Jgirl24 Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I went to a work event the other day and something happened. I'm not sure what to think of it - guys buy me drinks all the time and I've been told I fit the "obviously attractive" mold - tall, long blond hair, big boobs, nice face, etc. I'm not bragging, I just need to give you guys an idea of what I look like, that's all. But I was at the bar, standing behind this higher-up and a co-worker's husband, and the higher up was buying them both drinks. I was just standing behind them, waiting my turn, not even talking or anything. Then the higher up turned around, asked what I wanted, I said it thinking he meant it was my turn to go, then he didn't let me reach into my purse to pay! He said "I'm having fun tonight."* Today, I had another event and my car was the first on the parking lot. He stopped his on a diagonal, right in front of mine, without parking it - as if to show me the fancy car was his (we drive the same kind of "fancy" car.) I was talking in my car on the phone so didn't get out. He finally parked right behind me, I could see him in the rear view mirror. Stayed there and then got out, leans against the back of his car... Until I got out. Today, it took him 7 minutes to reply to my email...* Do all these things together mean that he's into me? I'm sure he's attracted, but how do I find out if he would like to take it further? Link to post Share on other sites
Assasda Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 This all sounds normal. Not to say that he doesnt like you, but he could do this to all girls. I know I do. -I recently got a raise, and I bought 2 girls that I just met drinks because I was happy that night. And my boss has bought me drinks before. -The car thing - I dont know, but it sounds tame enough. The common denominator here is that fact that YOU like him. So what you do is, you try to get to know him better, ask him questions about himself, ask him about good places to drink in the city, stuff like that. If youre bold enough, ask him to go out with you one night. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jgirl24 Posted June 14, 2014 Author Share Posted June 14, 2014 Thanks! He's being careful because there's a huge role/level discrepancy. I know I could have him, I just don't know how to proceed. I'm used to men taking the initiative but at work that's different. Plus, what if I do something and he thinks I'm crazy? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 14, 2014 Share Posted June 14, 2014 I work in a male dominated industry where drinking together is the norm. In or out of your firm, the highest ranking person (makes most money) pays the bar tab. It's just the way it is & doesn't mean that there's anything romantic. Given the disparity, in a world where sexual harassment suits are the norm, unless he does something overt, do not read into his actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jgirl24 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Share Posted June 16, 2014 Today, I had to go into his office to give him something, he gave me attention and then I mentioned his schedule. He said nothing and kept staring at the computer, so I said "Can I just leave these here?" - I thought I needed to leave. He said to just give him a minute but he didn't have his calendar at all... Then we were talking and I said "I was told I shouldn't talk to you today..." He asked why and I said "Be cause you're supposed to be... Stressed out?". He immediately got on the phone, called his subordinate, playfully, and said "I know it was Jane who told you!" He was laughing... I was mortified - it was actually someone else who had said it. Anyway, he was joking with me after he hung up... I saw he has a car mouse and said I know a little boy who would live it, he said "It's a Mercedes mouse" - I said "Oh, you have a Mercedes too??", and we were talking about how he'd had two, had just gotten a new one, I talked about mine... At one point I gave him a little slap on the arm, playing of course.* Then I was walking away and said, playfully "You're getting me in trouble. Don't do that again". I was leaving the office and heard him say something, went back and asked what, he said "That you were being silly... But we're all silly sometimes". I smiled and left. We also kept "bumping" into each other in the hall all day!* Does all of this mean flirting? I was in one relationship only for 13 years so I've never really dated. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 It could mean anything.....but as the dreadful voice of reason, do you really want to date a coworker? It's never good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jgirl24 Posted June 16, 2014 Author Share Posted June 16, 2014 Wow... Why is it so hard to get opinions on whether this is flirting? Listen, I work for fun, I don't work for money, I already have it, I've always had it. Losing a job is not a big deal. Are we clear on that? All I want to know is if this is normal behavior in an office or if it's flirting. But thanks for your opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 It sounds like you're flirting, but he isn't really. I don't think him buying you a drink was anything unusual, to be honest. I've worked with plenty of men and the more senior ones tend to pick up the tab now and then. It doesn't necessarily mean he's into you. I'm not saying with certainty that he doesn't like you. but I don't really see anything that indicates another level of interest in your description. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 You forgot to mention he's married in this tread! Like I said in the other thread, the drink, and email mean next to nothing. As to him saying "you're getting me into trouble here." I'd take that as a warning if I were you and back off and stop flirting with him....the other female colleagues are probably already thinking the worst of you for flirting with a married man...I know I feel that way about my female workmates who sniff around married guys. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 He's not married. Separated. IM THE ONE WHO SAID "You're getting me in trouble. Don't do that again". Now, review your answer. Wow, that was a quick seperation, yesterday you said he was married. Reveiwing my answer- He's still not into you. You still probably come off as a flirt in the office- others will find your behaviour unprofessional and trashy. You're clearly into this guy, so I guess you'll just carry on making a fool of yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted June 16, 2014 Share Posted June 16, 2014 Seems like normal work behavior except for the flirting on your side. What are your ages, roughly? What did he say or do that made you tell him he was getting you in trouble? He may have been flirting but you are only telling us what you did. What does "bumping" into each other in the hall mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 If you are to date this guy, take your time. You already know not to date at work, so no need to go over that. I would be friend with him first, and take it from there. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 (edited) He's not married. Separated. IM THE ONE WHO SAID "You're getting me in trouble. Don't do that again". Now, review your answer. Separated means STILL married. Let's be clear on that. If you intend to date him - then quit the job first. It's uncomfortable for everyone when dating begins in an office - especially when he's technically not divorced yet. He may not be flirting - he may just be performing his job duties. Are you reading into every move he makes? A wise man who used to post here always said "don't fish in the company pond". Edited June 17, 2014 by 2sunny 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jgirl24 Posted June 17, 2014 Author Share Posted June 17, 2014 Thank you so much to those of you who can offer constructive advice! I'm not looking to date. I was in a relationship since I was 19, my only one. I just want some fun. The job thing is really not an issue. So here's what happened today... This morning, as soon as he walked into the office, he said he had something he owed me and it would be done in half an hour... (He's a very senior guy, so this is pretty telling.) Then he came into my office, we were talking...* Then I had to go into his office, stood by the door complaining about his calendar changing. He smiled and said "Come in". He said it twice, since *I didn't do it the first time. I came in, he said "Look at this. I blocked it off just for you." ( I needed to schedule something for him. ) That sounded different to me... It was his tone! Then I walked out, saying thank you, looked back and he was staring at my butt as I walked away! Does his remark sound like flirting? Or am I reading too much into it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jgirl24 Posted June 17, 2014 Author Share Posted June 17, 2014 Oh, about the hall... I walked out of my office and he and another guy were walking by. As soon as they saw me behind them, they stopped, leaned against the wall, and let me walk by. 4 other times, we had to pass each other in the narrow hall so we were very close... And he didn't move out of the way so that I'd have more room. Anyway, it was exciting because we were one inch apart. Last week, I caught him staring at me from a distance and also last week, he offered to buy me a drink when we were all out together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jgirl24 Posted June 17, 2014 Author Share Posted June 17, 2014 We are in our 30s. He called his subordinate to tease me and asked her if she was the one who told me he was in a bad mood... It was all playful. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 Thank you so much to those of you who can offer constructive advice! I'm not looking to date. I was in a relationship since I was 19, my only one. I just want some fun. The job thing is really not an issue. So here's what happened today... This morning, as soon as he walked into the office, he said he had something he owed me and it would be done in half an hour... (He's a very senior guy, so this is pretty telling.) Then he came into my office, we were talking...* Then I had to go into his office, stood by the door complaining about his calendar changing. He smiled and said "Come in". He said it twice, since *I didn't do it the first time. I came in, he said "Look at this. I blocked it off just for you." ( I needed to schedule something for him. ) That sounded different to me... It was his tone! Then I walked out, saying thank you, looked back and he was staring at my butt as I walked away! Does his remark sound like flirting? Or am I reading too much into it? Damn, you're like a terrier with this question. He's upper-level management, I take it and you're not. Leaving aside for the moment that maybe he doesn't want to cheat on his wife, separated or not, he didn't get to his position by being a dumbass. One very good way of being a dumbass in the corporate setting is being inappropriate with lower level employees. I've got a situation now where a VP will likely lose his job over a series of inappropriate conversations with his assistant. So it's not like these guys are immune from dumbassery, but most are a little too smart to engage. So sure, maybe he likes your ass. Maybe he doesn't see it as an issue to buy you a drink and maybe, just maybe, he's flirting a little. But so what? You've got plans for this guy that could be a career-killer for this guy (and maybe you) if they're seen through. One of you has to be smart enough to get that. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 Honey! You are about to have an affair with a man that isn't divorced yet! That makes you his other woman! If that makes you "happy enough" then go ahead! You should expect tons of drama and negative energy at work and from his marriage not being finished. Oh - and - your reading into everything he does and says like it's junior high school. Remember...he's still married! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 I'm concerned that you use your looks like a weapon. Be smarter than that - the looks will go away as you age - and what weapon will you choose then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jgirl24 Posted June 17, 2014 Author Share Posted June 17, 2014 Yes, it's exactly like junior high, lol. I'm not proud. I hear your advice, thank you. But how do I proceed? Should I wait for him to make a move? And are the things he did indicative of his interest? As for my looks, I got promoted in his job after 9 months - I work for a woman. I have no worries about my intellectual or professional capabilities. But being good looking is fun, and because it is temporary, I will enjoy it while I can. Thank you for phrasing that concern in a way that's not mean! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 Just interact with your female boss. I'm old - and I've seen gals like you cause major damage in a work environment! Do your job - that's what you're paid to do! Stop interacting with him = HE IS STILL MARRIED! Or better yet - quit - before you embarrass yourself and ruin a job reference. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jgirl24 Posted June 17, 2014 Author Share Posted June 17, 2014 I have no intention of doing that. I lost the love of my life years ago because of stupidity like these rules. I won't let it happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 17, 2014 Share Posted June 17, 2014 I have no intention of doing that. I lost the love of my life years ago because of stupidity like these rules. I won't let it happen again. Ok then - what was the point of asking others for input then? As far as your original question - he seemed like he was buying drinks for others - and was polite enough to offer a drink to you since you were in line. I don't think it is anything other than common courtesy. You seem to want to make something out of nothing... Have it your way. I won't be surprised when you post a year from now saying you're pregnant with a married mans baby...and why did this happen? It happens because you aren't looking at the big picture. It happens because you're begging for attention from a man who is still married. This will be disastrous - yet you are determined to have it this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jgirl24 Posted June 19, 2014 Author Share Posted June 19, 2014 I never asked for life advice, I asked if he seemed interested. I'm not interested in any other kind of advice.* So, new developments... So a couple of days ago I scheduled something for him, calendar was open, and he writes "Just filled that but will make it work". Today, I had to go into his office again and he was waiting for me by the door; then at one point, in his office, I said "Sorry, one more thing. I don't want to take up your time.". He said, in a sweet tone:"You're not..." Then he mentioned that at the time I had booked something for him, he was triple booked. He said, smiling "But don't feel bad, I'll make it work" (I had been complaining that he always changes his schedule and I have to reschedule everything.) Then I felt bad and later said "Are you sure you don't want me to move that triple booked meeting?". He said "No, it's fine." I thought it was cute, because he had made it a point to tell me that he didn't want me to have more work... My intuition told me that he was only saying that - to make it seem that I was a priority and he didn't want to disappoint me (since I had complained). So, there has been some staring, trying to run into me (long story), waiting for me by his door while I talked to someone else, etc... It keeps progressing every day! Anyway, I just need help figuring out if he's engaging me; I know he's already attracted. But whether he would make a move is something else... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 He only seems interested in doing his job he's paid to do. I suggest you do the same. You are trying really hard to make something out of nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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