I'm tracking my husband's work email. Am I right to be suspicious of this one girl?

[beach]

I highly doubt that he will contact her. Plus, the more I think about it, the less concerning it seems. Lete repeat one of my earlier posts:

 

"In new emails, they're going back and forth about a candidate and my husband wants her to let them loose, she says it makes her sad because it's like watching sports and being sad for the losing team. He writes "Send her away now, mercy rule". She says "Oh, heartless, Benito!" (She had given him a nickname!)*

 

After work, he writes back "Ouch..." and she writes this email saying she was just joking, explaining what she wanted to do and then that one day she hoped to be like him and say more with fewer words...

 

Then he writes back "It is an art that my dad taught me."

 

 

Now, couldn't it be that he is brushing her off by saying this? Or is the fact that he replied at all, with something personal, mean that he's engaging her?

 

I'm in the workforce for many decades and I've never known anyone to nickname any co worker Benito (blessing).

 

That is just creepy and very odd!!!

[serial muse]

Wow, great detective work, Serial Muse!

 

I think we have a winner here!

 

:laugh:

 

hat tip to letmoc who really figured it out!

[Glinda.Good]

I will always love the phrase "Oh Heartless Benito." Til my dying day.

[MidwestUSA]

hat tip to letmoc who really figured it out!

 

So who's who? I'm confused now.

[sweetjasmine]

So who's who? I'm confused now.

 

Based on the timing and the obsession over little details that a "spy" wouldn't even notice, I'd say this person is pretending to be the wife because the other thread isn't getting as much attention and isn't providing as much validation.

[serial muse]

Based on the timing and the obsession over little details that a "spy" wouldn't even notice, I'd say this person is pretending to be the wife because the other thread isn't getting as much attention and isn't providing as much validation.

 

That's what I think too. This is still the girl with the crush on her boss, pretending here to be the guy's wife.

 

edited to add: Kind of puts those "typical liberal thinking" comments upthread in a rather different light, doesn't it?

Edited July 31, 2014 by serial muse

[batgirl]

Oh, winner winner, chicken dinner.

 

Excellent detective work!

[ExpatInItaly]

That's what I think too. This is still the girl with the crush on her boss, pretending here to be the guy's wife.

 

edited to add: Kind of puts those "typical liberal thinking" comments upthread in a rather different light, doesn't it?

 

Good call. I have to get on board with this assessment.

[todreaminblue]

i have an ethical issue with using a spy to find out your husbands goings on.....you need to talk to him and not involve another who wouLD completely hAVE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ON WHAT IS ACTUAL FACT..........i would suggest talking to your husband soon like today......stop involving the spy and deal with this issue now..you could actually ruin your marriage if you continue to not trust your husband and involve others in shady behavior.......the less people involved in your marriage the better......other than couples counselling....your distrust has bought problems as does his behavior...take responsibility own up stop spying and the time is now...............deb

[beach]

Is it possible that other thread is referencing your husband?

 

Has your husband portrayed himself as a separated man to his co workers?

[CarrieT]

Why do I have a feeling we won't hear anything from either of these posters anymore?

[Keenly]

I'm in the workforce for many decades and I've never known anyone to nickname any co worker Benito (blessing).

 

That is just creepy and very odd!!!

 

 

My nickname at my old job was Patito Fero (Ugly duck)

 

 

 

those were the days.

[missmac]

Should I be mad at him?

 

HA! You have no right to be! You're the one invading his privacy and spying on him.

 

Here's the facts...

 

1) You DONT TRUST HIM - somewhere along the line, something raised your suspicion, but instead of talking to him about it, youve chosen to stealthfully monitor his emails, and recruit a snitch at his place of work, and are dishonestly invading his privacy without his knowledge.

 

2) You guys obviously have communication issues, otherwise you wouldnt be doing what youre doing. It's all going to blow up in your face - dont you realize that youre just waiting, and watching, for the moment that he ****s up? Then what? You accuse him of cheating, he denies it, then the only way for you to let him know how you know is because youve been reading his emails, and get a daily behavior report from one of his co-workers?

 

You should never read your partners communications, you should never ask to do so, and you should never feel the need to in the first place, if you are communicating in a proper, healthy way...

 

If your partner starts to hide things from you, and you catch them lying about where there were, what they were doing, etc...... the only thing you should be doing is looking back, and trying to figure out what YOU did that made them stop feeling like they could be honest with you.

 

Bottom line? Your'e sitting there, watching this all unfold and not doing a thing about it. Probably because the accusation would mean having to admit youve been spying on himj! Do yourself a favor and come clean, COMMUNICATE

[Dork Vader]

Okay this relationship is defintely heading towards an affair, if it already has not.

 

It is very clear there are some serious issues in your marriage. If there were not this would not be going on.

 

That said you need to decide how far you want to let this go. You can higher a PI and see if they can get you any other information.

 

Does he have an iphone? If so make sure location services are turned on. If it already is go to settings, privacy, location services, system services and finally "frequent locations" it will tell you exactly where he is and has been. The only issue is it only logs the location IF he uses his phone while at that location.

 

But either way he is already exploring the idea of cheating. You need to get into counseling ASAP.

[Dork Vader]

HA! You have no right to be! You're the one invading his privacy and spying on him.

 

Here's the facts...

 

1) You DONT TRUST HIM - somewhere along the line, something raised your suspicion, but instead of talking to him about it, youve chosen to stealthfully monitor his emails, and recruit a snitch at his place of work, and are dishonestly invading his privacy without his knowledge.

 

2) You guys obviously have communication issues, otherwise you wouldnt be doing what youre doing. It's all going to blow up in your face - dont you realize that youre just waiting, and watching, for the moment that he ****s up? Then what? You accuse him of cheating, he denies it, then the only way for you to let him know how you know is because youve been reading his emails, and get a daily behavior report from one of his co-workers?

 

You should never read your partners communications, you should never ask to do so, and you should never feel the need to in the first place, if you are communicating in a proper, healthy way...

 

If your partner starts to hide things from you, and you catch them lying about where there were, what they were doing, etc...... the only thing you should be doing is looking back, and trying to figure out what YOU did that made them stop feeling like they could be honest with you.

 

Bottom line? Your'e sitting there, watching this all unfold and not doing a thing about it. Probably because the accusation would mean having to admit youve been spying on himj! Do yourself a favor and come clean, COMMUNICATE

 

Nice to know you think pricacy is needed in a relationship. This woman could have good reasons not to trust him. Either way I'm a firm beliver that when you commit your life to someone vua marriage you are committing all of it. Not nust portions of it. If you need privacy you need to be single.

 

People do not spy just because they wan too..

[Diezel]

Not nust portions of it. If you need privacy you need to be single.

 

People do not spy just because they wan too..

 

Both sentences/statements are so wrong on so many levels.

 

#1: Even when you are married, you need some level of privacy. You need some space, some time. You can't just be on top of each other all the time. It creates grounds for resentment eventually because you feel like you can't breathe. When you commit to a long-term relationship of any kind, you are agreeing to share your life with that person, but it doesn't mean you are sharing every second, aspect, breath with that person 24/7/365. Privacy is essential while being single AND while being in a relationship.

 

#2: People spy because they CHOOSE to. Seriously? How is this even something someone says that they "don't want to" spy. It's either a conscious choice you make or you don't.

 

It's simple, if you are at a point where you think you need to "spy" on someone, or hire a PI, or track their phones... the relationship is already dead in the water.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Interesting, indeed. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/481260-co-worker-bought-me-drink-am-i-being-too-hopeful-i-m-into-him-6.html#post5793796

 

Also this:

 

 

 

and

 

 

 

Oh, OP.

 

This is actually worrisome. You seem obsessed with this guy and he's clearly still married.

 

What's going on with you? You said something in that other thread about a breakup somehow fueling all this. What happened to you?

 

 

 

Towards the end of page 1 I had a strong feeling that I have heard this story before but couldn't place it. There was also something really odd about "the spy" telling her every word of meaningless and pointless conversations.

 

Also the liberal comments :laugh:

[chucksagent]

Here is why a liberal will tell you "I need my privacy" EVERY time. Because they are usually the unfaithful ones. Think about it. They are suggesting that it is acceptable to flirt at work, seek attention from other women, cross relationship boundaries regarding physical and psychological bounds, BUT DONT DARE CROSS PRIVACY BOUNDS!!! hahaha makes absolutely NO SENSE!

[Jane0501]

This is unbelievable. Most of you people at insane. Now I'm creating profiles and posting different threads? I don't even know how to address it.

 

And I assume I'm also dicksageant and me85 because I agree with their views? The reason I've been away is because we are now on vacation. I'm always with him so I don't have as much time to post.

 

So what I'll do is give the crazies some time to calm down and leave this thread alone, and after our vacation, when I confront him, I'll let the normal people know how it goes.

[me85]

This is unbelievable. Most of you people at insane. Now I'm creating profiles and posting different threads? I don't even know how to address it.

 

And I assume I'm also dicksageant and me85 because I agree with their views? The reason I've been away is because we are now on vacation. I'm always with him so I don't have as much time to post.

 

So what I'll do is give the crazies some time to calm down and leave this thread alone, and after our vacation, when I confront him, I'll let the normal people know how it goes.

 

 

I'm sorry, I do not follow.

[Calcmag]

This is unbelievable. Most of you people at insane. Now I'm creating profiles and posting different threads? I don't even know how to address it.

 

And I assume I'm also dicksageant and me85 because I agree with their views? The reason I've been away is because we are now on vacation. I'm always with him so I don't have as much time to post.

 

So what I'll do is give the crazies some time to calm down and leave this thread alone, and after our vacation, when I confront him, I'll let the normal people know how it goes.

 

I'm not one of the normal ones but I'll be interested to hear how it goes.

By the way, you make a lot of disparaging remarks about other women in your posts, describing them as 'matronly', 'homely' and let's not forget your 'older' spy. I've noticed predatory females share this trait also.

Anyway, do enjoy your vacation!

[Jane0501]

They think I'm another poster from another thread "portraying" a wife. Since they made a comment about the liberal views, I just assumed they think I was portraying those too. These people are crazy.

[littleplanet]

I just heard back from the older lady and just this morning, she was standing by his office door and they were talking... She said that twice she tried to walk away and he kept saying more to get her to come back and keep talking!

 

I know some of you are against my spy, but it really helps with information... Then I can make an informed decision...

 

 

The more I read the more this sounds like a comic Italian opera (without the humour or good tunes.)

 

OP,

Your informed decision comes from actual real communication with your husband.

Adult to adult.

 

Otherwise, why not just go ahead, hire a team of private eyes, install office cams, tiepin cams, and flycams on all offending parts?

You're behaving like the CIA, FBI and BBC all rolled into one. Fun?

(while driving yourself nuts in the bargain)

 

I see no point. He's a grown man. He's an executive in a family business.

You're his wife. Have it out with him in the normal fashion. Forget the cloak and dagger stuff.

And to put it all in perspective: He is not having an affair. He perhaps is flirting, being foolish, having a crisis....who knows?

Even with all your supposed 'info' you still don't know.

 

Only one real way to find out.

 

Oh....and for starters, I'd make a distinct point of handing him that phone on vacation (or not taking it, in the first place.) Look to your children. He is not your child. He's your husband.

[serial muse]

They think I'm another poster from another thread "portraying" a wife. Since they made a comment about the liberal views, I just assumed they think I was portraying those too. These people are crazy.

 

Girl, give it up and just level with us. How can we help if you won't be straight up??

 

No one thinks you're chucksagent; he's been here a while. But you are that other poster. Benito Mussolini was a little too much, even for these boards.

 

Look, the jig is up. Let's just talk about why you need this guy to like you back so badly. Isn't there anyone single in your world you could focus on?

[serial muse]

I'm sorry, I do not follow.

 

Read back a page or so. And let go of politics; they're irrelevant here.