daisydook Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Humpf! I'm sorry, ChiTown. Could you actually imagine me with caffeine in my veins?!?!? I don't consume caffeine for a reason. Seriously. Lol :| I think I triggered badly with this story, and for that, I am very sorry. Reason being, I think this whole tell the world thing just drives me insane, and then to put anyone down and tell them they should look into the concept of self respect, (because without telling the whole truth to all people invited to the wedding, you have no self respect...) Ugh. It is so painfully intense to be going through what OP is, and I think he needs to support in knowing he should do only what he is comfortable with. I do not know what got into me today, but it definitely brought me back a little bit... I was defensive and fiery. Clearly I was feeling a little heated when I read a few posts earlier so again, I am sorry I was yelly and excited... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 Would it be better go through with marrying her so you aren't the "*******"? Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 You realize that when you call off the wedding that you have to tell everyone that you found out she was having an affair and you need to be able to support it with the evidence you've uncovered. You can't just call this off and tell everyone that you guys had second thoughts. You have to expose this. This is absolutely ludicrous and illustrates how worthless internet advice can be. The OP can call off the wedding without telling anyone why he is doing it. It's his life and he can do whatever he wants. If it's worthless advice, then what the hell are you doing here? Hey, you have to admit, he deftly avoided that logical conundrum by using the "can be..." construct. Anyway, although I might not start off my post in the same way as troubador, I agree with his premise: I also find it ludicrous to assert that the OP "has to tell everyone ... needs to be able to support it with evidence, and has to expose this." No: he gets to decide whether, how, and to whom he wants to explain it, and I don't see where he owes anything more than that to "everyone." Discussions of who paid for what and what courtesy might be appropriate there are valid, but I tend to come down on the same side as daisy on this one: if her family paid for something that can't be refunded, then she can explain it to them as she sees fit. And I agree with (I think) everyone, that "it's too late to call it off" is ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
jackslife Posted July 29, 2014 Share Posted July 29, 2014 (edited) I was feeling a little heated when I read a few posts earlier so again, I am sorry I was yelly and excited... Daisydook: Don't apologise. Most of the advice this thread was spot on but pretty similar. Yours however came from the heart, and was from someone who'd lived it, made the call and could offer advice with 100% insider knowledge of the situation. Just because you got heated didn't make you wrong and you weren't disrespectful or insulting... so good on yer! Mind you I still think you should lay off the caffeine Edited July 29, 2014 by jackslife punctuation 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jackslife Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 OP was due to get married next Saturday. I wonder what he did? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 LOL! It's all good Daisydook! Believe me, I know all about triggering. You so see some of my rant posts! See, this is what I love about this site. People; perfect strangers can get passionate over someone else's pain and troubles. That's why I don't believe that this site is useless. Maybe some people's advice is a bit....questionable; however, their wiliness to help someone heal is real. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thummper Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 It'd be nice if he dropped by to let know how things transpired. He sounded as if he was, for sure, calling off the wedding. Hope things work out for him. Link to post Share on other sites
daisydook Posted August 8, 2014 Share Posted August 8, 2014 Daisydook: Don't apologise. Most of the advice this thread was spot on but pretty similar. Yours however came from the heart, and was from someone who'd lived it, made the call and could offer advice with 100% insider knowledge of the situation. Just because you got heated didn't make you wrong and you weren't disrespectful or insulting... so good on yer! Mind you I still think you should lay off the caffeine Fine!!! I will! Link to post Share on other sites
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