Entitled women on dating sites???

[sillyanswer]

Especially on the Tinder app… Where you can only message each other if you both agree to like each other's profile. In my crazy way of thinking… If a woman matches my profile and I sent her a message she obviously must be interested in me…isn't that why she clicked my profile to begin with? But noooo… I'll send her a message, and a day will go by, three days, sometimes a week before you get a reply… Sometimes you never get a reply.

 

Could be an "entitled" attitude as you suspect, but it could be several other things as well/instead and given that you're also including people you never get a reply from that list might include "busy", "liked in error", "liked while drunk", "liked but changed her mind", "liked but got busy talking to someone else", "isn't really available and just liked to see if you would give her attention", "liked until she saw your other pics", "liked pics but didn't like your message" etc

[Keenly]

Men complain women receive too many messages.

 

Men admit to messaging almost every woman in their area.

 

Do you see the problem here?

 

I wouldn't really say the complaint is that they receive too many. Its more like most women feel they are exempt from putting in any form of effort into the process whatsoever. Being proactive, profile browsing, selectively wending out the first message. Those don't occur often at all because of the sheer lack of effort a woman supposedly looking to meet some kme to connect with makes, which leads me to the conclusion that they aren't looking for anything other than a few message volleys for the attention.

 

 

 

It feels like hunting a snipe. You hear about it all the time, but you never actually see a woman who makes anything other than a bare minimum profile creation on OLD.

 

I can't even use it anymore because I've messaged everyone in my area ( yes... EVERYONE ) Okcupid consists of " last contacted on .... " messages, and PoF is the same faces I've been seeing for 2 years, so I gave up. I still check the in boxes, but don't waste my time anymore because I can't find any users I haven't already tried to contact.

[AtomZ]

I wouldn't really say the complaint is that they receive too many. Its more like most women feel they are exempt from putting in any form of effort into the process whatsoever. Being proactive, profile browsing, selectively wending out the first message. Those don't occur often at all because of the sheer lack of effort a woman supposedly looking to meet some kme to connect with makes, which leads me to the conclusion that they aren't looking for anything other than a few message volleys for the attention.

 

 

 

It feels like hunting a snipe. You hear about it all the time, but you never actually see a woman who makes anything other than a bare minimum profile creation on OLD.

 

I can't even use it anymore because I've messaged everyone in my area ( yes... EVERYONE ) Okcupid consists of " last contacted on .... " messages, and PoF is the same faces I've been seeing for 2 years, so I gave up. I still check the in boxes, but don't waste my time anymore because I can't find any users I haven't already tried to contact.

 

This I agree with! Some of the women have openly admitted to me "I created my profile and posted pics… That's enough work on my part". I know there's a bunch of women on here that won't believe that women actually said that or think that way… But it's true. That's the complaint I have all the time… Many women join dating sites but then they don't utilize the tools to find anyone. They simply sit there doing nothing, waiting and weeding through messages at their leisure. I totally understand that's their right to do that… They can use the site however they want… But from a commonsense point of view, and from someone that actually wants to find a date… They are going about it in the worst way. Why join and create a profile if they are going to be pro active in their search?

[WhatIsLove2014]

This I agree with! Some of the women have openly admitted to me "I created my profile and posted pics… That's enough work on my part". I know there's a bunch of women on here that won't believe that women actually said that or think that way… But it's true. That's the complaint I have all the time… Many women join dating sites but then they don't utilize the tools to find anyone. They simply sit there doing nothing, waiting and weeding through messages at their leisure. I totally understand that's their right to do that… They can use the site however they want… But from a commonsense point of view, and from someone that actually wants to find a date… They are going about it in the worst way. Why join and create a profile if they are going to be pro active in their search?

 

Just don't message those girls then. You do realize that there are some men who have no cares about what you are talking about so the women are still getting bombarded with messages...and obviously you still message them too.

 

You are frustrated because these women aren't doing what you would like them to do and you feel like if they would then they would find you, talk to you and going on a successful/unsuccessful date with you.

 

How many responses do you get on average per week, not including the ones you write again getting upset with them?

[AtomZ]

Another problem that arises when women just sit there waiting to be found… They become ultra critical on what type of message the guy sends them. After reading the hundreds of messages… Everything starts to blend together for seeing guys to come up with these masterpiece ratings that rival world class authors. Women talk about it in their profiles all the time that if you want to get her attention you need to inspire her, or make her feel alive. I think the bar is set unrealistically high when it comes to writing a message to women on a dating site. They get to dictate the standards, judge of the standards, but they never have to put in equal effort.

[WhatIsLove2014]

Another problem that arises when women just sit there waiting to be found… They become ultra critical on what type of message the guy sends them. After reading the hundreds of messages… Everything starts to blend together for seeing guys to come up with these masterpiece ratings that rival world class authors. Women talk about it in their profiles all the time that if you want to get her attention you need to inspire her, or make her feel alive. I think the bar is set unrealistically high when it comes to writing a message to women on a dating site. They get to dictate the standards, judge of the standards, but they never have to put in equal effort.

 

Are you just venting? Because you are upset about things that you can't change.

[thefooloftheyear]

Men complain women receive too many messages.

 

Men admit to messaging almost every woman in their area.

 

Do you see the problem here?

 

 

True....and I know nothing of OLD, but id be willing to bet that all of this so called "attention" probably gives the average Linda a false feeling of omnipotence and desirability......hence the snarky comments...

 

I could be wrong, though.....*shrug*

 

 

TFY

[Taramere]

But no matter how long I wait for that reply… As soon as I send another message to the woman voicing my opinion… They instantly find time to reply within 2 to 3 minutes. Usually chewing me out and saying I'm the rude one for complaining and that they are always just so busy and haven't had time to get back to me.

 

That's probably because you're more emotionally engaged when you send them an annoyed response expressing your opinion. It might be annoying to them, but it probably comes across as more "real" than whatever message you initially send out.

 

I wanted to address this, because it seems to be common for men to think that women get a false sense of their own desirability as a result of the interest they attract on online dating sites.

 

Of course women get tons of approaches on these sites. Any glance at a PUA site tells a woman all she needs to know about the whole "it's a numbers game" mentality. Being messaged by strangers on an online dating site is hardly an event any sane woman would derive any sense of self esteem from. I'm 46, I set up a free anonymous profile which contained no profile, no picture nothing about me as a person beyond basic stuff that you had to fill in (height, build, hair colour). Hardly a profile that you'd expect to attract much interest. I only set it up so that I could browse to decide whether online dating was something I wanted to do. I didn't want people messaging me, hence the lack of information.

 

I still got a ton of messages and guys wanting to see a picture of this woman who they no absolutely nothing about beyond her age, height and the fact that she is local and has a basic profile on a dating site. I haven't logged onto it for God knows how long (probably nearly two years), but still get lots of messages in my email inbox saying this or that person wants a response.

 

There's no reason for any of those guys to contact me beyond that they're hitting on pretty much every woman on that site. I wouldn't even contemplate responding to any of their messages. That's not about entitlement. It's not about thinking I'm some sort of desirable goddess. It's just about not being interested in entering into some dull exchange of messages with a complete stranger who's evidently messaging pretty much all the women on the site.

Edited September 22, 2014 by Taramere

[thefooloftheyear]

That's probably because you're more emotionally engaged when you send them an annoyed response expressing your opinion. It might be annoying to them, but it probably comes across as more "real" than whatever message you initially send out.

 

I wanted to address this, because it seems to be common for men to think that women get a false sense of their own desirability as a result of the interest they attract on online dating sites.

 

Of course women get tons of approaches on these sites. Any glance at a PUA site tells a woman all she needs to know about the whole "it's a numbers game" mentality. Being messaged by strangers on an online dating site is hardly an event any sane woman would derive any sense of self esteem from. I'm 46, I set up a free anonymous profile which contained no profile, no picture nothing about me as a person beyond basic stuff that you had to fill in (height, build, hair colour). Hardly a profile that you'd expect to attract much interest. I only set it up so that I could browse to decide whether online dating was something I wanted to do. I didn't want people messaging me, hence the lack of information.

 

I still got a ton of messages and guys wanting to see a picture of this woman who they no absolutely nothing about beyond her age, height and the fact that she is local and has a basic profile on a dating site. I haven't logged onto it for God knows how long (probably nearly two years), but still get lots of messages in my email inbox saying this or that person wants a response.

 

There's no reason for any of those guys to contact me beyond that they're hitting on pretty much every woman on that site. I wouldn't even contemplate responding to any of their messages. That's not about entitlement. It's not about thinking I'm some sort of desirable goddess. It's just about not being interested in entering into some dull exchange of messages with a complete stranger who's evidently messaging pretty much all the women on the site.

 

 

But let's be honest here, you are an obviously well grounded, intelligent and logical thinking woman...I would have expected someone like yourself to see right through that with your eyes closed...

 

 

You really dont think there are some out there that get some sort of validation and haughty, inflated ego from this?

 

 

Id think it would be pretty common, actually......Its no different than the average jackass guy that went out and bought a new Corvette and now is puffing his chest out..-.....but again, I could be wrong here...

 

TFY

[Taramere]

But let's be honest here, you are an obviously well grounded, intelligent and logical thinking woman...I would have expected someone like yourself to see right through that with your eyes closed...

 

Haha. That's the kind of flattery that would get you a response if I were online dating. We're all susceptible.

 

 

You really dont think there are some out there that get some sort of validation and haughty, inflated ego from this?

 

I think absolutely there would be some. I'm sure people do online dating for all sorts of reasons. Some because they're genuinely looking for somebody, others because they want an ego boost and attention...maybe there are some who signed up, look occasionally but are generally a bit ambivalent about the whole thing.

 

Id think it would be pretty common, actually......Its no different than the average jackass guy that went out and bought a new Corvette and now is puffing his chest out..-.....but again, I could be wrong here...

 

TFY

 

A male friend of mine is heavily into online dating. He's a good looking guy, late thirties, high income and lives in a capital city (which, I should think, generally has "richer pickings"). He gets a pretty high response rate, but there are still some women who ignore his messages.

 

I have the login details to his account, which he insisted on giving me so that I could see the kind of messages he gets when we chat. I know it's dreadful, but there you have it. And it's very interesting to see things from the other side's point of view. Occasionally I've sent women messages from his account. For instance, modelesque types who would ordinarily ignore pretty much everybody's messages to them. Basically to get a response from a stunningly beautiful woman, the guy is going to have to forget all the cheesy PUA site "negging" stuff. Those women are almost certainly going to ignore all the messages they get other than ones that basically say "You're intensely beautiful, and I also suspect you're an extremely clever woman. I have a lot of money, and I'm going to reward you for being exceptional by taking you on high priced dates." Without putting it in such overt and crass terms.

 

Not forgetting of course that a decent percentage of those profiles featuring exceptionally gorgeous women are probably fakes.

 

Leaving that aside and focusing on pretty but not modelesque women...yes, I do find that quite a few of the ones he gets into messaging sessions with have an entitled attitude. However, when I'm reading those messages I get myself into "man mode". I'm seeing things very much from his perspective. When I shift myself back into woman mode I see it differently. What a man might regard as entitled behaviour is often more likely to be a manifestation of insecurity. "If he doesn't do A, B and C it means that he isn't all that into me, and doesn't think I'm beautiful. Even if I don't believe I'm beautiful, I want a man who disagrees. I don't want to just be some low hanging fruit for a guy who will take me on cheap dates so that he can save his pennies for the women he really wants to impress."

 

An example I've seen with my friend is a woman telling him "when the man doesn't pay for the date it makes me feel as though he doesn't really like me/is only interested in me as a friend." I can totally understand why that would annoy my friend. On the other hand, it's a message women are raised with. That if a man is really into a woman then he'll spend money on expensive dates, buy her expensive presents etc. If he doesn't, you can guarantee she'll have friends and relatives raising their eyebrows and saying "I don't think he's really into you, sweets." Even if she isn't materialistic, that's going to burn a bit. The view other people are feeding her that because this guy isn't treating her like a princess, he's not really into her.

 

My experience has generally been that men who are quite focused on that "I don't believe in treating women like princesses" thing at the outset often turn out to be pretty narcissistic characters with more than a streak of misogyny - who behaved quite badly within the relationship. Talking to other women, I know my experience of that is far from unique. So a bit of an entitled attitude on a woman's part might not do too much harm in terms of filtering men like that out - though it will also probably filter out genuine men who aren't materialistic and narcissistic themselves, and don't want a woman who is. It's tricky finding that balance that involves just enough narcissism for a person to avoid having low self esteem, but not so much that they are annoyingly entitled in their outlook.

 

So yeah, I'm sure any man who does online dating is going to run into the entitlement thing - especially when the women they message have already had a few dodgy experiences online and are testing them to gauge their interest level. But women are also going to encounter all sorts of nasties in the online dating process. A woman who doesn't give off the vibes that are so often associated with an entitlement complex might come across as having low self esteem. Which will attract bottom feeders...and it's probably better to get a few agitated "you sound really spoiled" messages than it is to attract interest from men like that.

Edited September 22, 2014 by Taramere

[Maleficent]

I don't know if the women who say they receive tons of messages are lying about it or not, but the only time I received so many messages I couldn't keep up with all of them was when I advertised myself as looking for a FWB. The rest of the time I would send tons of messages and get no responses, those I do meet are weirdoand the random first messages I got involved a penis penetrating one of three possible orrifices.

 

A lot of women on here have also confirmed to have had the same experiences with OLD.

[MissBee]

I think people need to stop using the word entitlement as a an adjective for EVERYTHING even when it doesn't make sense.

 

The length of time which it takes for someone on a dating site to respond to you doesn't necessarily correspond to entitlement but more so their level of interest and hello: people are free to be mildly interested in you or NOT at all!

 

The slow to respond person may simply not be that interested in you...in fact...9/10 times this is the reason they aren't hasty about their replies! Not liking someone and being entitled are NOT the same things. Of course they will probably respond quickly to your "voicing your opinion message" as I'm sure it catches them off guard and seems crazy but take it from "a woman", if a woman is interested in you in real life or on a dating site she will respond to you in a timely manner. If she doesn't...you need to relax and let it go instead of deciding to "voice your opinions." Dating is about free will and two people freely CHOOSING to engage with each other because they're both interested...not one person scolding the other into it, negotiating about it or acting like because they sent a message the person is obligated to respond or like them back. Also, people have lives and probably others they are speaking to, their sun may not rise and set around responding to your messages...but again it goes back to their interest level. In my own experience, when my interest level was high AND when our conversations were interesting I'd respond quickly (if I wasn't busy). If my interest was lukewarm, I'd get to it when I got to it. That's how it goes.

 

In fact your behavior and the behavior of men with similar attitudes is what is really entitled. People are completely FREE to not respond to you or respond when they have the time....it is entitled of you to believe that you should be able to dictate their response time and when they don't respond in the time frame YOU have decided is correct you send them reprimanding messages. That's so frickin weird to me. If I send some dude a message I know he is free to respond in 2 minutes or 2 years...he can do whatever he wants. I'm not gonna scold some dude I don't know because he didn't reply when I wanted him to...when someone you don't know online doesn't act in the way you'd like...you know what you do? MOVE ON. You don't know them. No skin off your nose. They obviously don't like you enough and you're not a good match....but what is entitled and frankly,a bit disturbing is the men who decide to disparage, scold, reprimand or "voice their opinions" when a woman isn't interested in them instead of shrugging and moving on. However, I like when men do this so I can immediately be happy I never dated them as if they are that controlling and demanding when we are still strangers who've never met I can only imagine their entitled and controlling behavior will only escalate should we ever date...so it all works out for everyone.

Edited September 22, 2014 by MissBee

[Trane]

The women I have encountered who carry these deep feelings of entitlement have had their egos fed to the point of no return.

 

Anything less than a "trophy" boyfriend who will turn heads at every corner and make her girlfriends jealous is unacceptable.

[WhatIsLove2014]

I think people need to stop using the word entitlement as a an adjective for EVERYTHING even when it doesn't make sense.

 

The length of time which it takes for someone on a dating site to respond to you doesn't necessarily correspond to entitlement but more so their level of interest and hello: people are free to be mildly interested in you or NOT at all!

 

The slow to respond person may simply not be that interested in you...in fact...9/10 times this is the reason they aren't hasty about their replies! Not liking someone and being entitled are NOT the same things. Of course they will probably respond quickly to your "voicing your opinion message" as I'm sure it catches them off guard and seems crazy but take it from "a woman", if a woman is interested in you in real life or on a dating site she will respond to you in a timely manner. If she doesn't...you need to relax and let it go instead of deciding to "voice your opinions." Dating is about free will and two people freely CHOOSING to engage with each other because they're both interested...not one person scolding the other into it, negotiating about it or acting like because they sent a message the person is obligated to respond or like them back. Also, people have lives and probably others they are speaking to, their sun may not rise and set around responding to your messages...but again it goes back to their interest level. In my own experience, when my interest level was high AND when our conversations were interesting I'd respond quickly (if I wasn't busy). If my interest was lukewarm, I'd get to it when I got to it. That's how it goes.

 

In fact your behavior and the behavior of men with similar attitudes is what is really entitled. People are completely FREE to not respond to you or respond when they have the time....it is entitled of you to believe that you should be able to dictate their response time and when they don't respond in the time frame YOU have decided is correct you send them reprimanding messages. That's so frickin weird to me. If I send some dude a message I know he is free to respond in 2 minutes or 2 years...he can do whatever he wants. I'm not gonna scold some dude I don't know because he didn't reply when I wanted him to...when someone you don't know online doesn't act in the way you'd like...you know what you do? MOVE ON. You don't know them. No skin off your nose. They obviously don't like you enough and you're not a good match....but what is entitled and frankly,a bit disturbing is the men who decide to disparage, scold, reprimand or "voice their opinions" when a woman isn't interested in them instead of shrugging and moving on. However, I like when men do this so I can immediately be happy I never dated them as if they are that controlling and demanding when we are still strangers who've never met I can only imagine their entitled and controlling behavior will only escalate should we ever date...so it all works out for everyone.

 

Thank you!! This all of this!!

 

No woman owes you anything!! We can be selectively if we want. Maybe we just don't want to talk to you. And sorry to say, idk if the way you come off here is the same way you come off to women you do actually get to talk to, but you probably do and it's NOT attractive at all.

[MissBee]

The women I have encountered who carry these deep feelings of entitlement have had their egos fed to the point of no return.

 

Anything less than a "trophy" boyfriend who will turn heads at every corner and make her girlfriends jealous is unacceptable.

 

The aspect of this whole matter which doesn't make sense is, the OP is basing these "deep feelings of entitlement" on the fact that someone doesn't respond to him or takes a long time to do so.

 

This makes no sense.

 

THAT alone doesn't tell you anything about a person's sense of entitlement but more so their interest level.

 

Which is why I'm wondering if people even know what entitled means or just use it as a way to cast aspersions on every woman who simply is not interested in them.

 

The OP hasn't said anything else which proves these people are entitled and their behavior simply points to that of an uninterested person...I think many of the men who tend to fare poorly in dating esp OLD are in fact the ones who have these ridiculous, entitled expectations of how women should behave towards them and have this attitude that every message they send and every interest they show should be returned in kind and if not it is their "right" to "set this woman straight"...it's insane and makes them seem like crazy people who do not have their emotional bearings correctly aligned so as to accept that some people will respond, some won't, some will like them and some won't, and those who don't like you...you move it along, not reprimand them or worse get it in your head that they don't like you not because they are free to not like you...but because they are "entitled" and want a "head turner bf" .

[Taramere]

I don't know if the women who say they receive tons of messages are lying about it or not[/quote but the only time I received so many messages I couldn't keep up with all of them was when I advertised myself as looking for a FWB. The rest of the time I would send tons of messages and get no responses, those I do meet are weirdoand the random first messages I got involved a penis penetrating one of three possible orrifices.

 

A lot of women on here have also confirmed to have had the same experiences with OLD.

 

"Ton of messages" is a big exaggeration. It probably worked out at 5 or 6 a day in the first few weeks, and I would easily have been able to find the time to answer them. However it seemed like a "ton" to me inasmuch as this was a bare bare bones profile that didn't include a picture or any detailed profile. I deliberately kept it that way so that it wouldn't invite a response. I just couldn't fathom why anybody would attempt to engage something like that.

 

There was nothing for another person to connect with in that basic profile. No picture to be attracted to, no sense of a personality coming across in a detailed profile description. Why message such a thing? Yet guys did. Which left me thinking that these people were just sitting down and sending out messages to absolutely everybody without really paying attention to their profiles. I'd be astounded if those guys received many responses.

 

I suppose it's always open to women to respond "thanks but I don't think we're a match". However, if you get the impression that you're just one of 200 women the guy has messaged that day are you really going to bother? It's almost like responding to advertising flyers that come through your letterbox to tell them "thank you for sending me details of your home delivery menu. I read through it with interest, but unfortunately found nothing to my taste."

 

And yes, I can certainly imagine that advertising for a FWB situation would get a lot of responses....and I've heard that the "dick pic" messages are common on some of the free dating sites.

[Imajerk17]

I'm not sure what you are hoping for OP. Do you want a woman who isn't interested to write you back anyway? What would you want her to say?

 

If I write a woman and she isn't interested I'd rather she not write me back. I don't need to hear outright why my profile didn't do it for her.

 

If a woman expresses interest in me and I am not interested I don't write her.

 

If I write a woman and she waits too long to write me back chances are not slim that I moved on. It's happened before.

 

Too much whining and complaining OP. Work on that.

[MissBee]

Thank you!! This all of this!!

 

No woman owes you anything!! We can be selectively if we want. Maybe we just don't want to talk to you. And sorry to say, idk if the way you come off here is the same way you come off to women you do actually get to talk to, but you probably do and it's NOT attractive at all.

 

Ditto.

 

In dating a huge red flag for me is a man who is controlling and already acts like I am obligated to him before we've even gone out. I remember when I was OLD there would be men who would message me and literally, if I took 5 minutes to respond they would bombard me with these emails about if I didn't like them I should say so and they'd stop messaging me or they would send angry messages or some if I gave them my number and they called and I didn't answer they texted me several times or left me voicemails with similar types of manipulative messages...WTF??!! Immediate BLOCK AND DELETE! Some of them I was actually sort of interested in until they started to be whiny, insecure and show themselves to be unstable by reacting so outlandishly. But I was glad to have dodged a bullet.

 

This is disturbing behavior and if a woman did the same thing she'd be labeled some type of insane bunny boiler. I would NEVER do this to anyone so if a man acts like this towards me, I know he and I are not at all a good match.

 

You keep the OLD thing casual. You realize some folks will flake and some won't. If someone doesn't answer your message or call or they don't in 5 minutes...LEAVE IT ALONE! They don't like you that much. That's the bottom line of the issue. Nothing more, nothing less. Getting up in arms about it all the time and messaging them just wastes your time and energy and makes you seem crazy.

 

The folks who cannot accept rejection gracefully but must either assume they are being rejected before they even are, based on a 5 minute lag or time delay, OR those who feel they must scold and reprimand the disinterested party is the one who has serious issues. NO ONE is obligated to you on OLD esp someone who has never even been on a date with you...and to believe otherwise is a flaw in your own thinking which will only lead to more frustration and unproductive behaviors on your part. You will have a much more pleasant time dating if you let go of these types of expectations and demands as they are more similar to what entitlement really means than what you're accusing these women of.

Edited September 22, 2014 by MissBee

[Phoe]

"Ton of messages" is a big exaggeration. It probably worked out at 5 or 6 a day in the first few weeks, and I would easily have been able to find the time to answer them.

 

This is how it was for me. Between 15-20 messages in a little over 48 hours.

 

I responded to every single one that wasn't ridiculous. By ridiculous I mean "girl them sexy ass lips" types of messages. There were maybe 2 that were sexual. The other ones got responded to.

 

Some guys never responded back to me after my first response. No biggie, I simply conversed with those that did reply back. I have no idea how fast or slow they were replying because I surely wasn't timing it, I wasn't glued to my computer, and they weren't either.

[Taramere]

Ditto.

 

In dating a huge red flag for me is a man who is controlling and already acts like I am obligated to him before we've even gone out. I remember when I was OLD there would be men who would message me and literally, if I took 5 minutes to respond they would bombard me with these emails about if I didn't like them I should say so and they'd stop messaging me or they would send angry messages or some if I gave them my number and they called and I didn't answer they texted me several times or left me voicemails with similar types of manipulative messages...WTF??!! Immediate BLOCK AND DELETE! Some of them I was actually sort of interested in until they started to be whiny, insecure and show themselves to be unstable by reacting so outlandishly. But I was glad to have dodged a bullet.

 

A friend of mine was talking about this a while ago. She'd got talking to a guy online, and within days he was acting like a jealous husband.

[O'Malley]

You need to adjust your expectations of total strangers, in OLD and everywhere else. Have you called out prospective employers when they didn't get back to you after you sent them a resume? You're shooting yourself in the foot, to say the least.

 

It's impossible to ascertain the variety of reasons why someone who put up a random profile might not respond to you, but their motives for doing so are irrelevant. Calling out strangers for failing to respond comes across as hostile and desperate; women and men with healthy boundaries are going to steer clear of anyone who displays that "how dare you" kind of attitude. I've had friends on the receiving end of nasty responses on OLD sites, simply because they sent a polite message that they weren't interested. It's those type of reactions that cause some people to avoid responding to anyone they're not interested in.

[Mopparon]

You keep the OLD thing casual. You realize some folks will flake and some won't. If someone doesn't answer your message or call or they don't in 5 minutes...LEAVE IT ALONE! They don't like you that much. That's the bottom line of the issue. Nothing more, nothing less. Getting up in arms about it all the time and messaging them just wastes your time and energy and makes you seem crazy.

 

The folks who cannot accept rejection gracefully but must either assume they are being rejected before they even are, based on a 5 minute lag or time delay, OR those who feel they must scold and reprimand the disinterested party is the one who has serious issues. NO ONE is obligated to you on OLD esp someone who has never even been on a date with you...and to believe otherwise is a flaw in your own thinking which will only lead to more frustration and unproductive behaviors on your part. You will have a much more pleasant time dating if you let go of these types of expectations and demands as they are more similar to what entitlement really means than what you're accusing these women of.

 

I completely agree with this.

 

Look at it this way, if you said a friendly hello to some stranger in the street and they failed to respond, would you really chase them down the street? Yell at them? Insist that they should reply and that they are acting all entitled for not responding to you?

 

If you did that, you'd be the crazy one, and it would only make that person who ignored you want to run away from you even faster!

 

People might ignore you for all kinds of reasons, maybe they have a lot of other things going on in their life that take all their focus at the moment, maybe they've been talking to another "realistic guy" that they have decided to give a chance and focus on. You don't know.

 

But no matter the reason a person has for ignoring you, its just part of life I'm afraid. Some people might become your best friends, your girlfriends, and others might just drift away, sometimes with only a brief blip on your radar.

 

I know it sucks that you've been unlucky so far when it comes to dating So if you wanted to give OLD a break for awhile, or even dating itself, I'd understand. But sometimes in life you get bad luck. You just have to keep moving forward and try everything you can to create some good luck.

[Taramere]

This is how it was for me. Between 15-20 messages in a little over 48 hours.

 

I responded to every single one that wasn't ridiculous. By ridiculous I mean "girl them sexy ass lips" types of messages. There were maybe 2 that were sexual. The other ones got responded to.

 

Some guys never responded back to me after my first response. No biggie, I simply conversed with those that did reply back. I have no idea how fast or slow they were replying because I surely wasn't timing it, I wasn't glued to my computer, and they weren't either.

 

Yeah. If I'd put up a profile that contained a picture and a personalised profile I would have responded to any reasonably civilised messages since I'd perceive them as being directed to "me". Like I say, it was the fact that my profile lacked any detail or personalised touch that made me disinclined to even read the messages let alone respond. The first couple wanted me to send a picture, and I'm guessing that that was the reason for most of the messages. Requests for more information.

 

The male friend I mentioned before went out with one girl who told him she'd had (if memory serves me correctly) 300 messages in the first day. There's no way somebody getting that number would be responding to all or even a fraction of them. Having seen pictures, I can well imagine she would get that number - plus they live in a very large city - but I also suspect it's highly unusual for anybody to get that amount of messages. I don't know what the average is, but I would guess it can vary drastically according to age, location and the kind of photos put up.

 

Women I know, who do online dating, all say that initially they received a lot of messages. However, we live in an area where the local industry results in a lot of single men who are looking for as many hook-ups as they can get - so somebody getting 30 messages in one day here isn't necessarily indicative of the number women in other locations can expect to get.

[xxoo]

I guarantee there are women who use OLD on a proactive way, reading profiles and messaging men. If that's the kind if OLD experience you want, you'll need the sort of profile that attracts them.

 

 

I don't see the entitlement. The system is that one person emails if they're interested, and the person responds if they are interested. She was not entitled to your email, and you are not entitled to her response. If interest is mutual, it all works out.

[Phoe]

I guarantee there are women who use OLD on a proactive way, reading profiles and messaging men. If that's the kind if OLD experience you want, you'll need the sort of profile that attracts t.

 

That's what I did. I read profiles and sent messages. I read the profiles of those who messaged me first. I had nice conversations, responded to everyone who was polite towards me, got asked on a date, went on it, and am now in a relationship with that man.

 

There are awesome men and awesome women out there on OLD. You just have to believe in that and track them down, ignoring the rude people along the way.