Day One...

[Day.One]

Random rambling thoughts:

Still find myself massively struggling with confidence, self esteem, being able to separate myself and stand strong. Especially when around waw. Get 'triggered' over stupid sh*t, but only because I let it.

 

Cases in point, last evening I got to the restaurant where we were going to have T'day dinner. I'd dragged out my best suit and best shirt and dressed to impress.

 

First thing waw said was "wow, that suit is way too big for you!".

 

Kinda pissed me off, that waw was finding fault, out of the gate. But she wasn't, she was right. I've lost a sh*tload of weight recently, and even more than I bought this suit a few years ago. At that time I was around 225, I'm now 193! The pants are a 36, and I'm now a 33 (maybe a 32). So of course the d*mn suit's going to hang on me.

 

What she was doing, trying to do, was pay me a compliment. And I f'ed it up.

 

Later she mentioned that she's out this evening, out Saturday evening, out Monday evening and out Tuesday evening. After mentioning yesterday that she's feeling like she able to start coming out of her shell, to let her 'wild side' come out.

 

I let this get to me. It shouldn't have. Heck, most of these 'nights out' are going to be with members of my family, with some of her friends. Girly nights out.

 

Like me, waw suffers from self esteem issues, and being able to be around other people. It should be great that she's able to feel able to open up, enjoy life.

 

But I got a pang of "oh sh*t, she's moving on". What I should have thought was "SO.THE.F.WHAT?!?!". But I didn't. I let it get to me.

 

And I acted distantly during the evening because of it. And wrestled with my thoughts after I got home.

 

But this morning I was able to wake up and try to get my head on a different track. It's her life now. What she does with it, in it, is up to her. We're separated. Her choices are her choices.

 

She's not pulling away. She comes up with plenty of reasons to be with be. I mentioned I'm going to see 'Fury', "Oo, can I come with you?". I mentioned I still have a gift card for a local restaurant, "Can I join you?" The gym is closed for refurb this weekend, so our Sunday workout is off, "Can I come with you and take the dogs for a walk instead?"

 

Written as they are, they could seem like breadcrumbs. But the sense I get when waw is talking about wanting to be around me, is that she genuinely wants to be around me. To find reasons to be with me.

 

Which, I think is in part why I struggle. If she wants to be that close, that often, why doesn't she want to move back in? But when i'm able to step back, get up to 50k', I see the truth in us staying separated. We've still only recently broken up after years, YEARS, of a miserable relationship. And, as much as we've turned things around, I'VE turned things around (remember, I was the d*ck who drove her away), the pain of our previous existence is still there. Getting back together, in the same place, would be a mistake.

 

I do feel myself slipping, falling into the trap of thinking it's all OK now. She's been drawn to who i've become. Calmer, more confident, able to express myself, share with her, accept help, not as negative, and in better physical shape than I have been in years. She especially notices this, and comments on it all the time.

 

Oldest boy left a pile of clothes, good clothes, at the house when he moved out. I've found that I can wear some of them. They fit me. I fit into the clothes of a 23 yo, i'm 47!

 

So I should have taken the suit thing for what it was, a compliment. An affirmation that I'm doing well, and she likes what she see's.

 

The physical is paying off. I have to now focus on the emotional, to build up my mental strength to match my new exterior.

[Day.One]

And she just called to tell me she got the job. Actually her words were "well, i'm a cr*p interviewee, but... I got the job".

 

I asked her to stop, and turn that sentence around. Instead of leading with a negative, to focus on the positive half. To give herself credit for what she achieved, not for what she thinks she failed on first.

 

That if she did that, more often, she might begin to see just how amazing she is. To begin to see herself as I see her, as everyone else sees her. As SO much more than she thinks she is.

 

(I think she cried a bit)

[Day.One]

Well, last night went... badly. I'd offered to drop off a bottle of wine at her apt the previous night so she could celebrate getting the job. She declined as she wanted a 'dry night' to start reading her self help book

As an alternative Waw wanted to get together, at 8 last evening.

 

I knew she was out with my Mum and sister, but didn't know when she'd be back, or what she would want to do. So I didn't organise anything, and kinda left it up to her.

 

And waited, and waited.

 

7:10 she texted to say "are we meeting up at the house tonight?"

 

So I asked her "are you asking if you can over?"

 

She called me then, and it didn't go well.

 

From my perspective, if she'd set a time, the onus would be on her to provide some sort of details as to what she wanted to do. Remember, I had no idea what her schedule was, whether she'd eaten, if she was tired from the day out, if she wanted to go out on the town, or have a quiet night here. So I left it with her. I made no plans.

 

But she gave me nothing. Until the last minute. When she, by her text, assumed she was just going to come here. Without asking if I was OK with that. Don't forget, I've set one boundary, if she wants to come here, to ask first. To me it seemed like she was ignoring that. Again.

 

For her part, she felt that she didn't need to set anything up. That I'd just be ready to do whatever, whenever she was ready.

 

It didn't help that oldest son promised to come over and move his stuff. Again. And failed to call to follow through on that. Again.

 

So I just ended up feeling let down, twice.

 

We were finally able to talk it out on the phone, and admit our own faults and how we could have handled it better, but the night was blown. Which sucks as it should have been a great evening, celebrating her success.

 

Today, however, was a better day. These are much more frequent than the 'bad' days.

 

Went for a run, then showered, shaved and met waw at hers and drove with her on a pre-arranged plan to walk the dogs. Like last time, i specifically picked out a route to allow for her bad legs. Mostly paved, and lesser used (ie not chewed up) trails. She appreciated the thought.

 

I also picked the route as it was close to the diner i'd picked for breakfast. She'd brought a change of clothes to 'look nice' after hiking across muddy fields. As it turned out we had enough time after the walk that I offered that she come here and get changed first instead of in the back of the car. Something else she appreciated.

 

We talked a bit more about last night, but as we'd already resolved it then, it was just reaffirming what was said. She did say that she was glad we'd had our 'first fight', because we'd both handled the resolution so well. Better than we've done before. And it showed her that we're making progress. That she can feel safer when conflict arises.

 

We talked about the 'suit' emails. I brought it up because there were a couple of things in her reply that I was wondering about. She had said I didn't trust her, I asked why she'd written that. She felt that I didn't trust what she says. I replied that that is not the case. I do trust her, completely. But I don't trust myself. Part of which means that I don't trust myself to accept the positive things people say about me. That I struggle to believe that people see good things about me, because I would have to see it too. So I sometimes see the negative instead. My trust issues don't come from her, but from me. But sometimes I may seem like i'm not trusting, but if she feels like I don't, to call me on it and ask for understanding. Which will help me, and her. I think she understood that, and accepted my explanation.

 

She wanted to know why I was worried about her going out more frequently now, and that I was making it all about me. That in the email I'd listed things that I wanted to do with her (). I stopped her and read out the email section regarding that. That in fact that list was things she'd said SHE wanted to do with me! I explained to her that I didn't have a problem with her going out... except that part of me was worried she was moving on, from me. In the same way she had seen my progress and previously remarked that she was worried I'd move on from her. She accepted that reasoning.

 

She asked if we were 'going dutch' on the bill for breakfast. I said that would be a good idea. She replied that she didn't mind paying, as she'd like to do that, for me. I countered that if she really wanted to do that, it would be OK. Provided that we call it evens on the bottle of wine I bought for her to give to her colleague/neighbour the other night. She told me that she was going to pay me back for that. I asked her that we not 'keep score' over owing each other. At least not for nickel and dime things like that. That I'd been happy to do it for her. To be able to help her without thinking that she 'owed me'.

 

I told her that 'keeping score' of who owed what to whom, who had hurt whom, and looking for 'payback' was an element of our old relationship, and one that I wanted not to repeat, going forward.

 

When we were here earlier, we had some smooching in the kitchen, then I said it was time I took her home... because if she stayed, I couldn't guarantee her safety . I was joking, but...

 

She hesitated, and I could see the wheels turning. Deciding if she wanted to cross that line.

 

Before she could, I opened the back door and showed her out.

 

 

Dropped waw at her house. Neither of us in a rush for her to get out of the car, so we passed the time doing something...much more pleasant than even MORE talking . She noticed that I had a... reaction to making out with her, and liked that I had. I told her that when I fantasise recently, it's been about her. Which it wasn't before, and hadn't been for a long time. She liked that news too.

 

She asked where I was off to now. I told her I was going to pick up wood for the firepit, as I still prefer to be out there in the evening than in the house as it gets too... quiet with no-one else there. She said her place gets too quiet for her as well. I told her that if she ever wants to be quiet together, she can call me.

 

 

 

Later today:

We went to watch the Main Street xmas lights get turned on. Spontaneous last minute suggestion by me, giving her no time to think about it....

 

She loved it. We've been every year (12) since we moved here. Stood in the crowd and enjoyed the band, waw was dancing to the music and laughing. She's right, she is coming out of her old self. It was good to see it. I made sure I told her that and complimented her for it. BTW, she is reading the book i suggested, and it's helping her.

 

We walked the length of Main Street after the lights went on to see them all. She would duck in behind me when the crowds got thick and let me lead her through them. I also got us hot chocolate for a cold evening. She offered to pay for hers, but I gave that "I'm your man, I'll be taking care of you" look. She folded.

 

I tried a 'bonus play' of It's a Wonderful Life back at mine, but she wants to see it nearer xmas (another tradition). No harm, no foul. The lighting idea was literally last minute. My neighbour mentioned it was on, about an hour before it started. So I rolled the dice on a 2nd 'date' (the dog walk and breakfast being the 1st). It came up 6's. And she loved it. The movie was an attempt at rolling the dice again. Snake eyes. But, I was able to roll with it, accept it and not feel rejected. No anger. And she saw that.

 

Highly UNromantic, but we passed a store that was open so i grabbed a needed bag of frozen peas.

 

HOWEVER, they came in useful later. After more smooching at the end of her block, I told her that i now needed the frozen peas. To reduce the swelling, and I placed them in the affected area...

 

She laughed.

 

The rollercoaster continues...

[Day.One]

Crickets....

[LifesontheUp]

Lost me on that one........................

[Day.One]

Lost me on that one........................

 

Feels like i'm performing to an empty house here sometimes.

[LifesontheUp]

Nah, think you have plenty of readers who are interested in your updates

[Day.One]

Nah, think you have plenty of readers who are interested in your updates

 

 

Really...? Well, for the non-vocal audience, some ramblings:

 

 

The lighting idea was literally last minute. My neighbour mentioned it was on, about an hour before it started. So I rolled the dice on a 2nd 'date' (the lighting, after the breakfast). It came up 6's. And she loved it. The movie was an attempt at rolling the dice again. Snake eyes. But, I was able to roll with it, accept it and not feel rejected. No anger. And she saw that.

 

She's seen lots of repeated, consistent, 'new guy', with a very few 'old guy' occurrences. But even those have been discussed, explained and accepted. Allowing both of us to understand the previous marriages 'old guy'. Which, I think, is what is drawing her closer.

 

Yes, she turned down the movie offer, but countered with an alternative time. To me, that's someone who is perhaps overwhelmed, but still wanting to take my offer. She's trusting me.

 

When we were here earlier that day, we had some smooching in the kitchen, then I said it was time I took her home... because if she stayed, I couldn't guarantee her safety. I was joking, but...

 

She hesitated, and I could see the wheels turning. Deciding if she wanted to cross that line.

 

Before she could, I opened the back door and showed her out.

 

But if she eventually wants to cheat on her Husband with the guy she's falling in love with, who am I to deny her?

[ComingInHot]

Day.One,

you would be very surprised by how many may be reading your threads. I don't check everyday but when I do I read everything.

Some things I commend you for and other things (just a couple things and because I am a female*) I disagree.

 

This stuck out though..., "She's been drawn to who i've become. Calmer, more confident, able to express myself, share with her, accept help, not as negative, and in better physical shape than I have been in years."

 

Every now and again I get the feeling you are doubting yourself here (if that makes sense).

I mean Are You Happy With Who You Are Becoming? Is this you so vastly different from the you who was before? Is it You still and all along in your heart and soul just replacing bad habits with good ones in which the outward is also affected positively?

[Day.One]

Good counselling session on Monday. She asked me where all the anger has gone. All the pent up anger from years of pain.

 

I told her that I just don't feel it anymore. The overwhelming trapped internal pressure from holding back my emotions has been released. That i'm dealing with my past, facing it and moving through it. That what happened, happened. While it has affected me for way too long, without me wanted to accept how it's affect me, I can manage it and be open to it.

 

That i don't need to bunker up, for fear of being seeing as a bad person. Not to launch pre-emptive strikes on those around me before i get 'attacked'. To look for the positive instead of assume the negative. I'm not great at it yet, but I've realised it's a better way, a healthier way.

 

When I feel angry, not to just go with the anger or bottle it up, but to examine it, take it apart and find what's IN the anger. And deal with that.

 

She said that I have never spoken of my siblings when talking about my childhood. I thought about that, and I think it's because I withdrew into myself from an early age, to protect myself from being hurt. Locking everyone else out. But that has changed. I have opened back up to them and we get on a lot better now, because of that.

 

She was concerned that i'm only projecting a persona as she she sees me as more observational, rather than emotive in my talks. I thought about that too, but I think it's just the way I process things. I certainly 'feel' a lot more than I ever used to, because I allow it, but i'm a logical person so my thought processes reflect that.

 

She asked me (again) if i still love waw. I replied "yes", but choked up. She asked why? Because I feel it. I feel the love and allow it. It's a real feeling. And I enjoy it.

 

We also talked about my (step)Sister. I told her the story about when she died.

 

It was a couple days after oldest son was born. I was still in Cali, and although I knew she was very ill (induced coma) I couldn't go back to the UK as waw was about to give birth.

 

One night, after oldest son was born, we were watching TV and I started bawling (Dug style, jld). I just couldn't stop, for over an hour. All waw could do was hold me as I couldn't explain why I was bawling. I had no idea.

 

The next morning I got the call that my Sister had passed away.

 

I still, to this day, know that she had in some way, passed by me and let me know she had gone.

 

I'm not a believer, at all. But there was something that night. And I'll always regret not having been there. I still have her letter to me, given to me as I left to travel the States, in the dresser drawer closest to my bed. It was full of hope, love and optimism for the future. I've yet to read all of it without losing it.

[Day.One]

waw has said that she's not able to trust me. Yet. That the past, both hers and ours, still prevents her from being able to trust people. Me included.

 

I told her that I get that. That I'm working hard to be a better man, and when she's ready, if she's ready to give her trust to me, I'll be there to hold her hand and be that better man.

 

I asked her how the self help book I'd suggested was going. She said she's reading it, but finding it a struggle. I asked her if it's because she was afraid. She agreed.

 

I validated her fear, but said that she needs to go through it. That I see who she could be. That I wish she should see herself as I see her. An amazing woman with a lot of love inside her. That she needs to find it for herself. That I can't do it for her, i can't fix her. But I can be there to help her, as and when she needs it.

 

On the phone recently (5 min 'chat' turned into an hour and 18 minutes of 'heavy' talk), I was able to help her talk out quite a few things that she was struggling with. She hates it when I say "I know her", but quite often I do. As she does me. But I think sometimes it surprises her how i'm able to reach her and help move through something.

[Day.One]

FWIW, it's really hard to respect waws request that we don't make out every time we meet up, when she 'attacks' me... every time we meet up! (happened again last evening after gym)

 

But we talked about still living apart. She says it's helping her work on her trust issues. And that she makes a point of every time we meet she works on allowing a little more trust. In me.

 

She's slowly edging forward, according to her. For me, i've got to make sure I don't push her to move. But to allow her to do it herself.

 

I explained to her that I'm still using the time to work on me. But also to learn how to 'date' as it's not something i've done before. I did also throw in that it would be good to learn to date even if we don't get back together, as one day I may still need that skill.

 

She said that I need to ask her on a proper date. (so wtf have we been doing already?). Is she asking me to take charge? Is she trusting me to lead her?

 

I reminded her that she didn't want to 'date', or call what we're doing 'dating'. Her response again was "yeah, well..."

[Day.One]

Day.One,

you would be very surprised by how many may be reading your threads. I don't check everyday but when I do I read everything.

Some things I commend you for and other things (just a couple things and because I am a female*) I disagree.

 

This stuck out though..., "She's been drawn to who i've become. Calmer, more confident, able to express myself, share with her, accept help, not as negative, and in better physical shape than I have been in years."

 

Every now and again I get the feeling you are doubting yourself here (if that makes sense).

I mean Are You Happy With Who You Are Becoming? Is this you so vastly different from the you who was before? Is it You still and all along in your heart and soul just replacing bad habits with good ones in which the outward is also affected positively?

 

 

Hermit crabs. As they grow, they eventually outgrow the shell they are in. So they must leave their old shell and find a new 'home' to move into. But from the time they leave their old shell and arrive safely in the new one, they are vulnerable.

 

I'm in the middle of moving from who I was, to whom i'm hoping to become. So i'm exposed. Vulnerable. Until i'm fully moved over to the new guy and can discard the old guy.

 

Part of which means I will doubt myself. Wonder WTF am I doing? Am i really changing, or just faking? And think "hmmm, maybe the old shell/guy wasn't so bad after all".

 

But, I like this new guy. As do many other people, including waw. At work today, There's a new person. Same last name as someone else there. Turns out they're sisters. I warned the new girl "yeah, they probably warned you about me, I'm the grumpy one"

 

The others were quick to jump in and let me know "no, you're not! You were the grumpy one, but you've changed. You're 'chirpy'".

 

I don't think i've ever been referred to as 'chirpy' before.

 

==============================================

 

 

Had my penultimate PIP (Personal Improvement Plan) meeting with my Team Lead at work yesterday.

 

I was put on a PIP just before D-Day due to my being a total d*ck to my co-workers and users (I'm IT support), and it had reached a point where HR was getting involved.

 

I was a bit apprehensive about today's meeting as I was getting concerned that I may have backslid recently. Apparently that is not the case. For the PIP my Team Lead asks for and receives feedback from my colleagues, users, line managers, etc. Basically to see if anyone I have contact with has experiences any problems with me.

 

None were reported. In fact feedback has been positive. That i've improved dramatically, since D-Day, with no relapses.

 

==============================================

 

 

A 'trigger' story from work Tuesday. Team Lead sent round an email requesting:

 

Hi All,

A request has come in from *his boss*, to supply some info. Can one person from each site look at the list below, and anything that needs adding to the bottom of it, that we do, add it, and what we would pass on to 3rd line.

I will collate all replies. Please action this by Wednesday 1200hrs please.

 

Looked over the 30 bullet point list with my colleague, and decided that there wasn't really anything else we could add, so sent it back as such.

 

Follow up email from Team Lead read:

 

Hi Both,

Surprised really, however I shall pass this onto *his boss*, on completion of adding the other contributions from the other teams.

 

 

In the past I would have dived into "He's not happy with me, I must have done something 'wrong'." and raised shields.

 

I found i was able to call him instead, and without being defensive or angry, question why he was surprised, hear his reasons and then walk him through my reasoning. Pretty much bulletpoint by bulletpoint. In a calm, but firm manner.

 

Once i had clearly explained, he was able to see where I was coming from, and accept my responses to his questions.

 

I got off the call and took a minute to bask in the feeling that I wasn't a 'bad guy' or had done anything 'wrong'. To take note of how that felt, and how to get to that point again.

 

 

 

Instances like that, although small, help me know that I AM moving on.

 

But I don't allow myself to think i'm 'cured'. The behaviour is changing, the attitude is changing. But I still struggle to make sure it becomes ingrained, not superficial.

[Day.One]

Some things I commend you for and other things (just a couple things and because I am a female*) I disagree.

 

Can you expand on that? I'd like to hear feedback. Especially when it's from a respected LSer like yourself.

 

Thanks.

[Day.One]

I've got this weekend 'off', as she's not going to be around. Out last night with her yoga class. Up to London today for a dance show with her work colleagues, then off to my Brothers with Mum and Sister for the day tomorrow! I've asked her to be careful as she had a cortisone shot in her foot this morning (neuritis). She liked that I cared.

 

But i'm taking the weekend and using it to catch up, on me. Ordered Hold On To Your N.U.T.S, Printed out the Five Steps questionnaire, commited to sit down and work on NMMNG's BFE exercises. I'm also going to look into social groups in the area, as I realised i need to get out more, meet people, socialise. And I'm going to see if I can still get into the company xmas party. I'd declined, but have since realised my reasons were.... old guy.

 

waw did invite me out for coffee this am, after her shot, but I already had plans. Help Mum put up her 7' tree, picked up a pile of firewood, took the girls out for a walk. Bella wasn't into it, and didn't eat breakfast. I have a vet appt for her later today. I'm not sure she'll see xmas. Which is obviously bumming me out, but i'm focussing on the extra time we've been given. waw was sad she couldn't go to the vets with us. She wants to be 'there', for me, and for Bella.

 

Which raises a question. If, IF, the vet decides 'it's time', do i call waw and let her know as she'd drop her plans and come running? Or do I hold off, deal with it myself, and tell her after she's had a good weekend, living life? I'm pretty sure she'd be pi$$ed if I didn't let her know though.

[Day.One]

Regretfully, I had to end Bella's suffering this evening. She'd reached a point where she was ready to go and her quality of life had diminished. She's no longer in pain.

 

She passed away peacefully, cradled in my lap, head in my arms.

 

 

She's home right now. Tomorrow I will bury her beside one of our favourite local walks.

 

I did tell waw. She's coming by later, and going with me to bury Bella tomorrow.

[LifesontheUp]

So sorry to read about your dog. We lost my 18yr old staff in April. It hurts and still miss him but remember the good times too.

[Yasuandio]

Been following your story, sorry to hear of your loss. That is sad. Will you get another companion? My last experience with same, vet assistsnt said, it's often a good move. My therapist flipped out. It was right choice for me. Therapist don't know everything. Yas

[rachel7475]

I just read through your threads, my hubby and I are going through something very similar and I hope you continue posting, it's interesting to see the similarities between your situation and mine, and how you're reacting to them.

[Day.One]

I just read through your threads, my hubby and I are going through something very similar and I hope you continue posting, it's interesting to see the similarities between your situation and mine, and how you're reacting to them.

 

Thanks. You should post up your story.

[Day.One]

Been following your story, sorry to hear of your loss. That is sad. Will you get another companion? My last experience with same, vet assistsnt said, it's often a good move. My therapist flipped out. It was right choice for me. Therapist don't know everything. Yas

 

I still have my GS (13 years old and arthritic). But yes, next year i'll get another rescue dog.

[Day.One]

Hadn't been to the gym much last week, but have been swimming and walking the (remaining) dog . After all that's been happening I felt I just needed some time out. Back on it this week though.

 

Had the office party on Tuesday. Wasn't going to go, but needed to get out and socialise. Had a good time, which was a first time i've enjoyed the xmas party, probably because i made the effort to enjoy it. Stayed until people got drunk and raucous.

 

Waw and I communicate every day. Either in person, by text or phone. Went out to out to dinner Friday evening. We had made plans to hang out with other friends, but both hers and mine had to cancel. So now waw and I were each others 'plan b's'!

 

Had our first official 'date' last night. Shirt, tie, polished shoes, red rose, French restaurant, the whole 9 yards. Went very well. waw had gone out of her way to make herself look extra good, and it showed. I made sure she knew i'd noticed. Definitely a new connection between us, and a new relationship. One that we both like.

 

I've pulled back somewhat though, as I was making the mistake of getting ahead of myself, emotionally. But I've made it clear to waw why I'm doing this, and that I'm not pulling away from her, but rather back towards me. So I can get centred again, and not forget myself. Also, waw isn't as far along her own road as I seem to be, so it's also giving her time to catch up, if she chooses to do so (and so I'm better able to deal with it if she doesn't).

 

She's asked to spend the night here xmas eve into xmas day. I'd previously made the offer, but then left it there for her to accept (or not). She did.

[Day.One]

Just dropping by to update. Overall a good week. Had my PDR (employee review). All green, across the board. Much improved attitude and no further complaints from co-workers & users. Should be eligible for a pay raise and bonus based on the PDR. The much promised overtime is finally kicking in, so I will be able to put something aside and start saving instead of just spending.

 

Oh, and I won the office xmas raffle. A healthy amount of gift tokens that I'll use to to update my wardrobe.

 

Still hitting the gym, going to talk to a PT about switching to free weights from machines in the new year. Stabilised at around 192lbs, but definitely changing shape, in a good way.

 

waw and I continue to improve. Have an occasional down day, but I'm getting better at working through my triggers and what I'm feeling. We're much MUCH better at talking through any speedbumps, and have not, as yet, left any issues unresolved. Any that have come up are typically due to bad or incomplete communication and we recognise that and resolve it.

 

I invited waw to spend xmas eve at my house, she'd accepted. And now she has asked if she can stay over on xmas night too.

[Day.One]

Xmas updates.

 

26/12/14 Dropped waw at home earlier this evening. It's been a great couple of days. She stayed over xmas eve and xmas night (24-26th)

 

xmas eve here, just being together. At the end of which she initiated, very strongly. And yes the ground did move. And it did again the following morning. IIRC, this is the first time(s) we've made love in getting on for a year.

 

We're definitely getting closer emotionally too. Apart from 2 or 3 occasions we've been a regular couple of honeymooners. There were a couple of particular 'discussions' caused by triggers during the last 48 hours, but we talked our way right through them and dispelled the tension that usually would have lead into a fight within a few minutes. The rest of the 48 hours was all good. I mean really good. As in she wanted to come back here again this evening good.

 

But I declined, although I was quick to explain why. We'd really connected in our time together, and neither of us wanted it to end. However, we'd agreed on a time limit (2 nights) and we had to honour that boundary. If we didn't, it would have led to confusion, frustration due to no clear boundaries, and later 'discussion' over who breached what. But again, we agreed, worked things through and parted on a high note. It's difficult to explain to anyone not in our particular situation, but the space is a good thing. We both need to work on ourselves, and enjoy the positive results it's having on our relationship. The space allows the growth and the healing to happen. And although we both hate it, we both agree that this current setup is having results that neither of us could have dreamed about.

 

I think that's kinda the highlights. If I think of more, I'll add them.

 

I think it's time to move this thread to the Second Chances section.

[Day.One]

27/12/14 Back to the 24/7 gym this morning. Only to find it didn't reopen till 10. Fortunately I got there at 9:50. Felt REALLY bad for the guy who'd been standing outside, in shorts and a long sleeved T since 9:30! Its just a shade above freezing here, with a strong north wind...

 

Workout done, stopped by the mall to blow my xmas vouchers. 1/2 price sales, so wardrobe has been increased, a lot. I now have clothes that fit me better since the weight loss, And they're more stylish than my old clobber. Definitely 'looking sharp'.

 

Then on to my Mum's for xmas #2 (xmas #1, on the 25th, was at my Sisters)