Author Mr. Handsome Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 Of course cheating is 100% on the person that decides to be unfaithful. But that doesn't make the person that knowingly takes advantage of the situation any less of a scumbag. But as mentioned before by others - such a person probably deserves to be in a relationship with a cheater. What's good for the goose... It's also appalling how easily LTRs are brushed aside as if they're meaningless flings. Some of us have been in serious LTRs for years. It's not that I'm afraid my partner will dump me for some asshat but it does upset me that apparently the only thing that would make people consider the importance of my relationship is a friggin piece of paper. There are plenty of people who've entered marriage without much second thoughts and consideration and they deserve more courtesy than any LTR no matter how serious? Every good marriage at one point was a serious LTR but apparently that only matters when it's official. No one is saying a relationship is not official. However, when people are dating and in relationships and whatnot, the interpretation is different. I wouldn't have any interest in a married woman simply because the amount of time and effort as well as other conflicting factors. They probably live together, share bank accounts. There are many factors, marriage is a huge leap above dating and its a test of commitment. It would be a wasted effort to get between that and even if it is successful it would cause more turmoil than its worth. Besides, I'm not talking about cheating. If I go after a married woman i wouldn't want to wait for her to move out and the divorce papers to be signed. Link to post Share on other sites
braindamage Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 We live together and we have a shared bank account - what's your point? There's no point in trying to draw some artificial line between not married is fair play and married is off-limit. No matter how you twist or turn it doing this is lacks any consideration for other people. The existence of unstable relationships is no justification for it either. There is no law against it so go ahead if you consider it a viable way of getting a girlfriend/boyfriend but personally I would think rather low of someone having so little regard for their fellow human being. There are people in the world who will screw you over if they have the opportunity for their own gain - that's something we will all have to face in the end. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 For the record, the below is an argument as to why marriage has a different status in people's minds than a committed relationship, and why people are less likely to go after someone who's married. It is NOT about disrespecting the other person's commitment, this is from a purely practical standpoint: You wouldn't date someone with too much baggage, right? Well, marriage is the ultimate baggage. Marriage includes an amount of legal and financial commitments that other partnered relationships do not. I think one of the most fundamental reasons 95% of people don't pursue married individuals---not counting the moral and ethical reasons---is because they immediately realize there are so, so many practical obstacles to ever being together. What happens to the house? Can he afford a quickie divorce or is it going to take years? How long do they need to split their assets? And Lord help you if there are children involved. If you meet a married person and you both fall in love at first sight, and neither of you is willing to cheat, then we're talking at least six months before you can even go on a date. Boyfriends and girlfriends, no matter how serious their situation, don't have those restrictions. You can argue all day long that your committed relationship with your boyfriend is just as intense as any marriage, but it's simply not the same. Marriage is not an arbitrary and artificial distinction, it's a legal one, and it's completely different. I wouldn't be interested in dating someone who would immediately require so many practical challenges. Also, I think the general sentiment in this thread of "you can hit on a committed person, but actively pursuing them is wrong" is spot-on. While it may come off as disrespectful, there is no crime in expressing interest; let he or she decide how they feel about you. But it's wrong when you are actively trying to end the other person's current relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Woop1337 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 (edited) Or you can just do the right thing and not pursue men/women in relationships. You know, some self-control, maybe. Your parents didn't raise you that way? Edited September 17, 2014 by Woop1337 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Handsome Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 Or you can just do the right thing and not pursue men/women in relationships. You know, some self-control, maybe. Your parents didn't raise you that way? To each his own. Link to post Share on other sites
SomeDude16 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Of course cheating is 100% on the person that decides to be unfaithful. But that doesn't make the person that knowingly takes advantage of the situation any less of a scumbag. But as mentioned before by others - such a person probably deserves to be in a relationship with a cheater. What situation are you taking advantage of exactly? Please elaborate... Link to post Share on other sites
Crila16 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 My take is, if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend...it's because they want to have that boyfriend/girlfriend. Leave them alone and don't create any drama. If they wanted to be with you, they'd dump their boyfriend/girlfriend...and they'd be with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 The mistake that all the anti people are making is that they take the position that you can "steal" a BF/GF, or that it is "my" BF/GF. You can't steal a person. You can only interest them. Some people will cheat/leave because they are not committed. Others are morally weak. Still others will change their allegiance. Everybody is fair game. The expectation of loyalty lies with the person in the relationship, not the stranger. I'm married. If a woman continually hit on me, eventually it turns into harassment from a maniac. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Handsome Posted September 18, 2014 Author Share Posted September 18, 2014 The mistake that all the anti people are making is that they take the position that you can "steal" a BF/GF, or that it is "my" BF/GF. You can't steal a person. You can only interest them. Some people will cheat/leave because they are not committed. Others are morally weak. Still others will change their allegiance. Everybody is fair game. The expectation of loyalty lies with the person in the relationship, not the stranger. I'm married. If a woman continually hit on me, eventually it turns into harassment from a maniac. Exactly. Like i was saying, people aren't items. If you make a move and go for it its still up to the other person to accept it or neglect it and it'll be even more stacked against you if that person is in a relationship. Most people won't think twice, while some will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Handsome Posted September 18, 2014 Author Share Posted September 18, 2014 Ookay. what you don't realize is the cheater's actions usually catch up with him. seen it over and over. If you read the thread, no one was talking about cheating Link to post Share on other sites
braindamage Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 What situation are you taking advantage of exactly? Please elaborate... Taking advantage of is probably not the right word choice - although it could apply in the case where a couple is going through a rough spot but that's situational. The point I'm trying to make is that there is a difference between naturally sparking a committed persons interest (who may or may not decide to forsake their relationship for it) and actively sabotaging his/her relationship by inserting yourself into the equation because you want to break them up for your own gain. If the latter doesn't even slightly ring any bells of 'wrong' then I don't know what to say anymore. Nobody is obligated to respect anyone's relationship but do we really want to encourage an attitude that's based on maximizing your own satisfaction at the expense of everyone else? Don't we have enough of that in the world as it is? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 That's why you should always keep gf/wifey locked in the car. Just crack a window a little bit and leave a bowl of water on the dash. Ha ha. The law of the jungle is when your teeth join your morals in a puddle around your feet. Better make sure she's worth it. The analogy can go sideways pretty quick ... Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Who's made a clear social rule against it? I'm not saying its morally wrong or right. Its clearly a conflicted area that can be considered acceptable or unacceptable depending on who it is. Obviously in this situation there is absolutely no regard for the person on the other side, in a relationship unaware they're partner is being pursued. But its like when someone gets fired and you take their job after working for it. Sure, you may say you feel for the guy but you take what you want without a second thought. For me to consider this morally wrong on all areas would be what was described earlier. Breaking someone up for kicks or an easy lay. However caring about an individual and wanting that person in your life, I feel like if someone wants to go for that they can. If the already maintained relationship wasn't strong enough to stay together, then they are just speeding up the process. Like i said, chemistry is a thing. People are compatible with one another and most relationships do not last. What i mean by that, is that you'll typically go through 3-4+ relationships before you find one that sticks. Not that you should expect them to fail, but you aren't exactly ending a marriage here. You're thinking, 'Look pal. I like your lady, and i think i'm a better companion for her than you are. Lets find out.' and if he can't repel him away that's his own fault. And for all you people who say 'Well, he didn't have a chance because it happened behind his back.' What was stopping his girlfriend from saying, 'Hey, look. This guy is totally into me but you've got nothing to worry about.' Now if you go after a girl and she leaves her boyfriend for you and you guys barely stay together and it ends promptly, well that's just unfortunate So this boils down to being your usual you around this person and if they decide to leave their current partner it's all gravy? Link to post Share on other sites
SomeDude16 Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Taking advantage of is probably not the right word choice - although it could apply in the case where a couple is going through a rough spot but that's situational. The point I'm trying to make is that there is a difference between naturally sparking a committed persons interest (who may or may not decide to forsake their relationship for it) and actively sabotaging his/her relationship by inserting yourself into the equation because you want to break them up for your own gain. If the latter doesn't even slightly ring any bells of 'wrong' then I don't know what to say anymore. Nobody is obligated to respect anyone's relationship but do we really want to encourage an attitude that's based on maximizing your own satisfaction at the expense of everyone else? Don't we have enough of that in the world as it is? When you word it like that I agree 1000% Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Handsome Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 So this boils down to being your usual you around this person and if they decide to leave their current partner it's all gravy? More or less, yes. I mean naturally if you have feelings for a person you'll want to be around them more and that effort will be there. But you aren't going to be standing around saying 'Break up with your boyfriend, I'm the better man.' or constantly insulting him. Coming off too strong will make you look like a dick, anyways. But spending time with someone you like and flirting like a normal human being (while not too dangerously) and promoting some natural affection isn't a crime. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 In my new college class, there's a really cute guy sitting right in front of me. Guy has a GF, too. I won't deny having a crush on him and looking at him from time to time. But no, I would never try to "steal him away". Too much drama, a big crack inside the very foundation of the relationship (in my opinion) and also I'd hate myself for a very long time because this goes against my personal principles. Don't care what others do, who knows, maybe someday when I have a BF he'll be "stolen" from me as well. But why would I care about what other people do? I'm me, and do what I want. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OwMyEyeball Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 More or less, yes. I mean naturally if you have feelings for a person you'll want to be around them more and that effort will be there. But you aren't going to be standing around saying 'Break up with your boyfriend, I'm the better man.' or constantly insulting him. Coming off too strong will make you look like a dick, anyways. But spending time with someone you like and flirting like a normal human being (while not too dangerously) and promoting some natural affection isn't a crime. Can't see the harm in that. I was reading it from the perspective of active solicitation - either overtly or through subtle manipulation. But if you're just showing interest and being friendly then hard to find any harm in that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Handsome Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 Can't see the harm in that. I was reading it from the perspective of active solicitation - either overtly or through subtle manipulation. But if you're just showing interest and being friendly then hard to find any harm in that. The issue is coming to terms with your interests and still actively pursuing it when the person is taken. Is befriending someone you would like something more with who is taken wrong? Being able to handle the possibility of a relationship ending for your own gain? Or should you steer away completely. You can say you'll just be friends with someone but if those feelings are there, its a very hard thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I think it's fair game to go after anyone who's not married. If a person is happy with their partner and headed toward that commitment, no outside enticement will sway them from it, and I don't think it's a bad thing that they be tested while just dating. I was once slightly pursued by a man while I was in a somewhat rocky relationship with another. My then-boyfriend broke up with me about a year later, and my next relationship was with the guy who had expressed interest in me. He had never crossed any lines, my boyfriend at the time knew we were friends, and I didn't end the relationship to be with him. But once I'd had the proper amount of time to get over the breakup, he asked me out. (And he was, as he promised, MUCH better to me than the previous guy.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I think it's fair game to go after anyone who's not married. Still kinda sad when people can be persuaded/convinced to get out of a relationship with someone they supposedly love. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Still kinda sad when people can be persuaded/convinced to get out of a relationship with someone they supposedly love. If it's real love, nothing will distract them from it. If it's not, better that everyone involved find real love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 For the first decade of my dating life, I had pretty rigid rules about 'going after' anyone who was apparently coupled, in that I didn't do it, even to the extent of not asking a lady on a date who was dating others. However, as time went by and I saw how things went, I realized I would end up a lifetime single by doing that, simply because there were so few women around who met that standard, practically none. So, I changed my behavior to adapt and overcome the challenges of the demographic I lived in, swinging far enough in the other direction to pursue any woman who wasn't clearly settled in her relationship or marriage. It was simply pragmatism. If the competition was doing it, there was no way I'd succeed if I didn't. Competition was brutal, especially after age 18-20, when most of the women I met were married already. I recall, at about age 30, going out to lunch regularly for about a year with a former classmate (she managed the bank where I banked) and contemplated pursuing her (she had a boyfriend at the time). I decided not to because I figured with our strict religious training she'd probably find that to be distasteful, but that's how far into the milieu I had gotten at that point. Nowadays, fuggetaboutit. Bigger fish in life to fry. Looking back, it was nothing more than the impulse to reproduce which impelled all that stuff and wasted a bunch of my valuable life on it. It was what it was. In a way, I envy the people who didn't care. They weren't burdened with the dilemma. Lucky them. That's life! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Sad but true, hot girls are always "looking for something better" especially if her player boyfriend doesn't want to get married. Most girls want the Rock (wedding ring) eventually. So, if she is not married, then its fair game. Most girls are unhappy in their relationships but stay out of comfort, safety, and convenience. If you meet a girl, and you get along amazingly, then its up to her to decide if she likes you better than her boyfriend Link to post Share on other sites
kolleamm Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 I'm truly sickened by the amount of people who think it's perfectly okay to ruin someone else's relationship. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over a month now, and just knowing that people like that, that try and ruin someone else's relationship, exist out there truly scares. Karma is gonna really come back and bite you in @#$ someday I guarantee you that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Handsome Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 I'm truly sickened by the amount of people who think it's perfectly okay to ruin someone else's relationship. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over a month now, and just knowing that people like that, that try and ruin someone else's relationship, exist out there truly scares. Karma is gonna really come back and bite you in @#$ someday I guarantee you that. You say that, yet the most successful people are those that go after what they want. Look around and you'll see how many successful jerks there are in the world walking over the nice guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts