Finally ready...

[Zahara]

I know what I know so far and I have no reason to worry that he's not interested. I also have no problems initiating discussions and I think we were both straightforward about where our heads are at here and what we want.

 

He's definitely interested but "interested" is relative.

 

The way he approached you didn't sit well. It raised a flag for me.

 

Having had relationships with men that had cheating ex-wives, he almost reminds me of them by the way he approached you, the speed in which he pursued you and the physical intensity that you both were experiencing. Almost textbook. These types can't be alone and in their jadedness, while they do want to connect and they do it at warped speed, they tend to crash and burn because the reality is that they are still aren't very much emotionally available in the manner that makes them healthy for a relationship. Hence you get the hot cold, fast slow, etc.

 

I would tell you to slow down and keep your expectations at a realistic level. Women tend to get all muddled up and lost when the physical starts to happen and in your case, it would be wise for you to step on the brakes for a bit and actually go out on activity sort dates that keep you engaged in other aspects of each other. With all your meetings, it always ends up with making out sessions.

Edited September 2, 2014 by Zahara

[acrosstheuniverse]

I think this is absolutely true... I would have liked to sit down and get to know more him one on one, I'd still like to...without the physical stuff clouding it. Now I can't help but worry he does think I'm easy. I didn't have sex with him, because I like him too much to take that risk, and I want to get to know him apart from that. It seemed that he was really interested in me, but maybe he just wanted to sleep with me and realized he didn't feel anything more. Now that we took it to the 'next base' so to speak the other night, I wonder if that made him lose interest in pursuing something.

 

I hate to say it, and I am in no way judging (I have had, and am happy having casual sex with the right person if no feelings are involved), but for a guy that is put off by early sex, there is probably very little to no difference between being naked, hot and heavy, reaching second base stuff, and 'almost having sex' (i.e. you were both turned on, in bed, probably naked or half naked) and actually having full-on sex. Presumably you got him off, touched him, whatever. Stopping somebody just before penetration is a bit like bolting the stable door after the horse has already disappeared. I applaud you for waiting if you weren't ready but yes, in his eyes if he is turned off by people who have sex too soon than I would say that all of the stuff you did would qualify.

 

Personally when I really like somebody I won't get into bed or take clothes off, or allow their hands under my clothes, until we've established exclusivity, meaning plenty of dates, hanging out, talking, kissing, snuggling... sure it gives me and them blue balls but I'm not about to get naked and vulnerable with a man who could really hurt me by turning around and leaving afterwards. A guy I don't have feelings for? No problem. But somebody I can actually see myself liking I'd rather it fade out and not have that memory of being so close and vulnerable than feel used. It's only in the past couple years I've started to see things this way and it's very difficult to prevent sexual contact when you're massively into one another but it is possible, by not hanging out in bedrooms etc. dates in public.

 

It isn't to act hard to get, but my current boyfriend said it drove him crazy and made him like and fancy me even more when the first few weeks I sent him home after a date when he suggested he sleep over or asked if I wanted to stay. It just made him want me even more, which was a nice unintended consequence! I just wanted to make sure I knew where it was going before we got naked.

[venusishername]

He's definitely interested but "interested" is relative.

 

The way he approached you didn't sit well. It raised a flag for me.

 

Having had relationships with men that had cheating ex-wives, he almost reminds me of them by the way he approached you, the speed in which he pursued you and the physical intensity that you both were experiencing. Almost textbook. These types can't be alone and in their jadedness, while they do want to connect and they do it at warped speed, they tend to crash and burn because the reality is that they are still aren't very much emotionally available in the manner that makes them healthy for a relationship. Hence you get the hot cold, fast slow, etc.

 

I would tell you to slow down and keep your expectations at a realistic level. Women tend to get all muddled up and lost when the physical starts to happen and in your case, it would be wise for you to step on the brakes for a bit and actually go out on activity sort dates that keep you engaged in other aspects of each other. With all your meetings, it always ends up with making out sessions.

 

 

Thank you. This is very helpful to keep this in mind. I could totally understand the being cautious then fast and slow, hot and cold like you mention. It's been that way, although consistently.

I DO want to slow it down.. that is if I have the opportunity! We really haven't been able to resist the making out part though, the physical chemistry was very immediate and is very strong. Even in broad daylight at a public beach we couldn't resist...

But at this point yes, definitely I think it's best to reign in the emotions and expectations and hang back. I hope to hear from him soon, and hope we can get together this week sometime.

 

I can see why you would say that it raised a flag though the way he approached me... but I love it when men do that in the way he did. He was taken by me and compelled to talk to me which I find extremely attractive.

Edited September 2, 2014 by venusishername

[Zahara]

Thank you. This is very helpful to keep this in mind. I could totally understand him being cautious then fast and slow, hot and cold like you mention. I do want to slow it down.. that is if I have the opportunity! We really haven't been able to resist the making out part though, the physical chemistry was very immediate and is very strong.

 

You have control over this is if you truly want to. I would also caution you not to allow physical chemistry to have complete control in driving this. Most times, when you're running on lust, you don't allow it to grow and develop from a more grounded and mature aspect, and soon enough the superficiality gets old and you're left with nothing much.

 

Why did the way he approached me raise a red flag? He walked by, saw me and was compelled to approach me he was taken by me.. I love it when men do that.

 

There's nothing wrong with a man approaching me at a bar and making conversation. But I don't take to a man I don't even know, touching my leg, feeding me empty words -- he doesn't even know me yet from the little we've talked about he's found me to be straightforward, passionate and honest and oh so hot? And then to actually grab me and kiss me for everyone to see? I'm sorry. That raises a red flag for me. If he's doing this with me, I can safely say I'm not the only one. And doing it so everyone can see -- that's a sign that he's loving the attention and the ego boost.

 

I'd rather someone that shows some reservation, humility, a level of boundaries, even a little hint of shyness -- that to me is attractive. That shows while he's interested, he's also grounded, aware, cautious at some level and is careful and respectful with his approach.

 

This guy just seems too comfortable and too bold. If anything, it's his schtick.

[venusishername]

I hate to say it, and I am in no way judging (I have had, and am happy having casual sex with the right person if no feelings are involved), but for a guy that is put off by early sex, there is probably very little to no difference between being naked, hot and heavy, reaching second base stuff, and 'almost having sex' (i.e. you were both turned on, in bed, probably naked or half naked) and actually having full-on sex. Presumably you got him off, touched him, whatever. Stopping somebody just before penetration is a bit like bolting the stable door after the horse has already disappeared. I applaud you for waiting if you weren't ready but yes, in his eyes if he is turned off by people who have sex too soon than I would say that all of the stuff you did would qualify.

 

Personally when I really like somebody I won't get into bed or take clothes off, or allow their hands under my clothes, until we've established exclusivity, meaning plenty of dates, hanging out, talking, kissing, snuggling... sure it gives me and them blue balls but I'm not about to get naked and vulnerable with a man who could really hurt me by turning around and leaving afterwards. A guy I don't have feelings for? No problem. But somebody I can actually see myself liking I'd rather it fade out and not have that memory of being so close and vulnerable than feel used. It's only in the past couple years I've started to see things this way and it's very difficult to prevent sexual contact when you're massively into one another but it is possible, by not hanging out in bedrooms etc. dates in public.

 

It isn't to act hard to get, but my current boyfriend said it drove him crazy and made him like and fancy me even more when the first few weeks I sent him home after a date when he suggested he sleep over or asked if I wanted to stay. It just made him want me even more, which was a nice unintended consequence! I just wanted to make sure I knew where it was going before we got naked.

 

I get it.. and I would have liked to wait just a bit longer, but you know, these things happen!! Normally I would not want to sleep with someone I liked a lot until I knew where it was going... I've had my casual encounters where I didn't care and no expectations were involved. I'm not worried he thinks less of me or is turned off because I had sex with him on our third date. It went faster and more intensely than I would have done in hindsight. But I would think that with that building up and now having the 'full experience' would be more of an attraction to see each other, you know?!

Edited September 2, 2014 by venusishername

[venusishername]

There's nothing wrong with a man approaching me at a bar and making conversation. But I don't take to a man I don't even know, touching my leg, feeding me empty words -- he doesn't even know me yet from the little we've talked about he's found me to be straightforward, passionate and honest and oh so hot? And then to actually grab me and kiss me for everyone to see? I'm sorry. That raises a red flag for me. If he's doing this with me, I can safely say I'm not the only one. And doing it so everyone can see -- that's a sign that he's loving the attention and the ego boost. This guy just seems too comfortable and too bold. If anything, it's his schtick.

 

 

To each their own! My last boyfriend did the same the first time he saw me, without the grabbing me and kissing part. To me it's really hot. I like men who are straightforward and bold because I'm that way too. I don't think it means that they do that all the time; it's just that they're not shy and reserved about communicating their interest and that's important! I've met so many pansies in my life who never made a move... and in the end the men with the cojones to make it CLEAR that they wanted me, got me.

[Zahara]

To each their own! My last boyfriend did the same the first time he saw me, without the grabbing me and kissing part. To me it's really hot. I like men who are straightforward and bold because I'm that way too. I don't think it means that they do that all the time; it's just that they're not shy and reserved about communicating their interest and that's important! I've met so many pansies in my life who never made a move... and in the end the men with the cojones to make it CLEAR that they wanted me, got me.

 

Yes, to each their own. It's great when one is not being shy and reserved about communicating their interest. I like that too. But there is line that I draw.

 

There are many ways to do that without sounding corny and empty, being touchy feely and disrespecting a boundary that a woman may have in terms of allowing a total stranger to just grab and kiss her.

[GildedLily]

I don't think you got the context of the entire thread at all...

 

Sorry I didn't see your update, well he did warn you in advance that he wasn't looking to get into another relationship at the moment, so if he doesn't call or isn't acting like boyfriend material you can't get mad at him ( in his mind he warned you) I understand your take on this is you are a grown woman and you don't regret getting physical. No one is shaming you for getting physical but it's a proven "thing" that women bond when they have sex releasing oxytocin, while men tend not to.

I think what some of the others are saying is, waiting to have sex until you have the "relationship/exclusivity" would be beneficial IF you are the type of woman who would be devastated if he decides to not proceed with you. My heart goes out to you, I've been where you're at in my early 20's and realized afterwards I "needed" that commitment before sex.

[Sunfire73]

He has two little kids and I'm learning that he's heartbroken not being with them...it breaks MY heart to see that he's set his new house set up for his kids to stay when they come to visit, pictures of them all around. I can't even imagine. I asked him what he was looking for when we were having wine the night before, and he said honestly he's not jumping at the gun to get seriously involved with someone immediately, obviously.. I've been there myself, in fact I feel the same caution. He's back in town after a long break away, fairly recently single back in our town...but he likes me and wants to spend time with me, which he's making clear and he told me so. He said at this point in time he's comfortable with dating and seeing someone a couple times a week but again isn't immediately looking to jump in completely. I think that's fair and to be honest I'm in the same boat! I would like something serious but that takes time and it shouldn't be immediate in my view. I would've been spooked if he was itching to latch on to someone and was going full force. I understand having your independence and career, being 'open', but he strikes me very much as the kind of man who definitely isn't out prowling and bedding every woman he meets at all. I know a player for sure, my attraction may be clouding my judgment but from what I gather so far, he's a good guy with good intentions.

I certainly can't say at this moment that I'm the one he wants to spend those couple times a week with, and be with, but it's too soon. You certainly can't expect that when you meet someone new that you are the only person they might have on their radar, you know? He doesn't know my story, I don't know his. We're still exploring this.

 

 

He said he's not looking for something serious, so that's a red flag to me. That just means that he's not going to be consistent in getting to know you and will have you at arm's length. If that's what you want, then date away. Know that he's not ready for any relationship and would just like to have someone by him until he's ready. You are good for him today, but he might change or learn more about himself and find out what he eventually likes. If you can accept these risks, then that's good. People who are just recently divorced have a transition period, and that is not a good place to be when you're looking for something serious.

[venusishername]

Sorry I didn't see your update, well he did warn you in advance that he wasn't looking to get into another relationship at the moment, so if he doesn't call or isn't acting like boyfriend material you can't get mad at him ( in his mind he warned you) I understand your take on this is you are a grown woman and you don't regret getting physical. No one is shaming you for getting physical but it's a proven "thing" that women bond when they have sex releasing oxytocin, while men tend not to.

I think what some of the others are saying is, waiting to have sex until you have the "relationship/exclusivity" would be beneficial IF you are the type of woman who would be devastated if he decides to not proceed with you. My heart goes out to you, I've been where you're at in my early 20's and realized afterwards I "needed" that commitment before sex.

 

Thanks. It's true, he told me honestly that he wasn't jumping the gun to get into full blown relationship immediately, but was open and wanting to spend time with someone and that he likes me and wants to spend time with me. That made me comfortable to take it to the next level. Because I'm in a similar mindset. As I said before, it is a risk I took, but I think these things are always a risk. You can never really know. I wouldn't expect him to act like bf material at this point; however, if he never contacted me again I'd be absolutely shocked and yes, very hurt.

[Zahara]

Thanks. It's true, he told me honestly that he wasn't jumping the gun to get into full blown relationship immediately, but was open and wanting to spend time with someone and that he likes me and wants to spend time with me. That made me comfortable to take it to the next level. Because I'm in a similar mindset. As I said before, it is a risk I took, but I think these things are always a risk. You can never really know. I wouldn't expect him to act like bf material at this point; however, if he never contacted me again I'd be absolutely shocked and yes, very hurt.

 

Are you sure you are of similar mindset? Sometimes it's easier to just ignore what we truly feel, because we want what we want, therefore accommodate to the other person's needs while ignoring what we really feel or struggle with. If you are true to those words, then let go of your expectations and enjoy your time with him. He's living in the now, and you should too if you want to remain seeing him.

[venusishername]

If you can accept these risks, then that's good. People who are just recently divorced have a transition period, and that is not a good place to be when you're looking for something serious.

 

Ok, on that tangent, what about time after a divorce? I've never been married but I had a long term relationship of 4 years, and am now 3 years out of it. It took me about 2.5 years to be ready to want to open my heart again. The first year or so the thought of being in another relationship made my stomach literally turn. I spent that time very rarely dating, the furthest I would get is date two. Totally casual and that's ALL I wanted. It freaked me out when a guy seemed 'too into me' so I pushed a couple away. I had blinders on. Ultimately I was attracted to the casual 'safe' bets.. because I wasn't willing to put myself in a situation where I could get hurt.

I also had a very traumatic and abusive breakup, so mine dragged out a bit longer than if it ended amicably.

 

 

This man's divorce was finalized within the last year's time but he was separated for 2 years prior to that but married for 10 years. Everyone's different of course in the healing process, but I don't see it as that being a brand new bachelor and chomping at the bit out of the stable, looking to bed as many women as he can or anything. He told me and it became known that he hasn't dated much at all, when we had sex he had said it had been awhile for him... and me waking up there in the morning he mentioned that it was nice to have that again, it's been a long time...

 

 

I had my healing and transition time where I wasn't looking for anything serious, but to be honest deep down of course I wanted that again... it just took time and ultimately it takes the right person.

[venusishername]

Are you sure you are of similar mindset? Sometimes it's easier to just ignore what we truly feel, because we want what we want, therefore accommodate to the other person's needs while ignoring what we really feel or struggle with. If you are true to those words, then let go of your expectations and enjoy your time with him. He's living in the now, and you should too if you want to remain seeing him.

 

 

Very good point. Yes, I am of a similar mindset. But I want the end result of a person I'm dating if all goes well to develop into a committed relationship. He didn't vocalize that's what he wanted too, but don't we all feel that way?!

When and if we spend time together from this point on, I'm sure I'll get a better feel for my own intentions what I want, and what is acceptable to me.

Edited September 2, 2014 by venusishername

[Zahara]

Very good point. Yes, I am of a similar mindset. But I want the end result of a person I'm dating if all goes well to develop into a committed relationship. He didn't vocalize that's what he wanted too, but don't we all feel that way?!

When and if we spend time together from this point on, I'll get a better feel for my own intentions and what it is I want and what is acceptable to me.

 

That's the difference. You want an end result and you are already thinking about it and anticipating it. He doesn't or isn't looking for an end result because he's enjoying what he has for now. Ms. Right Now, not Ms. Right.

 

I believe with men that have been in a long term marriage, and just transitioning into singledom, the last thing that enters the mind is managing another relationship. Most times they're seeking to do quite the opposite of what they've been doing for those 10 years.

 

What he has said isn't uncommon as I've heard that too from those guys that I dated. This is why it would be wise for you to step away from getting too physical with this guy and try to develop a bond outside of the bedroom. This way you're able to allow your emotions to settle and keep your head clear, while managing those expectations.

[venusishername]

That's the difference. You want an end result and you are already thinking about it and anticipating it. He doesn't or isn't looking for an end result because he's enjoying what he has for now. Ms. Right Now, not Ms. Right.

 

I believe with men that have been in a long term marriage, and just transitioning into singledom, the last thing that enters the mind is managing another relationship. Most times they're seeking to do quite the opposite of what they've been doing for those 10 years.

 

What he has said isn't uncommon as I've heard that too from those guys that I dated. This is why it would be wise for you to step away from getting too physical with this guy and try to develop a bond outside of the bedroom. This way you're able to allow your emotions to settle and keep your head clear, while managing those expectations.

 

 

Thanks, Zahara. You are right about the Mr. and Mrs. Right comment

My mind wouldn't have even gone there last year, but maybe it's not about timing than it is meeting the right person who makes you feel that way, you know? I mean meeting someone who awakens that feeling in you. I wouldn't feel that way about some random guy.

Anyway, I agree with all you are saying. Treading carefully and trying to put down the cigarettes and get some sleep this week :/

[Zahara]

Thanks, Zahara. You are right about the Mr. and Mrs. Right comment

My mind wouldn't have even gone there last year, but maybe it's not about timing than it is meeting the right person who makes you feel that way, you know? I mean meeting someone who awakens that feeling in you. I wouldn't feel that way about some random guy.

Anyway, I agree with all you are saying. Treading carefully and trying to put down the cigarettes and get some sleep this week :/

 

I've met guys that made me feel that way and while I wish it went there, I now know that physical chemistry or "fireworks" doesn't always guarantee an end result. So, I know it's hard for you in that you have those expectations.

 

And if something so new is already causing issues with sleep and smoking, then you're getting yourself a little in too deep. Time to gain some control.

[venusishername]

I've met guys that made me feel that way and while I wish it went there, I now know that physical chemistry or "fireworks" doesn't always guarantee an end result. So, I know it's hard for you in that you have those expectations.

 

And if something so new is already causing issues with sleep and smoking, then you're getting yourself a little in too deep. Time to gain some control.

 

I know well that physical chemistry and 'fireworks' can be fleeting. I think it's less that I have expectations than I have HOPE. I want to fall in love again, I want to get married someday, I want to have a successful and healthy relationship. I know that takes time and you can't have that or even think about that within weeks of knowing someone. That's not even on the radar.

 

 

Actually I have been struggling with severe anxiety and depression over the past month or so; meeting him and all the chemicals associated with that just really heightened the anxiety. I've had a lot on my mind the past couple of weeks with changing jobs, interviews, finding a new home, etc.

[Zahara]

Actually I have been struggling with severe anxiety and depression over the past month or so; meeting him and all the chemicals associated with that just really heightened the anxiety. I've had a lot on my mind the past couple of weeks with changing jobs, interviews, finding a new home, etc.

 

Well try to focus more on tightening those loose ends in your life and prioritize that for awhile. You can use this as a perfect way to put some space between the two of you. It will help you have some control over the pace and how you want to proceed in terms of how you would like to date him. You don't want this to overpower you and cause you to neglect the focus on your life.

[venusishername]

Well try to focus more on tightening those loose ends in your life and prioritize that for awhile. You can use this as a perfect way to put some space between the two of you. It will help you have some control over the pace and how you want to proceed in terms of how you would like to date him. You don't want this to overpower you and cause you to neglect the focus on your life.

 

Yes, definitely. I think that's very important to focus first on those things. The more I think about all this, and starting to see someone new that I really like... it just resonates with me that what I really want is to find someone that I respect and who respects me, who can see and appreciate the unique and worthy woman that I am and have become.

I went through such a painful and abusive breakup, the thought of feeling these hopeful and intoxicating feelings again after such a long time has been quite the rollercoaster.

[venusishername]

So I picked up my old copy of 'The Rules' this week and brushing up on my dating tools...

 

Disappointed that I haven't heard yet from this guy... although to be honest I don't think he's going to drop off the face of the planet and not contact me. I was just hoping to hear sooner than later. Deep down 'm not truly worried that he changed his mind or anything, or that it fizzled out, or that he was just after sex. I gather from what I do know is that he has integrity and is a gentleman, and most importantly that he is interested in me. I wouldn't have slept with him if I wasn't confident in that. However, there is that risk, and I took it by moving so fast with him.

 

It's just always hard if you're really into someone; I think I need the validation and that's something I need to reflect on. I'm projecting my insecurities thinking, 'now he thinks I'm easy and that's all I'm good for', 'I'm not good enough to be taken seriously', 'I probably scared him off'.

I'm listening to all the advice I've received so far here, and reeling in my expectations and trying to be in the present.

Do you think the fact that I haven't heard a word since we last saw each other Sunday morning is a bad sign? I had told myself if I didn't hear anything by this Friday I would plan to reach out to him. Since we met we've been in contact every couple days, and we left it open when we said goodbye the other morning.

 

Here was the exchange as I was leaving:

Me: Thank you for yesterday, and this morning...

Warm long hug, he kissed my face.

Him: Enjoy your day, etc.

Me: You too. Bye.

Him: Bye.

I open the door to leave.

Him: If you know anyone who wants to buy an armoire, I'm trying to sell mine today...

Me: Oh? What does it look like?

Him: blah blah blah

Me: (smile) I'll let you know...

Walk out the door and felt him watching me walk away.

 

We didn't make a plan for 'next time' but what do you all think? Is it appropriate to give it a few more days and reach out? If that's the case, what should I say?

[BluEyeL]

No, you should not reach out. And also, yes, I don't think it's a great sign that he didn't say anything since Sunday, however, he might contact you if you are patient and don't contact him first.

 

I still don't think this relationship has any future nevertheless.

[venusishername]

No, you should not reach out. And also, yes, I don't think it's a great sign that he didn't say anything since Sunday, however, he might contact you if you are patient and don't contact him first.

 

I still don't think this relationship has any future nevertheless.

 

 

Why not reach out? Is that against 'the rules'? I think that would be warranted after the events leading up to this point.

 

 

You may be right, but why do you say that? Because we became physical quickly?

[BluEyeL]

The rules are kinda stupid and rigid, no it's not because of the rules, but because of my experience. You'll seem more confident if you don't let him see you sweat. You already put yourself in a not so good category by going to bed with him so quickly, add chasing the guy to that. If he doesn't reach out it means he doesn't want to. If he wants to, he'll reach out. He knew very well how to pursue you when he wanted you, and aggressively so. Now you want to turn and start chasing him. Whatever we chase runs away, that's what I learned.

 

I don't think this relationship has chances because he is inconsistent with contact and setting up dates. When a man plans to try dating a woman seriously, he doesn't let her wonder and toss and turn, like this guy does. The initial approach was very smooth, like I said, player-like. Didn't like it. You seem weak and needy. The entire thing reads to me like a big mess waiting to happen.

 

I don't wish you all this, I wish you well, I want to be wrong, but I am sorry I cannot be optimistic. If you reach out to him first, you'll further decrease your already slim chances. You do what you want though, I can only tell you my opinion.

[HappyLove]

"Do you think the fact that I haven't heard a word since we last saw each other Sunday morning is a bad sign?"

 

Yes, I think a few of us could see he was a bit too smooth. As far as a persons integrity you really can't tell that after a few days together. I dated guys for three months who I thought had integrity to start only for them to go poof into thin air. They turned out to be cowards and liars.

 

Anyway, forget what he wants! Let's focus on what you want. Don't you want a man who contacts you the next day after being with him?

[venusishername]

The rules are kinda stupid and rigid, no it's not because of the rules, but because of my experience. You'll seem more confident if you don't let him see you sweat. You already put yourself in a not so good category by going to bed with him so quickly, add chasing the guy to that. If he doesn't reach out it means he doesn't want to. If he wants to, he'll reach out. He knew very well how to pursue you when he wanted you, and aggressively so. Now you want to turn and start chasing him. Whatever we chase runs away, that's what I learned.

 

I don't think this relationship has chances because he is inconsistent with contact and setting up dates. When a man plans to try dating a woman seriously, he doesn't let her wonder and toss and turn, like this guy does. The initial approach was very smooth, like I said, player-like. Didn't like it. You seem weak and needy. The entire thing reads to me like a big mess waiting to happen.

 

I don't wish you all this, I wish you well, I want to be wrong, but I am sorry I cannot be optimistic. If you reach out to him first, you'll further decrease your already slim chances. You do what you want though, I can only tell you my opinion.

 

 

I understand. I don't want to chase him and I won't. But in this particular situation I think a 'fade out' on either end is chicken ****. At least one person needs to say something here I think, right?! It's not like, we've had some amazing dates, we slept together, we like each other, and now we're not going to say anything at all? No.

 

 

I don't think he's been inconsistent with contact and setting up dates. So far he's followed through, the actions have followed the words. He hasn't blown me off or said he was going to contact me and didn't, etc. I don't know..you may be right.

Yes, sometimes on the inside I can be fragile and needy. I'm trying not to be. I also am having a hard time being optimistic about this but I think that's rooted in my own insecurities more than anything else externally.