DorothyGale Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 I'm ready to give up. Life is not getting any better it just keeps getting worse. Every one is happy but me. I'm never going to find someone. I'm going to die alone. I should probably just give up on ever being happy again because it's never going to happen I promise you everyone is NOT happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tross-el destroyer Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 its not a competetion. they might not last either. after a while you wont see the mother of your child being unhappy as a good thing. i know it feels like this now and you maybe want her to want you back. its a thing we all want even if we dont want them to be with us. just to know that they made a mistake. woman at a bar doesnt have to be a bad thing, but you dont have to go there. there are so many options for you. go to the AAA meatings, a doctor, or someone who can help you. read up on the internet about depression after a breakup. maybe even how to create attraction with a woman cause it seems like your selfesteem has hit rock bottom. sitting her repeating everything isnt gonna help you. not taking peoples advices isnt gonna benefit you. i could snap out of it, and many others in here could. they are now different people , stronger people. you need to take a first step cause nobody here can help you with that. we can only give advice. and i know that you dont want to listen to us. thats everyone in here. cause it doesnt sound right. we want someone to tell us "do this" and everything is gonna be okey within an hour. doesnt work that way. the faster you do something the faster things are gonna turn around for you. Yeah my self esteem is pretty much rock bottom at this point. I don't want my ex to be unhappy. I tell her all the time that I'm glad she's happy . I feel bad because I've been avoiding my kid because of my depression. I don't want him to see his dad all miserable Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Yeah my self esteem is pretty much rock bottom at this point. I don't want my ex to be unhappy. I tell her all the time that I'm glad she's happy . I feel bad because I've been avoiding my kid because of my depression. I don't want him to see his dad all miserable Here lies a problem, even though your intentions are well. The fact that you avoid him can create feelings of abandonment and/or insecurity. This can create patterns of dysfunctional attachment behavior that he has to deal with the rest of his life. Please do not avoid him, just care for him and show him that you do. Being present and available is the most important thing you can give your kid. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted August 16, 2014 Share Posted August 16, 2014 Yeah my self esteem is pretty much rock bottom at this point. I don't want my ex to be unhappy. I tell her all the time that I'm glad she's happy . I feel bad because I've been avoiding my kid because of my depression. I don't want him to see his dad all miserable you gotta start turning your life around. dont sit and wait just do it. i didnt exactly mean you want her to be sad. but maybe to see you as her first choice. thats what we all want at times like these. but anyways , read up on what i told you and maybe you can see some light to move forward Link to post Share on other sites
Author tross-el destroyer Posted August 17, 2014 Author Share Posted August 17, 2014 Why do women give me there number if the aren't. Interested Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 Why do women give me there number if the aren't. Interested I understand they give a false number to get away easy. But I am not sure why you are asking. Really another woman does not have healing power. Another being can only give you the power to deny your sadness for a while and than it will return often even more toxic than before. Why don't you use that energy to make a trip with your kid in one of the weekends? Let him laugh, make him happy. I am sure that will make you feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 Why do women give me there number if the aren't. Interested never ask a woman for the number fast. if they are interested they will more then likely give it to you without you asking. build up interest first. woman are much more interested when you dont hand yourself to them. this is because they are so used to guys coming up to them. guys on the other hand dont get nearly as much attention. you gotta show that you are different from the other 100 guys thats confronting her. and if you get a number, dont let her know that she can have you without trying. be busy, dont text her back a second after she texted you. dont text more then she does. dont answer everything with a new question. in other words. dont be more interested than she seems to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tross-el destroyer Posted August 18, 2014 Author Share Posted August 18, 2014 She was pretty and I was drunk. So I figured it was worth a shot Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 She was pretty and I was drunk. So I figured it was worth a shot yeah that doesnt work very well especially if shes not drunk herself. how many guys do you think come up to her a night? drunk guys that do exactly the same thing. its so hard to help you when youre being so short every time and you dont seem to take our advices. if you dont let anyone help you out you have to do it on your own. and that doesnt seem to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tross-el destroyer Posted August 20, 2014 Author Share Posted August 20, 2014 I haven't gotten any real advice. I get I need to stop drinking. Okay I stop and I feel worse than before. I tried working out, I didn't help me feel any less lonely or depressed . I'm just going to kill myself, I don't see a point in living anymore. My kid will have a step dad soon enough. The last 3 months have been hell I don't want to live through 3 more months of pain Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 (edited) I haven't gotten any real advice. I get I need to stop drinking. Okay I stop and I feel worse than before. I tried working out, I didn't help me feel any less lonely or depressed . I'm just going to kill myself, I don't see a point in living anymore. My kid will have a step dad soon enough. The last 3 months have been hell I don't want to live through 3 more months of pain A suicide of a parent when young can cause may psychological dysfunctions that they have to endure their whole lives. A real father can never be replaced. You really have to search for serious help. Go to your doctor and see if you can get some medication for depression and discuss your drinking at the same time. You wont feel better immediately. Look man, I know how it feels to be severely depressed. I also do know though that it always gets better, slowly but nevertheless. Focus on your kid and his enthusiasm. Working out isn't a medicine for loneliness, but if you endure you body will make chemicals that make you feel better. Also focus on small things that used to make you happy, besides your relationship and engage with those. Edit: and call one of these: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/475952-suicide-hotlines Edited August 21, 2014 by Itspointless Link to post Share on other sites
Author tross-el destroyer Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 I'm on anti depressants and they don't do anything. I've talked to councilors and nothing has helped. I love my kid. But I don't want to live in misery knowing I'll never find anyone Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 A suicide of a parent when young can cause may psychological dysfunctions that they have to endure their whole lives. A real father can never be replaced. You really have to search for serious help. Go to your doctor and see if you can get some medication for depression and discuss your drinking at the same time. You wont feel better immediately. Look man, I know how it feels to be severely depressed. I also do know though that it always gets better, slowly but nevertheless. Focus on your kid and his enthusiasm. Working out isn't a medicine for loneliness, but if you endure you body will make chemicals that make you feel better. Also focus on small things that used to make you happy, besides your relationship and engage with those. Edit: and call one of these: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/475952-suicide-hotlines I can vouch for this personally. I am the child of a parent who committed suicide. OP, I've felt the same way before. I'm single too, and I don't even have a kid. No family either. I'm truly alone in a way that you'll never be. But I'm still here. Man up. Get your butt out of the house even if you don't feel like it. Fake it til you make it. That's what I did, and I just got an awesome new job that's cheering me up to no end. Once I'm settled there, I'll start trying to date again. DO NOT do this to your child. How selfish are you that you'd consider depriving your son of his father? He can and WILL blame himself, regardless of what you tell him in some lame @ss suicide note. You will f*ck him up for life..there's no getting around that. Why would you do that to him? Are you really that much of a selfish pr*ck? Link to post Share on other sites
Jatli Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 Right now you are not going to meet anyone that will make you happy because you are hurting over your ex. I understand how you feel. You feel like you are being held underwater and you can't breathe. You go to bed at night with an ache in your heart so bad you can actually feel it breaking. You wake up in the morning and have to tell yourself to breathe even though you don't want to. I understand my dear what you are going through and it is rough but I will tell you alcohol is the worst thing you can add to the mix it will only make you feel worse and will bring upon greater depression. Don't go to bars and try to find women. You are not in the right frame of mind right now. You will come across as needy and desperate and that may work for a quick hook up but it won't work to bring another into your life to make you feel better. You really have to be in a good place with yourself before you can be in a good place for someone else. You should really go to your doctor and talk to them and let them know how you are really feeling. The anti depressants you are taking now are not working because you are drinking and that is the first thing you have to change. If you are hoping your woman will come back to you, you have to show her you are worth taking back. Right now you are not in a good place. Get a hobby, play a new sport. I took up tennis (I am not very good but I love it) I now walk 5k every day. I have list 35lbs and look better than I have in years. It has been 4 months of hell for me. It's life changing I know, but I know I have to go on. You will start to feel better I promise you will. You just have to tell yourself it is what it is and that you are going to be a better person because of this and then make yourself believe it. I so promise you that you will get through this but please stop drinking and go and talk to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tross-el destroyer Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 It's not even about my ex anymore . Sure I love her and always will probably but we could never worked out . I'm having a hard time stopping drinking I get upset and start drinking because it's what I've always done. I'm just terrified that I'll never find someone. I don't want to be alone for another day let alone 10 or 20 years . I hate being alive right now. My ex said she would try and help me find someone but now she won't talk to me after she said I could cry on her shoulder. I'm glad she's happy honestly. She says she loves him and he good to her and I'm glad. I just wish I had someone who loved me like that Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 It's not even about my ex anymore . Sure I love her and always will probably but we could never worked out . I'm having a hard time stopping drinking I get upset and start drinking because it's what I've always done. I'm just terrified that I'll never find someone. I don't want to be alone for another day let alone 10 or 20 years . I hate being alive right now. My ex said she would try and help me find someone but now she won't talk to me after she said I could cry on her shoulder. I'm glad she's happy honestly. She says she loves him and he good to her and I'm glad. I just wish I had someone who loved me like that you said i havent gotten any advice. yes you have. you dont think weve all been through some tough times acting like you? thinking that there isnt hope. or thinking that there is hope when everyone around us are telling us to let go of our exes?. when feeling this depressed theres nothing we can say or do to make you feel better most likely. but when we try to help you its not because weve read a book that says do this. its because weve been through it. and i can guarantee that if you ask old members in here they will tell you the exact same thing. there are people out there for you. and things will be better when you start to man up and understand that you cannot sit home feeling sorry for yourself and not listen to what people say. youre not gonna get any better help then on this forum, because people in here are honest. most are here because they lived this life of loneliness before. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 It's not even about my ex anymore . Sure I love her and always will probably but we could never worked out . I'm having a hard time stopping drinking I get upset and start drinking because it's what I've always done. I'm just terrified that I'll never find someone. I don't want to be alone for another day let alone 10 or 20 years . I hate being alive right now. My ex said she would try and help me find someone but now she won't talk to me after she said I could cry on her shoulder. I'm glad she's happy honestly. She says she loves him and he good to her and I'm glad. I just wish I had someone who loved me like that I do not exactly know why but you sound young. How old are you? I should have asked this question sooner. And how long have you two been together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tross-el destroyer Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 I'm 25 and a year and a half. My longest relationship. I don't know what to do to turn my life around. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 (edited) I'm 25 and a year and a half. My longest relationship. I don't know what to do to turn my life around. I am ten years older than you. I can tell you one thing, life does not get easier per se, but I am so much happier than I have been in the age of 15 to 25. I never thought that was possible. You already have one thing I haven't managed, a beautiful life you created and have the opportunity to watch growing up. it is incomprehensible now but you will feel so much better. Unfortunately sometimes experiences make us surrender to bad depressions (well some fortunates do not). At a certain moment you will learn that you are resilient, you know you will get better with some work. It still is just as hard, but it gives strength to know. Just as you know that you will meet other woman, not when your searching but when you are not paying attention. But do not expect life to grant your wishes at your command. I wish it worked like that, it doesn't. Edited August 21, 2014 by Itspointless 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jatli Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 I am 51 and I can tell you sweetie that we are all here for you to help you in whatever way we can. It does get better I promise it will. There were days even weeks when I didn't want to get out of bed and I still have days where I am sad and I think about him and us all the time. It sucks I know. But the most important thing you have to do right now is stop drinking. I can't stress that enough. I have seen what alcohol can do to someone. I was married to a severe alcoholic (not my recent ex) for 15 years and it was pure hell with the mood swings and depression. I have seen people die from alcohol and it is not a good way to go. Trust me when I say this. You are still so young and there is still so much for you to do. You have your little one to live for and to show him how to persevere and become strong and to overcome obstacles in life. This is just an obstacle and you need to make that hurdle. Once you do you will see good things will come to you life. A great woman will come to you but not until you get yourself back. As they say in order for someone to really love you, you have to love yourself first. Take this time to work on yourself to become a better version of you and then good things will come. I promise. Hugs to you Link to post Share on other sites
Author tross-el destroyer Posted August 21, 2014 Author Share Posted August 21, 2014 I've always struggled with women . Most of the time they aren't interested in me or only want to be friends. I've only had 4 girlfriends my entire life 2 while 16 and 1 while 23 and my ex when I was 24 . I have awful luck with them and I'm afraid I won't find one worth my time Link to post Share on other sites
Jatli Posted August 21, 2014 Share Posted August 21, 2014 When I was your age I had only had 2 boyfriends and was married to my second one. Since then I have only had 3 more boyfriends in my life. It is not the quantity but the quality if relationships in your life that mean the most. You will find someone trust me. At my age I when me and my ex split recently I was thinking the same thing and now I just think whatever when the time is right they will come right now I am actually enjoying my me time. I am learning who I am and what I want for my life. Don't get so wrapped up in finding someone. It will come usually when you are not looking for it. Just let it be right now and concentrate on you. This is your time to be totally selfish and worry about no one but you (other than your little one). Get up every morning take a deep breath and say out loud today I am going to... And just say what one thing you are going to do that day to make you laugh. Doesn't matter what it is. Start small and then every day have a new mission to make you smile. Before you know it you will be over that hurdle and running the track. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tross-el destroyer Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 I'm just so scared I'll never find someone real who wants what I want to settle down something long term. Not a bad 3 week high school relationship Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 I've always struggled with women . Most of the time they aren't interested in me or only want to be friends. I've only had 4 girlfriends my entire life 2 while 16 and 1 while 23 and my ex when I was 24 . I have awful luck with them and I'm afraid I won't find one worth my time 16 is to young to have a girlfriend so forget about that. + its so long ago that it really doesnt matter. what matter is that youve had since you were 23 which is two years ago, two girlfriends. and you think thats little? what makes you think you cant hit a triple this year then? i dont really understand. i have friends thats never had a girlfriend and they dont complain. you had kids way to fast with a girl that probably wasnt right at all for you. you have drinking problems and yet youve managed to have two girlfriends in the last three years. how about stop drinking and then maybe they want to stay with you, because you must got something that make girls wanna date you. you understand that all of this sounds redicilious right? nobody will every love me. they only care about the looks and i dont feel like living because of that. you understand that this is really you explaining how "you" feel about yourself and not them. i thought this was your first girlfriend and that you had kids with her and she broke up with you out of the blue. now then i would understand that you might feel like you cant get any girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tross-el destroyer Posted August 22, 2014 Author Share Posted August 22, 2014 It was a accident getting her pregnant. I'm awful with women the only way I can talk to them is while drunk . I just want a relationship that is real , no games or anything just love Link to post Share on other sites
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