The journey continues...

[lino]

Good luck somedude

 

 

If you want help with getting in shape, feel free to PM me and I can give you some tips with that.

 

 

Ignore all the supplement stuff, just a waste of your money.

 

 

Also, try to spend some less time on this board!

[lino]

Yeah, it was as if she was trying to make a point without the objective having been achieved. lol

 

Just another puff of hot air mate.

[ASG]

I know what you are saying but the bolded is key. maybe the women were more interested but the guy still didn't pull!

 

Not sure he was particularly interested either. He wasn't chatting any one of us in particular either. It was a group thing. He didn't ask for contact info and neither did any of us.

 

I mean... when there is no effort either way, you can't score. We were having fun and enjoyed the banter. If he wasn't a random stranger that sat down next to us for 30 minutes, maybe something would have happened. As it was, he was just a random guy we enjoyed meeting, who seemed to be playing wing man for his buddy and they were the ones to move on, without so much as a business card handed to us!!

[Imported]

As it was, he was just a random guy we enjoyed meeting, who seemed to be playing wing man for his buddy

 

Not a very good wingman if his idea of support is to insult his friend in front of women. Sounds more like he was trying to prove his dominance in a cheap underhanded way and at the cost of insulting his "friend". Seems like it worked with you girls. And that is one of the ways you can be "mr. personality". Have someone to pick on to show that you are the man.

Edited July 20, 2014 by Imported

[somedude81]

If you see her next week, you should greet her with a hug. If she is enthusiastic when you see her, get her number then and there. Hang out with her and her friends and then try to leave with her after a certain time.

 

By "leave with her" I don't necessarily mean taking her home. Hopefully you know a bar or cafe near the club that you both can go to.

 

If you see her friends but not her next week, you should ask her friends about her.

 

Otherwise, let this be a lesson learned. If you're getting along well with a girl you have to let your intentions known.

Yeah I can try the hug thing. And to hang out with her and her friends.

 

As for leaving with her, I have never left anywhere with a girl in my entire life. Meeting a girl I barely know at a bar or club and then suggesting we go elsewhere just seems way out there.

 

I can try to get her number.

 

As for letting my intentions be known, I don't really have any intentions with girls I just meet. Yes I think this girl is cute and I'd like to get to know her. I don't have any burning desire to sleep with her.

[somedude81]

Not sure he was particularly interested either. He wasn't chatting any one of us in particular either. It was a group thing. He didn't ask for contact info and neither did any of us.

 

I mean... when there is no effort either way, you can't score. We were having fun and enjoyed the banter. If he wasn't a random stranger that sat down next to us for 30 minutes, maybe something would have happened. As it was, he was just a random guy we enjoyed meeting, who seemed to be playing wing man for his buddy and they were the ones to move on, without so much as a business card handed to us!!

 

If he had tried to get a phone number would you or one of your friends have given it?

[Imajerk17]

Yeah I can try the hug thing. And to hang out with her and her friends.

 

As for leaving with her, I have never left anywhere with a girl in my entire life. Meeting a girl I barely know at a bar or club and then suggesting we go elsewhere just seems way out there.

 

I can try to get her number.

 

As for letting my intentions be known, I don't really have any intentions with girls I just meet. Yes I think this girl is cute and I'd like to get to know her. I don't have any burning desire to sleep with her.

 

By "letting your intentions be known" I mean that you have to express direct interest. It's what your approach had in common with the guy ASG talked to. (I agree with Imported btw that it was douchey of him to blow out his friend but that's OT.) ASG and her friends had no reason to believe that it was anything but a fun interaction, because:

 

(a) He didn't focus on any one of them (just as you didn't focus on the girl you were into, you went to dance with her friends).

 

(b) He didn't try to get the girl's contact information (just as you didn't either).

 

If you see this girl next time, get her number. But anyway, it's as I said in my couple posts--be bolder than you have been.

Edited July 20, 2014 by Imajerk17

[ASG]

If he had tried to get a phone number would you or one of your friends have given it?

 

Can't speak for any of the other girls, but maybe. Like I said, we had a group chat for about 30 minutes. He became a lot more attractive as soon as he opened his mouth, as opposed to his friend who became less attractive.

 

Would it have been enough? Not completely sure. Not with so little conversation (and this was 3 years ago!).

 

But one thing is for sure. His friend would not have gotten it at all, had he asked, not matter how hot he was... It was as if he couldn't string 2 sentences together...

[somedude81]

By "letting your intentions be known" I mean that you have to express direct interest. It's what your approach had in common with the guy ASG talked to. (I agree with Imported btw that it was douchey of him to blow out his friend but that's OT.) ASG and her friends had no reason to believe that it was anything but a fun interaction, because:

 

(a) He didn't focus on any one of them (just as you didn't focus on the girl you were into, you went to dance with her friends).

 

(b) He didn't try to get the girl's contact information (just as you didn't either).

 

If you see this girl next time, get her number. But anyway, it's as I said in my couple posts--be bolder than you have been.

Be bold and fast. Two things that I'm not. But I'm working on it!

 

BTW I did completely focus on this girls, but as I said earlier, I didn't want her to think I was smothering her. Chalk that up to my low self-esteem.

[somedude81]

Can't speak for any of the other girls, but maybe. Like I said, we had a group chat for about 30 minutes. He became a lot more attractive as soon as he opened his mouth, as opposed to his friend who became less attractive.

 

Would it have been enough? Not completely sure. Not with so little conversation (and this was 3 years ago!).

 

But one thing is for sure. His friend would not have gotten it at all, had he asked, not matter how hot he was... It was as if he couldn't string 2 sentences together...

 

LOL maybe? Not completely sure?

 

That's not encouraging.

 

I get what you are saying about not being sure if you'd give the guy your number after only talking to him for 30 minutes. That's exactly what I'm going through. I don't know why girls I just met would give me their numbers, so I don't ask. But apparently that's what I'm supposed to do

[ThaWholigan]

LOL maybe? Not completely sure?

 

That's not encouraging.

 

I get what you are saying about not being sure if you'd give the guy your number after only talking to him for 30 minutes. That's exactly what I'm going through. I don't know why girls I just met would give me their numbers, so I don't ask. But apparently that's what I'm supposed to do

There's never a 100% guarantee. It's not encouraging but it shouldn't stop you, it's just what it is. Even if it seems like she likes you, sometimes you get the cues wrong - it's happened to me a number of times. Even for good looking guys it happens (I've seen it!).

 

Eventually, you'll start to figure out the interest from the "just being nice".

[somedude81]

There's never a 100% guarantee. It's not encouraging but it shouldn't stop you, it's just what it is. Even if it seems like she likes you, sometimes you get the cues wrong - it's happened to me a number of times. Even for good looking guys it happens (I've seen it!).

 

Eventually, you'll start to figure out the interest from the "just being nice".

 

See for me, I never think I'm getting interest. Girls are always "just being nice." That's why I never both with getting numbers. I'm just avoiding making things awkward.

 

Of course I never get the girl that way.

[ASG]

LOL maybe? Not completely sure?

 

That's not encouraging.

 

I get what you are saying about not being sure if you'd give the guy your number after only talking to him for 30 minutes. That's exactly what I'm going through. I don't know why girls I just met would give me their numbers, so I don't ask. But apparently that's what I'm supposed to do

 

Dude! I'm not sure you realise that you're asking me about something that happened THREE YEARS AGO!

I remember the situation, but can't exactly tell you if THAT guy had asked me for my number, what I would do!

 

And he didn't, so I never even thought about it until you asked me!

[somedude81]

Dude! I'm not sure you realise that you're asking me about something that happened THREE YEARS AGO!

I remember the situation, but can't exactly tell you if THAT guy had asked me for my number, what I would do!

 

And he didn't, so I never even thought about it until you asked me!

 

So you haven't been chatted up by a guy you just met at a bar or a club or any random place in three years?

[ASG]

So you haven't been chatted up by a guy you just met at a bar or a club or any random place in three years?

 

What?! So now this is a general "would you give your number to a guy if asked?" question?

 

Usually, no. I don't. In fairness, I don't remember the last time someone asked for my number.

 

Also, when I'm out and about and a random guy tries to approach, I tend to give off a look of "don't even look at me". So it happens very rarely.

 

 

The only time I'm approachable are conventions. But I would never ever date (or even sleep with) anyone from the cons I attend in the UK and in the only major one I attend in the US, I've literally never been asked for my number. I don't even have the numbers of friends I made there! It's all about twitter these days! And Facebook!

[somedude81]

Well I just got back from the Salsa club and I did not have any fun at all tonight.

 

Just like I expected, that girl I liked from last week did not show up. I was really hoping she would be there. Unfortunately there really weren't any girls there that I felt I was into tonight.

 

The first lesson of the night, Bachata, turned out to be really bad tonight because there was just way more guys than girls. There was literally twice as many guys, which just means lots of waiting for my turn to dance with a girl.

 

The second lesson of the evening, Salsa, was a more even mix, but the pace was super slow. Also I've been doing Salsa for a long time, so I'm way above what they're teaching in the beginner lesson.

 

After the two lessons is the social dance part, but by the time it started, something just felt really off about me, so I just went home without dancing with anybody.

 

Today just sucked compared to last week.

 

One major difference between today and last week was that I was stone cold sober today. I guess it was more of an experiment. Last week I had a beer in my car while I was in club parking lot. Then when the first lesson was over, I ordered a beer from the bar $5 about an hour later. I didn't get drunk, but I think I was a little buzzed and more loose. I'm wondering if I should try to get pretty buzzed while I'm at the club to loosen up.

 

Another thing I'm considering doing is to start paying for the advanced lesson. Cover for the two beginner lessons is $5, and to take an advanced lesson, it's $5 more.

 

For next week, I wonder if I should just do the advanced lesson and then get a shot or two before the free dancing part starts so I'd be able to actually ask girls to dance. Granted I don't want to spend a bunch of money on drinks when I'm already paying $10 for the advanced lesson. Maybe it would be a better idea to bring a pocket shot or something and have one in the bathroom.

 

Either way, I need to do something different for next week so I don't have another terrible time.

 

I'm also regretting not trying to get that girls number last week, but then odds are she would have turned me down. So did I actually miss out on anything?

[iiiii]

So you haven't been chatted up by a guy you just met at a bar or a club or any random place in three years?

 

For what it's worth, I haven't. I think guys imagine that all decent looking girls are getting constantly hit on when they're out in public, but it's definitely not the case for many of us. For most girls, getting hit on by a (decent acting and looking) guy is a reasonably rare event and even if we do say no, we're usually quite flattered.

[somedude81]

Ugh, I just saw the new Spider-Man 2 and somehow it did an amazing job of making me feel very lonely.

 

Hopefully my life will change in the near future.

[Scales]

Well I just got back from the Salsa club and I did not have any fun at all tonight.

 

Just like I expected, that girl I liked from last week did not show up. I was really hoping she would be there. Unfortunately there really weren't any girls there that I felt I was into tonight.

 

The first lesson of the night, Bachata, turned out to be really bad tonight because there was just way more guys than girls. There was literally twice as many guys, which just means lots of waiting for my turn to dance with a girl.

 

The second lesson of the evening, Salsa, was a more even mix, but the pace was super slow. Also I've been doing Salsa for a long time, so I'm way above what they're teaching in the beginner lesson.

 

After the two lessons is the social dance part, but by the time it started, something just felt really off about me, so I just went home without dancing with anybody.

 

Today just sucked compared to last week.

 

One major difference between today and last week was that I was stone cold sober today. I guess it was more of an experiment. Last week I had a beer in my car while I was in club parking lot. Then when the first lesson was over, I ordered a beer from the bar $5 about an hour later. I didn't get drunk, but I think I was a little buzzed and more loose. I'm wondering if I should try to get pretty buzzed while I'm at the club to loosen up.

 

Another thing I'm considering doing is to start paying for the advanced lesson. Cover for the two beginner lessons is $5, and to take an advanced lesson, it's $5 more.

 

For next week, I wonder if I should just do the advanced lesson and then get a shot or two before the free dancing part starts so I'd be able to actually ask girls to dance. Granted I don't want to spend a bunch of money on drinks when I'm already paying $10 for the advanced lesson. Maybe it would be a better idea to bring a pocket shot or something and have one in the bathroom.

 

Either way, I need to do something different for next week so I don't have another terrible time.

 

I'm also regretting not trying to get that girls number last week, but then odds are she would have turned me down. So did I actually miss out on anything?

 

The thing about going to clubs/bars/dance halls is that some nights are going to be bad no matter what. It's always a gamble that is in favor of losing. Just gotta keep going and see what comes up.

 

I'm not sure about the whole "drink to be fun" thing. You don't need to drink to be social. There are other ways of doing it. For me, if I go ever go out to a party or club where I'm on the hunt, I always put some music and stretch. It gets my blood flowing and puts me in a good mood. That gets me ready to socialize. I imagine scenarios of meeting women and think about the things I would say. Doesn't always work, but it puts my mood where it needs to be in order to socialize.

 

I'd definitely try the advanced class and see what turns up. You might get a better female to male ratio. The only thing is that the advanced class definitely has more of an undertone of "work" rather than "fun". Most of the available girls who are wanting to meet guys will be in the beginner classes or at the social dance events. I could be wrong, but I think you'll find a lot of girls in the advanced class "taken"(I really could be wrong on that so definitely give it a shot).

 

Keep going and you'll get something eventually. Some nights are going to suck. I think you're doing great

[Teknoe]

Keep going and you'll get something eventually. Some nights are going to suck.

 

Agreed that some nights are just going to tank.

 

Can't let it stop you though. Even though you get that nagging negative voice in your head that goes "See? Why did you even bother going out tonight? You could have stayed home and watched Netflix or play video games instead."

 

I know for myself, it's very easy to "get defeated" and stay thinking that way. Think that way long enough, and it soon becomes embedded in you.

 

So yeah SD, just keep at it. You will have bad or forgettable nights here and there just like everyone. Don't let it discourage you too much. Persistence pays off, right?

[veggirl]

I would defo go for the advanced lesson if I was you, I bet you anything there are more "regulars" in that one than the beginner lessons! Go again next week SD.

[somedude81]

The thing about going to clubs/bars/dance halls is that some nights are going to be bad no matter what. It's always a gamble that is in favor of losing. Just gotta keep going and see what comes up.

Yeah that makes sense.

 

The big problem for me is that I started the wrong night with the wrong mindset, even though I tried not to. I keep telling myself that I was there to just have fun, and that it didn't matter if that girl I wanted to see again was there or not, but deep down I knew she was the only reason I was going to that club that night. She was the first girl I've met since my ex left me, that I felt I wanted to get to know. She fired all the synapses in my brain and I really wish I had tried to get her number.

 

At least now I know that she's not coming back, I can at least start going to the club again with the intent of having fun and not focusing on a ghost.

 

I'm not sure about the whole "drink to be fun" thing. You don't need to drink to be social. There are other ways of doing it. For me, if I go ever go out to a party or club where I'm on the hunt, I always put some music and stretch. It gets my blood flowing and puts me in a good mood. That gets me ready to socialize. I imagine scenarios of meeting women and think about the things I would say. Doesn't always work, but it puts my mood where it needs to be in order to socialize.

I think my problem is that I'm just naturally introverted. I need to force myself to go out and socialize. I'm also easily overwhelmed by the environment, especially when conversation isn't natural and I have to go out of my way to talk. That's why I think that I need to drink to at least be able to talk and get out of my head.

 

I'd definitely try the advanced class and see what turns up. You might get a better female to male ratio. The only thing is that the advanced class definitely has more of an undertone of "work" rather than "fun". Most of the available girls who are wanting to meet guys will be in the beginner classes or at the social dance events. I could be wrong, but I think you'll find a lot of girls in the advanced class "taken"(I really could be wrong on that so definitely give it a shot).

 

Keep going and you'll get something eventually. Some nights are going to suck. I think you're doing great

I've been to the advanced class once or twice so I know what it's like. The group is much smaller but at least I'd be learning something. I know that if I keep doing the beginner lesson, I'm not going to improve as a dancer.

 

I have two goals of going to this club. To meet women, and to become a better dancer. I just need to find a way to accomplish both goals at once.

[reallyhotguy]

I've always been curious somedude -- aside from getting better at the mechanics of dating, what is your life's passion? What is it that you want to do to fulfill your 1 time on this earth?

[somedude81]

I've always been curious somedude -- aside from getting better at the mechanics of dating, what is your life's passion? What is it that you want to do to fulfill your 1 time on this earth?

 

Ask me that in a thread that isn't about dating and meeting women.

[Anela]

Ask me that in a thread that isn't about dating and meeting women.

 

Can you post a thread related to his question?