Very afraid

[jackslife]

it explains why, when the light finally goes on, a betrayed spouse is quickly out the door.[/url]

 

I thought this was an interesting article, especially the last sentence. WS's and others on the outside looking on often ask "how can he/she not know", but deep down they do. Subconsciously avoiding the truth and having to make a life changing decision.

[ja123]

I thought this was an interesting article, especially the last sentence. WS's and others on the outside looking on often ask "how can he/she not know", but deep down they do. Subconsciously avoiding the truth and having to make a life changing decision.

 

 

 

Yes, I found that last sentence interesting, too. It's as though they're in denial to protect any last chance the relationship has, but when they see it is truly over the move very quickly. I guess it's as though while in denial they're been subconsciously working it out.

[revelations]

I'm guessing you neglected her. She probably told you a million times what she needed and you blew her needs off. Then she stopped asking anything of you and then you thought the marriage was great. amiright? No demands... the dream marriage! Maybe this isn't politically correct or even the case here. Maybe in the long run it'll help you in your next marriage. Maybe not. Good luck. It sounds to me like you both checked out of the marriage a long time ago. Meet her needs or let her go if that's what she needs now.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This above is about the most ridiculous thing I have read in weeks. His wife may be cheating yet he is to blame for it? I guess in your world women can do no wrong, it is always the mans fault. Even if he did not live up to what she feels entitled to, she can at least show him some basic human respect and leave him. However that is not the case, women like this feel it is okay to go out and bang other men while taking from their husbands and robbing him of a life he can enjoy on his own or with a woman that might actually want to be with him. This post is simply disgusting.

[Chi townD]

Damn dude, you are definitely living up to your user name. I almost don't want to tell you what to do next because if you do it, you'll run to your wife with weak ass evidence! So, LISTEN UP!

 

 

Go to Walmart or Best Buy and the hardware store. At Walmart or Best Buy, you need to buy 2 Voice Activated Recorders (VAR's) they're about 50 bucks a piece (sometimes you can get them cheaper, so look around). Hide one in the room where she does most of her talking on the phone. With the second VAR go to the hardware store and buy some heavy duty Velcro. Use it on the other VAR and secure it under the drivers side seat of her car. Most cheaters do most of their talking in the car. When it's safe, collect up the VAR's and listen and she what's she saying and to who.

 

 

At Best Buy or any electronic store, buy a stick GPS tracker. You can hide it in the spare tire wheel well. You'll be able to track her movements throughout the day on your computer. If the car is in a parking lot of a motel during the day, take a scientific wild ass guess as to why she's there.

 

 

And above all else NEVER REVEAL YOUR SOURCES! Don't tell her about the VAR's or the GPS tracker. You could tell her that a friend of your called you saying they saw her going into a motel. DO NOT REVEAL YOUR SOURCES!

[Gatema]

I think that you already know what to do about your wife whose been cheating on you, been playing you, and using your moral compass like a toy. I think, cognitively, that you're in the "need to know" stage, with her, and another man. In turn, this has epically blown your world apart, and right now, you are too wounded to make a decision, which is pausing you in to the stage for "doing nothing", and without a given duration of time for you to actively make some changes, you watch and wait.

 

I get the feeling that you are trying your best to break down each interaction that you have had with your wife about him, about you, about her, and about your baby, desperately looking for.........well, that's a question only you will know the answer to.

 

Perhaps, you are not actively taking some control of this hot mess, because for now, you'd rather sit back and silently panic. You are horrified that this is happening to you, your marriage; and you are so physically disabled by the fear for the unknown, you've become frozen. You sit and stare blankly, looking through the window in to your life, trying to process how unreal it seems, that this to be your reality. Since you have had very little experience dealing with a relationship coming undone, you can only imagine what is about to happen. You know that this will be hell, and you are about to endure the results, but you can't, or won't, or maybe both.

 

Remember, doing something is better than doing nothing. The choice is not up to her how this plays out, it's up to you, what happens next. However, that means that you will have to create a plan for yourself, if you want anything to happen in your favor.

 

Everyone here gets how you are feeling..........We've all had that invisible demon sit painfully on the top of our chest, crushing our insides, while our entire body feels immobilized, it f*ing hurts like nothing else we have ever experienced. This is when you have to force yourself to rally, we all had to do what it takes to rally, for our own good. Believe in you, it's doable, it's never easy, but it's not impossible.

 

We also get the physical pain that you are experiencing, and yes, it is indescribable. We know first hand, that the physical hurt is not the only contributor that is adding to the misery; it's the never ending thoughts that keep racing through your mind, consumed only, about that person. The same one that brought us here, to this space in time.

 

Yes, it's true too, it doesn't let up, it just keeps getting worse, and does so, as the hands on the clock keep ticking away.

 

We grasp what it is like to be mentally and physically drained with exhaustion. It feels like you are slowly moving in circles, doing nothing. Your only action is falling in to an emotional heap of helplessness on the floor, right there, before God, and everyone else, there lays a broken person, here, before the world to see.

 

While it is important to observe what's happening, and to process this entire nightmare carefully, it's not enough. Being the type of person that you have shared with the people here, I'm assuming that for you, it feels much safer for you to be the polite one, the nice and kind husband, the man that you have always been to her. You continue to be the dutiful, loving, and understanding man, even now, like you have always done in this marriage.

 

 

I'm sure that you are someone that has taken your wedding vows very seriously. It's probably out of character for you to become assertive in your opinions, so you don't react, and then what happens is that you fail to demand the respect that one would expect to receive from a partner. It bloody hurts, it takes a chunk right out of your heart each time.

 

Here's the truth, that is, if you are willing to live by the rules in the twenty first century, like the rest of us do. Foolish or not, it's the way it is, if you want to heal.

 

A passive existence gets you no where fast, zilch, nada, you're crap out of luck, my friend. Just by the mere act of choosing to accept your wife's relationship with another man, regardless of her excuses or reasons for doing so, what you have basically done, is you have put yourself in a vulnerable position. All this has done is opened the door for you to be routinely getting the crap beaten out of you emotionally, in a million different ways.

 

You can't possibly enter this "threesome" unarmed and hope to recover from this, that is, with little collateral damage. I'm afraid you might be dreaming, or hopefully wishing for a better ending to your story. However, this is not your parents, or grandparents, generation any longer. Why? You can thank social media for this shift in the ways things are today.

 

Survival hint:

Choosing to be loyal and nice, as your personal choices for the weapons you'll use, to fend off any harm or conflict, will do nothing more than destroy you in the end.

 

 

Let me ask you then, are you hoping to discover some sort of redeeming qualities within all of this as to why this happened? Do you truly believe that letting what happens here, is actually out of your control? Do you think that over the course of some time, this will eventually work itself out?

Would you teach your child, once they have grown older, that if someone behaves poorly and purposefully hurts another person that it's okay as long as they have some good reasons to do so?

 

Please, reassure me, that you are not that kind of guy that is so kind-hearted, almost to a fault, and truly believes, in this philosophy? It's better to live a life as the bigger, the better person in this world. By doing so it will eventually concur those with malice in the hearts. Letting the intentions of others prevail over your own needs, and ignoring the truth for what's really happening to you, at your expense, is insane, especially by letting the ones that have deliberately chosen to treat you so badly, continue to do so.

 

You can't be the good light, trying to guide the bad

light, in the right direction, it never works out the way you wanted it to from the start. All you've done then, is you have accepted what they have given you, and made most of the compromises in the situation anyway.

Edited September 3, 2014 by Gatema

[loveboid]

What kind of nonsense is this? Just..no. Don't try to turn this around on him. He needs this nasty ass woman out of his life.

 

Hey, when people get neglected they get divorced without cheating or with. This guy is obviously all talk and no walk. You think if he lets her get away with fooling him that he doesn't take the same luxury himself? She probably had the wool dropped from her eyes a long time ago and he's still working on it. It does not excuse cheating!

 

He obviously needs to take some action here and I was pointing out that this is probably how he's been all his marriage. Pointing that out is not blaming him for her cheating nor excusing her cheating.

[Spectre]

Hey, when people get neglected they get divorced without cheating or with. This guy is obviously all talk and no walk. You think if he lets her get away with fooling him that he doesn't take the same luxury himself? She probably had the wool dropped from her eyes a long time ago and he's still working on it. It does not excuse cheating!

 

He obviously needs to take some action here and I was pointing out that this is probably how he's been all his marriage. Pointing that out is not blaming him for her cheating nor excusing her cheating.

 

Um no, he is not to blame for her cheating. Is this woman 12 years old? No? Okay then, so she is to blame, not anyone else. I don't care if she was neglected, again: talk about it with your partner or divorce, if you cheat that is on you.

 

Saying he "needs to take some action here" is more or less you trying to put some of the blame on his shoulders without actually coming out and saying "you are to blame". He needs to take some action in regards to admitting he neglected her and shouldn't of, but that is the extent of it. Do not imply he needs to take any responsibility for being betrayed by his wife. Maybe that is not what you were trying to say, but it sure as hell comes off like that.

[loveboid]

If you want to believe his stories like he believes his wife's then I ask that you take your head out of the sand or you're a bigger fool than the OP.

[loveboid]

Yeah, I don't believe in the fundamentally flawed premise. No one is and it's a meaningless statement.

[petee]

Sorry guys, I think you've been had on this one.

[bigfool]

Not at all. You all were right. We are trying to settle things civilly and with respect for our daughter.

 

Maybe I'm not a fool

[DKT3]

Well said. Its like my buddy says too everybody is crazy you just have to make sure your own crazy doesn't hurt anyone else.

 

Is she still gaslighting or has she told you any truth yet?

[bigfool]

She admitted she made a mistake and said she is sorry for it. I guess thats progress?? Who knows I feel one way one minute and another the next.

[bigfool]

Just had to share one more thought about the dickbag. I won't say what it is but he has a professional title. I mean forget the bro code or whatever but should not a person of power hold themselves to a higher standard? Let alone any possible legal issues that may or may not arrive from working at the same place. I've had female friends at work before but never tried to bang them??

 

I know trying to defer blame from the wife is wrong but I mean come on. Power corrupts I suppose.

[petee]

A professional title means zero. He's disrespecting you and so is she. Move on, life is not a practice for later on, you only get one chance.

[2sunny]

She admitted she made a mistake and said she is sorry for it. I guess thats progress?? Who knows I feel one way one minute and another the next.

 

A mistake is accidental.

 

She's participated over and over - that's very purposeful.

 

She may be sorry she got caught.

[jackslife]

It's no good asking why her AP had an affair with her. If he wants to have an affair he will find someone to sleep with. Your wife was receptive to that. Do you think she told him what a great guy you are and how you satisfy her? No, she'd be telling him all the bad things about you and exaggerating them.

 

He won't give you a second thought. In his head he is giving your wife something you are not, in other words he is doing her a favour. "Gee, this poor woman isn't being satisfied by her sap husband. Lucky I'm here."

 

The only way you have any affect on him at all, is if you give him a smack in the mouth for shagging your wife, or tell his wife. Otherwise you mean nothing to him.

 

Again, sorry to be brutal, but you did ask...

[tom670]

It's no good asking why her AP had an affair with her. If he wants to have an affair he will find someone to sleep with. Your wife was receptive to that. Do you think she told him what a great guy you are and how you satisfy her? No, she'd be telling him all the bad things about you and exaggerating them.

 

He won't give you a second thought. In his head he is giving your wife something you are not, in other words he is doing her a favour. "Gee, this poor woman isn't being satisfied by her sap husband. Lucky I'm here."

 

The only way you have any affect on him at all, is if you give him a smack in the mouth for shagging your wife, or tell his wife. Otherwise you mean nothing to him.

 

Again, sorry to be brutal, but you did ask...

 

If he has a wife tell her!

[happyman64]

Just had to share one more thought about the dickbag. I won't say what it is but he has a professional title. I mean forget the bro code or whatever but should not a person of power hold themselves to a higher standard? Let alone any possible legal issues that may or may not arrive from working at the same place. I've had female friends at work before but never tried to bang them??

 

I know trying to defer blame from the wife is wrong but I mean come on. Power corrupts I suppose.

 

How about letting his wife know so she can deal with him.

 

 

Don't you think his wife would want to know her husband is cheating on her?

 

 

You and the OMW could go to the clinic and get tested for std's together.

 

 

Liars/cheaters will never feel true remorse until they feel consequences Bigfool.

 

 

Show them both consequences.

 

 

HM

[aliveagain]

Just had to share one more thought about the dickbag. I won't say what it is but he has a professional title. I mean forget the bro code or whatever but should not a person of power hold themselves to a higher standard? Let alone any possible legal issues that may or may not arrive from working at the same place. I've had female friends at work before but never tried to bang them??

 

I know trying to defer blame from the wife is wrong but I mean come on. Power corrupts I suppose.

 

Bro, if they lack boundaries all a title does is make them feel more untitled. Expose him, tell his wife, girlfriend, family because without consequence's he may come after one of our wives/girlfriends next. Your real issue is still your wife, she sent the "I'm available and willing to cheat on my husband" signals. Not all woman in a committed relationship are willing to step over that line, you can't take it back. She is your issue friend, some women are drawn to powerful men, can you ever feel safe with her again is what you should be asking yourself. There are a lot of powerful men in the world.

[Survivor12]

Oops, misunderstood".....

Edited September 14, 2014 by Survivor12