3 Reasons Why Guys Should Still be Paying for Dates

[Natsu21]

Oh I'm not judging you- when I say that its slightly immoral I am speaking from a view of how society itself views such actions. I have no thoughts on it either way as I have no investment in the situation.

 

Similarly I don't see what I did as good or bad really. My decisions are mine and I make them for my own benefit ultimately. I may have had her guilt in mind, but I ultimately I just can't have wanted to have sex with her that badly otherwise I would have, boyfriend or no boyfriend.

 

I don't value sex like others do- I wanted her, I loved her. The sex was a factor of who she is, if I couldn't have all of her then the sex was just a poor consolation, but that's just me.

 

It's important to convey this next bit, as it really illustrates the lengths some women will go to to snag a provider at the expense of their own happiness:

 

She's quite an excitable, bubbly girl who always draws attention to herself when she's out because she is quite lively. Normally I get turned off by that, but with her I found it strangely endearing. I am quite a downbeat character and her excitement when she was having a good time brought the best out of me. So one day I told her that that was one of the things I liked most about her, she looked like she was really touched by this and explained that her boyfriend really disliked her personality...yet in the end, she decided to choose financial security over a guy who would love her for who she was.

 

Fair play, she taught me a lot about life and how *some* (most) women seek comfort first and love second. As I say, I thanked her in the end for being so honest about what kind of woman she was.

 

And that, my friends, is why being the OM is more of a win than being the married man.

 

Because a woman will stay with a financially secure guy, but she won't always like him.

[jay1983]

I personally don't see anything wrong with this technique, and especially since it's worked out for you, I'd say more power to you

 

That's a great technique too. Just have them meet you somewhere you'll be anyway. If she flakes, it doesn't matter because you didn't make special plans.

 

I have one friend who used to have women meet him outside his apartment building. Then he would tell them he isn't ready and they should come up. It was funny. He actually got laid that way a few times too.

 

Thanks, but I think you guys are giving me a little too much credit. I don't really think of it as a technique, it's not very strategic. I'm just doing what wanna do, I don't even really care if it doesn't work. It's actually kinda selfish.

Edited October 2, 2014 by jay1983

[love1336x]

I've never really had a problem with men paying for me honestly.

I've dated 19 years old to 30 years old, and they always paid...

 

It's something that been programed in my head since forever.

I mean I will pay every now and then, but usually my man forks up the cash.

 

It's nice to be wined and dined. :love::love:

Beside, I am very humble, not like i demand nice stuff or want to go out to francy places.

[Ruby Slippers]

Out of interest, would you have any qualms about telling a man that you were with that part of the reason you are attracted to him is because he makes for a good provider for you?

I've made it clear to everyone I've had a serious relationship with that I expect we will both contribute financially to the household, but I would prefer not to work while raising very young children, so during that time we will be dependent on the father's income.

 

I would rather live a frugal life and raise my young children myself, than live a more extravagant life and depend on daycare or nannies to do that. The men I've gotten serious with are very much in agreement on this point, and are seeking a partner who feels the same way.

 

So yes, I've always made it clear that our financial solvency and ability to support a family together are very important to me. I only want to have children if I have a stable family and household in which to raise them.

 

I grew up poor, have always been fine with cheap or free dates, and do not expect an opulent lifestyle. Some of my best dates were things like afternoon picnics where we put together a simple bag of food, grabbed a blanket, and strolled to the park.

 

I've had several clear offers from responsible, high-earning guys to "take care of me". That's nice, but I'd rather have a simple life with real love, than a luxurious life without real love, any day of the week.

 

But even the humblest guy who fancies a girl wants to offer nice things to make her happy. It has nothing to do with how much it costs.

[Woggle]

The guys here who sleep with married women are part of the problem. How can you do that to another guy when I know if you ever get cheated on you would want to kill the OM? You are no different than they are?

 

Also just because a woman has a career and brains does not mean she is not loyal and faithful. Morals don't depend on how dependent a woman is on a man financially. These are traits a woman will show if you make the effort to really get to know who she is.

[Natsu21]

The problem is the women that allow these guys to sleep with em. You know some women lie and say they're single, right?

[Natsu21]

The guys here who sleep with married women are part of the problem. How can you do that to another guy when I know if you ever get cheated on you would want to kill the OM? You are no different than they are?

 

Also just because a woman has a career and brains does not mean she is not loyal and faithful. Morals don't depend on how dependent a woman is on a man financially. These are traits a woman will show if you make the effort to really get to know who she is.

 

Sorry man, but the minute they see my pockets lacking, they go running. So I go for the approach that I can get.

[Woggle]

If they lie to walk out. A married woman lied to me and I got up during and walked right out leaving her with the check and all. I do not mess with taken women.

[insert_name]

I've made it clear to everyone I've had a serious relationship with that I expect we will both contribute financially to the household, but I would prefer not to work while raising very young children, so during that time we will be dependent on the father's income.

 

I would rather live a frugal life and raise my young children myself, than live a more extravagant life and depend on daycare or nannies to do that. The men I've gotten serious with are very much in agreement on this point, and are seeking a partner who feels the same way.

 

So yes, I've always made it clear that our financial solvency and ability to support a family together are very important to me. I only want to have children if I have a stable family and household in which to raise them.

 

I grew up poor, have always been fine with cheap or free dates, and do not expect an opulent lifestyle. Some of my best dates were things like afternoon picnics where we put together a simple bag of food, grabbed a blanket, and strolled to the park.

 

I've had several clear offers from responsible, high-earning guys to "take care of me". That's nice, but I'd rather have a simple life with real love, than a luxurious life without real love, any day of the week.

 

But even the humblest guy who fancies a girl wants to offer nice things to make her happy. It has nothing to do with how much it costs.

 

Well answered. Your use of the word provider was a lot more severe than your actual definition of what you would like in a partner. That paints a better picture of yourself than how others have come across in this thread.

 

I think the key thing here is your last paragraph, of course us guys would love to be in a situation where we can give the woman that we love a lifestyle that makes her feel appreciated and adored, but I don't think any man dreams about dating a woman who will expect him to do this for her. As a poster said above, men are encouraged by women to be selfless, but our selflessness should be considered a gift based on our love of the woman in question, not a right simply because you possess a vagina.

 

I think that is what rubs guys up the wrong way, hearing girls talk about how they have been programmed to expect charity from men, when the converse suggestion of them reciprocating by cooking and cleaning for a man no doubt fills them with revulsion at such outdated stereotypes. What's sauce for the goose is most definitely not sauce for the gander, as the saying goes.

[insert_name]

The guys here who sleep with married women are part of the problem. How can you do that to another guy when I know if you ever get cheated on you would want to kill the OM? You are no different than they are?

 

Also just because a woman has a career and brains does not mean she is not loyal and faithful. Morals don't depend on how dependent a woman is on a man financially. These are traits a woman will show if you make the effort to really get to know who she is.

 

It's down to the woman to say no ultimately, taking it out on the OM is letting her off the hook. If she cares about you she wouldn't do it in the first place and then there is no OM involved.

 

I don't feel good about my involvement with the girl I spoke about earlier- but she had her chance to stop it, I never pressurized her. She just loved the attention and that's a problem that every man in a long term relationship faces. Men can't just go out and have women dripping off them, whereas even an average girl who knows how to work with what she has got can have guys giving her all the attention she can crave. When things start to go a bit stale in the relationship she can easily access validation of her attractiveness and can take it as far as she wants. I've seen this with other people's relationships (and read enough threads about it on here!) that if I was a guy coming up to the 4th year of my relationship I would be getting seriously concerned.

[Mister Zen]

Or at least better than the schmuck she's with and or married with.

 

I've slept with 3 different women who were either married or taken. Boyfriends don't know. I'm broke, dead broke...

 

I'm friends with a woman who stays with a man who is a very decent provider, but she's cheating on him with a guy that works at Taco Bell...

 

I slept with a bartender who used me numerous times to make her ex jealous. I was aware of her game but a hot bartender who looks like Taylor Swift is not going to come my way all the time, so I took advantage of it. She still SLEPT with me.

 

Zen, you got a point, if a woman is dependent on a man(financially speaking, I take it) then yes, she'll stay in the relationship.

 

But judging from my experience, just because she's lying in the bed with you, doesn't mean she's thinking about someone else. Being the OM, I realized that I didn't HAVE to be a financially stable person to get laid, but not being financially stable kills my chances of getting married and having a family, but at 23, that's no big deal. My independence comes first. But because i'm financially unstable, I can't get as much tail as I'd like, but I'm still young, I can remedy that problem with time.

 

But really, who's better off? The man she's with, or the man she's really thinking of? It really depends on how you view things.

 

On the one hand, she's spending every night in your bed. She could be having sex with you, she could not. She could still be cheating on you. That means all the guy in her life is is just a bank. She doesn't love him nor respect.

 

I've seen, in a lot of times, some seriously hot girls with really rich husbands, cheat on them with guys who work minimum wage jobs. Trust me when I say while money can GET you women, that doesn't guarantee you get a loyal woman. Not unless you 1. Cut her off from friends. 2. Have her so broke that she can't leave the house without so much your permission(which is what some guys I've seen do to control the relationship) only then can you have absolute control of your relationship. Why do you think lots of women stay in abusive relationships?

 

Money matters to some women, sometimes it doesn't, but it doesn't overall determine loyalty. Just who they will marry.

 

And frankly, if you ask me, marriage is just a sham. I'm enjoying getting laid, though it isn't as much as I'd like...just fine.

 

Based on what you said, neither man is better off because she isn't being loyal to either one of them.

 

Even if she commits to one while thinking about another.. she is being loyal to neither of them.

[Natsu21]

Based on what you said, neither man is better off because she isn't being loyal to either one of them.

 

Even if she commits to one while thinking about another.. she is being loyal to neither of them.

 

And that's the moral of the story kids!

 

Dick don't pay for strange!

[clou]

The difference in preening costs isn't one I had considered before, but the author has a point. If you're large chested and have a small back size, a matching set can cost a small fortune. Granted, the clothes aren't coming off on a first date, but the guy still benefits from the cost as you always feel (and come across as) more confident in a matching bra and panties. Fact.

 

Personally, whilst I wouldn't let a guy pay for everything, I do like knowing that he would if I let him. I guess it makes me feel special, and also reassures me he's earning enough to do that - I make good money myself and in my experience, guys can get a real complex when they're lower earners. It's just easier if you're on roughly the same.

 

I'd never go anywhere without my own money - never had it happen on a date before, but friends of mine have genuinely forgotten wallets before and needed me to pick up the whole tab - and I'd always insist on paying at least half if I didn't like the guy. Or if we went somewhere very expensive. There's a fine line between feeling special and feeling bought.

 

If someone buys me dinner, it means there's a second date on the cards because I then owe them dinner back. So if he pays for dinner, that's good, right?

 

clou x

[most_distant_galaxy]

I love a man who wants to treat me all the time and I have to dispute with him or be sneaky in order to treat him in return.

[Imported]

The difference in preening costs isn't one I had considered before, but the author has a point. If you're large chested and have a small back size, a matching set can cost a small fortune.

 

...........

 

 

If someone buys me dinner, it means there's a second date on the cards because I then owe them dinner back. So if he pays for dinner, that's good, right?

 

clou x

 

 

Well, although I'd still have gotten the cars I have, some of the interior options I went for (main car) with women in mind, bumped up the cost by more than 4 grand.

 

Does that mean women should buy me dinner on a first date?

 

I am not one to be concerned over these matters. I just don't like people using stupid reasoning on why they deserve something. If she got a boob job to attract guys (me), should I feel obligated to chip in more $$$ to cover that? How about vaginoplasty? I mean, that'd benefit my enjoyment later. Her day spa sessions? Her buying only organic food?

 

Wait, how about women do what they think they need to do to attract the guys they want, but when they get that guy they should just be happy he asked her out and not feel like an entitled child?

 

I don't owe any girl ****. I pay out of generousity and that's just how I was raised. When I have to deal with women that seemingly think they are owed, I get my monies worth out of them. There is no free ride. In your dealings, you should consider that you get back what you put in.

[Trane]

I will gladly and eagerly pay for the first date. Don't expect me to pay for the second or third unless the first wad really good. I need to know that I've made it to her lineup card. Next stop, on-deck circle and batters box.

 

50 to 75 percent of the time, she's already got her third and fourth dates paid for by other guys shes dating at the same time.

 

There was a story a little while back about a girl who confessed to purposefully going on as many dates as possible without paying. She dumps the guys after she's had her fill.

[clou]

Well, although I'd still have gotten the cars I have, some of the interior options I went for (main car) with women in mind, bumped up the cost by more than 4 grand.

 

Does that mean women should buy me dinner on a first date?

 

I am not one to be concerned over these matters. I just don't like people using stupid reasoning on why they deserve something. If she got a boob job to attract guys (me), should I feel obligated to chip in more $$$ to cover that? How about vaginoplasty? I mean, that'd benefit my enjoyment later. Her day spa sessions? Her buying only organic food?

 

Those are all sunk costs, not things you would go out and spend money on if you had a date lined up!

 

Wait, how about women do what they think they need to do to attract the guys they want, but when they get that guy they should just be happy he asked her out and not feel like an entitled child?

 

I don't owe any girl ****. I pay out of generousity and that's just how I was raised. When I have to deal with women that seemingly think they are owed, I get my monies worth out of them. There is no free ride. In your dealings, you should consider that you get back what you put in.

 

Hoping that a guy will offer to pay for dinner doesn't make a woman an entitled child. And honestly, if I went on a date with someone like you, and that level of aggression came out, I'd put down my half (or the entire amount, if I'd done the asking out) and just leave.

 

I don't think it's fair to accept being treated when you don't intend to see the other person again. I don't think it's fair to go on a date you can't afford (whilst it's nice to be treated, you should have enough cash to pay at least your share if it becomes obvious you're not interested, and/or if the date works out as too expensive for one person to reasonably cover).

 

I won't let someone pay for me all the time - once you start seeing each other, it's nice to take it in turns and/or have the higher earner pay more often and that may well be me - but first dates are special.

[RedRobin]

The only good reason why (some) guys should still be paying for dates is because men (and people in general) are socialized not to value things they don't pay for in some way.

 

 

Either money or time. Frankly, I'd prefer they pay with their time, and hopefully, a little creativity. That's a lot more valuable to me than $$.

[fortyninethousand322]

The only good reason why (some) guys should still be paying for dates is because men (and people in general) are socialized not to value things they don't pay for in some way.

 

 

Either money or time. Frankly, I'd prefer they pay with their time, and hopefully, a little creativity. That's a lot more valuable to me than $$.

 

I don't know. I pay out of fear of being rejected if I don't.

 

Of course, when I do pay, I'm rejected anyway. So maybe my plan doesn't work as well as I thought...