Meeting for "Coffee" is a dating suicide

[whichwayisup]

I would give ANYTHING to meet a woman that is smart enough to sit down and have that conversation with me. Unfortunately.....most women nowadays only care about the current reality show, and which Hollywood star is pregnant or getting divorced.

 

I am married but do I have a some single friends. Not one of them are into what you described. You are picking the wrong types of women to date then.

[AtomZ]

I am married but do I have a some single friends. Not one of them are into what you described. You are picking the wrong types of women to date then.

 

No I am not picking the wrong types. ALL the women in this area are like that. You cant avoid them.

[Gloria25]

I love how the people on this forum decide what my interests are when the topic comes up.

 

No one is telling you what your interests are...I just used some examples. Do a Google for "meet-ups" in your area (or within a reasonable radius) cuz there are all types of groups people form. Some do chess, some run, some just meet up for drinks, some are foodies...

 

Gosh...

[whichwayisup]

No I am not picking the wrong types. ALL the women in this area are like that. You cant avoid them.

 

Then I guess you'll have to move. Or use your car and go to another Town to try to connect with women.

 

There's no way 'every single woman' in your area are all like that. No way. Have you met all of them? (yes I'm being a smart ass).

[Gloria25]

No I am not picking the wrong types. ALL the women in this area are like that. You cant avoid them.

 

Yes, dating is harder now - even for us females to find a guy with some character and/or values....but that's why I suggested meet-ups, churches, and/or volunteering, cuz hopefully if you find people with certain interests hopefully they'll be of better character, interests, etc.

[AtomZ]

No one is telling you what your interests are...I just used some examples. Do a Google for "meet-ups" in your area (or within a reasonable radius) cuz there are all types of groups people form. Some do chess, some run, some just meet up for drinks, some are foodies...

 

Gosh...

 

For the 100th time.....the meet-up groups are useless where I live.

[Gloria25]

Then I guess you'll have to move. Or use your car and go to another Town to try to connect with women.

 

There's no way 'every single woman' in your area are all like that. No way. Have you met all of them? (yes I'm being a smart ass).

 

Agreed ^^ since the lack of a relationship is becoming a big issue to you, then in life we have to make choices...Move or stay single and miserable in your area.

[me85]

For the 100th time, try something you haven't already. Like thinking differently. Perception is everything and I'm sorry but negative, self pitying, "woe is me" doesn't get you anywhere.

 

Everyone is offering the best possible advice to give to you. Attitude is everything and a bad attitude is nothing but a turn off to everyone everywhere. Romantically and otherwise.

 

We can blame it all on something and someone else all we want but the problem still exists for you at the end of the day.

 

I said I was done but goodness you need all the help you can get because you are so distraught. Don't you want to have a better attitude about all this?

 

If not, why come to LS at all? Just to vent? Well, ok, ya, do that but you're leaving the topic you started a thread about open for discussion. So here we are…discussing it… what more do you want us to do?

 

We all kind of have each other's backs on LS. We're trying to help you. You're driving us away.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Men want us women to give them a chance and be open-minded. If I do OLD and I want to give a chance to every man with a profile which seems reasonably compatible, I simply do not have enough time to have dinner with all these men.

Therefore a coffee date is an efficient way to get a first idea of who a man is. Plus you can have the coffee date in the middle of the day, so no alcohol is involved.

 

I don't like a long first date. It creates a false sense of intimacy when you tell your whole life to someone if you don't know him/her. It's too much too soon.

[Toodaloo]

No I am not picking the wrong types. ALL the women in this area are like that. You cant avoid them.

 

Erm yes you can.

 

I am a woman and I don't have a clue about stuff like that... Wouldn't know where to start. I usually defer to friends to pass on that information. No clue about soaps, celebs, any of it. Just doesn't interest me at all...

 

As for drinking coffee being dating suicide... Yep it is - I am allergic to the muck so would turn you down for that one!

[sungoggles]

I'm surprised at the number of women here that deem pre-date coffee a necessity. Personally, I feel there's nothing that can be found over coffee that can't be discovered over, say, a quick trip to the zoo. First dates don't have to (and really shouldn't) take forever, and it's just as easy to wrap up a public activity as it is to wrap up an evening at a cafe. I'm thankful that I'm not a man and in the OP's current position; being limited to first date coffee is a frightfully dull dating scenario.

[Emilia]

Reading your thread and your responses OP, your anger seems to be the real issue here. Perhaps you don't hit it off with those women because it's very appearant in real life?

[sillyanswer]

When meeting women from a dating site, 99.99% of them want to meet for coffee. This is absolutely annoying to me. I cant stand sitting there, carrying the conversation, trying to "entertain" the woman, while she analyzes my every word, gesture, and idiosyncrasy. Studies have also proved that sitting there interviewing each other is the worst way to start things off. Why cant we go to a museum, or the park, or a pet store, or batting cages.....anything where there is some sort of activity and interaction, besides just sitting there staring at each other, trying to think of what to say next?

 

Options include:

 

"Let's get these coffees 'to go'" and then go for a walk. She has her coffee date, you have your date-date.

 

"I don't do coffee dates. Good bye."

 

"I have a better idea. Let's go to the museum/park/pet store."

 

 

Basically, if you don't like them, don't go on them. Perhaps those women who do aren't for you!

[sillyanswer]

And they ALWAYS mention how they can only meet for X amount of time because they have something else to do. Which is usually total bs.

 

Agreed. Well, sometimes they have another coffee date straight afterwards, so maybe it's not always bs. :/

[sillyanswer]

I think meeting for coffee as a pre-date (i.e. screen your date in person) is smart.

 

No no no. It's a date. It just happens to be short and involving only having coffee.

[Diezel]

You guys are hysterial.

 

You are all wasting energy trying to give him advice. He doesn't want advice. He just wants to vent about women in his area.

 

As far as I'm concerned... coffee is not dating suicide. It's not my first choice. I make enough money for 1/2 rounds of drinks that I wouldn't miss if we're not feeling it. I'd rather have that social lubricant, makes things go a little smoother.

[PinkInTheLimo]

As far as I'm concerned... coffee is not dating suicide. It's not my first choice. I make enough money for 1/2 rounds of drinks that I wouldn't miss if we're not feeling it. I'd rather have that social lubricant, makes things go a little smoother.

 

I don't like to go for drinks because I very rarely drink alcohol and prefer guys who don't drink a lot themselves.

 

If a guy insists to go for drinks instead of for a coffee, it tells me that he has a unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

 

I LOVE digging in and finding out what makes a woman tick......but guess what?? In my experience...that is a HUGE turnoff for women. They do not want dissected.

 

No woman (or man I think) wants to feel as if they are undergoing some police interrogation on a date.

 

I personally hate it when they keep pushing me to give information about my previous relationships. I think this happens more to me because I was never married and have no kids. Boy, does that make some guys suspicious!

I have no secrets but there is a time and place for certain questions and a first date should be casual and fun.

Edited September 19, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[littleplanet]

I would give ANYTHING to meet a woman that is smart enough to sit down and have that conversation with me. Unfortunately.....most women nowadays only care about the current reality show, and which Hollywood star is pregnant or getting divorced.

 

 

You know, the funny thing is......forums (being what they are) can be a great way to screen for interesting people.

Ironic. I don't come here to do that - but if I did, I can think of at least a round two dozen I'd love to sit down with for coffee and a good yak.

Based on opinions expressed, and character reflected in that expression.

But then, I've always thought intelligence is sexy.

 

If we fancy ourselves living inside movie shoots and tv studios, I suppose we reap those grains....

where looks do the talking and good brains hibernate.

But personality is what we remember long after the next dozen 'lookers' have come and gone.

 

It's easy, too easy - to surmise that you're meeting the wrong women.

But another irony.

If the initial introduction starts with the written word....then the writing itself can be a useful pre-screen.

 

Back when I was young, we used to call these things blind dates.

Often enough they were disasters. (laws of attraction being what they are.)

But if the flaw resides within the set-up....put it this way.....is a Volkswagon modified with a Rolls Royce engine still just a Volkswagon?

 

The pleasure of pure conversation becomes that much more intense when two people do 'click.' How that works follows the same old rules that always did apply. Not necessarily Shakespearean wit. But surely, a bit of balance.

 

The minute you find yourself using the phrase 'most women'.....you've ruled yourself straight into cell block A.

While out there in the free world, diversification runs rampant in glorious herds every which way. No need to get run over by the stampede.

If impala is what you're looking for, you probably won't find one mixing with the zebra.

 

In other words......using speed as a metaphor - one would do well to have a cheetah's stamina.(and smarts.)

 

Ah......but then, social media - can be, and often enough is......the quicksand bog that slows the whole thing down to a muckish struggle.

[dumbass2]

Well, I don't know about most women, but I like to make a first meet simple - like over coffee or drinks...Why?

 

I don't like a guy spending too much time on me if we don't click. Cuz it's too easy to be "good on paper" when dealing with OLD. Also, I can cut the evening short if, again, there's no chemistry/click.

 

I say, that if you want to do more than coffee or drinks, why don't you pick a place conducive to extending the evening if you two hit it off? For example, cafe's like Starbucks have options where you can get some dessert or a small salad/panini.

 

Also, you can pick a place for drinks or coffee that is in an interesting place/area so that if you two hit it off, you can say like "let's walk on the river-walk", "check out this show/museum"....

 

Exactly. This is what I try to do as often as possible. I try to get them to meet at a location where if things are going well we can go check out some live entertainment or even go see a flick. This has worked out well a number of times and if there is seemingly no chemistry at all, then the date can be over within and hour or so and then I can go still go out and have fun somewhere. I don't like meeting where there are limited possibilities to extend the evening.

[AtomZ]

The minute you find yourself using the phrase 'most women'.....you've ruled yourself straight into cell block A.

While out there in the free world, diversification runs rampant in glorious herds every which way.

 

 

The above statement is not as true as many people think it is.

 

Ever hear of voting demographics? Political campaigns tend to have a very good handle on how residents X feel on a topic up for vote compared to resident Z that live in the next town over. Anyone can look at a state by state map and see which areas are known to be majority republic or democrat.

 

Its no different dealing with women in the dating world. In NE Ohio the mindset of many women is to get married, have kids, stay home, and let the man provide.

 

Travel a few hours southwest to Columbus Ohio, and you will find the total opposite. Columbus is filled with independent, career driven women, single, with no kids.

 

When I say "most women" its referring to women in my environment, here where I live. Anyone on here that has traveled our country, or internationally, can easily vouch for how different people act, and interact when in different states, or even within different areas of a state.

 

Its not rocket science its common sense.

 

I would love to be surrounded by bright, intelligent, women that can think for themselves, but that wont happen anytime soon where I live.

[salparadise]

Where I come from, "coffee" is code for "coffee and then sex".

 

So...

 

That's funny... with my most recent girlfriend, the word coffee was literally the code word for sex. It started the 2nd day after we got naked the first time. She texted me in the morning and asked if I'd to come for coffee. Well, we skipped the coffee and spent the morning in bed. After that she's just text the emoji of a steaming cup of coffee... and I'd reply... I'm on the way.

[AtomZ]

That's funny... with my most recent girlfriend, the word coffee was literally the code word for sex. It started the 2nd day after we got naked the first time. She texted me in the morning and asked if I'd to come for coffee. Well, we skipped the coffee and spent the morning in bed. After that she's just text the emoji of a steaming cup of coffee... and I'd reply... I'm on the way.

 

Thanks for a total of 2 irrelevant posts on this thread. Lets see how many more off topic comments we can get.

[Phoe]

That's totally your right to not like coffee dates if it's not your thing, but they're not all bad.

 

My boyfriend and I had our date on the coldest day of the year last year. We went to a quaint coffee shop that I used to frequent back in high school. I got hot chocolate which was much needed on that cold day, sat in cozy chairs and talked all evening. Nothing about it was interview-like. We laughed and had a wonderful time.

 

If coffee dates suck, its probably because your date sucks. Not the coffee shop. If you are on a date with a person who isn't gonna work for you, does it matter whether you're in a coffee shop or a museum? No. That person is gonna be lousy for you anyway. If you're on a date with an awesome person who is great for you, you'll have a nice time no matter where it is.

[Phoe]

I would love to be surrounded by bright, intelligent, women that can think for themselves, but that wont happen anytime soon where I live.

 

Dear god...

 

You aren't finding the bright and intelligent women because we steer clear of the men who have such an awful attitude like yours.

[salparadise]

I'm a man and I usually prefer the coffee date format. There are several reasons, mostly the same as the women give for liking this scenario. Most importantly, it keeps me from having to fork out $50 for dinner and spend two hours talking to someone when it's obvious to me that there will be no second date. I usually know if she's attractive to me before she even gets seated, other times I know within a couple of minutes.

 

About not liking the interview aspect... socialize, have fun and ask a few open-ended questions that allow her to talk about herself. I have quit feeling like the onus is on me to entertain. If she isn't willing, to hold up her half of a conversation then I'm probably not interested, and with the coffee format I have the option to cut it short... or extend if we are hitting it off.

 

It's a two-way street––you don't need to feel like it's all on you just because you're a man. I've had a string of somewhat disappointing first meetings lately and I want to avail myself of an escape route just as much as they do.

 

Got a first meeting tonight and we're doing dinner, but nothing fancy and could be less than an hour if there are no sparks. Only slightly more than a coffee date.