KarlaB Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Pick it is torture.. I would rather be out of the house and it not be so in my face. If I don't see it happening it won't bother me (I don't think).. He finally got home about 12:15am and then did work and hasn't slept yet. WTF he thinks he is like 20 again. Total mid life crisis I think. I feel I am the only mature one. Link to post Share on other sites
KarlaB Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Quick update on my night.. SO I am trying to do the 180 with H until I am out of this place. So he said he would be home for dinner. I get home the garage is open so I text him asking if he was here, I was concerned. He said "yup" I am like are you coming for dinner because I am cooking it now. He was like yes I ran to starbucks.. 30 min later and dinner almost over he come in, I left all the food on the stove if he wanted it.. He comes in while I am cleaning up and he immediately said "why are you mad?" Which I am over what he did over the weekend but I was like "I am not mad" I then when to put laundry away and my son was calling me out and he asks me again "What's up?" I said "oh just puttin laundry away" then our son wanted ice cream so instead of staying here I was like "lets go out and get something come on" never even invited him or gave him a thought. He has spent his night in his room since he thinks he is 20 and can pull an all-nighter. So the next 2 nights i have things planned and he will once again leave Fri night and back Sunday sometime. SO very little contact needs to be made this week. Keep in mind I said this all to him with a smile and friendly tone. tonight was a success for me. Just wanted to share! Oh and I joined a gym today too! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pickmeup Posted September 3, 2014 Author Share Posted September 3, 2014 Quick update on my night.. SO I am trying to do the 180 with H until I am out of this place. So he said he would be home for dinner. I get home the garage is open so I text him asking if he was here, I was concerned. He said "yup" I am like are you coming for dinner because I am cooking it now. He was like yes I ran to starbucks.. 30 min later and dinner almost over he come in, I left all the food on the stove if he wanted it.. He comes in while I am cleaning up and he immediately said "why are you mad?" Which I am over what he did over the weekend but I was like "I am not mad" I then when to put laundry away and my son was calling me out and he asks me again "What's up?" I said "oh just puttin laundry away" then our son wanted ice cream so instead of staying here I was like "lets go out and get something come on" never even invited him or gave him a thought. He has spent his night in his room since he thinks he is 20 and can pull an all-nighter. So the next 2 nights i have things planned and he will once again leave Fri night and back Sunday sometime. SO very little contact needs to be made this week. Keep in mind I said this all to him with a smile and friendly tone. tonight was a success for me. Just wanted to share! Oh and I joined a gym today too! Well done Karla...good work. Keep it up!! I will take some inspiration from you x New beginnings for me too...no more confusion, no more questioning, I am single time to embrace it. Wedding rings removed - we both removed them today together, sad afternoon but we hugged, squeezed hands and I left. Still got the business, finances and house to sort but I feel I am ready, time to be happy and single rather than married and in a rut. I will try the 180 to get me through the days we currently work together. Link to post Share on other sites
KarlaB Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Good for you Pick! I took my ring off a few days after he told me... He hasn't worn his in years. You can do this! I can do this!! We are like the little engines that could! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 This is a tough road to go down and I'm proud of both of you for accepting things for the way they are and moving toward being happy. I know you'll have some really bad days, maybe lots of bad days...all in one day. You will get through it, though, and there can be a rainbow on the other end. Pick, today must've been especially gut wrenching. I'm so sorry. I wish you both the best. I hope you'll continue to post and keep us all up to date on how things are going. These will be challenging times but you have friends here. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 He looks like he's cheating. You may be best to start checking. Protect yourself and your business. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KarlaB Posted September 4, 2014 Share Posted September 4, 2014 Well I just signed and set off the petition for divorce. It will be filed shortly. I have such a pit in my stomach now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pickmeup Posted September 4, 2014 Author Share Posted September 4, 2014 WOW well done. Keep strong you can do this!!!! I spent most of the day up beat, caught up with 3 friends over the day. Just got back from an evenings work with H and I was fine when I was there. Now I am home my mind is starting to imagine him now round this other woman's - not even sure he is there but cannot stop my imagination running riot. AARGH. Switch the brain off. He sent me a text in error the other night it said "walking to your door xxx" - well he couldn't walk to my door I am 8 miles away but when I asked him about this text he said "its not what you think, I have banter with a gym mate about going to the gym at ridiculous times and it was meant for him" - I said what with 3 kisses on the end????? He replied yes!! He was adamant it wasn't this woman who lives up the road who made a pass at him 2 years ago. Do i have MUG written all over my face?!!! He was VERY convincing though. Link to post Share on other sites
KarlaB Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I hear you Pick I am the same way when I come in the door.. I can't wait to get out of here.. My husband left for the gas station about 20 min ago and it's right at the end of the road so I am sure he is talking to someone on his phone.. I too think it's a woman but he is very convincing as well but my mind goes to a bad place. Yeah I am not stupid either.. Hang in there 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 And what is your plan moving forward? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pickmeup Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 And what is your plan moving forward? 2sunny - my moving forward plan will start with the logistics week beginning 15th September, clearing out the home, splitting the finances etc. H has a shock coming to him because he cannot afford to stay there as things stand. Meanwhile, I am spending the time working on me and how I can continue/split our business so I can work on my own and double my income too so I can afford a place of my own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pickmeup Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 A friend's text sent to me earlier today which made me smile: "Remember these words of wisdom which I remind myself of everyday; 'however hard you try you can't polish a turd' Love my friends and you guys on here, giving me the strength to get me through this :-) smiling not crying is the way forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KarlaB Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I love that Pick thanks.. This weekend H is gone.. again.. but I am doing some packing.. 2 weeks to go! Glad to hear you made a plan. Make it happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pickmeup Posted September 8, 2014 Author Share Posted September 8, 2014 Survived the weekend well, felt strong and in a good place. Now the anxiety and sick in the stomach feeling have returned, as have the tears. I have to face the working week with H again and am dreading it. I realise now I was kidding myself thinking we could carry the business on together - so now I/we have to deal with how we split the business too. On top of that we have our weekend work trip this weekend, taking a group of 20 client's away for a fitness weekend - all booked and paid for before we split up. So I will see him all weekend and worst of all we travel back on our wedding anniversary. I need to dig deep to find the strength for this week. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 8, 2014 Share Posted September 8, 2014 Hang in there. Don't think of any anniversary stuff - enjoy the workouts or whatever activities you will do, focus on yourself. And if need be, remind yourself what a great date September 15 is! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Survived the weekend well, felt strong and in a good place. Now the anxiety and sick in the stomach feeling have returned, as have the tears. I have to face the working week with H again and am dreading it. I realise now I was kidding myself thinking we could carry the business on together - so now I/we have to deal with how we split the business too. On top of that we have our weekend work trip this weekend, taking a group of 20 client's away for a fitness weekend - all booked and paid for before we split up. So I will see him all weekend and worst of all we travel back on our wedding anniversary. I need to dig deep to find the strength for this week. I would bow out of the event, if I were you. Just my thoughts. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 A friend's text sent to me earlier today which made me smile: "Remember these words of wisdom which I remind myself of everyday; 'however hard you try you can't polish a turd' Love my friends and you guys on here, giving me the strength to get me through this :-) smiling not crying is the way forward. Not trying to be a downer here but I think you both should remember why you're in this boat. It's no surprise that a sexless marriage would turn out this way and it serves no purpose to call your future ex names. Admit that you had a significant part in the demise of your marriages and move on. It may or may not be fixable but at least learn from it. You may find that you're happier being on your own, after all is said and done. Then again, sometimes this is how couples find their way back to one another. You just never know, but not taking responsibility isn't going to resolve anything, nor will it make things better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pickmeup Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 Yes Bathtub I know I played a huge part in this you are right, believe me I will never ever forget that and I have to learn to live with what I did and allowed to happen. Thing is none of us are perfect, not even my H, so my friend was just trying to give me something to smile about and cheer me up. I know my H is not a bad man but he is also not free of any blame in this break up. Wish I could pull out of the event this weekend but I cannot let people down -I organised the whole event. Link to post Share on other sites
KarlaB Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Oh Bathtub I too know I have my part in this. I have never said otherwise and have admitted to my stbx. I fully believe I will be happy without him. It's been a few days since I have posted on here. He was gone again all weekend and not once did I worry about what he was going or have the urge to text him. I went to the gym, thanks to my Mom watching my son, and got some packing done. I am moving on and not being bitter about it all. I know I play a part and I wanted to work on it and he didn't. That is on him to live with and wonder the what if's. So I am focused on what my life will be life and waiting for my move, which by the way got pushed back 2 more weeks so now it will be the end of the month. Ugh.. Hang in there Pick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pickmeup Posted September 15, 2014 Author Share Posted September 15, 2014 I survived the weekend trip, managed to hold myself together despite the pain I felt inside. This all feels far too hard. Today the tears are flowing again. Link to post Share on other sites
KarlaB Posted September 15, 2014 Share Posted September 15, 2014 Oh girl I feel for ya.. I just posted something that has me fuming and I know I shouldn't be at all. Link to post Share on other sites
KarlaB Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Hey Pick how are things going? My stbx is still be childish and doing what he wants I am trying like heck to go with the flow until the move. Trying to keep busy with the gym and friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pickmeup Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 Well it's been a while, been trying to live for the day, spent a lot of time having fun times with friends, the tears still flow as the grief still hits me but that's all part of the process. Am still overwhelmed with the idea of taking the next step - into the 6th month now and still we haven't split the finances and the ex still lives in our home for which I am still partially paying bills. My fault, I've allowed this to drag on but it scares me to make it final when it wasn't my choice. I feel like I gave in too quickly, I haven't put up a fight, I've made it too easy for him. A lot of colleagues/friends are convinced he is seeing someone - I've been through that in my head I still don't think he is. He would have been caught out by now so many people know him/us and the woman he is supposed to be seeing. I need to dig deep and find the strength and take control, I am just prolonging the agony. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 3, 2014 Share Posted November 3, 2014 I need to dig deep and find the strength and take control, I am just prolonging the agony. Step 1 is probably just accepting that this is true. Look at it this way - there is going to be a next phase of your life, with him or without. Moving ahead with the procedural things you need to do is a positive step towards that future. Hate to see you waste another year or two giving him space while the walls close in on you. At this point you need to see what tomorrow holds, sounds like you're done with today. Stay strong and keep posting... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pickmeup Posted November 3, 2014 Author Share Posted November 3, 2014 Thank you Mr Lucky, I had forgotten how nice it is on this site to have such words of wisdom and support when times are tough. I am sure my friends and family are bored of me talking about it...although I try not to it's not always that easy! Link to post Share on other sites
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