will not stop going over the situation. Def not reaching out, just wanted to share the idea of dreadful feelings can come back. I feel much of the same. Its odd how time passes, you *think your moving forward...you stay in NC and think time heals...then a great wave of pain out of nowhere. How long has it been for you again? I know you had been with her more than a few years. I guess the grieving, healing process takes alot of time. I didnt fight the tears...I went through HELL grieving and its been over a month zero contact for me and extremely LC before then too so Im not sure why it comes up again and again in heart and mind when Id like zero thoughts of any of it anymore. Feels like the mental gymnastics and torture just persist no matter what. I will not break NC but in the few instances Ive wanted to it would only be to pronounce hate or anger. That isnt productive either. Sigh. I know my answer isnt helpful, just wanted you to know you arent alone as that can help too sometimes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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