Moocher or Good Housewife?

[Polak]

Ron, you've got your head on straight and you're willing to go the distance to make this work. That includes coming on here for advice and discussion. That deserves high respect, because so many people tend to give up instead of seeking various ways to solve their problems. However, like others have said, there is a limit. Your wife has not changed her core self over these years and it doesn't seem like she will unless forced to (either some internal manifestation or external life occurrence). As you can see, no amount of convincing and "beneficial discussions" have led to major changes thus far.

 

I also view myself as a fairly solid Christian; I honestly hate thinking of a marriage leading to divorce, and it's sad to know the divorce statistics in today's society. But I want the best for you... we all do. After all, you deserve it; your positive work ethic and drive to succeed to be a good husband would make any woman feel blessed and willing to do whatever it takes to make things better for the both of you.... but it seems that without any believable change on your wife's part in the recent years, it might be best for you to get the wheels of this separation initiative rolling.

 

Regardless to how you decide to take the next step, you'll be in my prayers!

[Turtles]

Really?

 

I don't know just my .02 cents here, but a marriage certificate performs no magic. If a person is an adult and has not strived to be a functioning adult yet I cannot for the life of me imagine how getting married would change that.

 

YES, exactly my point, overgrown children are getting married but that doesn't turn them into adults. When you marry someone fresh out of college you just have to hope that they will grow into a responsible adult but you have no idea.

 

I now know how terribly naive I was but I just had no concept that someone would be content to sit on their ass all day and have no desire to do anything productive.

[Blueskysandybeach]

Ron103, please Google 'factitious illnesses' because you wife is a classic case. I'd say she has Munchausens and is a classic attention seeker. I know a lot about this as we've had a big problem with it in our immediate family for many years.

 

You know your wife better than I do, but it sounds like this is classic narcissistic attention seeking with Munchausens playing a big part in how the symptoms come out. Eating disorder, constant health problems that (lets be honest here) blatantly don't exist but give her LOTS of attention), crying just because she hasn't seen you for a few hours, constantly on some different fad diet or another, blah, blah. This in my humble opinion is only going to get worse and worse. She has a focus on herself, and if you don't also have that focus, permanently, treating her like a special, sick, fragile girl that 'oh can't possibly work' etc, letting her do whatever, then you - well, you've seen it. Step out of line and you get physically attacked.

 

You are young and you've been really honourable trying to talk to her over and over, sorting it out in counselling, trying to understand this, but she is verbally (if throwing around the D worked liberally) and now physically abusive to you, she has a really serious mental condition if I am right about the above (but you will know this better than me, like I said I don't know her, you do)-and the longer she doesn't work the worse it'll get.

 

I don't want to call this advice as such, as I am just someone you don't know on a forum, and this is your marriage and life, but just my 2 cents....PLEASE make sure a pregnancy cannot happen. And I would say, leave and don't look back. If there is a purpose to you guys having been together I'd say it'd be to make clear to her that she has these issues and that she needs to seriously deal with them in future if she can, as they would cause big problems in any future relationships, including the emotional health of any children that she might one day have.

 

And y'know, you can still stay in touch its her nephews if you want to.