cif Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 So I've been tear free for the last three days, haven't been thinking about him, starting to live and accept that he's gone forever, and today he decides to look for me and talk to me like he should have that day he snubbed me. Now why would someone who no longer wants me go out of their way to find me, is this one of those crumbs again? Why give any crumbs if his other actions say he wants it over? The reasons he's reaching out dont matter. If his words to you were not: i filed for divorce and want to win you back when it's final.. it's crumbs. 2
beach Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 So I've been tear free for the last three days, haven't been thinking about him, starting to live and accept that he's gone forever, and today he decides to look for me and talk to me like he should have that day he snubbed me. Now why would someone who no longer wants me go out of their way to find me, is this one of those crumbs again? Why give any crumbs if his other actions say he wants it over? Maybe his wife is out of town. Maybe an asteroid hit the earth. Maybe the moon turned green. Maybe he needed his selfish ego stroked. I hope you don't view this aaa good thing that he talked to you. If anything you should be willing to rip into him and tell him to take a hike for completely ignoring you for months! I hope you did - but I doubt it. What did he say - and what did you do to convey to him that he has hurt you by ignoring you...? I wish you'd just tell him how crappy he's acted to someone he used to say he cared about! My friends that care about me don't treat me that way.
Author Scarlet2 Posted December 11, 2014 Author Posted December 11, 2014 No, he did not say those things but there were other people around so we both wouldn't be saying things like that. I just think it's odd that he went out of his way to small talk when I wasn't anywhere in his vicinity, we weren't passing each other like before, he came to where I was to strictly see me. I don't believe he did it to keep me quiet because if that were true, he wouldn't have blatantly snubbed me last week and I've never made any threats to tell so I don't see why he'd be afraid of that possibility. I wouldn't have even known he was there at all if he hadn't of found me. Someone who is avoiding you doesn't seek you out. I really don't feel anything at the moment. Maybe I finally reached indifference, I don't know. I haven't started crying again, so that's good. No I didn't ream into him, I was actually having a peaceful day, I wasn't wallowing in self pity, the affair and his treatment of me was the furthest thing on my mind and the autopilot was talking to him in the same manner preaffair, like nothing ever happened. It seems he always picks the perfect days and I'm the one with the bad timing.
truncated Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 No, he did not say those things but there were other people around so we both wouldn't be saying things like that. I just think it's odd that he went out of his way to small talk when I wasn't anywhere in his vicinity, we weren't passing each other like before, he came to where I was to strictly see me. I don't believe he did it to keep me quiet because if that were true, he wouldn't have blatantly snubbed me last week and I've never made any threats to tell so I don't see why he'd be afraid of that possibility. I wouldn't have even known he was there at all if he hadn't of found me. Someone who is avoiding you doesn't seek you out. I really don't feel anything at the moment. Maybe I finally reached indifference, I don't know. I haven't started crying again, so that's good. No I didn't ream into him, I was actually having a peaceful day, I wasn't wallowing in self pity, the affair and his treatment of me was the furthest thing on my mind and the autopilot was talking to him in the same manner preaffair, like nothing ever happened. It seems he always picks the perfect days and I'm the one with the bad timing. It sounds like you are reading way too mcuh into this. 2
beach Posted December 11, 2014 Posted December 11, 2014 I hope you can realize it is over. Less than crumbs now - not any invite to see him - nothing he offered to you. Just tell yourself it's done. Then you can get open to considering men who make a lot of effort to consider YOUR feelings. I hope you will.
Author Scarlet2 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Posted December 20, 2014 He called me out of the blue and told me he was getting an aluminum bass boat for Christmas. I don't know why he felt like he had to tell me but I went ahead and flat out asked him if I get to ride in it and when was he going to start taking me places; just to see what would happen. All he said was that it was all going to work out, be patient. Whatever that means, more empty words, right. Anyway, it reinforced my thought again that he's not going to pick me over his wife because of the money. And I was talking to a coworker who has been married over 30 years and he said "no, it's not always about the money, if anything, men don't leave because they don't want to start over and split everything 50/50 so they just put up with the wife." So then it got me thinking how often does it occur that the MM picks the OW over the wife because he wasn't afraid of starting over and what were the deciding factors or is it pretty much always because the wife kicked him out thus forcing him to start over against his will? And maybe that's why they flip flop once they are out of the marriage because of the fear of the unknown (OW) versus already knowing (wife). It's not about who he loves more, it's about comfort zones? It's kinda sad if they stay because they are afraid of change. Nothing lasts forever, change is going to happen, whether you want it to or not. As with anything new, things can be shaky at first but eventually a new familiarity will develop therefore starting over shouldn't really be feared. If my MM is the kind that is afraid of starting over, then it's safe to assume he'll only be available if he becomes a widower or she divorces him first. I've been doing pretty well. I no longer cry, haven't been reaching out to him or coming up with reasons to call or text. I even started crocheting to occupy my mind.
Lurkeraspect Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 He called me out of the blue and told me he was getting an aluminum bass boat for Christmas. I don't know why he felt like he had to tell me but I went ahead and flat out asked him if I get to ride in it and when was he going to start taking me places; just to see what would happen. All he said was that it was all going to work out, be patient. Whatever that means, more empty words, right. Anyway, it reinforced my thought again that he's not going to pick me over his wife because of the money. And I was talking to a coworker who has been married over 30 years and he said "no, it's not always about the money, if anything, men don't leave because they don't want to start over and split everything 50/50 so they just put up with the wife." So then it got me thinking how often does it occur that the MM picks the OW over the wife because he wasn't afraid of starting over and what were the deciding factors or is it pretty much always because the wife kicked him out thus forcing him to start over against his will? And maybe that's why they flip flop once they are out of the marriage because of the fear of the unknown (OW) versus already knowing (wife). It's not about who he loves more, it's about comfort zones? It's kinda sad if they stay because they are afraid of change. Nothing lasts forever, change is going to happen, whether you want it to or not. As with anything new, things can be shaky at first but eventually a new familiarity will develop therefore starting over shouldn't really be feared. If my MM is the kind that is afraid of starting over, then it's safe to assume he'll only be available if he becomes a widower or she divorces him first. I've been doing pretty well. I no longer cry, haven't been reaching out to him or coming up with reasons to call or text. I even started crocheting to occupy my mind. My exH and I divorced after almost 3 decades together, not because of infidelity, but because we were done. People can and do divorce all the time, assets are divided, children and child rearing are managed, and life goes on. This MM isn't going anywhere, likely ever. I think you're beginning to understand that. Your affair is over (in his mind) and maybe you can get there soon. I truly hope you're not here -a year from now, still hanging on, still questioning his motives, still stuck. I look forward to an update from you where you're happy with a man who is available and gives you everything you so want and deserve. 3
beach Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 There is no reason he stays other than he is exactly where he wants to be. Notice he didn't even say he'd take you for a ride in that boat? He didn't! He gives you absolutely NO HOPE to think he cares or intends to change a thing. You could be still waiting 10 years from now? Is that what you want FOR YOURSELF? If not, then start changing things. Block his phone so you have no reason to accept his stupid calls that have him bragging about how great his life is and what he's buying for himself next. He's a selfish jerk. Time to find a decent available man for yourself. 3
CALOVELY Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 My exH and I divorced after almost 3 decades together, not because of infidelity, but because we were done. People can and do divorce all the time, assets are divided, children and child rearing are managed, and life goes on. This MM isn't going anywhere, likely ever. I think you're beginning to understand that. Your affair is over (in his mind) and maybe you can get there soon. I truly hope you're not here -a year from now, still hanging on, still questioning his motives, still stuck. I look forward to an update from you where you're happy with a man who is available and gives you everything you so want and deserve. My parents divorced after 42 years of marriage. People who want to get out do. Everything else is just an excuse. 3
beach Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 My parents divorced after 42 years of marriage. People who want to get out do. Everything else is just an excuse. I could like this comment 1,000 times! It's so true! The people who want to/ intend to divorce make it happen. 1
CALOVELY Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 I could like this comment 1,000 times! It's so true! The people who want to/ intend to divorce make it happen. When I read about MM telling OW that house/investments/belongings are the reasons for staying, I roll my eyes. So you met the love of your life, your soul mate, the reason you get up in the morning and the only thing keeping you from her is selling your pile of bricks and dividing your stock portfolio? Yup, they are where they want to be. OP, please don't fall for this guys continued lies. 2
Author Scarlet2 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Posted December 20, 2014 I believe that to be true with women, if they want a divorce they will make it happen, but men are different, they don't leave and if they do it's because the choice was made for them. The men that were mentioned who divorced, did the wife initiate it or did they? I really want a new job but my fear of starting over and being afraid that I'm not going to like it or fail at it and a lack of a safety net stops me from doing it even though I really need to do it. I've been at this point for a year now and still haven't done anything to change it. It doesn't mean I don't want to get a new job. The man I had my longest relationship with even said he would never leave anyone regardless of love/happiness/money and to this day he believes I was the one who ended the relationship because I didn't move a thousand miles away with him whereas my point of view was it was he who ended the relationship by him moving away. Just like now, my MM isn't officially ending the affair because he doesn't want to be the one to end it because men don't leave, they want you to do it. As for all of the excuses, it seems to run in the family. His uncles complain about it on fb all the time, his sons are starting to do it too. It's just what it is and is normal for them, it's nothing personal. That's what he meant by I'm not the only one he does it to, it's not really about priorities or what's more important, it's selfishness and right now any spare time he has is going to be towards that boat until he gets bored with it and moves onto something else to fill the void. Although I'm doing very well with limiting my contact with him, I admit I still haven't stopped checking fb and ever since Thanksgiving, his posts have tapered off and he hasn't been posting scriptures like he was. His dad was a big part of his life and he has one more kid to leave the nest, he's adjusting to not having them around when they were his distraction from his wife and now the boat is his excuse. I really hope he finds his true self and has a happy life, whether I'm in it or not.
cif Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 If not, then start changing things. Block his phone so you have no reason to accept his stupid calls that have him bragging about how great his life is and what he's buying for himself next. He's a selfish jerk. Time to find a decent available man for yourself. +1 Scarlet, he's not calling because he wants to share it with you, he's calling because he wants to brag and you have ears. I really hope he finds his true self and has a happy life, whether I'm in it or not. How about you wish the same things for YOURSELF: finding your true self, living a happy life, whether he is in it or not? 4
anika99 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 I believe that to be true with women, if they want a divorce they will make it happen, but men are different, they don't leave and if they do it's because the choice was made for them. The men that were mentioned who divorced, did the wife initiate it or did they? I really want a new job but my fear of starting over and being afraid that I'm not going to like it or fail at it and a lack of a safety net stops me from doing it even though I really need to do it. I've been at this point for a year now and still haven't done anything to change it. It doesn't mean I don't want to get a new job. The man I had my longest relationship with even said he would never leave anyone regardless of love/happiness/money and to this day he believes I was the one who ended the relationship because I didn't move a thousand miles away with him whereas my point of view was it was he who ended the relationship by him moving away. Just like now, my MM isn't officially ending the affair because he doesn't want to be the one to end it because men don't leave, they want you to do it. As for all of the excuses, it seems to run in the family. His uncles complain about it on fb all the time, his sons are starting to do it too. It's just what it is and is normal for them, it's nothing personal. That's what he meant by I'm not the only one he does it to, it's not really about priorities or what's more important, it's selfishness and right now any spare time he has is going to be towards that boat until he gets bored with it and moves onto something else to fill the void. Although I'm doing very well with limiting my contact with him, I admit I still haven't stopped checking fb and ever since Thanksgiving, his posts have tapered off and he hasn't been posting scriptures like he was. His dad was a big part of his life and he has one more kid to leave the nest, he's adjusting to not having them around when they were his distraction from his wife and now the boat is his excuse. I really hope he finds his true self and has a happy life, whether I'm in it or not. I really don't know why this thread has turned in the direction of discussing why your MM doesn't leave his wife. Some MM in affairs may be really torn, may really long to be with their OW and are really heartbroken because they feel like they can't leave their families. That is not your MM. Your MM has made clear that he barely gives you any thought at all. He has been rude, disrespectful and dismissive of you for a long time, even before his relative died. He is not lying awake at night, tossing and turning, and wishing he could find a way to be with you. I suspect that even if he did divorce his wife he would still not chose you, because he just isn't that interested in you. So it doesn't matter why he stays with his wife, doesn't matter the reasons, because you don't figure into the equation at all. I'm know that sounds harsh and I'm sorry but you really need to wake up and stop hanging onto this guy who doesn't care about you. You said you hope he is happy whether you are in his life or not. It sounds like you are powerless to decide to whether or not to be in his life so you just leave it up to him. Like if he wants you, you'll be there but if not then you'll just stay lurking in the background waiting and hoping that he will maybe see you again sometime. Make a choice to choose your own happiness for a change. Stop checking his facebook, stop taking his calls where all he wants to do is brag about his latest stupid purchase. Just stop it. Put this affair out of it's misery and start living for your self. 4
beach Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 It's like knowing an old toy is in your stash - you know it's there - you see it once in a while so you know it's there - but you just don't want to take it out and play with it anymore. But it's still there... Waiting. What if his toy wasn't waiting anymore? 2
Dreamworld Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 I just finished reading through this entire thing and it is one of the saddest threads I have ever read. I dont know what else to say since everyone has already said everything, but I just wish the OP, you Scarlet, could have walked away at the first signs of the MM showing the affair was coming to an end. I think that way there would have more respect kept intact. Respect for yourself. And respect actually from him in the end. Sometimes when a person shows signs of wanting to break up, the timing and the way the other person reacts really makes a difference. So this whole thing just made me really sad... And the whole greeting the wife and family members at the funeral really really bothered me in the worst way. I would never have been able to do that from the fear and guilt. It would have been written all over my face. I had to force myself to view the wife as some intangible unknown being out there in the universe in order to stay in the affair or the guilt would have eaten away at me. When I was the OW, my ex MM's wife's mother passed away. He told me when it happened and said it would be a while before we could see or talk to each other since he had to focus on this. The situation made me realize I really was a hidden side piece who couldnt even express my condolences out in the open sunlight and that was when I really contemplated leaving the affair. It stirred up a lot of emotions within me. So reading Scarlet's experience made me that much sadder and perplexed... I really hope you walk away from this Scarlet. Your MM is one of the worst kind of cheaters I have seen thus far and I hope you dont accept his crap any longer. And I shudder imagining what will happen if everyone found out about this. Please leave before that could happen. good luck. 3
Baby123 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Some MM do leave, my MM left and he divorced- not because she wanted to split but because he did. My MM had assets, businesses and houses to divide- but at the end of the day he had to D- as I made it quite clear that I am not the kind of girl to play second fiddle- and that if he wants me he can damn well earn me. Sorry your MM doesn't love you, to love someone you have to respect them, he doesn't respect you. And whats the worst bit is, is who can blame him when you won't respect yourself. 1
Author Scarlet2 Posted December 24, 2014 Author Posted December 24, 2014 He sought me out again and he talked a lot longer than he has been. He's usually in such a rush with all the avoiding he was doing but this time he didn't. Someone else even commented to him that he looked like he was having a hard time deciding to stay longer or not. He also shared things with me about his dad's death which made me think everything is fine, we are indeed still friends, which is what I was worried about the most. You don't share details like that with someone you want out of your life. I'm confident he's not being nice because of being afraid that I'll tell his wife. I've never threatened it and I've been going away quietly. And it wasn't for an ego boost because he has so many people and family that he can talk to besides me. I cringed a little when another coworker told him she misses seeing him around because she enjoyed overhearing the funny conversations me and him used to have all the time, she said we reminded her of a comedy duo. I looked over at him to see his reaction in case he got uncomfortable or freaked out but he looked back at me and his whole face softened. I felt like saying "see, even other people think we're a good team" but I kept quiet. And maybe it is true that his request for a break is his way of saying it's over and that he's never leaving his wife but I think he does care. And maybe this is still more crumbs but I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, not pursuing. It all doesn't mean anything until he's divorced. Sometimes I feel like I'm not enough and maybe one day he'll realize what he gave up or maybe he won't but deep down I know I am enough. And I don't need a single man to validate me, I can be alone.
beach Posted December 24, 2014 Posted December 24, 2014 That is a LOT of "maybes" you typed. Waiting for maybe is useless - waste of time. He makes little effort and you're reeled right back in. It's just him making sure you're still waiting - and him intending to change nothing. You could be waiting 20 years and have it be the same. Unless you change it - it won't change.
Author Scarlet2 Posted December 25, 2014 Author Posted December 25, 2014 Yes that's why at the first of the year I'm going to put more effort into getting a new job so that I can be in a new environment and be around new people. Nothing is going to change unless I make the change. 2
Author Scarlet2 Posted December 29, 2014 Author Posted December 29, 2014 And now I think I have another problem... Apparently all my activity of going out that I've been posting on facebook has indeed been noticed and my MM's son randomly decides to start a conversation with me. He's like "you sure go out a lot with all your boyfriends" and I'm thinking, is he fishing for his dad to see who I'm going out with because I never show any photos of people or tag anyone or mention anyone, I just say where I'm at and post a photo from there. I replied with "they all probably wish they were my boyfriend" but that was the wrong thing to do because then he replies with "I want to be next in line". So I'm like, oh geez, he did not just say that, this is all I need now. I replied back, trying to make a joke, saying he can take care of me when I'm 90. And he responds with "what's wrong with that" and I continue the joke saying "sweet, it's a deal then". But he got confused and asked what the deal is. And that's when I tried to shut it down and told him never mind. He wouldn't let it go and asks me to explain but before I could, he retyped what was written and he said if that's what you mean it's a deal. I deflect and ask him why he thinks I have boyfriends. He says he thinks I'm beautiful and he figured I had guys taking me out. And now I'm like in my head saying if my MM and I ever did end up together, am I going to be creeped out that my stepson finds me attractive. I should also mention he's 19 years old with a newborn. So I try to deflect again, asking about his girlfriend (not the baby's mama). He tells me she's too immature and he wants someone with their head on straight. So I attempt to give advice and let him know it's not easy to find someone with a level head, everyone has issues and that even I have my moments but all he said was that I seem mature and he thinks I have my head on great. I deflect again and tell him if I were him I would give her some more time to see if she changes at all but definitely don't go after someone else while still with her. Basically telling him not to do what his dad did without actually giving away any details. Then my MM's son says he's just over his relationship with his girlfriend, he's not happy and wants an older lady. They had broken up before and then he got another girl pregnant and then went back to his current girlfriend but now he wants out. I was able to get out of the conversation without digging myself even further but now I'm undecided if I should tell his dad that his son has a crush on me or just keep quiet and do not engage any further with his son? If it's not one thing, it's another, this is messed up...
CALOVELY Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 And now I think I have another problem... Apparently all my activity of going out that I've been posting on facebook has indeed been noticed and my MM's son randomly decides to start a conversation with me. He's like "you sure go out a lot with all your boyfriends" and I'm thinking, is he fishing for his dad to see who I'm going out with because I never show any photos of people or tag anyone or mention anyone, I just say where I'm at and post a photo from there. I replied with "they all probably wish they were my boyfriend" but that was the wrong thing to do because then he replies with "I want to be next in line". So I'm like, oh geez, he did not just say that, this is all I need now. I replied back, trying to make a joke, saying he can take care of me when I'm 90. And he responds with "what's wrong with that" and I continue the joke saying "sweet, it's a deal then". But he got confused and asked what the deal is. And that's when I tried to shut it down and told him never mind. He wouldn't let it go and asks me to explain but before I could, he retyped what was written and he said if that's what you mean it's a deal. I deflect and ask him why he thinks I have boyfriends. He says he thinks I'm beautiful and he figured I had guys taking me out. And now I'm like in my head saying if my MM and I ever did end up together, am I going to be creeped out that my stepson finds me attractive. I should also mention he's 19 years old with a newborn. So I try to deflect again, asking about his girlfriend (not the baby's mama). He tells me she's too immature and he wants someone with their head on straight. So I attempt to give advice and let him know it's not easy to find someone with a level head, everyone has issues and that even I have my moments but all he said was that I seem mature and he thinks I have my head on great. I deflect again and tell him if I were him I would give her some more time to see if she changes at all but definitely don't go after someone else while still with her. Basically telling him not to do what his dad did without actually giving away any details. Then my MM's son says he's just over his relationship with his girlfriend, he's not happy and wants an older lady. They had broken up before and then he got another girl pregnant and then went back to his current girlfriend but now he wants out. I was able to get out of the conversation without digging myself even further but now I'm undecided if I should tell his dad that his son has a crush on me or just keep quiet and do not engage any further with his son? If it's not one thing, it's another, this is messed up... I do not know much of your backstory so perhaps you have mentioned this before but why are you Facebook friends with MM's child? Block this person immediately. This is a disaster and nothing good will come by messaging him. Where are you with the relationship with his father? 1
almond Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 And now I think I have another problem... Apparently all my activity of going out that I've been posting on facebook has indeed been noticed and my MM's son randomly decides to start a conversation with me. He's like "you sure go out a lot with all your boyfriends" and I'm thinking, is he fishing for his dad to see who I'm going out with because I never show any photos of people or tag anyone or mention anyone, I just say where I'm at and post a photo from there. I replied with "they all probably wish they were my boyfriend" but that was the wrong thing to do because then he replies with "I want to be next in line". So I'm like, oh geez, he did not just say that, this is all I need now. I replied back, trying to make a joke, saying he can take care of me when I'm 90. And he responds with "what's wrong with that" and I continue the joke saying "sweet, it's a deal then". But he got confused and asked what the deal is. And that's when I tried to shut it down and told him never mind. He wouldn't let it go and asks me to explain but before I could, he retyped what was written and he said if that's what you mean it's a deal. I deflect and ask him why he thinks I have boyfriends. He says he thinks I'm beautiful and he figured I had guys taking me out. And now I'm like in my head saying if my MM and I ever did end up together, am I going to be creeped out that my stepson finds me attractive. I should also mention he's 19 years old with a newborn. So I try to deflect again, asking about his girlfriend (not the baby's mama). He tells me she's too immature and he wants someone with their head on straight. So I attempt to give advice and let him know it's not easy to find someone with a level head, everyone has issues and that even I have my moments but all he said was that I seem mature and he thinks I have my head on great. I deflect again and tell him if I were him I would give her some more time to see if she changes at all but definitely don't go after someone else while still with her. Basically telling him not to do what his dad did without actually giving away any details. Then my MM's son says he's just over his relationship with his girlfriend, he's not happy and wants an older lady. They had broken up before and then he got another girl pregnant and then went back to his current girlfriend but now he wants out. I was able to get out of the conversation without digging myself even further but now I'm undecided if I should tell his dad that his son has a crush on me or just keep quiet and do not engage any further with his son? If it's not one thing, it's another, this is messed up... This apple sure didn't fall far from the tree, huh :/ 2
beach Posted December 29, 2014 Posted December 29, 2014 And now I think I have another problem... Apparently all my activity of going out that I've been posting on facebook has indeed been noticed and my MM's son randomly decides to start a conversation with me. He's like "you sure go out a lot with all your boyfriends" and I'm thinking, is he fishing for his dad to see who I'm going out with because I never show any photos of people or tag anyone or mention anyone, I just say where I'm at and post a photo from there. I replied with "they all probably wish they were my boyfriend" but that was the wrong thing to do because then he replies with "I want to be next in line". So I'm like, oh geez, he did not just say that, this is all I need now. I replied back, trying to make a joke, saying he can take care of me when I'm 90. And he responds with "what's wrong with that" and I continue the joke saying "sweet, it's a deal then". But he got confused and asked what the deal is. And that's when I tried to shut it down and told him never mind. He wouldn't let it go and asks me to explain but before I could, he retyped what was written and he said if that's what you mean it's a deal. I deflect and ask him why he thinks I have boyfriends. He says he thinks I'm beautiful and he figured I had guys taking me out. And now I'm like in my head saying if my MM and I ever did end up together, am I going to be creeped out that my stepson finds me attractive. I should also mention he's 19 years old with a newborn. So I try to deflect again, asking about his girlfriend (not the baby's mama). He tells me she's too immature and he wants someone with their head on straight. So I attempt to give advice and let him know it's not easy to find someone with a level head, everyone has issues and that even I have my moments but all he said was that I seem mature and he thinks I have my head on great. I deflect again and tell him if I were him I would give her some more time to see if she changes at all but definitely don't go after someone else while still with her. Basically telling him not to do what his dad did without actually giving away any details. Then my MM's son says he's just over his relationship with his girlfriend, he's not happy and wants an older lady. They had broken up before and then he got another girl pregnant and then went back to his current girlfriend but now he wants out. I was able to get out of the conversation without digging myself even further but now I'm undecided if I should tell his dad that his son has a crush on me or just keep quiet and do not engage any further with his son? If it's not one thing, it's another, this is messed up... I guess his Dad shows his example stronger than Dad knows. No - absolutely do not use this crappy excuse to engage your MM. Your MM is a douche bag. So is his son. Can't you get another job and move far away without telling OM? 1
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