Author Gaeta Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Just to clarify a point. He does kiss me on both cheeks when we meet and leave. I am French Canadian, it's customary here. He is not French but he lived here his whole life. Also he doesn't want children, never did. He said him and his ex split because they came to want different things. Maybe she wanted babies. I am older than him so no more babies for me. Link to post Share on other sites
TB Rhine Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Last date, when we said good bye, I kissed him on both cheeks v-e-r-y slowly, stopped when we got nose to nose, giving him plenty of opportunity to kiss my lips and he did nothing. Gay. *drops mic and walks off stage* 5 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I am going to second some others opinion that you could stand to be more open in your communication. Or at least share your past experience with him and let him know thus experience or way of doing things is unfamiliar to you. I personally prefer men who aren't trying to go in for kisses right away. I like to take my time getting to know a guy, and I know damn well that as soon as the kissing starts, every other conversation starts being about sex or when we are going to have it... And if we do have sex then, the relationship is all about sex and little else. Versus getting to know each other. That trajectory is boring to me. So get to know him and don't sweat it, is my advice. Either feelings will develop or they won't... And no, I don't think anyone can develop any REAL feelings for someone they just met. That is just hormones and your brain plaing tricks on you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 Unusual development. I did not hear much from him tonight. He messaged me late and he said he asked an ex what he did wrong in their relationship. She told him he was suffering from immaturity. I asked why he did that. He said he wanted to know what he was doing wrong with women so he doesn't repeat it. I wonder why he's telling ME this. Well now I know he's immature. Link to post Share on other sites
Tailspin Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 3 dates and nothing? Sorry girl, he's not into you. Or he's timid. Next! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 He senses you are unhappy but doesn't know why. I wonder if he's impotent. Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Haven't read the responses, sorry if this advice is already given.... Three dates....I think you're spending TOO MUCH TIME in contact outside of seeing each other. It's WAY too early to be spending hours a day on the phone. That time should be spent in each others' company. Then you can gauge where this is really headed. And you don't have to wait for him to kiss or flirt... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 This needs to be said... One of the last guys I dated... We did not kiss for over two months. The guy was definately not impotent. However, after a few dates, we both agreed that things get carried away once the make out sessions started and we wanted to get to know each other instead. We both were also talking to or meeting others and didn't feel right kissing on a bunch of people while we were doing that. As expected, once we were exclusive and started more physical intimacy, things progressed rather quickly after that.... But it was better since we got to know each other first. I am confused why so many people feel romantically attracted to near strangers. Lust... I get. But anyone can screw like dogs. Nothing to it. If this guy is more relationship oriented, he likely isn't sucking face with people he has known less time than it takes to watch the Super Bowl. Seems like a good thing to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 We have a date Sunday. I will attempt to direct conversations toward more personal subjects and be more flirty, I have to come up with a compliment too. We've never given each other compliments. This type of approach is really different than what I am used to. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I thought you were dating a 28-year old. Are you multi-dating? That's a crime on these boards! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 I thought you were dating a 28-year old. Are you multi-dating? That's a crime on these boards! I have 4 prospects at the moment without counting 28 yo who talked about getting together Monday or so. BUT.... Among all these men this one here is my very favorite and he's the only one who talks to me each day. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 You do have a full time job dating lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 We might have a breakthrough. We had a long conversation tonight. He told me he is scared a little of being with a woman that is established as in she has the work she wants, has her home, and her financial life is on track. He lost a lot in his divorce. He has a great career but he lost his house and savings so now he needs to rebuild himself. He said he knows women need to be proud and look up to their man and he feels there is nothing for me to look up to. Of course I reassured him this is such a no issue to me. Yes I need to be proud of my man, look up to him, and feel safe with him but it has nothing to do with finance and ownership. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerLilly78 Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I thought you were dating a 28-year old. Are you multi-dating? That's a crime on these boards! Not really a crime just some think it complicates things more then they need be how can you ever narrow it down when you have so many going at once sounds like the OPs got a few and now has a decent idea who she wants but ive seen some on here multi date dozens and then keep going even after they find a keeper.. We might have a breakthrough. We had a long conversation tonight. He told me he is scared a little of being with a woman that is established as in she has the work she wants, has her home, and her financial life is on track. He lost a lot in his divorce. He has a great career but he lost his house and savings so now he needs to rebuild himself. He said he knows women need to be proud and look up to their man and he feels there is nothing for me to look up to. Of course I reassured him this is such a no issue to me. Yes I need to be proud of my man, look up to him, and feel safe with him but it has nothing to do with finance and ownership. Sounds promising hes at least opening up to you that's a important 1st step congrats! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 We might have a breakthrough. We had a long conversation tonight. He told me he is scared a little of being with a woman that is established as in she has the work she wants, has her home, and her financial life is on track. He lost a lot in his divorce. He has a great career but he lost his house and savings so now he needs to rebuild himself. He said he knows women need to be proud and look up to their man and he feels there is nothing for me to look up to. Of course I reassured him this is such a no issue to me. Yes I need to be proud of my man, look up to him, and feel safe with him but it has nothing to do with finance and ownership. Okay this makes sense. His lack of physical intimacy is not because that's his usual style or he does not fancy you or hes a homo, but since his change in life circumstances he feels he is out of your league now. Its good you reassured him but I think you will probably have to iterate it at your next date for him to be more confident that you are sincere. A fall in financial status can be pretty hard for some guys to deal with. Lots of women will think different from you and he knows it. Seems he's still in the running for your heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
54JA Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Ok, I am caught up with what's going on. I agree with Red Robin. There is nothing wrong with taking things slow and keeping the focus on getting to know each other. I think sex can distracts you (and him) from this process. Awww! I love this guy!! Awww, how cute!!! You guys talk every night! He finds your personality intriguing! He wants to go on dates because of who you are and NOT because he wants sex. This is soooo refreshing! He is so special!!! Can you imagine the amazing feelings you will get when you two finally become intimate down the road? It's gonna be that much more electrifying!!! I'm sure he finds you attractive! He must be trying really hard to control it and hide it from you because he values your company! I'm sorry for getting overly excited. But I think this is great! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 This could be a tough one to navigate. He is feeling insecure and inferior to you which for him is emasculating. He needs to find his own way to overcome that otherwise it will become his self fulfilling prophecy. He might just convince himself (and later down the line convince you also) that he isn't good enough. What is he doing in his own life to rebuild? Does he have a plan for himself? How long has he been in his current situation for? Insecurities can be an added pressure in relationships in so many ways. If this affects him so much then I would be looking for what he is doing right now to rebuild, not for any reason of financial status or anything of the sort but just for his own self esteem. Admittedly for me when I am having tough times I focus on improving myself and my situation, the last thing on my mind is dating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 Hm...I also think this will be tough. I'm not sure how much reassurance you can give him if he feels inadequate inside. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted August 23, 2014 Author Share Posted August 23, 2014 I don't think that particular insecurity is running deep. It's circumstantial, not chronic. He is not in a bad place per say. He has a good education, got a great job, he is experiencing a set back from a divorce. All of us that divorced have experienced that. I am also someone living a simple life. I don't go to restaurants, I don't dress in brand names, I don't travel left and right for leisure, I don't drink, I am cheap to date Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 In that case..as long as it's not the cause of any problems for him then it's just down to one of you to make that move and go in for a kiss. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I've had the experience that some insecure men will sabotage and create a self-fulfilling prophecy of being dumped. That's one reason I try to only date men who feel secure in terms of their jobs. That is such a bigger part of a man's identity than a woman's. Why do you think so many drop dead a few years after retiring? They've lost their identity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I've had the experience that some insecure men will sabotage and create a self-fulfilling prophecy of being dumped. That's one reason I try to only date men who feel secure in terms of their jobs. That is such a bigger part of a man's identity than a woman's. Why do you think so many drop dead a few years after retiring? They've lost their identity. Nothing at all to do with just being old... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIvy Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 I've had the experience that some insecure men will sabotage and create a self-fulfilling prophecy of being dumped. That's one reason I try to only date men who feel secure in terms of their jobs. That is such a bigger part of a man's identity than a woman's. Why do you think so many drop dead a few years after retiring? They've lost their identity. Nothing at all to do with just being old... lmao Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Dying in your early sixties isn't old. Compared to you maybe but in this day and age when men live to nearly 80, that is considered dying early. My doctor is the one who told me he doesn't plan to retire for a long time because he's seen men retire early and die two years later. He said if you cannot work or don't want to work at least volunteer or teach young people what you know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 I dunno....I fear that we are working too hard to make this seem okay somehow. Chemistry is not something you can override very well. If people are into one another, they are drawn and can't really stop it. They want to touch and be close to someone. That's why you're struggling - because you're into him and attracted. But he seems not to be struggling. Something is not okay here. If he's thinking *that* much about what happened before that it doesn't lead to him kissing you or wanting to slowly get closer, than that is a signal of another problem. I agree with your daughter. A lol in response to a flirty or romantic text is not a good sign at all. I'd say he's just not that into you and he's trying it on just to see how it goes. Sorry. You shouldn't have to work this hard trying to figure it out. It should be easier than this. You shouldn't have to worry about how established or confident you are. I'd say you should pull back a little and dollars to donuts he will either fade back right away, or he'll pull back in a huff and storm off. Maybe that's what he wants all along- to sabatoge it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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