3 Reasons Why Guys Should Still be Paying for Dates

[GravityMan]

It's romantic when a man pays. That's enough reason for many of us.

 

Yes. I'd also say that generally holds true for most men who are gentleman and have good heads on their shoulders. Simply put, they're interested in the woman, care about her, think she's special...so it's only natural for the guy to WANT to do things that make her feel good, wanted, desired. Such as asking her out and paying for the date. Or cooking for her. Or buying her a nice little gift or bringing her flowers. Whatever feels right and seems appropriate. Of course many such men will appreciate being treated every now and then...the confident ones won't feel emasculated by that.

 

Whether it's "right", "wrong" or whether one "should" or "shouldn't" is largely beside the point. Likewise with "expecting". Most good people just don't think like that when dating. The one case that's wrong is if the guy asks the woman out (or vice versa) and then expects or demands that she pick up the bill. That's messed up and very discourteous.

 

The reasons listed by the article's author are unimportant and irrelevant. His arguments come from a logical perspective. Dating and romance is much more emotional than logical.

[Woggle]

Pretty sure this is a false statistic. One that still gets repeated even though its proven wrong.

 

 

 

 

Heres my take on this. I like to pay on dates. I get a certain satisfaction from it. However, when the attitude of a women shifts from being thankful and surprised that I paid for our outing, and it turns into an attitude of expectation and entitlement, that's is when she no longer deserves to be paid for.

 

 

Remember ladies, your actions make the rules. Act entitled, or act like you expect it, you'll end up losing the mans respect.

 

Reward the men who act gentlemenly with admiration and affirmation and you'll see chivalry make a comeback .

 

Very true. Nothing makes me more stingy than when somebody acts entitled or like it is my duty to do something for them. My generosity is a privilege and not a birthright.

[Andy_K]

My thoughts:

 

#1

 

- Unless I'm going to be removing said underwear, I fail to see how that figures into the dating equation.

 

- Can I count the small fortune I spend on protein powder and chicken breasts I consume in order to be fitter, stronger, and more attractive?

 

#2

 

- figures for pay inequality are highly debatable. Even if they weren't, wouldn't 'equality' suggest I pay 20-25% more rather than the entire tab?

 

#3

 

- if by paying I am encouraging myself to date quality, then it stands to reason the opposite is true for them - so by dating women who don't pay.... I am encouraging them to waste my time when they're only half interested. That doesn't sound like a good idea.

[Imported]

Sure.

 

And it's not too much to expect a handy from her under the table right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I kid. I don't mind paying. Not a big deal.

[xxoo]

I get that it feels good when a man wines and dines you and you feel like a woman but when some women preach day and night against traditional ways and then turn into 50s throwbacks when it comes to things that the man is supposed to do it sounds hypocritical. There are a lot of things women do that make a man feel good but if we voice our desire for them we are called sexist pigs.

 

Like what, woggle?

 

Esp on a first date, what would a man consider romantic from the woman?

[Woggle]

Like what, woggle?

 

Esp on a first date, what would a man consider romantic from the woman?

 

Not so much on a first date but we like a woman that once in a while can cook something nice or boost our ego or give us a back rub or something like that but god forbid a man voice a desire for any of that.

[xxoo]

Not so much on a first date but we like a woman that once in a while can cook something nice or boost our ego or give us a back rub or something like that but god forbid a man voice a desire for any of that.

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with a man expressing that he likes those things and finds them romantic. I enjoy doing those things.

 

The problem is when either gender demands these things. Nothing wrong with wanting to give and get them

[fortyninethousand322]

I figure if I pay, she's probably looking for a free meal and the price of said meal was having to sit with me for an hour or so.

 

I figure if she pays (for herself or for both of us) she probably has no interest in seeing me again and doesn't want to feel guilty that I paid for the date.

[Phoe]

I have no idea how accurate the statistics are regarding what women make compared to what men make, for the same position, but I do know that the men at my work who have the same position as me, make more than me per hour. I remember when raises came around, they got twice the raise I got. But I typically get more hours than them per week, because according to my manager, I'm the "reliable, go to person that he can depend on". But even though I'm working more hours than them, it still doesn't make up for the $ per hr disparity. Their paychecks still are larger than mine. *shrug*

 

With that said, I still have no ****s to give about dating a man with money. I happily pay for things, that's what I'm used to doing.

[Diezel]

I thought it was about "first dates" not about "all dates".

 

WRONG.

 

Sorry, but that argument needs to go back to the 1950's time capsule from which it came.

[gaius]

I figure if I pay, she's probably looking for a free meal and the price of said meal was having to sit with me for an hour or so.

 

I figure if she pays (for herself or for both of us) she probably has no interest in seeing me again and doesn't want to feel guilty that I paid for the date.

Shame on you forty. I know women who will scam a guy for a free drink but a free dinner? They have to genuinely like you on some level to spend an hour with you. There are easier avenues by far to get food.

[gaius]

Honestly, treating women to stuff stimulates them. Not because society says so but because there's some deep down hard coded thing inside them that finds it stimulating. Arguing you shouldn't have to do it is like refusing to touch her clitoris during sex. Whether you like it or not that's the spot that's sensitive. Maybe you'll luck out and find a girl that doesn't like it but that's not their natural state of being.

[Ruby Slippers]

Honestly, treating women to stuff stimulates them. Not because society says so but because there's some deep down hard coded thing inside them that finds it stimulating.

I think it's pretty simple. A woman is driven by her biology to choose the mate who is strongest, most capable, and takes care of her (and her potential offspring with him) the best.

 

Incubating and creating children is a huge investment, often the biggest investment of a woman's life, one that permanently changes her life and body. It would be foolish and self-defeating to make that investment with a man who's not totally committed to making sure you're comfortable and taken care of. A man taking care of dating expenses shows her he's serious and beginning to invest in a real way.

 

Of course, this is only one of many things a woman is wired to seek out in a mate - but it's a very important one for a woman who wants something lasting and reliable.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I don't understand why some men make such a big fuss about paying for the first date. For starters, I prefer the first date to be a short coffee date. I don't even care if I have to pay for my own coffee or both our coffees.

 

Now if we go for dinner for the second date, I prefer this to be a low key affair. Not some candle light dinner in a restaurant with a Michelin but something simple like an Asian or an Italian restaurant. Everything more would be totally over the top at that stage. Paying for that will hardly make a guy go bankrupt.

Of course I can pay for my own meal but most probably it will have been the last date because it would give me the impression that the guy is cheap and that's basically the worst characteristic anyone can have in my eyes.

I once had a date with a guy who anxiously said to me when we were studying the menu "We won't take a starter, will we?" Now that first time he still paid for the two of us but the next time we went for dinner he really took the bill and calculated every post (whereas I would simply split it in two, which in general means I pay more than what I had because I don't drink alcohol). If this would have been now, he would not have got a second date after his "we won't have a starter remark". The guy was really very greedy despite having a lot of money.

 

I am as emancipated as they come but it is a big plus for me if a guy pays for the first dates. Probably just as it is a big plus for him that I do some extra effort to look elegant and feminine.

 

Once the relationship is in place I will be more than willing than reciprocate. In all my relationships I loved to invite my boyfriend to a nice meal at my home or in a restaurant, and I also loved to give presents and attentions. My boyfriends sure never had to guess that they were important for me...

[Emilia]

I think it's pretty simple. A woman is driven by her biology to choose the mate who is strongest, most capable, and takes care of her (and her potential offspring with him) the best.

 

Incubating and creating children is a huge investment, often the biggest investment of a woman's life, one that permanently changes her life and body. It would be foolish and self-defeating to make that investment with a man who's not totally committed to making sure you're comfortable and taken care of. A man taking care of dating expenses shows her he's serious and beginning to invest in a real way.

 

Of course, this is only one of many things a woman is wired to seek out in a mate - but it's a very important one for a woman who wants something lasting and reliable.

I don't think it's true for all women, perhaps for only those that want children. Today in the West - at least somewhere like the UK - 20% of women of child bearing age choose not to have children. This is a pretty large % of the female population and an indication that the blanket term 'biology' cannot be applied. The same way as on another thread the same blanket term cannot be applied to male behaviour either.

 

I think people should own their behaviour and preferences and not hide behind biology as we are socially evolving and it simply isn't true that we want the same or are wired the same or expect the same.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I think people should own their behaviour and preferences and not hide behind biology as we are socially evolving and it simply isn't true that we want the same or are wired the same or expect the same.

 

Exactly my thoughts. The biologically determined excuse is too easy.

 

I simply like to be invited to a meal by a man on the first dates because it makes me feel spoilt and taken care off. I also happen to love food.

They have a saying in my mother tongue: "The love of the man goes through his stomach". Well, I am a woman and the love of this woman clearly goes through her stomach .

You wanna make me happy? Cook for me or take me out for a good meal. That's how easy it is .

 

Somehow my love gene is linked to food so if a guy I like treats me to a meal it touches a nerve. Maybe it is because my otherwise cold mother was a fantastic cook and my first real boyfriend was a chef.

They say there are 5 love languages, well I can add a 6th one to that: food.

 

Pretty amazing that despite food being so important for me I am still slim.

[Got it]

Looks like the article should have read:

 

3 Reasons Why the Higher Earner Should Pay for Dates

 

Point #1, especially on the topic of underwear, speaks to poor purchasing decisions. Material and labour considered, underwear for both sexes should cost about the same.

 

And for the record, I spend $30 per pair myself on UnderArmour boxers that I adore. Got myself 10 pairs that I expect to last a long while.

 

Point #2 takes a generalization and applies it to the specific situation. The earning power of each is pairing will vary.

 

On the note that women's earnings are 80%: that of men is a reflection of the career paths women choose, which tend to be more risk averse. In a market economy, greater risks reap greater rewards. On a job position by job position basis, women have reached parity with men.

 

Point #3 makes a good argument in and of itself (linking the expense of dating with selectivity of dates) but applies to both parties, hence is not valid towards the main argument - that men should pay for all dates. If women were paying they would have just as much reason to be selective.

 

Overall the article feels like a silly attempt to adhere to age old traditions that no longer apply in the modern setting.

 

In terms of fairness, I believe the person who initiates and plans the date should pay, since the person on the receiving end may not be as excited to have their budget squeezed. It's common courtesy.

 

However future payments are determined will come about naturally through a combination of intuition, shared values & beliefs and communication.

 

In rebuttal:

 

Point #1 - check out Victoria Secret for pricing on women's underwear. Remember we do not just have bottoms but tops as well. And it is pricier than what you are paying apparently. (This is not in rebuttal to why men or women should pay for a date but your perception on costs of undergarments).

 

Point #2 - that is not entirely true. Women, in the same fields and same positions, are making less than men. We are earning 77 cents on the dollar that men are making. There is not a parity that you are arguing. And then, yes, women are predominantly in fields that earn less, education, social work, childcare, etc. Now why do we pay these areas less? There is a sociological viewpoint that we pay these less because they are valued as less and so have been more open to women going into. Also many women's careers are negatively impacted due to child rearing. For every year that a women is out of the workforce, her earning capability is hit by 10% (Lean In). And since it is assumed/expected that women are in charge of the childrearing/care then they are working careers around raising children. Until society starts focusing and accommodating the needs of raising children we are going to continue to see women making less. The ability to have to juggle all falls more on women than on men. (A great read into this is "Lean In".)

 

The beauty of the "rules" is we set our own. So if a man wants a woman to pay, then he can state that and he will find women who are receptive and vice versa.

 

As a woman, I like an even back and forth and if I am interested in a man, I want to "wow" him as well. With my husband, after he wowed me on a date, I put together an amazing weekend trip where he was "eye candy" and I took care of everything. We stayed in a fantastic bed and breakfast, put together a wine tour, visited some national landmarks, etc.

 

I like a man who can be eye candy, I enjoy a friendly competition on impressing the other party and each party raising the bar; all in good fun.

[Got it]

I have no idea how accurate the statistics are regarding what women make compared to what men make, for the same position, but I do know that the men at my work who have the same position as me, make more than me per hour. I remember when raises came around, they got twice the raise I got. But I typically get more hours than them per week, because according to my manager, I'm the "reliable, go to person that he can depend on". But even though I'm working more hours than them, it still doesn't make up for the $ per hr disparity. Their paychecks still are larger than mine. *shrug*

 

With that said, I still have no ****s to give about dating a man with money. I happily pay for things, that's what I'm used to doing.

 

Why the shrug? I would challenge your manager on this and challenge why you should make more. There needs to be performance based reasons for this parity or your dealing with discrimination issues.

 

Women do not push for promotions and pay increases as much as men. We tend to have a harder time to promote ourselves and our worth. Go in with an argument based on facts and argue your case.

 

I know it is hard, I have argued my way up my career and my pay and have had to fight every step of the way. But it gets easier the more you believe in your talents and abilities. And it isn't personal, this is just business. You have commodities that you are offering your employer and here is why it is worth X amount.

[Keenly]

Why the author attempted to factor in the price of female under wear is beyond me.

What exactly does that have to do with us men?

 

 

If its the first date were talking about here, why is the man responsible for making up.for the purchases a woman makes for her nether regions?

 

 

It seems like she's grasping.

[StanMusial]

I consider myself to be a feminist who absolutely adores men, who supports the men's movement as much as my own and who isn't afraid to admit that I tend to lean towards more traditional values when it comes to family and relationships.

 

When it comes to dating, I have never been afraid to pull out my credit card and pay. Having said that, I think the first date should be paid by the person who initiates the date. After that, taking turns seems to be the more logical and fairest way to deal with dating especially if money is an issue for either person.

 

Regardless, I came across this article and wondered what your thoughts are on the subject;

 

3 Reasons Why Guys Should Still Be Paying For Dates -

 

And P.S., don't shoot the messenger

 

I don't have any issue paying for dates. I would never date a feminist either so it wouldn't be an issue anyway.

 

And what is the "men's movement"? Does everyone have a movement these days? The only movement I am involved with is the bowel movement that I committed this morning and I doubt anyone wants to hear about that.

[Got it]

I don't have any issue paying for dates. I would never date a feminist either so it wouldn't be an issue anyway.

 

And what is the "men's movement"? Does everyone have a movement these days? The only movement I am involved with is the bowel movement that I committed this morning and I doubt anyone wants to hear about that.

 

Why wouldn't you date a feminist? What does "feminist" mean to you?

[Michelle ma Belle]

I don't have any issue paying for dates. I would never date a feminist either so it wouldn't be an issue anyway.

 

And what is the "men's movement"? Does everyone have a movement these days? The only movement I am involved with is the bowel movement that I committed this morning and I doubt anyone wants to hear about that.

 

Oh boy...I feel a new thread is about to pop up at any moment...

 

Not to get away from the theme of this particular thread but I'd be willing to bet that your idea of feminism and/or your experiences with women who think they were feminist has jaded you.

 

There is nothing to fear about dating a feminist nor being a feminist. And yes, that includes men. There are plenty of amazing men who call themselves FEMINISTS

[OwMyEyeball]

Re-rebuttal

 

In rebuttal:

 

Point #1 - check out Victoria Secret for pricing on women's underwear. Remember we do not just have bottoms but tops as well. And it is pricier than what you are paying apparently. (This is not in rebuttal to why men or women should pay for a date but your perception on costs of undergarments).

I'll concede to that point then. Women pay more for undergarments than men. Throw in the bra and it's no contest!

 

 

Point #2 - that is not entirely true. Women, in the same fields and same positions, are making less than men. We are earning 77 cents on the dollar that men are making. There is not a parity that you are arguing. And then, yes, women are predominantly in fields that earn less, education, social work, childcare, etc. Now why do we pay these areas less? There is a sociological viewpoint that we pay these less because they are valued as less and so have been more open to women going into. Also many women's careers are negatively impacted due to child rearing. For every year that a women is out of the workforce, her earning capability is hit by 10% (Lean In). And since it is assumed/expected that women are in charge of the childrearing/care then they are working careers around raising children. Until society starts focusing and accommodating the needs of raising children we are going to continue to see women making less. The ability to have to juggle all falls more on women than on men. (A great read into this is "Lean In".)

I looked more closely into the stats and see the wage gap has closed to almost nil in many sectors. In looking at all job qualifications (field, experience, seniority, productivity, etc.) other than gender wages are closing on parity. Where there's still a big deal of inequality is at the lower wage jobs. That is inherently unfair. There should be equal pay for equal work.

 

I haven't read Lean In but I'll add it to my reading list since there's a lot of buzz around it. From my understanding it focuses more on women's position, advancement and leadership in career, not so much on broader familial or social issues.

 

The beauty of the "rules" is we set our own. So if a man wants a woman to pay, then he can state that and he will find women who are receptive and vice versa.

 

As a woman, I like an even back and forth and if I am interested in a man, I want to "wow" him as well. With my husband, after he wowed me on a date, I put together an amazing weekend trip where he was "eye candy" and I took care of everything. We stayed in a fantastic bed and breakfast, put together a wine tour, visited some national landmarks, etc.

 

I like a man who can be eye candy, I enjoy a friendly competition on impressing the other party and each party raising the bar; all in good fun.

[OwMyEyeball]

Oh boy...I feel a new thread is about to pop up at any moment...

 

Not to get away from the theme of this particular thread but I'd be willing to bet that your idea of feminism and/or your experiences with women who think they were feminist has jaded you.

 

There is nothing to fear about dating a feminist nor being a feminist. And yes, that includes men. There are plenty of amazing men who call themselves FEMINISTS

When a lot of men think of feminism they envision the feminists who are embracing their masculine energy. Nothing wrong with that just as there's nothing wrong with men embracing their feminine energy. But to masculine men, masculinity is unattractive in a romantic partner.

 

Reluctance is not necessarily a fear response. It's the absence of attraction that leaves some men uninterested.

[Emilia]

But to masculine men, masculinity is unattractive in a romantic partner.

Actually, the complete opposite is true in some cases. Masculine men often appraciate masculinity in women because they like a strong equal. It's not only opposites that attract, it's sometimes similars as well.