RonaldS Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 AtomZ.....in reading your replies, I think the dating suicide you're experiencing comes from factors other than meeting for coffee. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Personally, I have found that if there is chemistry, the date won't feel like an interview, and if there is no chemistry, it's very awkward. I've gone on dates that were just so good, we sat there for hours until the place closed and then hung out afterwards. And some dates were just mostly awkward silences with me discreetly checking the time under the table when I'm sure he's not looking. I like coffee dates when I don't know the person well because I can really get a chance to know them like I wouldn't if we were at the movies or distracted by paintings or something else. But different dating methods work for different people - maybe coffee dates just haven't worked for you. Suggest something else to the woman, there's nothing wrong in wanting to do something else other than coffee. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AtomZ Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 maybe coffee dates just haven't worked for you. Suggest something else to the woman, there's nothing wrong in wanting to do something else other than coffee. The women refuse to do anything else…I either have to go on the stupid coffee date or not meet them at all. And I don't even drink coffee… So when I sit down with them and I don't have a coffee that turns into a whole nother debacle because everyone is just so f'n shocked that there somebody in the world that doesn't drink coffee 24/7. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 When meeting women from a dating site, 99.99% of them want to meet for coffee. This is absolutely annoying to me. I cant stand sitting there, carrying the conversation, trying to "entertain" the woman, while she analyzes my every word, gesture, and idiosyncrasy. Studies have also proved that sitting there interviewing each other is the worst way to start things off. Why cant we go to a museum, or the park, or a pet store, or batting cages.....anything where there is some sort of activity and interaction, besides just sitting there staring at each other, trying to think of what to say next? You are not alone on this, and the way I have managed to turn this around a woman, is to tell her that we can get our beverage to go i.e. go for a walk instead downtown / along the waterfront / in the park...all of which is still public with people around. I will never meet in a coffee shop again! It's not just the analyzing, there is also the people around who know you are on a date, and trying to listen in on your conversation 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 The women refuse to do anything else…I either have to go on the stupid coffee date or not meet them at all. And I don't even drink coffee… So when I sit down with them and I don't have a coffee that turns into a whole nother debacle because everyone is just so f'n shocked that there somebody in the world that doesn't drink coffee 24/7. Then order a tea, or pop, or juice or water or one of the hundred other beverages just about any coffee place on this planet has to offer. Or would that solution give you one less thing to moan about? One less thing to be angry about? You're one very good reason why so many people insist on a coffee date. At around this point in your life I'd say you need a therapist more than you need a girlfriend. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AtomZ Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 You are not alone on this, and the way I have managed to turn this around a woman, is to tell her that we can get our beverage to go i.e. go for a walk instead downtown / along the waterfront / in the park...all of which is still public with people around. I will never meet in a coffee shop again! It's not just the analyzing, there is also the people around who know you are on a date, and trying to listen in on your conversation That just reminded me of one of the dates....we were already sitting down, and these two college girls sat down right next to us...I could have touched her shoulder without even extending my arm all the way out. I wish I lived somewhere where we could go for a walk after grabbing our drinks, but this is suburbia hell....with nothing but pavement, retail, and restaurants. Anytime I go anywhere I never choose a seat near anyone, date or no date. But I notice that many people tend to congregate near others when they have a choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 The women refuse to do anything else…I either have to go on the stupid coffee date or not meet them at all. And I don't even drink coffee… So when I sit down with them and I don't have a coffee that turns into a whole nother debacle because everyone is just so f'n shocked that there somebody in the world that doesn't drink coffee 24/7. WHAT are you talking about? Most coffee shops (even the ones in small, small towns) offer other beverages (tea, juices, water, soda)...Even desserts, small sandwiches, yogurt, fruits, etc. Also, if they insist on the coffee date, then go!!! Like others said, even "if" they already set up other commitments so that they can leave early - if you make an impression on them, I'm sure there will be a 2nd, 3rd or more dates... Geesh... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 That just reminded me of one of the dates....we were already sitting down, and these two college girls sat down right next to us...I could have touched her shoulder without even extending my arm all the way out. I wish I lived somewhere where we could go for a walk after grabbing our drinks, but this is suburbia hell....with nothing but pavement, retail, and restaurants. Anytime I go anywhere I never choose a seat near anyone, date or no date. But I notice that many people tend to congregate near others when they have a choice. Oh gosh, what a pity party you are... Not long ago I went out to a B-day party for a friend of a friend. We went to one of those indian places where you had to sit on the ground. Well, they were trying to fit in everyone, so we were seated near other people. One of them were this young couple who looked so cute on their date nite or whatever and before that was a family out with their kids...we didn't talk to them much, but it was friendly and fun. So, sometimes it is fun to be seated next to others...You can strike up convos with them...AND, this is coming from a woman who is not a people person. I've had other instances where I was "blended" into sitting next to others (i.e. Japanese steakhouse, bars, etc.) and just chat up the people already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AtomZ Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 WHAT are you talking about? Most coffee shops (even the ones in small, small towns) offer other beverages (tea, juices, water, soda)...Even desserts, small sandwiches, yogurt, fruits, etc. Also, if they insist on the coffee date, then go!!! Like others said, even "if" they already set up other commitments so that they can leave early - if you make an impression on them, I'm sure there will be a 2nd, 3rd or more dates... Geesh... I'll never make an impression on them. Because I am always myself. I dont put on an act like most guys do. Most guys are like politicians speaking in public....they are very careful what they say, and the topics they discuss, because they are very wary about rocking the boat. In other words....many guys do whatever it takes to try to "win her over"....I dont do that. I present myself as I am, opinions and all. I dont blatantly force feed her my opinions, but if the conversation arises, I do not bite my lip like many people do. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I'll never make an impression on them. Because I am always myself. I dont put on an act like most guys do. Most guys are like politicians speaking in public....they are very careful what they say, and the topics they discuss, because they are very wary about rocking the boat. In other words....many guys do whatever it takes to try to "win her over"....I dont do that. I present myself as I am, opinions and all. I dont blatantly force feed her my opinions, but if the conversation arises, I do not bite my lip like many people do. OMG, I wish we could put you on a reality TV show and record the date... Ever hear of "too much, too soon"? If you dump too much stuff on a first date, how is someone really gonna get to know you? I hate to use a job as an example, but on an interview, do you tell all? You tell what is relevant and with time you gradually reveal things...then in time they decide if ALL of you is what they want, if they can bend in certain areas (cuz not everyone is a 100% match), or if something important to you is a deal breaker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AtomZ Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 OMG, I wish we could put you on a reality TV show and record the date... Ever hear of "too much, too soon"? If you dump too much stuff on a first date, how is someone really gonna get to know you? I hate to use a job as an example, but on an interview, do you tell all? You tell what is relevant and with time you gradually reveal things...then in time they decide if ALL of you is what they want, if they can bend in certain areas (cuz not everyone is a 100% match), or if something important to you is a deal breaker. I dont know how to play games like that. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 When meeting women from a dating site, 99.99% of them want to meet for coffee. This is absolutely annoying to me. I cant stand sitting there, carrying the conversation, trying to "entertain" the woman, while she analyzes my every word, gesture, and idiosyncrasy. Studies have also proved that sitting there interviewing each other is the worst way to start things off. Why cant we go to a museum, or the park, or a pet store, or batting cages.....anything where there is some sort of activity and interaction, besides just sitting there staring at each other, trying to think of what to say next? I couldn't agree with you more. When I was doing OLD, when a guy suggested coffee for a first meeting, I just figured he was uncreative. There are plenty of cheap or free things to do that actually says something about who you are. Coffee says nothing to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 (edited) Even when I wasn't all that info the guy, I could still manage a few hours of pleasant conversation & generally consoled myself with enjoying the restaurant or museum. People just have no patience & very little courtesy any more. What happened to being gracious? Yep, I agree... and what happened to screening people in advance? OLD got a lot more fun for me the minute I stopped meeting for stupid coffee dates... OP, I am a woman, btw. Here is a hint... If you want something, ask for it Just don't meet women who insist on coffee first. They are probably boring as hell. There are lots of public things to do that don't involve gobs of time. Winter is on the way... Ice skating? How about going to an indoor rock gym? Lots of people there. Or my fave, meeting at a road race. Always works to screen out the guys who aren't as fit or active as they claim to be I met my current boyfriend for the first time at a hot yoga studio... He now rides a bike with me on my long runs while I train for a marathon. This is not something I would have ever learned or believed over a lame cup of flavored water. That much I have learned about OLD Edited September 20, 2014 by RedRobin 2 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 When meeting women from a dating site, 99.99% of them want to meet for coffee. This is absolutely annoying to me. I cant stand sitting there, carrying the conversation, trying to "entertain" the woman, while she analyzes my every word, gesture, and idiosyncrasy. Studies have also proved that sitting there interviewing each other is the worst way to start things off. Why cant we go to a museum, or the park, or a pet store, or batting cages.....anything where there is some sort of activity and interaction, besides just sitting there staring at each other, trying to think of what to say next? haven't you heard of speedating, or that a first impression is made within the first 5 minutes or so? it doesn't take someone hours to know if they'll like you or not so i, personally, do coffee dates to avoid wasting time. if you get along well it only makes meeting up again even more exciting. spend too much time together right off and it's gonna be overkill/overshare. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I like the coffee date. I don't want to be distracted by other activities. I've just learned to relax and enjoy the moment. If it goes, it goes, and when it doesn't, I still got to meet an interesting and new person. Meeting and interacting with new people should always be seen as beneficial. If you don't succeed there and then, at least learn from it, and maybe gain some new perspectives. At worst, you'll have a laugh on how awful it went. A coffee date could be a gateway to many other dates, or it is an effective method to find out if you like a person or not. Sooner or later you're gonna have to talk anyways, may as well get it all out during a coffee date. If you truly meet a person you click with, talking will go all by itself. One latte please! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I like the coffee date. I don't want to be distracted by other activities. I've just learned to relax and enjoy the moment. If it goes, it goes, and when it doesn't, I still got to meet an interesting and new person. Meeting and interacting with new people should always be seen as beneficial. If you don't succeed there and then, at least learn from it, and maybe gain some new perspectives. At worst, you'll have a laugh on how awful it went. A coffee date could be a gateway to many other dates, or it is an effective method to find out if you like a person or not. Sooner or later you're gonna have to talk anyways, may as well get it all out during a coffee date. If you truly meet a person you click with, talking will go all by itself. One latte please! OK...I think you are missing the point here, some of us have said we don't mind the coffee, but what we don't like is sitting in the shop with others around gawking and listening in on your conversation. Additionally, that coffee "date", is NOT exactly a date, it is instead known as a "meet n greet". If all goes well, then a proper 1st date is in order. Speaking of which, I have one coming up soon and conveniently or not for both of us, we live 2 streets down from one another and only just realized thru a chat. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 (edited) Yep, I agree... and what happened to screening people in advance? OLD got a lot more fun for me the minute I stopped meeting for stupid coffee dates... OP, I am a woman, btw. Here is a hint... If you want something, ask for it Just don't meet women who insist on coffee first. They are probably boring as hell. There are lots of public things to do that don't involve gobs of time. Winter is on the way... Ice skating? How about going to an indoor rock gym? Lots of people there. Or my fave, meeting at a road race. Always works to screen out the guys who aren't as fit or active as they claim to be I met my current boyfriend for the first time at a hot yoga studio... He now rides a bike with me on my long runs while I train for a marathon. This is not something I would have ever learned or believed over a lame cup of flavored water. That much I have learned about OLD The activities you describe are nice but I first want to have a coffee date before I want do do any of them in the company of a guy I don't know. That has nothing to do with a lack of creativity, I just don't want to waste my creativity or have someone else waste his creativity on me when we know at the first glance that there is no chance we will ever fancy each other. A coffee date is an elegant way of doing a first screening. You know it will not last for hours and you will still get a first impression. Edited September 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WhatIsLove2014 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 From what I can tell, it all depends on the person. I am relatively new to OLD and I met two guys, one was really nice but kept trying to get me to come to his house but he was coming on really strong about his feelings for me so I insisted on a coffee date (which never happened). However, with another guy I met, we met for dinner then went to restaurant/bar for drinks and to watch the game. For multi-dating, coffee date seems more plausible but anything can be a short, cheap date that doesn't require too much on one or another's part. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Northeast Ohio is actually an incredible place, rampant with culture, a diverse population, very strong business, technology, employment, and trade, and many cultural and recreational opportunities, along with a lower than average cost of living: Northeast Ohio - A Great Place to Live and Work! and http://www.neoisgreat.com/NE_OHIO.pdf To meet intelligent women, try this: Women's Network Northeast Ohio - EVENTS & Programs or this: Ohio Women's Bar Association - Events or this: Upcoming Events - SWE Northeast Ohio Just in case these links get moderated, they are various clubs and events involving women lawyers, engineers, business leaders, etc. all based in NE Ohio. Why not get involved in Girl Scouts, YMCA/YWCA, women's health clinic escort volunteering (very much needed in Ohio), local government, community organizations, cultural facilities etc.? Lots of involved, ambitious, bright women there. Artists: Northeast Ohio?s Talented Female Artists Are Taking Over | CoolCleveland Notable women: Women of Achievement Awards Luncheon - greater cleveland Colleges and universities....for events, museums, sports, libraries, meeting students, taking ad hoc courses: Northeast Ohio Colleges and Universities Northeast Ohio has got it all going on and it's so affordable, too! Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Ratio is favorable: more women than men: Northeast Ohio Demographics & Statistics ? Employment, Education, Income Averages, Crime in Northeast Ohio ? Point2 Homes Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 OK...I think you are missing the point here, some of us have said we don't mind the coffee, but what we don't like is sitting in the shop with others around gawking and listening in on your conversation. Additionally, that coffee "date", is NOT exactly a date, it is instead known as a "meet n greet". If all goes well, then a proper 1st date is in order. Speaking of which, I have one coming up soon and conveniently or not for both of us, we live 2 streets down from one another and only just realized thru a chat. I don't think I am necessarily missing the point. You've got to change the way you see the coffee date. I think in these days, with online dating, and texting, a face to face conversation is the best scenario. Isn't that a lot more appealing than browsing through online profiles? or mindlessly tapping your phone, trying to get to know one another? It's an invaluable face to face interaction that we are willing to rid ourselves, in the name of convenience. So what if there are other people? It's still a chance to show what you are made of, and how you act in public, you can make a lot known about yourself and that should be considered a good thing. It forces one to make an effort for the other. Don't look at it as a job interview, but a mutual interaction between two people, you'll see your opinion change about this type of date. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Because they refuse to do that. I think they prepare themselves for the worst...are expecting the worst....and eventually turn the situation into a negative meeting because they cant just relax and enjoy it. I think you're projecting your own negativity here, because every post of yours I've seen indicates real negativity about the prospect of spending time with a woman. First you're annoyed if they don't respond. Then, if they do respond you're getting ready to be annoyed if they expect you to plan the date instead of taking some initiative about what to do. Then if they do take that initiative you're annoyed because you're not comfortable with the plan they suggest. And they ALWAYS mention how they can only meet for X amount of time because they have something else to do. Which is usually total bs. they just use that excuse as a premeditated diversion so they have an exit if it doesnt go good. So what? That's a perfectly sensible thing to do. To make an initial meeting relatively short in case it doesn't go well. If it does go well, the next date can be longer. I dont see how anyone puts up with all this sh*t nowadays. It seems to me that you're somebody who is very quick to perceive negatives in his interactions with women, and that maybe you'd be better off just not dating for a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I'm not sure what you are looking for here. It seems to me (based on this and other threads) that you are really just looking to vent. Well, vent away. However, keep in mind that if you keep doing the same thing over and over again, you will always have similar results. So I would like to challenge you to try one of the things that was suggested in this or another thread that you have never done. Just to see if you'll have different results. What do you have to lose? Link to post Share on other sites
Trane Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I don't use dating sites to meet women, especially if we're talking about meeting for whatever type of drink. "Meeting for a coffee," may sound innocent to some but others might find superficial and typical. I dated a woman who told me straight up that if I had asked her to go for a coffee, she wouldn't have contacted me. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Yep, I agree... and what happened to screening people in advance? OLD got a lot more fun for me the minute I stopped meeting for stupid coffee dates... OP, I am a woman, btw. Here is a hint... If you want something, ask for it Just don't meet women who insist on coffee first. They are probably boring as hell. There are lots of public things to do that don't involve gobs of time. Winter is on the way... Ice skating? How about going to an indoor rock gym? Lots of people there. Or my fave, meeting at a road race. Always works to screen out the guys who aren't as fit or active as they claim to be I met my current boyfriend for the first time at a hot yoga studio... He now rides a bike with me on my long runs while I train for a marathon. This is not something I would have ever learned or believed over a lame cup of flavored water. That much I have learned about OLD You do have to factor in location. Sounds like you live in a nice area, but not everyone does. All the stuff you mentioned, cannot be done here. This is a very small desert town. The next town over is just as small. Once you leave that town, or go back in the opposite direction past my town, there aren't towns anymore. It's just vast open desert with little to nothing in it. You must drive through mountains over an hour in any direction to find a normal town. And lemme tell you, the road through the mountains is dangerous. Every week there's a news story about a fatal accident. People do what they can to avoid driving through there. Sure, people find their own ways to do things. One of my favorite dates now is being out in the desert, watching the stars in the back of my truck. But obviously that's not a first date with a stranger. When there's literally 2 choices for a first date, the bar or the coffee shop, the coffee shop wins out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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