I am losing it.

[hourglassangel]

We all do that. But I swear, now I can honestly say that I practice what I preach.

 

 

You're really doing just fine. You're just venting. Each day you're getting over it and you see it. That's all any of us on this site can hope for. To recognize our own progress while getting over someone or something. AND YOU ARE!

 

 

So now, I'd like to take a moment and congratulate you for that...

 

 

CONGRATULATIONS HOURGLASSANGEL!!!

 

LOL, thank you for that! It's great to have strangers you can turn to in desperate times. I mean this morning I was a wreck and I got better throughout the day

 

and...I'm super happy you have realized your potential and your worth as well. Like I said, baby steps is all that we can do, we are all human. Live it, learn it, and grow ;-)

[me85]

It really is. I come here to reveal my true feelings. I don't have anyone to really talk to. So LS helps in so many ways. You guys are great and I thank you.

 

Funny how your emotions fly all over the place when you're going through changes. (= We're all here to listen, so hopefully you don't feel alone.

[hourglassangel]

It really is. I come here to reveal my true feelings. I don't have anyone to really talk to. So LS helps in so many ways. You guys are great and I thank you.

 

Funny how your emotions fly all over the place when you're going through changes. (= We're all here to listen, so hopefully you don't feel alone.

 

I have to see this as a blessing in disguise...to think that I was cut off for voicing my feelings/concerns? Who wants a partner like that? or even a friend like that?

[me85]

Nobody! That guy is a jerk and if he's good looking and successful at business then he may be one of those arrogant a$$ holes who think they're better than everyone. He got his fill, then bounced. He wanted to avoid hearing you out at all costs. That was mean and mean people suck. lol

 

Ya know??! (=

 

It's definitely a blessing in disguise.

[hourglassangel]

Nobody! That guy is a jerk and if he's good looking and successful at business then he may be one of those arrogant a$$ holes who think they're better than everyone. He got his fill, then bounced. He wanted to avoid hearing you out at all costs. That was mean and mean people suck. lol

 

Ya know??! (=

 

It's definitely a blessing in disguise.

 

Good looking: Yes....Successful: No

 

He is into body building now. He was 300 lbs during his marriage and now that he is divorced, devotes his free time to the gym. 3-4 hours a day, 6 foot 240 lbs of muscle trying to gain more to join the man of the universe competition in Vegas next year. Can you say midlife crisis? Typical guy, overweight during marriage, mid life crisis, probably trying to piss of ex and get attention from any girl possible.

 

He has that lost fat boy syndrome, like a big sweet teddy bear, but if you pinch it wrong it bites. I thought he was the sweetest guy I had ever met, he was so attentive, affectionate and all about me.....boy did that change.

 

I felt he was insecure at most times, like a shell of a man who has gone through a lot...that's how I got hooked, he really was sweet.

[hourglassangel]

Happy Tuesday all, just an update....I feel better today, better than I have in about 3 weeks. There are little twinges of hurt that I feel every so often, but the situation is what it is. I am stronger than this, and he can think whatever he wants about me, I know my worth.

 

I am busy with work during the day, and my son at night. Last night we did his homework and he helped me make lemon bars :-)

 

I have a great network of people and friends and family who are in my life, and for that I am grateful.

 

Don't get me wrong, a part of me wishes that he would reach out and apologize but I won't hold my breath. Every time my texts go off, for a split second a part of me wishes it was him, just reaching out. Gotta let go of false hope and expectations.

[me85]

I'm very happy to hear you're feeling better. I constantly check my email these days as well. But...

 

From reading the post before your last I can't help but wonder if the guy is on steroids ??? That causes mood swings.

 

Just a thought...

[hourglassangel]

I'm very happy to hear you're feeling better. I constantly check my email these days as well. But...

 

From reading the post before your last I can't help but wonder if the guy is on steroids ??? That causes mood swings.

 

Just a thought...

 

You know I thought the same as well, but he was insisting on doing it the natural way, eating 15,000 calories a day and supplements. I don't believe he was on steroids.

 

When he would vent about his ex-wife I always thought there has to be 2 sides to every story, that she was awful, mean and withheld sex always....how he used to have to beg her and if she did she would just lay there. There's always 2 sides to every story, and I compare to mine always. At the end of the day, my ex were not meant to be, yes we fought like crazy after the breakup but today we are friends, and co-parent fantastically. maybe it's shallow, but you can tell alot about a person and their past relationships and how much they hate them.

 

His mother was caught cheating at the beginning of the year, and she walked out on him, his brothers and father and no word since. Makes me wonder what that house was like for all these years that a mother can walk away with no looking back.

 

Chilling to think about......I don't think he will be able to have a successful relationship for a long time, he needs to get over his baggage.

[me85]

Yikes!

 

It sounds like this guy did you a huge favor by ending things with you.

 

I feel the same about my ex. He won't have a successful RS until he matures emotionally and realizes it is he who has the main issues with commitment.

[hourglassangel]

I don't really want to talk badly about him, it's not my nature to do that....but neither one of us intended to like each other when we became friends, it just happened.

 

The last girl he dated, he found out that his dad and her mom started dating around the same time, didn't want to end up step brother/sister so she ended it. He drove 6 hours to her house to try and get her to talk, she would not come to the door....hear that? he drove 6 hours to her house, but she wouldn't give me a chance to explain. Sounds oddly familiar to what he did to me......

 

I certainly know where I stand.

[me85]

I know where I stand with my ex as well. Lonely and out in the cold rain, without an umbrella or coat. Ahhhhh but that's just my mood for the moment. The majority of the time, it's more like...out in the rain but dancing, singing and playing happily. (=

 

You're doing great! And today, I'm sort of struggling. /= Good thing your name's angel! lol Do wings come with your username?? hehe (=

[hourglassangel]

I know where I stand with my ex as well. Lonely and out in the cold rain, without an umbrella or coat. Ahhhhh but that's just my mood for the moment. The majority of the time, it's more like...out in the rain but dancing, singing and playing happily. (=

 

You're doing great! And today, I'm sort of struggling. /= Good thing your name's angel! lol Do wings come with your username?? hehe (=

 

OMG, do you know how many times people have asked me if I was an angel?? toooo funny lol

 

Have you dated anybody or been with anyone else since the breakup? I think I read you have been a year out since you guys split?

[me85]

OMG, do you know how many times people have asked me if I was an angel?? toooo funny lol

 

Have you dated anybody or been with anyone else since the breakup? I think I read you have been a year out since you guys split?

 

Yes. I've dated 3 different guys. And have a few at the moment trying their best to pursue me but I'm not interested. I want to be different with how I get over this last BU. I usually jump into another RS and that's always worked well for me but I don't know...I'm different now. In a fantastic way. I've been getting my life in order and filling my head and heart with positive inspiring things. All by my lonesome, too! I'm proud of myself. (= Today I just felt that ache in your chest and your stomach, you know what I mean? The ache of a lost love. I don't usually let it get to me much anymore but today it did. And for whatever reason, it was supposed to. I never used to think everything happened for a reason but over the last few months I've come to believe it does.

[hourglassangel]

Yes. I've dated 3 different guys. And have a few at the moment trying their best to pursue me but I'm not interested. I want to be different with how I get over this last BU. I usually jump into another RS and that's always worked well for me but I don't know...I'm different now. In a fantastic way. I've been getting my life in order and filling my head and heart with positive inspiring things. All by my lonesome, too! I'm proud of myself. (= Today I just felt that ache in your chest and your stomach, you know what I mean? The ache of a lost love. I don't usually let it get to me much anymore but today it did. And for whatever reason, it was supposed to. I never used to think everything happened for a reason but over the last few months I've come to believe it does.

 

It will come and go, and there is no rhyme or reason for it. part of it might be because you are lonely and want companionship. You are doing it the right way, taking time for yourself, and yet having options to date if you wish. These guys can pursue you all they want, but you will know in your heart, head and soul when the right one comes along, you will be shaken to your core and will actually try and give it a chance. Until then, keep doing you, that's the best medicine.

 

I could never waste my time potentially using a man to fill that void, I have a conscious and would feel horrible about using anyone. Some people say to get over a man is to get under another.....that sounds great in theory, but it really isn't.

[me85]

It will come and go, and there is no rhyme or reason for it. part of it might be because you are lonely and want companionship. You are doing it the right way, taking time for yourself, and yet having options to date if you wish. These guys can pursue you all they want, but you will know in your heart, head and soul when the right one comes along, you will be shaken to your core and will actually try and give it a chance. Until then, keep doing you, that's the best medicine.

 

I could never waste my time potentially using a man to fill that void, I have a conscious and would feel horrible about using anyone. Some people say to get over a man is to get under another.....that sounds great in theory, but it really isn't.

 

It seems you and I have the same mentality. No, it's not the best way to get over a guy at all. It always worked for me in the past but only because I actually really liked the guys I got involved with soon after. And those "rebounds" ended up being LTRs. I guess I had more luck back in those days. lol There isn't much of a single's scene where I am. Especially not for my age group. And after dating men ... older, younger and same age as me...I prefer same age as me. But you know what, Angel? I don't even want to date anymore for quite a while. I feel completely within my rights to be as selfish as I want to be, for as long as I need to be. But in that, good/finding yourself/spiritual journey type of selfishness. Does that make sense?

 

I am a big fan of writer, Elizabeth Gilbert. This is something she wrote that totally resonates with me:

 

“This was not my moment to be seeking romance and (as day follows night) to further complicate my already knotty life. This was my moment to look for the kind of healing and peace that can only come from solitude.”

[hourglassangel]

It seems you and I have the same mentality. No, it's not the best way to get over a guy at all. It always worked for me in the past but only because I actually really liked the guys I got involved with soon after. And those "rebounds" ended up being LTRs. I guess I had more luck back in those days. lol There isn't much of a single's scene where I am. Especially not for my age group. And after dating men ... older, younger and same age as me...I prefer same age as me. But you know what, Angel? I don't even want to date anymore for quite a while. I feel completely within my rights to be as selfish as I want to be, for as long as I need to be. But in that, good/finding yourself/spiritual journey type of selfishness. Does that make sense?

 

I am a big fan of writer, Elizabeth Gilbert. This is something she wrote that totally resonates with me:

 

“This was not my moment to be seeking romance and (as day follows night) to further complicate my already knotty life. This was my moment to look for the kind of healing and peace that can only come from solitude.”

 

It's the moment when you stop looking is when you find it. Continue doing what you love, all the hobbies, sports, etc. Don't sit home, and get out!! ;-)

 

I spent the past weekend with my son and friends, went to a party and actually had the time of my life. Like I mentioned in this post earlier, I am dying on the inside, but I am faking it.

 

This coming weekend my son goes to his dad, and I already have plans for each day doing exactly what I love!

[me85]

It's the moment when you stop looking is when you find it. Continue doing what you love, all the hobbies, sports, etc. Don't sit home, and get out!! ;-)

 

I spent the past weekend with my son and friends, went to a party and actually had the time of my life. Like I mentioned in this post earlier, I am dying on the inside, but I am faking it.

 

This coming weekend my son goes to his dad, and I already have plans for each day doing exactly what I love!

 

That's wonderful! Good for you. (;

 

My situation doesn't allow me to do much outside of work right now. And I'm happy to be at home. That's not the problem really. Well, it is but it isn't. lol I am getting tired of laying low but I have to right now with my finances and lack of friends. Friends I have are either out of state or our schedules don't match so it's always impossible to find the time to hang out.

 

I am trying to only drink on the weekends and exercise at least 3 days a week...so cheer me on with that one please!!

[hourglassangel]

The attempt to reach out has suddenly come on strong. I was completely fine all day, except the last hour. In my mind, I keep saying this isn't as bad as I think, and there is no reason we can't talk...this isn't logical thinking. He thinks I am psycho and crazy and told me never to contact him again.

 

Ughhhhh, if it just would have ended "normal", if my words weren't twisted I would feel so much better about this. Why are some people just straight up *******s and mean?

[Zahara]

The attempt to reach out has suddenly come on strong. I was completely fine all day, except the last hour. In my mind, I keep saying this isn't as bad as I think, and there is no reason we can't talk...this isn't logical thinking.

 

In the process of grieving, it's called bargaining. So, what you are feeling is normal. Just do not react on those feelings. It will pass.

 

Ughhhhh, if it just would have ended "normal", if my words weren't twisted I would feel so much better about this. Why are some people just straight up *******s and mean?

 

I think you would be obsessing about something else if that didn't happen. Sometimes when things go to hell, it's the best kick in the butt to help you, and most times force you to move on.

[hourglassangel]

No, I'm not going to react on my feelings....it will do me no good. That's why I came on here instead, to get a dose of reality.

[Zahara]

No, I'm not going to react on my feelings....it will do me no good. That's why I came on here instead, to get a dose of reality.

 

Good...you're breaking bad habits and soon enough a good pattern is going to stick and you're going to be able to cope a lot better.

[hourglassangel]

Oh Lord....I needed a few days to think about what happened this weekend before I can post on here. I ran into him while I was out at a concert over the weekend. Very random because neither one of us knew we were going to be there. I was invited by a guy I met the week before, and he promotes live bands, so there was absolutely no way either one of us would expect to bump into each other.

 

He came over to me when I was at the bar, said hello. I thought I was seeing a ghost, it's been 4 weeks since the last time I saw him. We started chatting, the typical how are you? how are the kids? work? Life?

 

We joked for a bit, and than parted ways. Throughout the night he would come back towards my area and we would chit chat, nothing big. He started talking about his new workout routine and the competition he is entering and I asked a question about his diet and he shut down. Blowing hot and cold within minutes. He got quiet and said nevermind....this had me confused. The rest of the time, he would come around but give one word answers. I started to feel uncomfortable.

 

At the end of the night, I was standing with my friends and some people who work the shows. My ex came and said bye, than he started talking again. Told me that he will never let me in, trust me, and that his walls are up....what the heck did I do?

 

I said please stop rehashing the past and stop bringing things up, and that I don't understand any of this or why it's happening.

 

So I was left standing there. Conversation went from hey so nice to see you, how's life, to I will never trust you and my walls are up. I would understand if I actually did something wrong, but god help me what is this about???

Edited September 16, 2014 by hourglassangel

[Zahara]

I would understand if I actually did something wrong, but god help me what is this about???

 

Who knows why he does it but everything that he has done and even know leaves you asking what's it about. So does it really matter? Fact is, you will never know what goes on in that head of his and no matter what our guesses may be, it doesn't do anything for you.

 

You need to try and stop analyzing his behavior. I am not even sure why you entertained him after how he verbally disrespected you with the name calling.

[hourglassangel]

Who knows why he does it but everything that he has done and even know leaves you asking what's it about. So does it really matter? Fact is, you will never know what goes on in that head of his and no matter what our guesses may be, it doesn't do anything for you.

 

You need to try and stop analyzing his behavior. I am not even sure why you entertained him after how he verbally disrespected you with the name calling.

 

Uggggghhh, you are right. Where are my boundaries? He did call me names, he did cut me out of his life, he did shut me down. I guess I always look for the best in people and the best in situations. I'm tired of it, really I am.

 

I am not a b.i.a.t.c.h so I did let him talk to me at the show, thought I was being the bigger person.

[me85]

Hourglass, you did just fine. Screw that guy. I think he has drug problems. Or worse...that he really is mentally disturbed. Sounds very bipolar. Maybe he was drinking ? Who knows...who cares...NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

 

You've been doing so well don't you dare break NC now! lol Your mood will be different tomorrow. Heck maybe even in the next five minutes!

 

Noooooooooo worries.