d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 But you guys don't understand that this is getting worse! It's NOT getting worse anywhere other than in your head. Granted flying a toy helicopter at work isn't professional but since he owns the company . . . oh well. While your husband may be on the verge of an EA, do you understand that your behavior drove him there? You are manipulating him, spying on him & basically being suspicious. All of that sneakiness & building malevolence probably doesn't make you a joy to come home to. Try talking to him & working your way back to loving & trusting each other rather than pushing him farther & farther away. If you don't want to do that, just divorce him already. You don't need evidence. US divorces are no fault It doesn't matter or change the dollars if somebody was cheating. In fact, dragging all the emotional crap into it will only make the lawyers richer are you drag through this over & over. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 So you mean to tell me that this "spy" was at the entryway of his office door, and overheard all of it? And you happened to check his work email right when he sent the email to that girl? I am sorry, but this is getting ridiculous. This obsession that you have over this guy is getting the best out of you. You need to stop. Stop pretending you're the wife, stop trying to see if he'll cheat on his wife with you, just stop it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane0501 Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 I dont care what anyone believes, which is why I haven't addressed it other than to say that some of the people on here are clearly unhinged. If there are any left who would like to offer advice, I welcome it. I just got more information letting me know that he appears to be the pursuer - she was just standing by his door asking a question, he offered to show her one of his projects, one she's not involved in; went over the whole thing with her and started talking. K said that they were going back and forth, and he did some work with her trying to keep her in there, then one of his female direct reports came in and he said "Look at her, she came in here like a bat out of hell!" K said that this is because people really are starting to notice; and she was there to see that he was the one starting it. Now, if people could stop focusing on meaningless details, like how does she get this information, and offer advice over whether this is worth upsetting my marriage over, I would appreciate it! Link to post Share on other sites
letmoc Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I think he should get a restraining order against her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 No. It's not worth upsetting your marriage. Tell the snoop K to stop feeding you all the gossip. Listening to all that crap is bound to hurt any marriage. IF YOU believe you have issues with your H - then address them in counseling. And get brutally honest with him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 So you are saying he can't have a social life at the office? Give me a break. Talking, socializing, sharing work activites with other coworkers is the norm. Hell I hang out and chat with my male coworkers all the time, sometimes even playing around, laughing etc. I will even do lunch at the pub with them. That doesn't consitute an affair is going on. Jane do you even have a job of your own you go to everyday? Or are rattling around in the house alone? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 I dont care what anyone believes, which is why I haven't addressed it other than to say that some of the people on here are clearly unhinged. If there are any left who would like to offer advice, I welcome it. WE'RE UNHINGED?! No dear, I think it's you! The answer is YES! Tell your husband what you and K have been doing and confront him about this. He will surely think you are crazy. When does K have time to do the work she is paid to do? It seems that she spends all of her time spying for you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Now, if people could stop focusing on meaningless details, like how does she get this information, and offer advice over whether this is worth upsetting my marriage over, I would appreciate it! I offered you advice: talk to him & recognize your own role in all this drama OR get a divorce What else is there? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 What he's doing at the office obviously bothers you a lot. He wasn't happy to go on vacation with you and he wasn't happy that your controlling ways takes his phone away. He talks bad about you to others. And you know about it all because you snoop in his emails and hired an inside spy at his office. You don't trust him - and he doesn't respect you. What is lovely about that marriage you've got there? It sounds completely miserable to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Don't worry, OP. He's definitely not interested. I have it on good authority he thinks she's really stupid. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jane0501 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Share Posted August 13, 2014 I can't confront him like this! He will know what I've done and just hide it better, if he plans to do something. Today, K said she was talking to someone and he interrupted and told her "When you have a couple of seconds..." She immediately dropped my conversation and said "I have it now". He smiled as he opened the door to his office and said "You have it now??".* She smiled and said that she needed his help because she might be moving to his area and wanted to know what his commute is like. He said "Come in... Let's look it up on a map..."* They were in his office talking, she sat down and everything. K said he he was "acting very helpful" and also kept her in there as long as he could! I know it's weird that I'm so obsessed with his office antics, but what if he really is interested in this woman? Or is this how an uninterested man would act? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Oh for the love of God! There is nothing going on! Link to post Share on other sites
Rita86 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 Ok. Are we really supposed to believe you have a spy that monitors your husband's antics to a T with so much detail? She needs to get fired or go work for the FBI cause she's obviously not doing her actual job. And the fact that people linked you to the other thread and you don't seem interested at all even though it could very well be the OW in question? This just shows that you are not the wife. Moreover you won't want to take action to solve the issue and you just keep asking if "your husband" is interested in the OW. Which go figure is exactly the same question the other poster keeps on asking in her thread. Mess. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 This entire story is utter and complete bullsh*t. The fact that there's too much detail is one of several reasons people here are suspicious. It reads more like a bad soap opera than real life. I think letmoc and serial muse hit paydirt with their deductions earlier in this thread. OP, whoever you really are (you're certainly not his "wife")...please seek professional help. Your behavior goes beyond mere obsession with this guy...I wonder if you actually have some sort of mental issue. If the guy knows that you are a woman with issues, he needs to do the right thing and talk to HR and/or your boss and he needs to do it soon, before your behavior potentially gets him and others into hot water. Chances are...if this is a decently-run workplace...they will fire you for one or more of the following reasons: a) You're wasting company time and the company dime by not DOING YOUR JOB. b) You are possibly contributing to an uncomfortable work environment. c) You are likely in violation of one or more security policies they have in place (assuming you really do have access to his email and depending on how you obtained that access). d) What you are doing could be considered a form of harassment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 How was the vacation? Were you two intimate? We're there any romantic moments? Did he buy you a nice souvenir? Any special time for the two of you without the kids? Does he show interest in you at home? Hold you hand in the car? Make plans for just the two of you? Initiate sex on a regular basis? How is your marriage and what, if anything, has changed? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lionheart153 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 I stopped reading after the 3rd page but i think you are stuck Either way if he is or isn't faithful. And it doesn't matter if he has done anything physically or if its just emotional, you are stuck Because you cannot confront him without your current evidence, and your evidence completely violates his trust and his privacy. Even if you did use it to confront him, it may save you from being cheated on but it will destroy your trust, and that will eventually rot your relationship away. At this point all you can do is catch him in the act. but either way you have violated the trust and whether he did or did not cheat on you, your relationship is only hanging on by a a false sense of security when this is all said and done. If he finds out you have been reading his emails, or that you have a spy, your relationship is as good as over. He maybe unfaithful but you come off as a crazy paranoid bi*ch even if you are right Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 OP, the entire premise of your suspicion is what is at fault here. You would have probably thought nothing of anything if this "spy" in the office didn't start feeding you all of this unneccesary information. Whether she's 71 or 21 doesn't matter, she's a busybody who is trying to get back at your husband by going after your marriage. Or she's trying to get the younger girl fired because she's jealous of your husband's attention. Either way you are being manipulated by your "spy" for some purpose or another. You need to tell your spy to STFU and tell your husband all this crap she's feeding you so he can fire her. People at the office socialize. They even playfully flirt sometimes. Listen to yourself. "She said to him why havent you still hung those pictures and he hung them right away". Like WHO THE F*CK CARES?!? Your suspicion and snooping are driving your husband into this girl for emotional support, because you sure as heck aren't offering him any. My ex girlfriend went snooping through my computer, emails, facebook, diary, tablet, phone and when she confronted me I damn nearly dumped her right there and we lived together and there was a kid involved. No, I wasn't cheating on her and there was no emotional relationship with another woman. She was just straight up psycho. And your husband isnt cheating on you nor in an emotional relationship with this co-worker. Last time you had a job are you telling me you didn't get into any kind of playful banter with your male boss? If not you would certainly be the exception rather than the rule. Most women do it, not because they want to have sex with them but because they are trying to impress or get something they want (ie. cough like a raise or a promotion). You have to tell your husband and show him the communications you are having with this 71 year old. Let him know it's driving you crazy because shes making you think that he's having an affair with this coworker. Let him fire the 71 year old spy - and he will then understand why you've been acting so bloody weird. If you keep on this path your going to destroy a perfectly good marriage over what some gossipy cackling manipulative 71 year old b*tch has done to you to extort your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 20, 2014 Share Posted August 20, 2014 I would say NO he is not interested because this chick sounds almost as needy as you! Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 This is hilarious! So we have two threads on here, one is from the 'girl at the office' who is into this guy at work , nicknames him Benito and makes lunches for the staff. Then we have a woman cncerned over whether her husband is interested in a wman at work. This woman has nick named her husband Benito and she makes lunches for the staff. The woman married to the guy (the OP here) has been told about the other thread but she hasn't asked anything about it. The 'girl at the office' also has a strikingly similar writing style to the OP here. It is a badly written soap opera. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted August 22, 2014 Share Posted August 22, 2014 Seems was a hit and run, closed unless the thread starter shows back up and requests it back open, thanks all who participated. Link to post Share on other sites
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