No sexual contact with girlfriend, getting impatient

[giblesp]

I don't know why everyone keeps emphasizing my use of "sexual needs", but yes, everyone has them. Yes, sex is important to a relationship, whether you want to admit it or not. I don't want to break up with her, because I do truly love her. I'd be fine with her being a virgin and not having intercourse. It's the fact that there is absolutely no foreplay or sexual contact in our relationship that is the problem. We make out all the time, then we sit there horny, and she refuses to go farther. I have to catch her on a super rare day for her to let me touch her below or get an hj, and even that ends in "I feel bad now" or tears. I now feel bad for asking, and she feels bad for refusing. But quite frankly, I'm sick of jerking myself off. And I don't think there's anything wrong, immoral, or mean about that. So unless you've been through a similar situation, seen this happen with someone else, or have some actually helpful advice, you can keep your "holier than thou" hypocritical responses to yourselves. Thanks

 

 

She's waiting for love before she has sex. I really respect your GF for this. She's really in contact with herself and knows what she wants.

 

She's also in a society that drops its a proverbial knickers/boxer shorts at a drop of a hat, and she might feel that she's an outcast.

 

I really hope she continues to wait until she finds the love she's looking for before having sex, otherwise she could damage herself emotionally.

 

She doesn't know if she love you, thats why she is not making love with you. She feels you just want sex, not to express love with sex. Going by your words, I'd say that is the case.

 

You have a sexual need. She has a love need.

 

If you feel that there is a good potential that you and her could well be bouncing grandkids on your knees in decades to come, then be with her. If you want a girl who gives out sex whether she's in love or not, then there are plenty of girls like that. I needed that when I was your age.

 

If you care for this one, then only be with her if you love her. Only kiss her if you love her. She needs that, and to have less will hurt her. I'm speaking from experience.

 

She sounds like a good one, do whats best for her.

[maysj18]

You have no idea what you're talking about

 

From the situation you've described, I know exactly what I'm talking about.

 

You are dating a virgin who you want to bone because you feel you have needs. She doesn't want this. You insist on beating a dead horse by constantly bringing it up, making her feel that you aren't happy unless you get sex. So, she has two options: risk losing you or compromising her morals. She is going to become more and more uncomfortable with sex the more you berate her about it. I was a virgin until 21 and what finally made me feel ready was dating someone who NEVER brought it up. Ever. He knew that was important to me. Within a month, I told him I was ready and now it's all water under the bridge. He was so respectful about it. Only when you start acting similarly will she feel comfortable around you and feel like you respect her.

[preraph]

You should take care of your own sexual needs, just like you did when you were 16. Don't play that card. It's B.S. You know how to fix your physical needs and you'll be doing a lot of that throughout life, so don't think having a sexual girlfriend is the end of that.

[maysj18]

From the situation you've described, I know exactly what I'm talking about.

 

You are dating a virgin who you want to bone because you feel you have needs. She doesn't want this. You insist on beating a dead horse by constantly bringing it up, making her feel that you aren't happy unless you get sex. So, she has two options: risk losing you or compromising her morals. She is going to become more and more uncomfortable with sex the more you berate her about it. I was a virgin until 21 and what finally made me feel ready was dating someone who NEVER brought it up. Ever. He knew that was important to me. Within a month, I told him I was ready and now it's all water under the bridge. He was so respectful about it. Only when you start acting similarly will she feel comfortable around you and feel like you respect her.

 

Oh and just an FYI: it had NOTHING to do with my libido that I waited so long. That's just moronic. Saving your virginity for someone who you see a future with has to do with comfort and emotional connection. I actually have a strong libido, always have.

[d0nnivain]

d0nnivain, you're a joke. I never said anything about forcing her to do anything. On these "good days" she is usually the one instigating the sexual contact, the crying is the aftermath. I feel bad that she feels bad, and try to be comforting, but am by no means responsible for that. Cut the witch hunt bs. And we actually are compatible in almost every way except this, if not I'd have been gone after date one. I've never dated a girl for longer than 3 weeks w/o sex (that's even a generous estimation), so this is obviously different. A prime example is last night. We met after work, it was a perfect evening. Everything was great until we went to bed and the sex convo happened. She could sense my disappointment and started crying. It was a typical Monday, a perfect evening that came to a screeching halt. The fact is, I can't see myself ever leaving her. However, I don't want to look back on this point regretting my life years later as some chump in a sexless marriage.

 

Lovely. You are resorting to calling me names. That's a mature way to win an argument.

 

If your GF is crying after any sexual encounter with you, why can't you see that is a problem?

 

If she's the one who is initiating, she's probably doing so because you have made it clear to her that you WANT SEX. She's not stupid. She knows that you are disappointed & frustrated. She's giving you as much as she can in a misguided attempt to hold on to you. The fact that he ends up in emotional turmoil afterwards tells me this will have devastating consequences for you for long after you have deflowered her & moved on to somebody who you think is better in bed.

 

However, you added an important piece of info to this post: that she went to bed with you last night. It makes no sense to me that a 22 year old virgin who says she doesn't know when she will be ready for sex, ends up in bed with some guy she has only recently started dating. That does not add up.

 

If she's serious about her virginity, she probably shouldn't be horizontal with you, let alone under the covers. Virgins who intend to remain that way don't get into bed with men they have only been dating for a short time.

 

If any sexual activity makes her cry, you need to dig deeper. Did she grow up in a religious household? Was she the victim of a sexual assault?

 

BTW, your track record of never waiting more then 3 weeks for some woman you are dating to have sex with you proves to me that you are impatient.

[maysj18]

Lovely. You are resorting to calling me names. That's a mature way to win an argument.

 

If your GF is crying after any sexual encounter with you, why can't you see that is a problem?

 

If she's the one who is initiating, she's probably doing so because you have made it clear to her that you WANT SEX. She's not stupid. She knows that you are disappointed & frustrated. She's giving you as much as she can in a misguided attempt to hold on to you. The fact that he ends up in emotional turmoil afterwards tells me this will have devastating consequences for you for long after you have deflowered her & moved on to somebody who you think is better in bed.

 

However, you added an important piece of info to this post: that she went to bed with you last night. It makes no sense to me that a 22 year old virgin who says she doesn't know when she will be ready for sex, ends up in bed with some guy she has only recently started dating. That does not add up.

 

If she's serious about her virginity, she probably shouldn't be horizontal with you, let alone under the covers. Virgins who intend to remain that way don't get into bed with men they have only been dating for a short time.

 

If any sexual activity makes her cry, you need to dig deeper. Did she grow up in a religious household? Was she the victim of a sexual assault?

 

BTW, your track record of never waiting more then 3 weeks for some woman you are dating to have sex with you proves to me that you are impatient.

 

I agree with you, but I saved my virginity for a long time and snuggling under the covers wasn't out of the question. I guess that could be true if my reason for waiting was strictly religious, but it wasn't. It isn't weird to cuddle with your boyfriend or be under the covers together, virgin or not. It's wonderful to be that close. Dating has changed a lot. In college, a date consisted of watching movies in bed or something. It didn't mean you automatically had sex or anything.

 

I don't know, I don't feel all that's irrelevant.

[d0nnivain]

I agree with you, but I saved my virginity for a long time and snuggling under the covers wasn't out of the question. I guess that could be true if my reason for waiting was strictly religious, but it wasn't. It isn't weird to cuddle with your boyfriend or be under the covers together, virgin or not. It's wonderful to be that close. Dating has changed a lot. In college, a date consisted of watching movies in bed or something. It didn't mean you automatically had sex or anything.

 

I don't know, I don't feel all that's irrelevant.

 

You didn't end up in tears when / after you did it.

[maysj18]

You didn't end up in tears when / after you did it.

 

She's only in tears after going past making out. She seems to be okay with things up to that point, but anything past 1st base is too far.

[WhatIsLove2014]

I think what he needs to understand is that the key point in EVERYTHING he says is that she ends up in tears. This girl is literally crying! Hello! It doesn't matter why she's still a virgin or if she initiates it...whatever! But whenever she does something sexual she ends up crying.

 

LEAVE HER ALONE! If you would just let it happen naturally then everything would be okay but you want it now. So let her go...please. Because If she does end up having sex with you sooner (rather than later), I guarantee she will end up in tears. She's not ready.

[baker3g]

From the situation you've described, I know exactly what I'm talking about.

 

You are dating a virgin who you want to bone because you feel you have needs. She doesn't want this. You insist on beating a dead horse by constantly bringing it up, making her feel that you aren't happy unless you get sex. So, she has two options: risk losing you or compromising her morals. She is going to become more and more uncomfortable with sex the more you berate her about it. I was a virgin until 21 and what finally made me feel ready was dating someone who NEVER brought it up. Ever. He knew that was important to me. Within a month, I told him I was ready and now it's all water under the bridge. He was so respectful about it. Only when you start acting similarly will she feel comfortable around you and feel like you respect her.

 

You just skim what I say and extrapolate, don't you? If so, please stop replying. No one wants to hear about the first dinosaur you banged in the 50s, god rest his soul. As I said, I'm cool not "boning" her. My issue, which has been lost in all this, is the lack of anything else i.e. FOREPLAY!!!. Is foreplay (NOT INTERCOURSE) unreasonable of me to expect?

 

Additionally, I appreciate all the responses except for those of you attacking my character (see above). I know I'm inexperienced with this and thank you for the advice. I'd really like to work this out if possible, but as many indicated, this may not be so. All I can do is keep trying. She is a superior woman in this day and age, and I respect the hell out of that. In the end, I want her to be happy.

[WhatIsLove2014]

You just skim what I say and extrapolate, don't you? If so, please stop replying. No one wants to hear about the first dinosaur you banged in the 50s, god rest his soul. As I said, I'm cool not "boning" her. My issue, which has been lost in all this, is the lack of anything else i.e. FOREPLAY!!!. Is foreplay (NOT INTERCOURSE) unreasonable of me to expect?

 

It may be too much to expect FOR HER...it's nothing to you but she just doesn't want to.

[CarrieT]

Is foreplay (NOT INTERCOURSE) unreasonable of me to expect?

Yes, it is unreasonable.

 

Because it is "is a set of emotionally and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity."

 

She is not ready for the Sexual Activity and so you should not be pushing for FOREPLAY.

[maysj18]

You just skim what I say and extrapolate, don't you? If so, please stop replying. No one wants to hear about the first dinosaur you banged in the 50s, god rest his soul. As I said, I'm cool not "boning" her. My issue, which has been lost in all this, is the lack of anything else i.e. FOREPLAY!!!. Is foreplay (NOT INTERCOURSE) unreasonable of me to expect?

 

Additionally, I appreciate all the responses except for those of you attacking my character (see above). I know I'm inexperienced with this and thank you for the advice. I'd really like to work this out if possible, but as many indicated, this may not be so. All I can do is keep trying. She is a superior woman in this day and age, and I respect the hell out of that. In the end, I want her to be happy.

 

YES, IT'S TOO MUCH TO EXPECT BECAUSE SHE CRIES AFTERWARD. That's what everyone is trying to tell you. She is not comfortable with any foreplay, period. She's made that perfectly clear to you. You CANNOT make her "okay" with it by continuing to push the subject.

[baker3g]

Lovely. You are resorting to calling me names. That's a mature way to win an argument.

 

If your GF is crying after any sexual encounter with you, why can't you see that is a problem?

 

If she's the one who is initiating, she's probably doing so because you have made it clear to her that you WANT SEX. She's not stupid. She knows that you are disappointed & frustrated. She's giving you as much as she can in a misguided attempt to hold on to you. The fact that he ends up in emotional turmoil afterwards tells me this will have devastating consequences for you for long after you have deflowered her & moved on to somebody who you think is better in bed.

 

However, you added an important piece of info to this post: that she went to bed with you last night. It makes no sense to me that a 22 year old virgin who says she doesn't know when she will be ready for sex, ends up in bed with some guy she has only recently started dating. That does not add up.

 

If she's serious about her virginity, she probably shouldn't be horizontal with you, let alone under the covers. Virgins who intend to remain that way don't get into bed with men they have only been dating for a short time.

 

If any sexual activity makes her cry, you need to dig deeper. Did she grow up in a religious household? Was she the victim of a sexual assault?

 

BTW, your track record of never waiting more then 3 weeks for some woman you are dating to have sex with you proves to me that you are impatient.

 

I didn't call you names. The "chump" I mentioned was an example of who I didn't want to be. You are a joke because you attacked my character and said I "forced her" without having any indication of that fact. Also, we stay at each others places almost every night. I wouldn't call that strange. As for my track record, I have honestly never felt this way about a woman before. I don't wait, but for her I'm willing.

[maysj18]

I didn't call you names. The "chump" I mentioned was an example of who I didn't want to be. You are a joke because you attacked my character and said I "forced her" without having any indication of that fact. Also, we stay at each others places almost every night. I wouldn't call that strange. As for my track record, I have honestly never felt this way about a woman before. I don't wait, but for her I'm willing.

 

If you're willing to wait then stop bringing it up. End of story. That would settle this whole thing.

[d0nnivain]

No one wants to hear about the first dinosaur you banged in the 50s, god rest his soul.

 

Great. Now you are attacking two people.

 

This is a sharing community. Maysj18 is trying to help you by explaining her experiences. Another's perspective often helps when you are open minded.

[Mopparon]

You just skim what I say and extrapolate, don't you? If so, please stop replying. No one wants to hear about the first dinosaur you banged in the 50s, god rest his soul. As I said, I'm cool not "boning" her. My issue, which has been lost in all this, is the lack of anything else i.e. FOREPLAY!!!. Is foreplay (NOT INTERCOURSE) unreasonable of me to expect?

 

Additionally, I appreciate all the responses except for those of you attacking my character (see above). I know I'm inexperienced with this and thank you for the advice. I'd really like to work this out if possible, but as many indicated, this may not be so. All I can do is keep trying. She is a superior woman in this day and age, and I respect the hell out of that. In the end, I want her to be happy.

 

It may be too much to expect FOR HER...it's nothing to you but she just doesn't want to.

 

^^ EXACTLY!!

 

Also I think its YOU who seems to be skimming through posts, as I have clearly said a number of times now that forcing / pressuring someone into ANY sexual activity that makes them uncomfortable isn't conducive to a happy relationship! And if it continues that way then its only going to end badly for both of you.

 

If you want her to be happy then realise and accept that she is not as sexual as you are / certainly that she isn't into sexual stuff much right now. And if you can't accept that then you really need to move on so you can both find better matches and be happier for it.

[LoneIsland]

Great. Now you are attacking two people.

 

Give the man some slack. There's a lot of pent up energy having nowhere to go. A few punch dummies perhaps could help.

[WhatIsLove2014]

I didn't call you names. The "chump" I mentioned was an example of who I didn't want to be. You are a joke because you attacked my character and said I "forced her" without having any indication of that fact. Also, we stay at each others places almost every night. I wouldn't call that strange. As for my track record, I have honestly never felt this way about a woman before. I don't wait, but for her I'm willing.

 

If you are willing then why are you here, asking us? There would be no problem.

[d0nnivain]

We make out all the time, then we sit there horny, and she refuses to go farther. I have to catch her on a super rare day for her to let me touch her below or get an hj, and even that ends in "I feel bad now" or tears. I now feel bad for asking, and she feels bad for refusing.

 

I did not jump to any conclusions about you forcing your GF. You're the one who said that she refused to go farther but then on a "super rare day" there is some manual play. You also admitted that you ask for this sexual contact.

 

In a later post you claim she initiates.

 

I can't help but wonder how much cajoling & guilt tripping or at least pouting occurs before she initiates. Or is there alcohol involved to lower her inhibitions.

 

Finally you repeatedly miss the point of almost everybody's responses to you. You may very well love her but you two are a BAD MATCH. You are fundamentally incompatible with respect your views about sex. That isn't going to change quickly & if she really does want to wait until marriage, then you do run the risk of being married to a cold fish who withholds sex inside of marriage. It's very rare indeed that somebody who clung to their virginity past the age of 22 suddenly wakes up & enjoys the hedonistic pleasures of sex.

 

This isn't going to end well for anybody. Get out now. You both deserve somebody who more suited to your individual needs.

[d0nnivain]

Give the man some slack. There's a lot of pent up energy having nowhere to go. A few punch dummies perhaps could help.

 

I'm NOBODY's punch dummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

And his pent up energy has somewhere to go. Rosie Palm & her five sisters are always available to take care of him. He admits to having indulged.

[baker3g]

Mop, Mays18, D0n, whatislove (aka haters club) the only reason is because while I really do want to be physical with her, I don't want to leave her only because of that. That's all

[WhatIsLove2014]

Mop, Mays18, D0n, whatislove (aka haters club) the only reason is because while I really do want to be physical with her, I don't want to leave her only because of that. That's all

 

Haters club? Sorry, I can't convince you that your girlfriend isn't wrong for not wanting to blow you.

 

If you want to be with her, stop bringing up the sex topic. You are obviously not listening...so I'm done.

[preraph]

I'm NOBODY's punch dummy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

And his pent up energy has somewhere to go. Rosie Palm & her five sisters are always available to take care of him. He admits to having indulged.

 

EXACTLY! He doesn't need to be blaming her for his crankiness. Jeez, these young guys at their sexual peak do so much moaning and groaning, and yet they're young and at least the possibility exists someone might want to have sex with them. I can only imagine the hue and cry if they had to live the life of a 40-50 year old woman in her sexual prime with NO possibility of having sex unless she's managed to make a marriage work despite all odds for 20 years or more.

[d0nnivain]

Nobody on here hates you. We are all frustrated because you stamp your feet & insist you love this girl; refuse to listen when we tell you it won't work & then call us names.

 

What do you want us to tell you?

 

We could say, go ahead, force her. Rape isn't going to make this better & even you understand that.

 

We could say, hang on, keep seducing her when she finally does give you her virginity, there's no chance she will see that as a declaration of your undying love & she will magically become a goddess between the sheets. But that would indicate that we did hate you; because we'd be lying to you.

 

We're telling you the reality. Your focus on the physical aspects of your relationship when she is not ready for that will be the demise of the relationship even if you don't want it to be.

 

The fact that you don't like that inconvenient truth does not make it any less valid.