Meeting for "Coffee" is a dating suicide

[MissBee]

I don't do coffee dates personally.

 

I get the logic of why some prefer it but that's not my preference. Coffee for me is casual and platonic. I go to coffee with classmates, for business meetings, for group meetings, to catch up with a friend not when I'm specifically looking for romance. I am not opposed to it and if asked, I'd agree if interested, but I wouldn't suggest it myself. The exception is, if the guy is someone I know in real life from school for example, I'd probably suggest that to make it no pressure and since we may already have some familiarity with each other. But when I'm OLD specifically looking for romance I won't suggest that.

 

However, if I did go for coffee and a man felt he had to be straining and forcing conversation, it's not because of the coffee date.......it's simply because we do not naturally have anything to talk about. If a man and I are vibing, then regardless of if we're drinking coffee or sipping a martini, the conversation will most likely flow. I talk to EVERY man I meet via OLD on the phone before we ever go out so I get a sense of them and if we can communicate in a natural way and where I want to know more. If on the phone it feels strained and weird I am turned off but MAY give it a chance face to face but if face to face, whether it's for coffee or dinner, the conversation is like pulling teeth or an interview versus more natural then I move on. Being able to be myself, speak naturally, vibe, laugh, and feel comfortable is a MAJOR factor in me deciding to see a man again. If I don't have that then there's no point.

 

I just broke up with my bf, literally yesterday, and one of the reasons was I realized that when we first went out and in the early part of our relationship we did a lot of activity type dates and it was fun but all the activity blurred the fact that when there was no activity involved and it just came on to talking to each other...things fell flat and we had very little beyond the superficial to talk about. So for me, because conversation and being able to be with someone I can talk to is important, I zoom in on that and try to pay attention to that dynamic. I don't like coffee dates but I do think if we clicked it would also be evident over coffee. Edited to add: now that I think about it, maybe coffee dates are a better way to judge how well you and someone can communicate and talk whereas like in my case, it was easier to be wooed by dinner and other activities without fully realizing that outside of doing stuff together there wasn't much to talk about....hmmm.