Husband cheating...maybe

[2sunny]

Seriously get a recorder in his car. They make ones that look like a pen or a lighter.

 

And I'm sure he needed to get to his office = his big excuse to talk to his OW about your suspicions and he's most likely plotting with her now.

 

Also, if it were me and my H ran away to his office when I had just expressed how much I needed his reassurance that he loves me - I'd totally be thinking why does he need to run to his office NOW? NOW?, seriously?

 

I'd be flaming mad and I'd drive straight over to his office and find out what is so important that it comes before loving me the right way.

 

Yes, I'd show up at his office and demand to know why he's so heartless that he runs away when I need him to show me his love.

 

 

If that's as much compassion as the guy has - I'd have a hard time feeling the love for him. It's a cold and calculating move in your time of need.

 

I'd be pissed if I were you!

 

And take a good look at his phone after he's sound asleep. Poke around and see what it shows. You need to be looking for any slip up he may make. Take his phone after he's asleep and go into the bathroom to have a good long look. Check all apps - there are many sneaky ways to communicate privately.

Edited July 29, 2014 by 2sunny

[Snowflower]

SamSam, I am so angry for you on your behalf. And, boy, does it sound like what my H did when he was in his A. These guys often act quite similar.

 

Did you notice how, when you raised any objections to his behavior, he turned it around on YOU? You were obviously "drinking" you obviously didn't want him around. Sheesh...he is trying to get you to feel bad so that it will take the focus off of him.

 

This is just going to get worse and you're going to feel worse until you take concrete steps to figure out what the heck is going on.

 

What are your objections to the VAR? Why do you not want to install one in his car?

 

Another option which is even more extreme (and expensive) is to hire a P.I. to follow him but since this woman lives far away, it might be more difficult for them to find things.

 

I also would be willing to bet that he went back to the office (or just called from his car) simply to call the OW and commiserate about what a bad wifey you are--how dare you stand up for yourself! Again, very typical. My H would come home from work and stay home before his A. He was happy when the long work day was over. Then suddenly, he started having to return to the office more at night...and yep, he was cheating with a woman who lived some distance away.

 

This is why a VAR would be so helpful in your case.

[2sunny]

What action are you taking today?

 

How are you helping yourself?

[SamSam68]

SamSam, I am so angry for you on your behalf. And, boy, does it sound like what my H did when he was in his A. These guys often act quite similar.

 

Did you notice how, when you raised any objections to his behavior, he turned it around on YOU? You were obviously "drinking" you obviously didn't want him around. Sheesh...he is trying to get you to feel bad so that it will take the focus off of him.

 

This is just going to get worse and you're going to feel worse until you take concrete steps to figure out what the heck is going on.

 

What are your objections to the VAR? Why do you not want to install one in his car?

 

Another option which is even more extreme (and expensive) is to hire a P.I. to follow him but since this woman lives far away, it might be more difficult for them to find things.

 

I also would be willing to bet that he went back to the office (or just called from his car) simply to call the OW and commiserate about what a bad wifey you are--how dare you stand up for yourself! Again, very typical. My H would come home from work and stay home before his A. He was happy when the long work day was over. Then suddenly, he started having to return to the office more at night...and yep, he was cheating with a woman who lived some distance away.

 

This is why a VAR would be so helpful in your case.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for this. Yes...I did notice that he brought up the drinking to take the spotlight off the topic at hand. It also served to make me look like I had "issues," which I do not...and he knows this.

 

 

My issues with the VAR are fear based really. I guess just scared of him finding it in the off chance that my hunch is incorrect. I had a long talk with my brother about this and he agreed to help me. He will purchase it and put it in, he even offered to "take the blame" should H find it and claim he did it based on his own suspicions, but I don't think that is right or necessary. It will need to wait until this weekend as I only have very short windows of time when H is home with the car and he isn't around. This weekend (weather pending) he has a pretty long group cycling outing scheduled, so that will work.

 

 

H has been quieter than usual but seems to be caring more about my day and my son's day...good things. We shall see.

[SamSam68]

Counseling?! He doesn't even want to be in the same room with you. If he's cheating and purposefully hiding it from you so he can keep doing so, 'counseling' wont help.

 

People who have been in your position have already made suggestions, good ones.

 

Get a VAR if you want to know the truth.

 

 

 

 

 

I disagree. I don't know where you go the not wanting to be in the same room with me stuff. If you read my original post you'll see we are still intimate. Yes, he did the retreating when confronted thing...which is pretty common. I'm thinking that a marriage counselor might be skilled in this sort of thing and could help me demonstrate that some of his behaviors have red flags on them and I'm not just some bored, paranoid housewife.

[Realist3]

Ok, well last night I was so worked up after reading on here and going round and round in my head over the details add up I confronted him. Unfortunately, it just kind of spewed out of my mouth in a way which wasn't well formed or planned. It was impulsive because I've been holding it in for a while.

 

 

He came home from cycling and I just dropped it on him like a wet towel. I said I was hurt and suspicious and agonizing for a while about the nature of his relationship with N. He looked blind sided, immediately told me I was wrong and misunderstanding. He went and showered and when he returned to the kitchen he gave ME the cold shoulder, saying he was hurt by my implications.

 

 

We couldn't discuss much more as my son was up. It wasn't good planning on my part. When I get really worked up, I have a hard time staying calm and focused. This morning I read some of the responses to this thread suggesting I wait, observe and don't confront yet. I'm just not good at that. I felt like once I really started to think about it, I was going to go nuts. I don't know if I could be mindful enough to do the VAC and the other stuff. I don't know. Anyway, now he is suspicious of my suspicions. Sigh.

 

 

So after my son went to bed he tells me I have nothing to worry about. He has travel planned for mid August. I suggested that our son stay with my mom and I join him. He looked stunned by my request but didn't say no. Said he had to look at his itinerary on Monday and would let me know. I reminded him that a year ago we talked about needing more time alone away from son and extended family. I hurt. I really hurt.

 

 

That is a huge mistake. Do not get worked up by anonymous people on the internet who are betrayed spouses. Their experiences are biased towards guilt almost every time.

 

I read over your first post again. There is a very good chance they talked for a bit, had lunch, caught up after 20 years and parted ways. In fact, that is the most likely scenario.

 

There is nothing to be read into by his turning his phone off at night. IF he were communicating with her, he would simply tell her not to contact him and night, and she wouldn't.

 

Losing weight? It is pretty typical for people that have gained weight to want to lose weight. Why lose weight for a woman he never sees? Doesn't make sense.

 

I think each of his resposes to your accusations are perfectly normal, and do not in any way suggest he is cheating.

 

Take a step back away from the ledge.

[SamSam68]

That is a huge mistake. Do not get worked up by anonymous people on the internet who are betrayed spouses. Their experiences are biased towards guilt almost every time.

 

I read over your first post again. There is a very good chance they talked for a bit, had lunch, caught up after 20 years and parted ways. In fact, that is the most likely scenario.

 

There is nothing to be read into by his turning his phone off at night. IF he were communicating with her, he would simply tell her not to contact him and night, and she wouldn't.

 

Losing weight? It is pretty typical for people that have gained weight to want to lose weight. Why lose weight for a woman he never sees? Doesn't make sense.

 

I think each of his resposes to your accusations are perfectly normal, and do not in any way suggest he is cheating.

 

Take a step back away from the ledge.

 

 

 

Well, thanks. I hope you are right. I doubt it, but I hope so. For that reason I am hesitant to do things like the VAR, but I guess my gut is alarming me enough that I will have my brother do as he has offered. Also, my fears are already out there so counseling can't hurt. I think most couples need help along the way...marriage can be a long journey.

[Snowflower]

Well, thanks. I hope you are right. I doubt it, but I hope so. For that reason I am hesitant to do things like the VAR, but I guess my gut is alarming me enough that I will have my brother do as he has offered. Also, my fears are already out there so counseling can't hurt. I think most couples need help along the way...marriage can be a long journey.

 

 

SamSam, about 6 years ago I came to a website much like this one (Not Loveshack but another internet forum) and wrote of my concerns about my husband's behavior. Kind of like what you are doing now. Surprisingly enough, not one person on that site suggested that he might be cheating. (which he was)

 

Matter of fact, the "reassurance" I received on that forum kind of threw me off of my suspicions, at least for awhile. I still can't figure out why no one even suggested that there might be someone else; I mean, what would have been the harm? As I've learned since, all the signs were there.

 

Look, you know your situation best. Do what you feel is right for you.

 

If I may though, you have mentioned a few times in this thread that you are worried/concerned about your husband's reacton if he were to find the VAR. What do you think he will do on the off chance he will find it? Get angry at you? Punish you in some way? Retaliate?

 

If he really is innocent of any wrong-doing, he might be annoyed by the intrusion of a VAR. He might feel a little violated because you didn't respect his privacy...sort of like how you might feel if he read your journal. But would he be angry about you checking up? I mean, unless you had made it a habit of snooping or were always accusing him of cheating, why would he be mad if, on the off chance, he did find a VAR?

 

I think an innocent spouse would feel annoyed but would feel more upset that you felt threatened enough to take such measures. Know what I mean?

 

What are your thoughts? Please, I would like to understand why you are so hesitant.

Edited July 30, 2014 by Snowflower

[Realist3]

Well, thanks. I hope you are right. I doubt it, but I hope so. For that reason I am hesitant to do things like the VAR, but I guess my gut is alarming me enough that I will have my brother do as he has offered. Also, my fears are already out there so counseling can't hurt. I think most couples need help along the way...marriage can be a long journey.

 

Do your investigation, including the VAR, but you need to keep a level head. You accused him with nothing because you got ginned up by people who don't know the whole situation. That was a huge mistake. Now he knows you are suspicious, and he is sure to cover his tracks much better now IF he is doing something.

 

Counseling? Be careful, you may get more than you bargained for.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

For god's sake, just buy the damn VAR and get it installed ASAP. I suspect the real reason isn't because you don't want him to find out, but yourself. You've already confronted him with your suspicions so it wouldn't be too far fetched on the very off chance he should discover it because you've already outright accused him TWICE.

 

At this point you are actively avoiding doing one of the biggest things that will either confirm or disprove your suspicions so personally I feel like offering further advice to you would be a waste of time. Expecting a cheater to tell you they're cheating when they know you have no proof is like expecting a criminal to confess to a crime when they know you have no evidence. Cheaters will deny an affair even when confronted with a high quality, date-stamped sex tape.

 

All this nonsense about having to wait for your brother to purchase and install it is ridiculous. You may not be tech savvy but several posters here have given you some very clear advice about where to hide it so as not to be detected. You've been told how and where repeatedly, in simple terms and by people who I can assure you are not Steve Jobs reincarnated. Just grab his keys one night, sneak out to the car and pop it in. You'll have answers soon enough.

Edited July 30, 2014 by Lernaean_Hydra

[SamSam68]

For god's sake, just buy the damn VAR and get it installed ASAP. I suspect the real reason isn't because you don't want him to find out, but yourself. You've already confronted him with your suspicions so it wouldn't be too far fetched on the very off chance he should discover it because you've already outright accused him TWICE.

 

At this point you are actively avoiding doing one of the biggest things that will either confirm or disprove your suspicions so personally I feel like offering further advice to you would be a waste of time. Expecting a cheater to tell you they're cheating when they know you have no proof is like expecting a criminal to confess to a crime when they know you have no evidence. Cheaters will deny an affair even when confronted with a high quality, date-stamped sex tape.

 

All this nonsense about having to wait for your brother to purchase and install it is ridiculous. You may not be tech savvy but several posters here have given you some very clear advice about where to hide it so as not to be detected. You've been told how and where repeatedly, in simple terms and by people who I can assure you are not Steve Jobs reincarnated. Just grab his keys one night, sneak out to the car and pop it in. You'll have answers soon enough.

 

 

 

 

 

I don't find your tone or use of the lord's name helpful. I just joined here 2 days ago. I am proceeding with things...sorry if it isn't at the impulsive speed you recommend.

[SamSam68]

SamSam, about 6 years ago I came to a website much like this one (Not Loveshack but another internet forum) and wrote of my concerns about my husband's behavior. Kind of like what you are doing now. Surprisingly enough, not one person on that site suggested that he might be cheating. (which he was)

 

Matter of fact, the "reassurance" I received on that forum kind of threw me off of my suspicions, at least for awhile. I still can't figure out why no one even suggested that there might be someone else; I mean, what would have been the harm? As I've learned since, all the signs were there.

 

Look, you know your situation best. Do what you feel is right for you.

 

If I may though, you have mentioned a few times in this thread that you are worried/concerned about your husband's reacton if he were to find the VAR. What do you think he will do on the off chance he will find it? Get angry at you? Punish you in some way? Retaliate?

 

If he really is innocent of any wrong-doing, he might be annoyed by the intrusion of a VAR. He might feel a little violated because you didn't respect his privacy...sort of like how you might feel if he read your journal. But would he be angry about you checking up? I mean, unless you had made it a habit of snooping or were always accusing him of cheating, why would he be mad if, on the off chance, he did find a VAR?

 

I think an innocent spouse would feel annoyed but would feel more upset that you felt threatened enough to take such measures. Know what I mean?

 

What are your thoughts? Please, I would like to understand why you are so hesitant.

 

 

 

 

 

My hesitance is probably because I would be pissed if my H was spying on me because I have never done anything that would be harmful to our marriage. I think he may have, but I could be wrong. I think there is enough evidence to go forth with the VAR, which my brother is doing on Saturday. As an older couple, we've adopted a pretty high level of faith in each other as we have quite a bit of separate time. It feels desperate. But, I am desperate, so I will do it. I guess the other issue is, I don't know what or how I'll react if I am given the undisputable truth that he is cheating. I believe I would need to end the marriage, and there is so much logistical stuff with me not working fulltime and with my young son. It is just scary...all of it. But a good deal of resistance stems from my own need for privacy. I've always had a reserved and private nature and am always resistant to the thought of violating someone elses privacy.

[SamSam68]

Do your investigation, including the VAR, but you need to keep a level head. You accused him with nothing because you got ginned up by people who don't know the whole situation. That was a huge mistake. Now he knows you are suspicious, and he is sure to cover his tracks much better now IF he is doing something.

 

Counseling? Be careful, you may get more than you bargained for.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What does your comment about counseling mean?

[gettingstronger]

FTR- Realist is supposedly in an affair that is some what a secret so his advice is as biased if not more than the advice he/she warns you against-

 

I am like you in that sneaking and spying is not my thing-it would kind of feel like two wrongs trying to make a right-

 

If your gut says he is cheating, he probably is and for that I am so sad for you-

 

I would go to MC so the two of you can talk about your suspicions and he can come clean with support if need be-

 

For us, I never suspected an affair and after I found out I asked my H if he would have admitted to it if I asked him- at first he said yes he would have but in counseling he admitted he probably would not have because he was afraid I would freak out and leave him (and yes, the irony that did not keep him from pursuing the A until caught is not lost on me)

 

Please, whatever you do- do not ignore this-even if its not an affair there is something no quite right in your marriage so please keep talking with your husband and working on your marriage-

 

Best of luck-

[woinlove]

My impression is that posters can be influenced by other posters when they want to be, that is when posts resonate with something they know, feel, suspect, so I can't buy the argument that OP is feeling the way she does because of other posters.

 

Also the fact that your brother is willing to help you is a big plus, not ridiculous at all. It's great to have family and/or friends to lean on in stressful times. And losing trust in one's spouse is certainly stressful. I really hope your H is not cheating but the change from being open to not would be a major issue in my own M and something that I would certainly question.

 

So often on LoveShack we hear the BS had to know and if they didn't they were in willful denial. Your post teaches me a bit what it must be like to be in that stage where one has suspicions but no concrete evidence to go on. I'm not surprised you feel uncomfortable with the VAR and I hope your H is faithful and honest, but in the event he isn't, you may either want to try to rebuild your M or to end it, you almost certainly won't want the status-quo, and that means you need to know what is going on.

Edited July 30, 2014 by woinlove

[Snowflower]

My hesitance is probably because I would be pissed if my H was spying on me because I have never done anything that would be harmful to our marriage. I think he may have, but I could be wrong. I think there is enough evidence to go forth with the VAR, which my brother is doing on Saturday. As an older couple, we've adopted a pretty high level of faith in each other as we have quite a bit of separate time. It feels desperate. But, I am desperate, so I will do it. I guess the other issue is, I don't know what or how I'll react if I am given the undisputable truth that he is cheating. I believe I would need to end the marriage, and there is so much logistical stuff with me not working fulltime and with my young son. It is just scary...all of it. But a good deal of resistance stems from my own need for privacy. I've always had a reserved and private nature and am always resistant to the thought of violating someone elses privacy.

 

Okay, thank you for answering.

 

IMO, there is a difference between privacy between spouses and secrecy between spouses.

 

Privacy= don't read my journal, the bathroom (!), my conversations with my friends of the same gender are private, etc.

 

Secrecy= keeping my phone on lockdown, you are not invited on my FB page, my conversations with my friends (male and female) are my business.

 

You say you're an older couple...but aren't you only in your mid-40s? Huh?

 

My experience is that there is a fine line betweeen privacy and secrecy and of course, this line will vary between people.

 

I would caution though that too much 'privacy' (however you define it) in a marriage can lead to situations such as the one you are in. I know, that ship might have sailed but it is food for thought.

 

On a separate note, if you install the VAR and you find out your worst fears are confirmed, he is being inappropriate with another woman, please know you don't have to decide everything about your future in that instant.

 

I know it is scary...but one step at a time. First, you have to determine what is going on in your marriage. A good step would be the VAR because in your case, where you can't access cellphone records, this is the next easiest way. Even if it is not another woman, your marriage has some serious problems and that needs to be addressed.

 

Again, do not feel that you have to worry about every eventuality: what about our child? What about my job? That can be dealt with one day at a time, in steps, if needed at all..

 

Don't feel you have to buy-in to the cliche where the wife finds out her husband is cheating on her and she immediately throws him out of the house and divorces him, like yesterday. While those types of actions make for great fiction...in real life a little restraint is often a good idea.

[jackslife]

Everyone who posts on here bases their opinions on there own point of view, and everyone is basing their opinion on very limited information.

 

However, re-reading your original post about your misgivings regarding H's behaviour would certainly lead me to think he was hiding something.

 

Maybe you'd rather just forget about all this, not follow it up and let sleeping dogs lie. Hope you are wrong and ignore your instincts. If so then good luck and all hope goes well.

 

But if you can't get past your suspicions and it endlessly niggles you, then you'll want to know the truth and a VAR is one road to go down to find that truth out.

[Realist3]

What does your comment about counseling mean?

 

 

It means that 50% of the time it ends in divorce. 25% of the time the issue is bettered. 25% of the time it stays the same as it was before.

[jackslife]

It means that 50% of the time it ends in divorce. 25% of the time the issue is bettered. 25% of the time it stays the same as it was before.

 

Is that the fault of the counselling though?

 

People go to MC because they have problems in their marriage. MC might not cure all ills, but it may help a couple who want to stay together but have reached an impasse of some kind.

 

(For example, it could be argued that hospital treatment for a cancerous tumour has a success rate of only 25%, however if you didn't go to the hospital the successful treatment rate would be 0%)

 

Counselling can point out underlying faults in marriages and often exploring those can be very painful. But if both sides want the marriage to continue and work then it can only be a good thing.

[beach]

Waiting mainly gives your H time to cover up his evidence.

 

The gut never lies...

[excusememister]

I would caution though that too much 'privacy' (however you define it) in a marriage can lead to situations such as the one you are in. I know, that ship might have sailed but it is food for thought

 

OP, my WH kept all his passwords a secret; FB, his phone, his computer...

Too much privacy in my marriage and it came back to bite me in the arse, big time. My WH had been involved in a LTA; I was completely blindsided and had trusted him to the MAX!! Never, ever in a million years did I think he was capable. My WH lost weight, starting going to the gym; keeping his phone with him at all times; all the typical signs.

 

It sounds like you are being mindful - I'm sorry you are going through this

[SamSam68]

FTR- Realist is supposedly in an affair that is some what a secret so his advice is as biased if not more than the advice he/she warns you against-

 

I am like you in that sneaking and spying is not my thing-it would kind of feel like two wrongs trying to make a right-

 

If your gut says he is cheating, he probably is and for that I am so sad for you-

 

I would go to MC so the two of you can talk about your suspicions and he can come clean with support if need be-

 

For us, I never suspected an affair and after I found out I asked my H if he would have admitted to it if I asked him- at first he said yes he would have but in counseling he admitted he probably would not have because he was afraid I would freak out and leave him (and yes, the irony that did not keep him from pursuing the A until caught is not lost on me)

 

Please, whatever you do- do not ignore this-even if its not an affair there is something no quite right in your marriage so please keep talking with your husband and working on your marriage-

 

Best of luck-[/QUO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How did you find out your H was cheating?

[SamSam68]

Okay, thank you for answering.

 

IMO, there is a difference between privacy between spouses and secrecy between spouses.

 

Privacy= don't read my journal, the bathroom (!), my conversations with my friends of the same gender are private, etc.

 

Secrecy= keeping my phone on lockdown, you are not invited on my FB page, my conversations with my friends (male and female) are my business.

 

You say you're an older couple...but aren't you only in your mid-40s? Huh?

 

My experience is that there is a fine line betweeen privacy and secrecy and of course, this line will vary between people.

 

I would caution though that too much 'privacy' (however you define it) in a marriage can lead to situations such as the one you are in. I know, that ship might have sailed but it is food for thought.

 

On a separate note, if you install the VAR and you find out your worst fears are confirmed, he is being inappropriate with another woman, please know you don't have to decide everything about your future in that instant.

 

I know it is scary...but one step at a time. First, you have to determine what is going on in your marriage. A good step would be the VAR because in your case, where you can't access cellphone records, this is the next easiest way. Even if it is not another woman, your marriage has some serious problems and that needs to be addressed.

 

Again, do not feel that you have to worry about every eventuality: what about our child? What about my job? That can be dealt with one day at a time, in steps, if needed at all..

 

Don't feel you have to buy-in to the cliche where the wife finds out her husband is cheating on her and she immediately throws him out of the house and divorces him, like yesterday. While those types of actions make for great fiction...in real life a little restraint is often a good idea.

 

 

 

 

Yes, early 50's...by older couple I meant we got married older than most and had our son older. Because we were older than a couple in their 20's, we've both had a lot of life experience and time being independent, so being completely enmeshed and in each other's business seems quite unnatural.

 

 

I don't feel my feelings are cliché...I just don't believe I can be married to a man who has been having sex with another. It will be tough to separate homes financially and tough to share time with our son...but I don't think I can live my life with someone like that. I have been pretty independent in life and would prefer to be alone than to be with a man who is interested in others.

[Realist3]

Is that the fault of the counselling though?

 

People go to MC because they have problems in their marriage. MC might not cure all ills, but it may help a couple who want to stay together but have reached an impasse of some kind.

 

(For example, it could be argued that hospital treatment for a cancerous tumour has a success rate of only 25%, however if you didn't go to the hospital the successful treatment rate would be 0%)

 

Counselling can point out underlying faults in marriages and often exploring those can be very painful. But if both sides want the marriage to continue and work then it can only be a good thing.

 

More than likely not, but it can.

 

It forces people to come to terms with issues that both parties have rug-swept for a long time. When it is out in the open and are forced to deal with them, the obviously choose not to deal with them and split. I'm not saying that is bad or good, just to be aware of where the good-hearted idea of counseling may lead.

[EverLastluv]

I have been married for 10 years, and have a 6 year old son. About two and a half years ago my H started getting emails from a college girlfriend with whom he'd not spoken in 20 years. I knew of her name and that he'd been quite smitten with her back then. We are older (married at 40) and we've both led full lives so I do not tend to get jealous when he communicates with female friends or ex-gfs. But this one was different. At first he'd be open about their calls and emails. She even called the house phone and he wasn't secretive about it. Then last Feb. things changed. He'd travelled several times, which isn't uncommon. He was in the area of the ex-gf and when I casually asked if he'd seen her, he said yes...they had lunch. For some reason, this surprised me. I started to wonder if they'd had more than lunch.

 

 

He travelled on 3 more business trips after this time. Since their "lunch" in Feb, she no longer calls on the house phone and he is very protective of his cellphone. I noticed he shuts it off completely at night, but for years he left it on and on his bedside because we have tenants who sometimes call in the middle of the night. His explanation was that he was trying to encourage the property managers to take on more responsibility.

 

 

He has been vague at times with explanations of his whereabouts. He runs a lot of errands after we put our son to bed. She doesn't live anywhere near us, so they aren't seeing each other but maybe this is when they speak. His cell bills are in his company name and I cannot access those records. I only know he NEVER leaves his phone out and he generally deletes all of the texts.

 

 

We are still intimate, but he seems disengaged. Emotionally disengaged although sometimes he has even more sexual energy. It is confusing.

 

 

Another change is that he has lost weight. He became quite overweight due to job stress and since mid winter has taken it upon himself to diet and cycle almost every day.

 

 

I admit this could all be in my head. I have gone through his computer but I didn't see anything. Then again, I am not computer savvy and he has access to work computers. I haven't seen any gifts, signs of a woman or things of that nature. I don't want to confront without specific evidence because I believe it will damage our relationship and the mutual trust that I thought was important. I also travel for work and I do socialize independently...and I would NEVER consider straying from my husband. I don't want any accusations to backfire and wind up hurting me more.

 

 

Can you guys assess the "symptoms" I've described and tell me how nervous I should be and what I should do?

 

 

My openion on this is, I would NOT agree with my H e-mail , phone calls, texes his EX GF. Thats where the problem starts!!!!!!! I was married for 15years never did my H cheated on me or contacted his EX gf. I dont care home many years they did not seen or speak to each other. EX is a EX. Leave it that way. I dont care if she marriend or what so ever ........ I would ask my self what marriage is based? should be TRUST! RESPECT! LOVE! HONOR! If you had all that he would NEVER go out of the way to make you feel unconfrotable. Which is speaking to an EX gf.

 

Last of all, I would feel very stupid invading his privacy! too bad that you let him, and agree on contact with his ex. NO way in history a man can be friend with a woman especialy their ex lol

 

Good luck!